The Old Bachelor: a Comedy Part 11

SIR JO. And good-nature, Back; I am good-natured and I can't help it.

BLUFF. You have given him a note upon Fondlewife for a hundred pound.

SIR JO. Ay, ay, poor fellow; he ventured fair for't.

BLUFF. You have disobliged me in it--for I have occasion for the money, and if you would look me in the face again and live, go, and force him to redeliver you the note. Go, and bring it me hither. I'll stay here for you.

SIR JO. You may stay until the day of judgment, then, by the Lord Harry.

I know better things than to be run through the guts for a hundred pounds. Why, I gave that hundred pound for being saved, and de'e think, an there were no danger, I'll be so ungrateful to take it from the gentleman again?

BLUFF. Well, go to him from me--tell him, I say, he must refund--or Bilbo's the world, and slaughter will ensue. If he refuse, tell him--but whisper that--tell him--I'll pink his soul. But whisper that softly to him.

SIR JO. So softly that he shall never hear on't, I warrant you. Why, what a devil's the matter, Bully; are you mad? or de'e think I'm mad?

Agad, for my part, I don't love to be the messenger of ill news; 'tis an ungrateful office--so tell him yourself.

BLUFF. By these hilts I believe he frightened you into this composition: I believe you gave it him out of fear, pure, paltry fear--confess.

SIR JO. No, no, hang't; I was not afraid neither--though I confess he did in a manner snap me up--yet I can't say that it was altogether out of fear, but partly to prevent mischief--for he was a devilish choleric fellow. And if my choler had been up too, agad, there would have been mischief done, that's flat. And yet I believe if you had been by, I would as soon have let him a' had a hundred of my teeth. Adsheart, if he should come just now when I'm angry, I'd tell him--Mum.

SCENE VIII.

[_To them_] BELLMOUR, SHARPER.

BELL. Thou 'rt a lucky rogue; there's your benefactor; you ought to return him thanks now you have received the favour.

SHARP. Sir Joseph! Your note was accepted, and the money paid at sight.

I'm come to return my thanks--

SIR JO. They won't be accepted so readily as the bill, sir.

BELL. I doubt the knight repents, Tom. He looks like the knight of the sorrowful face.

SHARP. This is a double generosity: do me a kindness and refuse my thanks. But I hope you are not offended that I offered them.

SIR JO. May be I am, sir, may be I am not, sir, may be I am both, sir; what then? I hope I may be offended without any offence to you, sir.

SHARP. Hey day! Captain, what's the matter? You can tell.

BLUFF. Mr. Sharper, the matter is plain: Sir Joseph has found out your trick, and does not care to be put upon, being a man of honour.

SHARP. Trick, sir?

SIR JO. Ay, trick, sir, and won't be put upon, sir, being a man of honour, sir, and so, sir--

SHARP. Harkee, Sir Joseph, a word with ye. In consideration of some favours lately received, I would not have you draw yourself into a _premunire_, by trusting to that sign of a man there--that pot-gun charged with wind.

SIR JO. O Lord, O Lord, Captain, come justify yourself--I'll give him the lie if you'll stand to it.

SHARP. Nay, then, I'll be beforehand with you, take that, oaf. [_Cuffs him_.]

SIR JO. Captain, will you see this? Won't you pink his soul?

BLUFF. Husht, 'tis not so convenient now--I shall find a time.

SHARP. What do you mutter about a time, rascal? You were the incendiary. There's to put you in mind of your time.--A memorandum.

[_Kicks him_.]

BLUFF. Oh, this is your time, sir; you had best make use on't.

SHARP. I--Gad and so I will: there's again for you. [_Kicks him_.]

BLUFF. You are obliging, sir, but this is too public a place to thank you in. But in your ear, you are to be seen again?

SHARP. Ay, thou inimitable coward, and to be felt--as for example.

[_Kicks him_.]

BELL. Ha, ha, ha, prithee come away; 'tis scandalous to kick this puppy unless a man were cold and had no other way to get himself aheat.

SCENE IX.

SIR JOSEPH, BLUFFE.

BLUFF. Very well--very fine--but 'tis no matter. Is not this fine, Sir Joseph?

SIR JO. Indifferent, agad, in my opinion, very indifferent. I'd rather go plain all my life than wear such finery.

BLUFF. Death and h.e.l.l to be affronted thus! I'll die before I'll suffer it. [_Draws_.]

SIR JO. O Lord, his anger was not raised before. Nay, dear Captain, don't be in pa.s.sion now he's gone. Put up, put up, dear Back, 'tis your Sir Joseph begs, come let me kiss thee; so, so, put up, put up.

BLUFF. By heaven, 'tis not to be put up.

SIR JO. What, Bully?

BLUFF. The affront.

SIR JO. No, aged, no more 'tis, for that's put up all already; thy sword, I mean.

BLUFF. Well, Sir Joseph, at your entreaty--But were not you, my friend, abused, and cuffed, and kicked? [_Putting up his sword_.]

SIR JO. Ay, ay, so were you too; no matter, 'tis past.