Hudibras Part 18

What's liberty of conscience, I' th' natural and genuine sense?

'Tis to restore, with more security, 1305 Rebellion to its ancient purity; And christian liberty reduce To th' elder practice of the Jews.

For a large conscience is all one, And signifies the same with none. 1310

It is enough (quoth he) for once, And has repriev'd thy forfeit bones: NICK MACHIAVEL had ne'er a trick, (Though he gave his name to our Old Nick,) But was below the least of these, 1315 That pa.s.s i' th' world for holiness.

This said, the furies and the light In th' instant vanish'd out of sight, And left him in the dark alone, With stinks of brimstone and his own. 1320

The Queen of Night, whose large command Rules all the sea, and half the land, And over moist and crazy brains, In high spring-tides, at midnight reigns, Was now declining to the west, 1325 To go to bed, and take her rest; When HUDIBRAS, whose stubborn blows Deny'd his bones that soft repose, Lay still expecting worse and more, Stretch'd out at length upon the floor; 1330 And though he shut his eyes as fast As if h' had been to sleep his last, Saw all the shapes that fear or wizards Do make the Devil wear for vizards, And p.r.i.c.king up his ears, to hark 1335 If he cou'd hear too in the dark, Was first invaded with a groan And after in a feeble tone, These trembling words: Unhappy wretch!

What hast thou gotten by this fetch; 1340 For all thy tricks, in this new trade, Thy holy brotherhood o' th' blade?

By sauntring still on some adventure, And growing to thy horse a Centaure?

To stuff thy skin with swelling k.n.o.bs 1345 Of cruel and hard-wooded drubs?

For still th' hast had the worst on't yet, As well in conquest as defeat.

Night is the sabbath of mankind, To rest the body and the mind, 1350 Which now thou art deny'd to keep, And cure thy labour'd corpse with sleep.

The Knight, who heard the words, explain'd, As meant to him, this reprimand, Because the character did hit 1355 Point-blank upon his case so fit; Believ'd it was some drolling spright, That staid upon the guard that night, And one of those h' had seen, and felt The drubs he had so freely dealt; 1360 When, after a short pause and groan, The doleful Spirit thus went on:

This 'tis t' engage with dogs and bears Pell-mell together by the ears, And, after painful bangs and knocks, 1365 To lie in limbo in the stocks, And from the pinnacle of glory Fall headlong into purgatory.

(Thought he, this devil's full of malice, That in my late disasters rallies:) 1370 Condemn'd to whipping, but declin'd it, By being more heroic-minded: And at a riding handled worse, With treats more slovenly and coa.r.s.e: Engag'd with fiends in stubborn wars, 1375 And hot disputes with conjurers; And when th' hadst bravely won the day, Wast fain to steal thyself away.

(I see, thought he, this shameless elf Wou'd fain steal me too from myself, 1380 That impudently dares to own What I have suffer'd for and done,) And now but vent'ring to betray, Hast met with vengeance the same way.

Thought he, how does the Devil know 1385 What 'twas that I design'd to do?

His office of intelligence, His oracles, are ceas'd long since; And he knows nothing of the Saints, But what some treacherous spy acquaints. 1390 This is some pettifogging fiend, Some under door-keeper's friend's friend, That undertakes to understand, And juggles at the second-hand; And now would pa.s.s for Spirit Po, 1395 And all mens' dark concerns foreknow.

I think I need not fear him for't; These rallying devils do no hurt.

With that he rouz'd his drooping heart, And hastily cry'd out, What art? 1400 A wretch (quoth he) whom want of grace Has brought to this unhappy place.

I do believe thee, quoth the Knight; Thus far I'm sure th' art in the right; And know what 'tis that troubles thee, 1405 Better than thou hast guess'd of me.

Thou art some paultry, black-guard spright, Condemn'd to drudg'ry in the night Thou hast no work to do in th' house Nor half-penny to drop in shoes; 1410 Without the raising of which sum, You dare not be so troublesome, To pinch the slatterns black and blue, For leaving you their work to do.

This is your bus'ness good Pug-Robin; 1415 And your diversion dull dry-bobbing, T' entice fanaticks in the dirt, And wash them clean in ditches for't; Of which conceit you are so proud, At ev'ry jest you laugh aloud, 1420 As now you wou'd have done by me, But that I barr'd your raillery.

Sir (quoth the voice) y'are no such Sophi As you would have the world judge of ye.

If you design to weigh our talents 1425 I' the standard of your own false balance, Or think it possible to know Us ghosts as well as we do you; We, who have been the everlasting Companions of your drubs and basting, 1430 And never left you in contest, With male or female, man or beast, But prov'd as true t' ye, and entire, In all adventures, as your Squire.

Quoth he, That may be said as true 1435 By the idlest pug of all your crew: For none cou'd have betray'd us worse Than those allies of ours and yours.

But I have sent him for a token To your Low-Country HOGEN-MOGEN, 1440 To whose infernal sh.o.r.es I hope He'll swing like skippers in a rope.

And, if y' have been more just to me (As I am apt to think) than he, I am afraid it is as true, 1445 What th' ill-affected say of you: Y' have spous'd the Covenant and Cause, By holding up your cloven paws.

Sir, quoth the voice, 'tis true, I grant, We made and took the Covenant; 1450 But that no more concerns the Cause Than other perj'ries do the laws, Which when they're prov'd in open court, Wear wooden peccadillo's for't: And that's the reason Cov'nanters 1455 Hold up their hands like rogues at bars.

I see, quoth HUDIBRAS, from whence These scandals of the Saints commence, That are but natural effects Of Satan's malice, and his sects, 1460 Those Spider-Saints, that hang by threads, Spun out o' th' intrails of their heads.

Sir, quoth the voice, that may as true And properly be said of you, Whose talents may compare with either, 1465 Or both the other put together.

For all the Independents do, Is only what you forc'd 'em to; You, who are not content alone With tricks to put the Devil down, 1470 But must have armies rais'd to back The gospel-work you undertake; As if artillery, and edge-tools, Were the only engines to save souls; While he, poor devil, has no pow'r 1475 By force to run down and devour; Has ne'er a Cla.s.sis; cannot sentence To stools or poundage of repentance; Is ty'd up only to design, T' entice, and tempt, and undermine, 1480 In which you all his arts out-do, And prove yourselves his betters too.

Hence 'tis possessions do less evil Than mere temptations of the Devil, Which, all the horrid'st actions done, 1485 Are charg'd in courts of law upon; Because unless they help the elf, He can do little of himself; And therefore where he's best possess'd Acts most against his interest; 1490 Surprizes none, but those wh' have priests To turn him out, and exorcists, Supply'd with spiritual provision, And magazines of ammunition With crosses, relicks, crucifixes, 1495 Beads, pictures, rosaries, and pixes; The tools of working our salvation By mere mechanick operation; With holy water, like a sluice, To overflow all avenues. 1500 But those wh' are utterly unarm'd T' oppose his entrance, if he storm'd, He never offers to surprize, Although his falsest enemies; But is content to be their drudge, 1505 And on their errands glad to trudge For where are all your forfeitures Entrusted in safe hands but ours?

Who are but jailors of the holes, 1510 And dungeons where you clap up souls; Like under-keepers, turn the keys, T' your mittimus anathemas; And never boggle to restore The members you deliver o're Upon demand, with fairer justice 1515 Than all your covenanting Trustees; Unless to punish them the worse, You put them in the secular pow'rs, And pa.s.s their souls, as some demise The same estate in mortgage twice; 1520 When to a legal Utlegation You turn your excommunication, And for a groat unpaid, that's due, Distrain on soul and body too.

Thought he, 'tis no mean part of civil 1525 State prudence to cajole the Devil And not to handle him too rough, When h' has us in his cloven hoof.

T' is true, quoth he, that intercourse Has pa.s.s'd between your friends and ours; 1530 That as you trust us, in our way, To raise your members, and to lay, We send you others of our own, Denounc'd to hang themselves or drown; Or, frighted with our oratory, 1435 To leap down headlong many a story Have us'd all means to propagate Your mighty interests of state; Laid out our spiritual gifts to further Your great designs of rage and murther. 1540 For if the Saints are nam'd from blood, We only have made that t.i.tle good; And if it were but in our power, We should not scruple to do more, And not be half a soul behind 1545 Of all dissenters of mankind.

Right, quoth the voice, and as I scorn To be ungrateful, in return Of all those kind good offices, I'll free you out of this distress, 1550 And set you down in safety, where It is no time to tell you here.

The c.o.c.k crows, and the morn grows on, When 'tis decreed I must be gone; And if I leave you here till day, 1555 You'll find it hard to get away.

With that the Spirit grop'd about, To find th' inchanted hero out, And try'd with haste to lift him up; But found his forlorn hope, his crup, 1560 Unserviceable with kicks and blows, Receiv'd from harden'd-hearted foes.

He thought to drag him by the heels, Like Gresham carts, with legs for wheels; But fear, that soonest cures those sores 1565 In danger of relapse to worse, Came in t' a.s.sist him with it's aid And up his sinking vessel weigh'd.

No sooner was he fit to trudge, But both made ready to dislodge. 1570 The Spirit hors'd him like a sack Upon the vehicle his back; And bore him headlong into th' hall, With some few rubs against the wall Where finding out the postern lock'd, 1575 And th' avenues as strongly block'd, H' attack'd the window, storm'd the gla.s.s, And in a moment gain'd the pa.s.s; Thro' which he dragg'd the worsted souldier's Fore-quarters out by the head and shoulders; 1580 And cautiously began to scout, To find their fellow-cattle out.

Nor was it half a minute's quest, E're he retriev'd the champion's beast, Ty'd to a pale, instead of rack; 1585 But ne'er a saddle on his back, Nor pistols at the saddle-bow, Convey'd away the Lord knows how, He thought it was no time to stay, And let the night too steal away; 1590 But in a trice advanc'd the Knight Upon the bare ridge, bolt upright: And groping out for RALPHO's jade, He found the saddle too was stray'd, And in the place a lump of soap, 1595 On which he speedily leap'd up; And turning to the gate the rein, He kick'd and cudgell'd on amain.

While HUDIBRAS, with equal haste, On both sides laid about as fast, 1600 And spurr'd as jockies use to break, Or padders to secure, a neck Where let us leave 'em for a time, And to their Churches turn our rhyme; To hold forth their declining state, 1605 Which now come near an even rate.

NOTES TO PART III. CANTO 1.

15 a And more, &c.] Caligula was one of the Emperors of Rome, son of Germanicus and Agrippina. He would needs pa.s.s for a G.o.d, and had the heads of the ancient statues of the G.o.ds taken off; and his own placed on in their stead; and used to stand between the statues of Castor and Pollux to be wors.h.i.+pped; and often bragged of lying with the Moon.

43 b And us'd &c.] Philters were love potions, reported to be much in request in former ages; but our true Knight-Errant Hero made use of no other but what his n.o.ble atchievements by his sword produced.

52 c To th' Ordeal, &c.] Ordeal trials were, when supposed criminals, to discover their innocence, went over several red-hot coulter irons. These were generally such whose chast.i.ty was suspected, as the vestal virgins, &c.

93 d So Spanish Heroes, &c.] The young Spaniards signalize their valour before the Spanish ladies at bull feasts, which often prove very hazardous, and sometimes fatal to them. It is performed by attacking of a wild bull, kept on purpose, and let loose at the combatant; and he that kills most, carries the laurel, and dwells highest in the ladies' favour.

137 e To p.a.w.n, &c.] His exterior ears were gone before, and so out of danger; but by inward ears is here meant his conscience.

252 f Loud as, &c.] Stentrophon: A speaking trumpet, by which the voice may be heard at a great distance, very useful at sea.

276 g As if th' had, &c.] This alludes to some abject letchers, who used to be disciplined with amorous lashes by their mistresses.

323 h Bewitch Hermetick Men, &c.] Hermes Trismegistus, an Egyptian Philosopher, and said to have lived Anno Mundi 2076, in the reign of Ninus, after Moses. He was a wonderful philosopher and proved that there was but one G.o.d, the creator of all things; and was the author of several most excellent and useful inventions. But those Hermetick Men here mentioned, though the pretended sectators of this great man, are nothing else but a wild and extravagant sort of enthusiasts, who make a hodge-podge of Religion and Philosophy, and produce nothing but what is the object of every considering person's contempt.

326 i Potosi.] Potosi is a city of Peru, the mountains whereof afford great quant.i.ties of the finest silver in all the Indies.

603 k More wretched, &c.] Villainage was an antient tenure, by which the tenants were obliged to perform the most abject and slavish services for their lords.

639 l Like Indian Widows, &c.] The Indian women, richly attired, are carried in a splendid and pompous machine to the funeral pile where the bodies of their deceased husbands are to be consumed, and there voluntarily throw themselves into it, and expire; and such as refuse, their virtue is ever after suspected, and they live in the utmost contempt.

647 m For as the Pythagorean, &c.] It was the opinion of Pythogoras and his followers, that, the soul transmigrated (as they termed it) into all the diverse species of animals; and so was differently disposed and affected, according to their different natures and const.i.tutions.

707 n For tho' Chineses, &c.] The Chinese men of quality, when their wives are brought to bed, are nursed and tended with as much care as women here, and are supplied with the best strengthening and nouris.h.i.+ng diet, in order to qualify them for future services.

751 o Transform them into Rams, &c.] The Sirens according to the poets, were three sea-monsters, half women and half fish: their names were Parthenope, Lignea and Leucosia. Their usual residence was about the island of Sicily, where, by the charming melody of their voices, they used to detain those that heard them, and then transform them into some sort of brute animals.

755 p By the Husband Mandrake, &c.] Naturalists report, that if a male and female Mandrake lie near each other, there will often be heard a sort of murmuring noise.

797 q The World is but two Parts, &c.] The equinoctial divides the globe into North and South.

819 r Unless among the Amazons, &c.] The Amazons were women of Scythia, of heroick and great atchievements. They suffered no men to live among them; but once every year used to have conversation with men, of the neighbouring countries, by which if they had a male child, they presently either killed or crippled it; but if a female, they brought it up to the use of arms, and burnt off one breast, leaving the other to suckle girls.

865 s The Nymphs of chaste Diana's &c.] Diana's Nymphs, all of whom vowed perpetual virginity, and were much celebrated for the exact observation of their vow.