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Quoth HUDIBRAS, The day's thine own: Thou and thy Stars have cast me down: 870 My laurels are transplanted now, And flourish on thy conqu'ring brow: My loss of honour's great enough, Thou need'st not brand it with a scoff: Sarcasms may eclipse thine own, 875 But cannot blur my lost renown.
I am not now in Fortune's power; He that is down can fall no lower.
The ancient heroes were ill.u.s.trious For being benign, and not bl.u.s.trous, 880 Against a vanquish'd foe: their swords Were sharp and trenchant, not their words; And did in fight but cut work out To employ their courtesies about.
Quoth she, Although thou hast deserv'd 885 Base slubberdegullion, to be serv'd As thou did'st vow to deal with me, If thou had'st got the victory Yet I shall rather act a part That suits my fame than thy desert. 890 Thy arms, thy liberty, beside All that's on th' outside of thy hide, Are mine by military law, Of which I will not hate one straw: The rest, thy life and limbs, once more, 895 Though doubly forfeit, I restore,
Quoth HUDIBRAS, It is too late For me to treat or stipulate What thou command'st, I must obey: Yet those whom I expugn'd to-day 900 Of thine own party, I let go, And gave them life and freedom too: Both dogs and bear, upon their parole, Whom I took pris'ners in this quarrel.
Quoth TRULLA, Whether thou or they 905 Let one another run away, Concerns not me; but was't not thou That gave CROWDERO quarter too?
CROWDERO, whom, in irons bound, Thou basely threw'st into LOB'S Pound, 910 Where still he lies, and with regret His gen'rous bowels rage and fret.
But now thy carca.s.s shall redeem, And serve to be exchang'd for him.
This said, the Knight did straight submit, 915 And laid his weapons at her feet.
Next he disrob'd his gaberdine, And with it did himself resign.
She took it, and forthwith divesting The mantle that she wore, said jesting, 920 Take that, and wear it for my sake Then threw it o'er his st.u.r.dy back, And as the FRENCH, we conquer'd once, Now give us laws for pantaloons, The length of breeches, and the gathers, 925 Port-cannons, perriwigs, and feathers; Just so the proud insulting la.s.s Array'd and dighted HUDIBRAS.
Mean while the other champions, yerst In hurry of the fight disperst, 930 Arriv'd, when TRULLA won the day, To share in th' honour and the prey, And out of HUDIBRAS his hide With vengeance to be satisfy'd; Which now they were about to pour 935 Upon him in a wooden show'r; But TRULLA thrust herself between, And striding o'er his back agen, She brandish'd o'er her head his sword, And vow'd they should not break her word; 940 Sh' had giv'n him quarter, and her blood Or theirs should make that quarter good; For she was bound by law of arms To see him safe from further harms.
In dungeon deep CROWDERO, cast 945 By HUDIBRAS, as yet lay fast; Where, to the hard and ruthless stones, His great heart made perpetual moans: Him she resolv'd that HUDIBRAS Should ransom, and supply his place. 950
This stopt their fury, and the basting Which toward HUDIBRAS was hasting.
They thought it was but just and right, That what she had atchiev'd in fight, She should dispose of how she pleas'd. 955 CROWDERO ought to be releas'd; Nor could that any way be done So well as this she pitch'd upon For who a better could imagine This therefore they resolv'd t'engage in. 960 The Knight and Squire first they made Rise from the ground, where they were laid Then mounted both upon their horses, But with their faces to the a.r.s.es, ORSIN led HUDIBRAS's beast, 965 And TALGOL that which RALPHO prest, Whom stout MAGNANO, valiant CERDON, And COLON, waited as a guard on; All ush'ring TRULLA in the rear, With th' arms of either prisoner. 970 In this proud order and array They put themselves upon their way, Striving to reach th' enchanted castle, Where stout CROWDERO in durance lay still.
Thither with greater speed than shows 975 And triumph over conquer'd foes Do use t' allow, or than the bears Or pageants borne before Lord-Mayors Are wont to use, they soon arriv'd In order, soldier-like contriv'd; 980 Still marching in a warlike posture, As fit for battle as for muster.
The Knight and Squire they first unhorse, And bending 'gainst the fort their force, They all advanc'd, and round about 985 Begirt the magical redoubt.
MAGNAN led up in this adventure, And made way for the rest to enter; For he was skilful in black art.
No less than he that built the fort; 990 And with an iron mace laid flat A breach, which straight all enter'd at, And in the wooden dungeon found CROWDERO laid upon the ground.
Him they release from durance base, 995 Restor'd t' his fiddle and his case, And liberty, his thirsty rage With luscious vengeance to a.s.swage: For he no sooner was at large, But TRULLA straight brought on the charge, 1000 And in the self-same limbo put The Knight and Squire where he was shut; Where leaving them in Hockley i' th' Hole, Their bangs and durance to condole, Confin'd and conjur'd into narrow 1005 Enchanted mansion to know sorrow, In the same order and array Which they advanc'd, they march'd away.
But HUDIBRAS who scorn'd to stoop To Fortune, or be said to droop, 1010 Chear'd up himself with ends of verse, And sayings of philosophers.
Quoth he, Th' one half of man, his mind, Is, sui juris, unconfin'd, And cannot be laid by the heels, 1015 Whate'er the other moiety feels.
'Tis not restraint or liberty That makes men prisoners or free; But perturbations that possess The mind, or aequanimities. 1020 The whole world was not half so wide To ALEXANDER, when he cry'd, Because he had but one to subdue, As was a paltry narrow tub to DIOGENES; who is not said 1025 (For aught that ever I could read) To whine, put finger i' th' eye, and sob, Because h' had ne'er another tub.
The ancients make two sev'ral kinds Of prowess in heroic minds; 1030 The active, and the pa.s.sive valiant; Both which are pari libra gallant: For both to give blows, and to carry, In fights are equinecessary But in defeats, the pa.s.sive stout 1035 Are always found to stand it out Most desp'rately, and to out-do The active 'gainst the conqu'ring foe.
Tho' we with blacks and blues are suggill'd, Or, as the vulgar say, are cudgell'd; 1040 He that is valiant, and dares fight, Though drubb'd, can lose no honour by't.
Honour's a lease for lives to come, And cannot be extended from The legal tenant: 'tis a chattel 1045 Not to be forfeited in battel.
If he that in the field is slain, Be in the bed of Honour lain, He that is beaten, may be said To lie in Honour's truckle-bed. 1050 For as we see th' eclipsed sun By mortals is more gaz'd upon, Than when, adorn'd with all his light, He s.h.i.+nes in serene sky most bright: So valour, in a low estate, 1055 Is most admir'd and wonder'd at.
Quoth RALPH, How great I do not know We may by being beaten grow; But none, that see how here we sit, Will judge us overgrown with wit. 1060 As gifted brethren, preaching by A carnal hour-gla.s.s, do imply, Illumination can convey Into them what they have to say, But not how much; so well enough 1065 Know you to charge, but not draw off: For who, without a cap and bauble, Having subdu'd a bear and rabble, And might with honour have come off Would put it to a second proof? 1070 A politic exploit, right fit For Presbyterian zeal and wit.
Quoth HUDIBRAS, That cuckow's tone, RALPHO, thou always harp'st upon.
When thou at any thing would'st rail, 1075 Thou mak'st Presbytery the scale To take the height on't, and explain To what degree it is prophane Whats'ever will not with (thy what d'ye call) Thy light jump right, thou call'st synodical; 1080 As if Presbytery were the standard To size whats'ever's to he slander'd.
Dost not remember how this day, Thou to my beard wast bold to say, That thou coud'st prove bear-baiting equal 1085 With synods orthodox and legal?
Do if thou canst; for I deny't, And dare thee to 't with all thy light.
Quoth RALPHO, Truly that is no Hard matter for a man to do, 1090 That has but any guts in 's brains, And cou'd believe it worth his pains; But since you dare and urge me to it, You'll find I've light enough to do it.
Synods are mystical bear-gardens, 1095 Where elders, deputies, church-wardens, And other members of the court, Manage the Babylonish sport; For prolocutor, scribe, and bear-ward, Do differ only in a mere word; 1100 Both are but sev'ral synagogues Of carnal men, and bears, and dogs: Both antichristian a.s.semblies, To mischief bent far as in them lies: Both stave and tail with fierce contests; 1105 The one with men, the other beasts.
The diff'rence is, the one fights with The tongue, the other with the teeth; And that they bait but bears in this, In th' other, souls and consciences; 1110 Where Saints themselves are brought to stake For gospel-light, and conscience sake; Expos'd to Scribes and Presbyters, Instead of mastive dogs and curs, Than whom th' have less humanity; 1115 For these at souls of men will fly.
This to the prophet did appear, Who in a vision saw a bear, Prefiguring the beastly rage Of Church-rule in this latter age; 1120 As is demonstrated at full By him that baited the Bears nat'rally are beasts of prey, That live by rapine; so do they. What are their orders, const.i.tutions, 1125 Church-censures, curses, absolutions, But' sev'ral mystic chains they make, To tie poor Christians to the stake, And then set heathen officers, Instead of dogs, about their ears? 1130 For to prohibit and dispense; To find out or to make offence; Of h.e.l.l and Heaven to dispose; To play with souls at fast and loose; To set what characters they please, 1135 And mulcts on sin or G.o.dliness; Reduce the Church to gospel-order, By rapine, sacrilege, and murder; To make Presbytery supreme, And Kings themselves submit to them; 1140 And force all people, though against Their consciences, to turn Saints; Must prove a pretty thriving trade, When Saints monopolists are made; When pious frauds, and holy s.h.i.+fts, 1145 Are dispensations and gifts, Their G.o.dliness becomes mere ware, And ev'ry Synod but a fair. Synods are whelps of th' Inquisition, A mungrel breed of like pernicion, 1150 And growing up, became the sires Of scribes, commissioners, and triers; Whose bus'ness is, by cunning slight, To cast a figure for mens' light; To find, in lines of beard and face, 1155 The physiognomy of grace; And by the sound and tw.a.n.g of nose, If all be sound within disclose, Free from a crack or flaw of sinning, As men try pipkins by the ringing; 1160 By black caps underlaid with white, Give certain guess at inward light. Which serjeants at the gospel wear, To make the spiritual calling clear; The handkerchief about the neck 1165 (Canonical cravat of SMECK, From whom the inst.i.tution came, When Church and State they set on flame, And worn by them as badges then Of spiritual warfaring men) 1170 Judge rightly if regeneration Be of the newest cut in fas.h.i.+on. Sure 'tis an orthodox opinion, That grace is founded in dominion. Great piety consists in pride; 1175 To rule is to be sanctified: To domineer, and to controul, Both o'er the body and the soul, Is the most perfect discipline Of church-rule, and by right-divine. 1180 Bell and the Dragon's chaplains were More moderate than these by far: For they (poor knaves) were glad to cheat, To get their wives and children meat; But these will not be fobb'd off so; 1185 They must have wealth and power too, Or else with blood and desolation They'll tear it out o' th' heart o' th' nation. Sure these themselves from primitive And Heathen Priesthood do derive, 1190 When butchers were the only Clerks, Elders and Presbyters of Kirks; Whose directory was to kill; And some believe it is so still. The only diff'rence is, that then 1195 They slaughter'd only beasts, now men. For then to sacrifice a bullock, Or now and then a child to Moloch, They count a vile abomination, But not to slaughter a whole nation. 1200 Presbytery does but translate The Papacy to a free state; A commonwealth of Popery, Where ev'ry village is a See As well as Rome, and must maintain 1205 A t.i.the-pig Metropolitan; Where ev'ry Presbyter and Deacon Commands the keys for cheese and bacon; And ev'ry hamlet's governed By's Holiness, the Church's Head; 1210 More haughty and severe in's place, Than GREGORY or BONIFACE. Such Church must (surely) be a monster With many heads: for if we conster What in th' Apocalypse we find, 1215 According to th' Apostle's mind, 'Tis that the Wh.o.r.e of Babylon With many heads did ride upon; Which heads denote the sinful tribe Of Deacon, Priest, Lay-Elder, Scribe. 1220 Lay-Elder, SIMEON to LEVI, Whose little finger is as heavy As loins of patriarchs, prince-prelate, And bishop-secular. This zealot Is of a mungrel, diverse kind; 1225 Cleric before, and lay behind; A lawless linsie-woolsie brother, Half of one order, half another; A creature of amphibious nature; On land a beast, a fish in water; 1230 That always preys on grace or sin; A sheep without, a wolf within. This fierce inquisitor has chief Dominion over men's belief And manners: can p.r.o.nounce a Saint 1235 Idolatrous or ignorant, When superciliously he sifts Through coa.r.s.est boulter others' gifts; For all men live and judge amiss, Whose talents jump not just with his. 1240 He'll lay on gifts with hands, and place On dullest noddle Light and Grace, The manufacture of the Kirk. Those pastors are but th' handy-work Of his mechanic paws, instilling 1245 Divinity in them by feeling; From whence they start up Chosen Vessels, Made by contact, as men get meazles. Hold, hold, quoth HUDIBRAS; soft fire, They say, does make sweet malt. Good Squire, Festina lente, not too fast; For haste (the proverb says) makes waste. The quirks and cavils thou dost make 1255 Are false, and built upon mistake: And I shall bring you, with your pack Of fallacies, t' elenchi back; And put your arguments in mood And figure to be understood. 1260 I'll force you, by right ratiocination, To leave your The question then, to state it first, 1265 Is, Which is better, or which worst, Synods or Bears? Bears I avow To be the worst, and Synods thou. But, to make good th' a.s.sertion, Thou say'st th' are really all one. 1270 If so, not worst; for if th' are idem Why then, tantundem dat tantidem. For if they are the same, by course, Neither is better, neither worse. But I deny they are the same, 1275 More than a maggot and I am. That both are animalia I grant, but not rationalia: For though they do agree in kind, Specific difference we find; 1280 And can no more make bears of these, Than prove my horse is SOCRATES. That Synods are bear-gardens too, Thou dost affirm; but I say no: And thus I prove it in a word; 1285 Whats'ver a.s.sembly's not impow'r'd To censure, curse, absolve, and ordain, Can be no Synod: but bear-garden Has no such pow'r; ergo, 'tis none: And so thy sophistry's o'erthrown. 1290 But yet we are beside the question Which thou didst raise the first contest on; For that was, Whether Bears are better Than Synod-men? I say, Negatur. That bears are beasts, and synods men, 1295 Is held by all: they're better then: For bears and dogs on four legs go, As beasts, but Synod-men on two. 'Tis true, they all have teeth and nails; But prove that Synod-men have tails; 1300 Or that a rugged, s.h.a.ggy fur Grows o'er the hide of Presbyter; Or that his snout and s.p.a.cious ears Do hold proportion with a bear's. A bears a savage beast, of all 1305 Most ugly and unnatural Whelp'd without form, until the dam Has lick'd it into shape and frame: But all thy light can ne'er evict, That ever Synod-man was lick'd; 1310 Or brought to any other fas.h.i.+on, Than his own will and inclination. But thou dost further yet in this Oppugn thyself and sense; that is, Thou would'st have Presbyters to go 1315 For bears and dogs, and bearwards too; A strange chimera of beasts and men, Made up of pieces heterogene; Such as in nature never met In eodem subjecto yet. 1320 Thy other arguments are all Supposures, hypothetical, That do but beg, and we may chose Either to grant them, or refuse. Much thou hast said, which I know when 1325 And where thou stol'st from other men, Whereby 'tis plain thy Light and Gifts Are all but plagiary s.h.i.+fts; And is the same that Ranter said, Who, arguing with me, broke my head, 1330 And tore a handful of my beard: The self-same cavils then I heard, When, b'ing in hot dispute about This controversy, we fell out And what thou know'st I answer'd then, 1335 Will serve to answer thee agen. Quoth RALPHO, Nothing but th' abuse Of human learning you produce; Learning, that cobweb of the brain, Profane, erroneous, and vain; 1340 A trade of knowledge, as replete As others are with fraud and cheat; An art t'inc.u.mber gifts and wit, And render both for nothing fit; Makes Light unactive, dull, and troubled, 1345 Like little DAVID in SAUL's doublet; A cheat that scholars put upon Other mens' reason and their own; A fort of error, to ensconce Absurdity and ignorance, 1350 That renders all the avenues To truth impervious and abstruse, By making plain things, in debate, By art, perplex'd, and intricate For nothing goes for sense or light 1355 That will not with old rules jump right: As if rules were not in the schools Deriv'd from truth, but truth from rules. This pagan, heathenish invention Is good for nothing but contention. 1360 For as, in sword-and-buckler fight, All blows do on the target light; So when men argue, the great'st part O' th' contests falls on terms of art, Until the fustian stuff be spent, 1365 And then they fall to th' argument. Quoth HUDIBRAS Friend RALPH, thou hast Out-run the constable at last: For thou art fallen on a new Dispute, as senseless as untrue, 1370 But to the former opposite And contrary as black to white; Mere But I shall take a fit occasion T' evince thee by ratiocination, Some other time, in place more proper Than this we're in; therefore let's stop here, 1380 And rest our weary'd bones a-while, Already tir'd with other toil. NOTES TO PART I. CANTO III. 134 p First TRULLA stav'd, &c.] Staving and Tailing are terms of art used in the Bear-Garden, and signify there only the parting of dogs and bears: Though they are used metaphorically in several other professions, for moderating; as law, divinity, hectoring, &c. 153 q Or like the late corrected leathern Ears of the Circ.u.mcised Brethren. Pryn, Bastwick, and Burton, who laid down their ears as proxies for their profession of the G.o.dly party, not long after maintained their right and t.i.tle to the pillory to be as good and lawful as theirs who first of all took possession of it in their names. 328 r That old, &c.] Pygmalion, king of Tyre, was the son of Margenus, or Mechres, whom he succeeded, and lived 56 years, wherof he reigned 47. Dido, his sister, was to have governed with him, but it was pretended the subjects thought it not convenient. She married Sichaeus, who was the king's uncle, and very rich; wherefore he put him to death; and Dido soon after departed the kingdom. Poets say, Pygmalion was punished for the hatred he bore to women with the love he had to a statue. 925 s And as the FRENCH we conquer'd once, Now give us Laws for PANTALOONS, &c.
