Hudibras Part 16

'Tis true, no lover has that pow'r T' enforce a desperate amour, As he that has two strings t' his bow, And burns for love and money too; For then he's brave and resolute, 5 Disdains to render in his suit, Has all his flames and raptures double, And hangs or drowns with half the trouble, While those who sillily pursue, The simple, downright way, and true, 10 Make as unlucky applications, And steer against the stream their pa.s.sions.

Some forge their mistresses of stars, And when the ladies prove averse, And more untoward to be won 15 Than by CALIGULA the Moon, Cry out upon the stars, for doing Ill offices to cross their wooing; When only by themselves they're hindred, For trusting those they made her kindred; 20 And still, the harsher and hide-bounder The damsels prove, become the fonder.

For what mad lover ever dy'd To gain a soft and gentle bride?

Or for a lady tender-hearted, 25 In purling streams or hemp departed?

Leap'd headlong int' Elysium, Through th' windows of a dazzling room?

But for some cross, ill-natur'd dame, The am'rous fly burnt in his flame. 30 This to the Knight could be no news, With all mankind so much in use; Who therefore took the wiser course, To make the most of his amours, Resolv'd to try all sorts of ways, 35 As follows in due time and place

No sooner was the b.l.o.o.d.y fight, Between the Wizard, and the Knight, With all th' appurtenances, over, But he relaps'd again t' a lover; 40 As he was always wont to do, When h' had discomfited a foe And us'd the only antique philters, Deriv'd from old heroic tilters.

But now triumphant, and victorious, 45 He held th' atchievement was too glorious For such a conqueror to meddle With petty constable or beadle, Or fly for refuge to the Hostess Of th' Inns of Court and Chancery, Justice, Who might, perhaps reduce his cause 50 To th' ordeal trial of the laws, Where none escape, but such as branded With red-hot irons have past bare-handed; And, if they cannot read one verse I' th' Psalms, must sing it, and that's worse. 55 He therefore judging it below him, To tempt a shame the Devil might owe him, Resolv'd to leave the Squire for bail And mainprize for him to the gaol, To answer, with his vessel, all, 60 That might disastrously befall; And thought it now the fittest juncture To give the Lady a rencounter, T' acquaint her 'with his expedition, 65 And conquest o'er the fierce Magician; Describe the manner of the fray, And show the spoils he brought away, His b.l.o.o.d.y scourging aggravate, The number of his blows, and weight, 70 All which might probably succeed, And gain belief h' had done the deed, Which he resolv'd t' enforce, and spare No p.a.w.ning of his soul to swear, But, rather than produce his back, 75 To set his conscience on the rack, And in pursuance of his urging Of articles perform'd and scourging, And all things else, his part, Demand deliv'ry of her heart, 80 Her goods, and chattels, and good graces, And person up to his embraces.

Thought he, the ancient errant knights Won all their ladies hearts in fights; And cut whole giants into fritters, 85 To put them into amorous twitters Whose stubborn bowels scorn'd to yield Until their gallants were half kill'd But when their bones were drub'd so sore They durst not woo one combat more, 90 The ladies hearts began to melt, Subdu'd by blows their lovers felt.

So Spanish heroes, with their lances, At once wound bulls and ladies' fancies; And he acquires the n.o.blest spouse 95 That widows greatest herds of cows: Then what may I expect to do, Wh' have quell'd so vast a buffalo?

Mean while, the Squire was on his way The Knight's late orders to obey; 100 Who sent him for a strong detachment Of beadles, constables, and watchmen, T' attack the cunning-man fur plunder, Committed falsely on his lumber; When he, who had so lately sack'd 105 The enemy, had done the fact; Had rifled all his pokes and fobs Of gimcracks, whims, and jiggumbobs, When he, by hook or crook, had gather'd, And for his own inventions father'd 110 And when they should, at gaol delivery, Unriddle one another's thievery, Both might have evidence enough, To render neither halter proof.

He thought it desperate to tarry, 115 And venture to be accessary But rather wisely slip his fetters, And leave them for the Knight, his betters.

He call'd to mind th' unjust, foul play He wou'd have offer'd him that day, 120 To make him curry his own hide, Which no beast ever did beside, Without all possible evasion, But of the riding dispensation; And therefore much about the hour 125 The Knight (for reasons told before) Resolv'd to leave them to the fury Of Justice, and an unpack'd Jury, The Squire concurr'd t' abandon him, And serve him in the self-same trim; 130 T' acquaint the Lady what h' had done, And what he meant to carry on; What project 'twas he went about, When SIDROPHEL and he fell out; His firm and stedfast Resolution, 135 To swear her to an execution; To p.a.w.n his inward ears to marry her, And bribe the Devil himself to carry her; In which both dealt, as if they meant Their Party-Saints to represent, 140 Who never fail'd upon their sharing In any prosperous arms-bearing To lay themselves out to supplant Each other Cousin-German Saint.

But, ere the Knight could do his part, 145 The Squire had got so much the start, H' had to the Lady done his errand, And told her all his tricks afore-hand.

Just as he finish'd his report, The Knight alighted in the court; 150 And having ty'd his beast t' a pale, And taking time for both to stale, He put his band and beard in order, The sprucer to accost and board her; And now began t' approach the door, 155 When she, wh' had spy'd him out before Convey'd th' informer out of sight, And went to entertain the Knight With whom encount'ring, after longees Of humble and submissive congees, 160 And all due ceremonies paid, He strok'd his beard, and thus he said:

Madam, I do, as is my duty, Honour the shadow of your shoe-tye; And now am come to bring your ear 165 A present you'll be glad to hear: At least I hope so: the thing's done, Or may I never see the sun; For which I humbly now demand Performance at your gentle hand 170 And that you'd please to do your part, As I have done mine, to my smart.

With that he shrugg'd his st.u.r.dy back As if he felt his shoulders ake.

But she, who well enough knew what 175 (Before he spoke) he would be at, Pretended not to apprehend The mystery of what he mean'd;.

And therefore wish'd him to expound His dark expressions, less profound. 180

Madam, quoth he, I come to prove How much I've suffer'd for your love, Which (like your votary) to win, I have not spar'd my tatter'd skin And for those meritorious lashes, 185 To claim your favour and good graces.

Quoth she, I do remember once I freed you from th' inchanted sconce; And that you promis'd, for that favour, To bind your back to good behaviour, 190 And, for my sake and service, vow'd To lay upon't a heavy load, And what 'twould bear t' a scruple prove, As other Knights do oft make love Which, whether you have done or no, 195 Concerns yourself, not me, to know.

But if you have, I shall confess, Y' are honester than I could guess.

Quoth he, if you suspect my troth, I cannot prove it but by oath; 200 And if you make a question on't, I'll p.a.w.n my soul that I have done't; And he that makes his soul his surety, I think, does give the best security.

Quoth she, Some say, the soul's secure 205 Against distress and forfeiture Is free from action, and exempt From execution and contempt; And to be summon'd to appear In th' other world's illegal here; 210 And therefore few make any account Int' what inc.u.mbrances they run't For most men carry things so even Between this World, and h.e.l.l, and Heaven, Without the least offence to either, 215 They freely deal in all together; And equally abhor to quit This world for both or both for it; And when they p.a.w.n and d.a.m.n their souls, They are but pris'ners on paroles. 220

For that (quoth he) 'tis rational, Th' may be accountable in all: For when there is that intercourse Between divine and human pow'rs, That all that we determine here 225 Commands obedience every where, When penalties may be commuted For fines or ears, and executed It follows, nothing binds so fast As souls in p.a.w.n and mortgage past 230 For oaths are th' only tests and seals Of right and wrong, and true and false, And there's no other way to try The doubts of law and justice by.

(Quoth she) What is it you would swear 235 There's no believing till I hear For, till they're understood all tales (Like nonsense) are not true nor false.

(Quoth he) When I resolv'd t' obey What you commanded th' other day, 240 And to perform my exercise, (As schools are wont) for your fair eyes, T' avoid all scruples in the case, I went to do't upon the place.

But as the Castle is inchanted 245 By SIDROPHEL the Witch and haunted By evil spirits, as you know, Who took my Squire and me for two, Before I'd hardly time to lay My weapons by, and disarray 250 I heard a formidable noise, Loud as theStentrophonick voice, That roar'd far off, Dispatch and strip, I'm ready with th' infernal whip, That shall divest thy ribs from skin, 255 To expiate thy ling'ring sin.

Th' hast broken perfidiously thy oath, And not perform'd thy plighted troth; But spar'd thy renegado back, Where th' hadst so great a prize at stake; 260 Which now the fates have order'd me For penance and revenge to flea, Unless thou presently make haste: Time is, time was: And there it ceas'd.

With which, though startled, I confess, 265 Yet th' horror of the thing was less Than th' other dismal apprehension Of interruption or prevention; And therefore, s.n.a.t.c.hing up the rod, I laid upon my back a load; 270 Resolv'd to spare no flesh and blood, To make my word and honour good; Till tir'd, and making truce at length, For new recruits of breath and strength, I felt the blows still ply'd as fast 275 As th' had been by lovers plac'd, In raptures of platonick las.h.i.+ng, And chaste contemplative bardas.h.i.+ng; When facing hastily about, To stand upon my guard and scout, 280 I found th' infernal Cunning-man, And th' under-witch, his CALIBAN, With scourges (like the Furies) arm'd, That on my outward quarters storm'd.

In haste I s.n.a.t.c.h'd my weapon up, 285 And gave their h.e.l.lish rage a stop; Call'd thrice upon your name, and fell Courageously on SIDROPHEL; Who, now transform'd himself a bear, Began to roar aloud, and tear; 290 When I as furiously press'd on, My weapon down his throat to run; Laid hold on him; but he broke loose, And turn'd himself into a goose; Div'd under water, in a pond, 295 To hide himself from being found.

In vain I sought him; but, as soon As I perceiv'd him fled and gone, Prepar'd with equal haste and rage, His Under-sorcerer t' engage. 300 But bravely scorning to defile My sword with feeble blood and vile, I judg'd it better from a quick- Set hedge to cut a knotted stick, With which I furiously laid on 305 Till, in a harsh and doleful tone, It roar'd, O hold for pity, Sir I am too great a sufferer, Abus'd, as you have been, b' a witch, But conjur'd into a worse caprich; 310 Who sends me out on many a jaunt, Old houses in the night to haunt, For opportunities t' improve Designs of thievery or love; With drugs convey'd in drink or meat, 315 All teats of witches counterfeit; Kill pigs and geese with powder'd gla.s.s, And make it for enchantment pa.s.s; With cow-itch meazle like a leper, And choak with fumes of guiney pepper; 320 Make leachers and their punks with dewtry, Commit fantastical advowtry; Bewitch Hermetick-men to run Stark staring mad with manicon; Believe mechanick Virtuosi 325 Can raise 'em mountains in POTOSI; And, sillier than the antick fools, Take treasure for a heap of coals: Seek out for plants with signatures, To quack of universal cures: 330 With figures ground on panes of gla.s.s Make people on their heads to pa.s.s; And mighty heaps of coin increase, Reflected from a single piece, To draw in fools, whose nat'ral itches 335 Incline perpetually to witches; And keep me in continual fears, And danger of my neck and ears; When less delinquents have been scourg'd, And hemp on wooden anvil forg'd, 340 Which others for cravats have worn About their necks, and took a turn.

I pity'd the sad punishment The wretched caitiff underwent, And left my drubbing of his bones, 345 Too great an honour for pultrones; For Knights are bound to feel no blows From paultry and unequal foes, Who, when they slash, and cut to pieces, Do all with civilest addresses: 350 Their horses never give a blow, But when they make a leg, and bow.

I therefore spar'd his flesh, and prest him About the witch with many a. question.

Quoth he, For many years he drove 355 A kind of broking-trade in love; Employ'd in all th' intrigues, and trust Of feeble, speculative l.u.s.t: Procurer to th' extravagancy, And crazy ribaldry of fancy, 360 By those the Devil had forsook, As things below him to provoke.

But b'ing a virtuoso, able To smatter, quack, and cant, and dabble, He held his talent most adroit 365 For any mystical exploit; As others of his tribe had done, And rais'd their prices three to one: For one predicting pimp has th' odds Of chauldrons of plain downright bawds. 370 But as an elf (the Devil's valet) Is not so slight a thing to get; For those that do his bus'ness best, In h.e.l.l are us'd the ruggedest; Before so meriting a person 375 Cou'd get a grant, but in reversion, He serv'd two prentices.h.i.+ps, and longer, I' th' myst'ry of a lady-monger.

For (as some write) a witch's ghost, As soon as from the body loos'd, 380 Becomes a puney-imp itself And is another witch's elf.

He, after searching far and near, At length found one in LANCAs.h.i.+RE With whom he bargain'd before-hand, 385 And, after hanging, entertained; Since which h' has play'd a thousand feats, And practis'd all mechanick cheats, Transform'd himself to th' ugly shapes Of wolves and bears, baboons and apes, 390 Which he has vary'd more than witches, Or Pharaoh's wizards cou'd their switches; And all with whom h' has had to do, Turn'd to as monstrous figures too.

Witness myself, whom h' has abus'd, 395 And to this beastly shape reduc'd, By feeding me on beans and pease, He crams in nasty crevices, And turns to comfits by his arts, To make me relish for disserts, 400 And one by one, with shame and fear, Lick up the candy'd provender.

Beside -- But as h' was running on, To tell what other feats h' had done, The Lady stopt his full career, 405 And told him now 'twas time to hear If half those things (said she) be true -- They're all, (quoth he,) I swear by you.

Why then (said she,) That SIDROPHEL Has d.a.m.n'd himself to th' pit of h.e.l.l; 410 Who, mounted on a broom, the nag And hackney of a Lapland hag, In quest of you came hither post, Within an hour (I'm sure) at most; Who told me all you swear and say, 415 Quite contrary another way; Vow'd that you came to him to know If you should carry me or no; And would have hir'd him, and his imps, To be your match-makers and pimps, 420 T' engage the Devil on. your side, And steal (like PROSERPINE) your bride.

But he, disdaining to embrace.

So filthy a design and base, You fell to vapouring and huffing 425 And drew upon him like a ruffin; Surpriz'd him meanly, unprepar'd, Before h' had time to mount his guard; And left him dead upon the ground, With many a bruise and desperate wound: 430 Swore you had broke and robb'd his house, And stole his talismanique louse, And all his new-found old inventions;.

With flat felonious intentions; Which he could bring out where he had, 435 And what he bought them for, and paid.

His flea, his morpion, and punese, H' had gotten for his proper ease, And all perfect minutes made, By th' ablest artist of the trade; 440 Which (he could prove it) since he lost, He has been eaten up almost; And all together might amount To many hundreds on account; For which h' had got sufficient warrant 445 To seize the malefactors errant, Without capacity of bail, But of a cart's or horse's tail; And did not doubt to bring the wretches To serve for pendulums to watches; 450 Which, modern virtuosos say, Incline to hanging every way.

Beside, he swore, and swore 'twas true, That, e're he went in quest of you, He set a figure to discover 455 If you were fled to RYE or DOVER; And found it clear, that, to betray Yourselves and me, you fled this way; And that he was upon pursuit, To take you somewhere hereabout. 460 He vow' d he had intelligence Of all that past before and since; And found that, e'er you came to him,.

Y' had been engaging life and limb About a case of tender conscience, 465 Where both abounded in your own sense: Till RALPHO, by his light and grace, Had clear'd all scruples in the case; And prov'd that you might swear and own Whatever's by the wicked done, 470 For which, most basely to requite The service of his gifts and light, You strove to oblige him, by main force, To scourge his ribs instead of yours; But that he stood upon his guard, 475 And all your vapouring out-dar'd; For which, between you both, the feat Has never been perform'd as yet.

While thus the Lady talk'd, the Knight Turn'd th' outside of his eyes to white; 480 (As men of inward light are wont To turn their opticks in upon 't) He wonder'd how she came to know What he had done, and meant to do; Held up his affidavit-hand, 485 As if h' had been to be arraign'd; Cast t'wards the door a look, In dread of SIDROPHEL, and spoke:

Madam, if but one word be true Of all the Wizard has told you, 490 Or but one single circ.u.mstance In all th' apocryphal romance, May dreadful earthquakes swallow down This vessel, that is all your own; Or may the heavens fall, and cover 495 These reliques of your constant lover.

You have provided well, quoth she, (I thank you) for yourself and me, And shown your presbyterian wits Jump punctual with the Jesuits; 500 A most compendious way, and civil, At once to cheat the world, the Devil, And Heaven and h.e.l.l, yourselves, and those On whom you vainly think t' impose.

Why then (quoth he) may h.e.l.l surprize -- 505 That trick (said she) will not pa.s.s twice: I've learn'd how far I'm to believe Your pinning oaths upon your sleeve.

But there's a better way of clearing What you would prove than downright swearing: 510 For if you have perform'd the feat, The blows are visible as yet, Enough to serve for satisfaction Of nicest scruples in the action: And if you can produce those k.n.o.bs, 515 Although they're but the witch's drubs, I'll pa.s.s them all upon account, As if your natural self had done't Provided that they pa.s.s th' opinion Of able juries of old women 520 Who, us'd to judge all matter of facts For bellies, may do so for backs,

Madam, (quoth he,) your love's a million; To do is less than to be willing, As I am, were it in my power, 525 T' obey, what you command, and more: But for performing what you bid, I thank you as much as if I did.

You know I ought to have a care To keep my wounds from taking air: 530 For wounds in those that are all heart, Are dangerous in any part.

I find (quoth she) my goods and chattels Are like to prove but mere drawn battels; For still the longer we contend, 535 We are but farther off the end.

But granting now we should agree, What is it you expect from me?

Your plighted faith (quoth he) and word You past in heaven on record, 540 Where all contracts, to have and t' hold, Are everlastingly enroll'd: And if 'tis counted treason here To raze records, 'tis much more there.

Quoth she, There are no bargains driv'n, 545 Or marriages clapp'd up, in Heav'n, And that's the reason, as some guess, There is no heav'n in marriages; Two things that naturally press Too narrowly to be at ease. 550 Their bus'ness there is only love, Which marriage is not like t' improve: Love, that's too generous to abide To be against its nature ty'd; Or where 'tis of itself inclin'd, 555 It breaks loose when it is confin'd; And like the soul, it's harbourer.

Debarr'd the freedom of the air, Disdains against its will to stay, But struggles out, and flies away; 560 And therefore never can comply To endure the matrimonial tie, That binds the female and the male, Where th' one is but the other's bail; Like Roman gaolers, when they slept, 565 Chain'd to the prisoners they kept Of which the true and faithfull'st lover Gives best security to suffer.

Marriage is but a beast, some say, That carries double in foul way; 570 And therefore 'tis not to b' admir'd, It should so suddenly be tir'd; A bargain at a venture made, Between two partners in a trade; (For what's inferr'd by t' have and t' hold, 575 But something past away, and sold?) That as it makes but one of two, Reduces all things else as low; And, at the best, is but a mart Between the one and th' other part, 580 That on the marriage-day is paid, Or hour of death, the bet is laid; And all the rest of better or worse, Both are but losers out of purse.

For when upon their ungot heirs 585 Th' entail themselves, and all that's theirs, What blinder bargain e'er was driv'n, Or wager laid at six and seven?

To pa.s.s themselves away, and turn Their childrens' tenants e're they're born? 590 Beg one another idiot To guardians, e'er they are begot; Or ever shall, perhaps, by th' one, Who's bound to vouch 'em for his own, Though got b' implicit generation, 595 And gen'ral club of all the nation; For which she's fortify'd no less Than all the island, with four seas; Exacts the tribute of her dower, in ready insolence and power; 600 And makes him pa.s.s away to have And hold, to her, himself, her slave, More wretched than an ancient villain, Condemn'd to drudgery and tilling; While all he does upon the by, 605 She is not bound to justify, Nor at her proper cost and charge Maintain the feats he does at large.

Such hideous sots were those obedient Old va.s.sals to their ladies regent; 610 To give the cheats the eldest hand In foul play by the laws o' th' land; For which so many a legal cuckold Has been run down in courts and truckeld: A law that most unjustly yokes 615 All Johns of Stiles to Joans of Nokes, Without distinction of degree, Condition, age, or quality: Admits no power of revocation, Nor valuable consideration, 620 Nor writ of error, nor reverse Of Judgment past, for better or worse: Will not allow the priviledges That beggars challenge under hedges, Who, when they're griev'd, can make dead horses 625 Their spiritual judges of divorces; While nothing else but Rem in Re Can set the proudest wretches free; A slavery beyond enduring, But that 'tis of their own procuring. 630 As spiders never seek the fly, But leave him, of himself, t' apply So men are by themselves employ'd, To quit the freedom they enjoy'd, And run their necks into a noose, 635 They'd break 'em after, to break loose; As some whom Death would not depart, Have done the feat themselves by art; Like Indian widows, gone to bed In flaming curtains to the dead; 640 And men as often dangled for't, And yet will never leave the sport.

Nor do the ladies want excuse For all the stratagems they use To gain the advantage of the set, 645 And lurch the amorous rook and cheat For as the Pythagorean soul Runs through all beasts, and fish and fowl, And has a smack of ev'ry one, So love does, and has ever done; 650 And therefore, though 'tis ne'er so fond, Takes strangely to the vagabond.

'Tis but an ague that's reverst, Whose hot fit takes the patient first, That after burns with cold as much 655 As ir'n in GREENLAND does the touch; Melts in the furnace of desire Like gla.s.s, that's but the ice of fire; And when his heat of fancy's over, Becomes as hard and frail a lover. 660 For when he's with love-powder laden, And prim'd and c.o.c.k'd by Miss or Madam, The smallest sparkle of an eye Gives fire to his artillery; And off the loud oaths go; but while 665 They're in the very act, recoil.

Hence 'tis so few dare take their chance Without a sep'rate maintenance; And widows, who have try'd one lover, Trust none again, 'till th' have made over; 670 Or if they do, before they marry, The foxes weigh the geese they carry; And e're they venture o'er a stream, Know how to size themselves and them; Whence wittiest ladies always choose 675 To undertake the heaviest goose For now the world is grown so wary, That few of either s.e.x dare marry, But rather trust on tick t' amours, The cross and pile for better or worse; 680 A mode that is held honourable, As well as French, and fas.h.i.+onable: For when it falls out for the best, Where both are incommoded least, In soul and body two unite, 685 To make up one hermaphrodite, Still amorous, and fond, and billing, Like PHILIP and MARY on a s.h.i.+lling, Th' have more punctilios and capriches Between the petticoat and breeches, 690 More petulant extravagances, Than poets make 'em in romances.

Though when their heroes 'spouse the dames, We hear no more charms and flames: For then their late attracts decline, 695 And turn as eager as p.r.i.c.k'd wine; And all their catterwauling tricks, In earnest to as jealous piques; Which the ancients wisely signify'd, By th' yellow mantos of the bride: 700 For jealousy is but a kind Of clap and grincam of the mind, The natural effects of love, As other flames and aches prove; But all the mischief is, the doubt 705 On whose account they first broke out.

For though Chineses go to bed, And lie in, in their ladies stead, And for the pains they took before, Are nurs'd and pamper'd to do more 710 Our green men do it worse, when th' hap To fail in labour of a clap Both lay the child to one another: But who's the father, who the mother, 'Tis hard to say in mult.i.tudes, 715 Or who imported the French goods.

But health and sickness b'ing all one, Which both engag'd before to own, And are not with their bodies bound To wors.h.i.+p, only when they're sound, 720 Both give and take their equal shares Of all they suffer by false wares: A fate no lover can divert With all his caution, wit, and art.

For 'tis in vain to think to guess 725 At women by appearances, That paint and patch their imperfections Of intellectual complexions, And daub their tempers o'er with washes As artificial as their faces; 730 Wear under vizard-masks their talents And mother-wits before their gallants, Until they're hamper'd in the noose, Too fast to dream of breaking loose; When all the flaws they strove to hide 735 Are made unready with the bride, That with her wedding-clothes undresses Her complaisance and gentilesses, Tries all her arts to take upon her The government from th' easy owner; 740 Until the wretch is glad to wave His lawful right, and turn her slave; Find all his having, and his holding, Reduc'd t' eternal noise and scolding; The conjugal petard, that tears 745 Down all portcullises of ears, And make the volley of one tongue For all their leathern s.h.i.+elds too strong When only arm'd with noise and nails, The female silk-worms ride the males, 750 Transform 'em into rams and goats, Like Sirens, with their charming notes; Sweet as a screech-owl's serenade, Or those enchanting murmurs made By th' husband

mandrake and the wife, 755 Both bury'd (like themselves) alive.

Quoth he, These reasons are but strains Of wanton, over-heated brains Which ralliers, in their wit, or drink, Do rather wheedle with than think 760 Man was not man in paradise, Until he was created twice, And had his better half, his bride, Carv'd from the original, his side, T' amend his natural defects, 765 And perfect his recruited s.e.x; Inlarge his breed at once, and lessen The pains and labour of increasing, By changing them for other cares, As by his dry'd-up paps appears. 770 His body, that stupendous frame, Of all the world the anagram Is of two equal parts compact, In shape and symmetry exact, Of which the left and female side 775 Is to the manly right a bride; Both join'd together with such art, That nothing else but death can part.

Those heav'nly attracts of yours, your eyes, And face, that all the world surprize, 780 That dazzle all that look upon ye, And scorch all other ladies tawny, Those ravis.h.i.+ng and charming graces Are all made up of two half faces, That in a mathematick line, 785 Like those in other heavens, join, Of which if either grew alone, T' would fright as much to look upon: And so would that sweet bud your lip, Without the other's fellows.h.i.+p. 790 Our n.o.blest senses act by pairs; Two eyes to see; to hear, two ears; Th' intelligencers of the mind, To wait upon the soul design'd, But those that serve the body alone, 795 Are single, and confin'd to one.

The  world is but two parts, that meet And close at th' equinoctial fit; And so are all the works of nature, Stamp'd with her signature on matter, 800 Which all her creatures, to a leaf, Or smallest blade of gra.s.s receive; All which sufficiently declare, How entirely marriage is her care, The only method that she uses 805 In all the wonders she produces: And those that take their rules from her, Can never be deceiv'd, nor err.

For what secures the civil life, But p.a.w.ns of children, and a wife? 810 That lie like hostages at stake, To pay for all men undertake; To whom it is as necessary As to be born and breathe, to marry; So universal all mankind, 815 In nothing else, is of one mind.

For in what stupid age, or nation, Was marriage ever out of fas.h.i.+on?

Unless among the Amazons, Or cloister'd friars, and vestal nuns; 820 Or Stoicks, who to bar the freaks And loose excesses of the s.e.x, Prepost'rously wou'd have all women Turn'd up to all the world in common.

Though men would find such mortal feuds, 825 In sharing of their publick goods, 'Twould put them to more charge of lives, Than they're supply'd with now by wives; Until they graze, and wear their clothes, As beasts do, of their native growths: 830 For simple wearing of their horns Will not suffice to serve their turns.

For what can we pretend t' inherit, Unless the marriage-deed will bear it?