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I am just where I ought to be. If I had only known I never need have worried."
Whether it would have troubled either him or my mother very much even had it been otherwise I cannot say, for Life, so small a thing when looked at beside Death, seemed to have lost all terror for them; but be that as it may, I like to remember that Fortune at the last was kind to my father, prospering his adventures, not to the extent his sanguine nature had dreamt, but sufficiently: so that no fear for our future marred the peaceful pa.s.sing of his tender spirit.
Or should I award thanks not to Fate, but rather to sweet Barbara, and behind her do I not detect shameless old Hasluck, grinning good-naturedly in the background?
"Now, Uncle Luke, I want your advice. Dad's given me this cheque as a birthday present. I don't want to spend it. How shall I invest it?"
"My dear, why not consult your father?"
"Now, Uncle Luke, dad's a dear, especially after dinner, but you and I know him. Giving me a present is one thing, doing business for me is another. He'd unload on me. He'd never be able to resist the temptation."
My father would suggest, and Barbara would thank him. But a minute later would murmur: "You don't know anything about Argentinos."
My father did not, but Barbara did; to quite a remarkable extent for a young girl.
"That child has insisted on leaving this cheque with me and I have advised her to buy Argentinos," my father would observe after she was gone. "I am going to put a few hundreds into them myself. I hope they will turn out all right, if only for her sake. I have a presentiment somehow that they will."
A month later Barbara would greet him with: "Isn't it lucky we bought Argentinos!"
"Yes; they haven't turned out badly, have they? I had a feeling, you know, for Argentinos."
"You're a genius, Uncle Luke. And now we will sell out and buy Calcuttas, won't we?"
"Sell out? But why?"
"You said so. You said, 'We will sell out in about a month and be quite safe.'"
"My dear, I've no recollection of it."
But Barbara had, and before she had done with him, so had he. And the next day Argentinos would be sold--not any too soon--and Calcuttas bought.
Could money so gained bring a blessing with it? The question would plague my father.
"It's very much like gambling," he would mutter uneasily to himself at each success, "uncommonly like gambling."
"It is for your mother," he would impress upon me. "When she is gone, Paul, put it aside, Keep it for doing good; that may make it clean.
Start your own life without any help from it."
He need not have troubled. It went the road that all luck derived however indirectly from old Hasluck ever went. Yet it served good purpose on its way.
But the most marvellous feat, to my thinking, ever accomplished by Barbara was the bearing off of my father and mother to witness "A Voice from the Grave, or the Power of Love, New and Original Drama in five acts and thirteen tableaux."
They had been bred in a narrow creed, both my father and my mother. That Puritan blood flowed in their veins that throughout our land has drowned much harmless joyousness; yet those who know of it only from hearsay do foolishly to speak but ill of it. If ever earnest times should come again, not how to enjoy but how to live being the question, Fate demanding of us to show not what we have but what we are, we may regret that they are fewer among us than formerly, those who trained themselves to despise all pleasure, because in pleasure they saw the subtlest foe to principle and duty. No graceful growth, this Puritanism, for its roots are in the hard, stern facts of life; but it is strong, and from it has sprung all that is worth preserving in the Anglo-Saxon character.
Its men feared and its women loved G.o.d, and if their words were harsh their hearts were tender. If they shut out the suns.h.i.+ne from their lives it was that their eyes might see better the glory lying beyond; and if their view be correct, that earth's threescore years and ten are but as preparation for eternity, then who shall call them even foolish for turning away their thoughts from its allurements.
"Still, I think I should like to have a look at one, just to see what it is like," argued my father; "one cannot judge of a thing that one knows nothing about."
I imagine it was his first argument rather than his second that convinced my mother.
"That is true," she answered. "I remember how shocked my poor father was when he found me one night at the bedroom window reading Sir Walter Scott by the light of the moon."
"What about the boy?" said my father, for I had been included in the invitation.
"We will all be wicked together," said my mother.
So an evening or two later the four of us stood at the corner of Pigott Street waiting for the 'bus.
"It is a close evening," said my father; "let's go the whole hog and ride outside."
In those days for a lady to ride outside a 'bus was as in these days for a lady to smoke in public. Surely my mother's guardian angel must have betaken himself off in a huff.
"Will you keep close behind and see to my skirt?" answered my mother, commencing preparations. If you will remember that these were the days of crinolines, that the "knife-boards" of omnibuses were then approached by a perpendicular ladder, the rungs two feet apart, you will understand the necessity for such precaution.
Which of us was the most excited throughout that long ride it would be difficult to say. Barbara, feeling keenly her responsibility as prompter and leader of the dread enterprise, sat anxious, as she explained to us afterwards, hoping there would be nothing shocking in the play, nothing to belie its innocent t.i.tle; pleased with her success so far, yet still fearful of failure, doubtful till the last moment lest we should suddenly repent, and stopping the 'bus, flee from the wrath to come.
My father was the youngest of us all. Compared with him I was sober and contained. He fidgeted: people remarked upon it. He hummed. But for the stern eye of a thin young man sitting next to him trying to read a paper, I believe he would have broken out into song. Every minute he would lean across to enquire of my mother: "How are you feeling--all right?" To which my mother would reply with a nod and a smile, She sat very silent herself, clasping and unclasping her hands. As for myself, I remember feeling so sorry for the crowds that pa.s.sed us on their way home. It was sad to think of the long dull evening that lay before them.
I wondered how they could face it.
Our seats were in the front row of the upper circle. The lights were low and the house only half full when we reached them.
"It seems very orderly and--and respectable," whispered my mother. There seemed a touch of disappointment in her tone.
"We are rather early," replied Barbara; "it will be livelier when the band comes in and they turn up the gas."
But even when this happened my mother was not content. "There is so little room for the actors," she complained.
It was explained to her that the green curtain would go up, that the stage lay behind.
So we waited, my mother sitting stiffly on the extreme edge of her seat, holding me tightly by the hand; I believe with some vague idea of flight, should out of that vault-scented gloom the devil suddenly appear to claim us for his own. But before the curtain was quite up she had forgotten him.
You poor folk that go to the theatre a dozen times a year, perhaps oftener, what do you know of plays? You see no drama, you see but middle-aged Mr. Brown, churchwarden, payer of taxes, foolishly pretending to be a brigand; Miss Jones, daughter of old Jones the Chemist, making believe to be a haughty Princess. How can you, a grown man, waste money on a seat to witness such tomfoolery! What we saw was something very different. A young and beautiful girl--true, not a lady by birth, being merely the daughter of an honest yeoman, but one equal in all the essentials of womanhood to the n.o.blest in the land--suffered before our very eyes an amount of misfortune that, had one not seen it for oneself, one would never have believed Fate could have acc.u.mulated upon the head of any single individual. Beside her woes our own poor troubles sank into insignificance. We had used to grieve, as my mother in a whisper reminded my father, if now and again we had not been able to afford meat for dinner. This poor creature, driven even from her wretched attic, compelled to wander through the snow without so much as an umbrella to protect her, had not even a crust to eat; and yet never lost her faith in Providence. It was a lesson, as my mother remarked afterwards, that she should never forget. And virtue had been triumphant, let shallow cynics say what they will. Had we not proved it with our own senses? The villain--I think his Christian name, if one can apply the word "Christian" in connection with such a fiend, was Jasper--had never really loved the heroine. He was incapable of love. My mother had felt this before he had been on the stage five minutes, and my father--in spite of protests from callous people behind who appeared to be utterly indifferent to what was going on under their very noses--had agreed with her. What he was in love with was her fortune--the fortune that had been left to her by her uncle in Australia, but about which n.o.body but the villain knew anything. Had she swerved a hair's breadth from the course of almost supernatural rect.i.tude, had her love for the hero ever weakened, her belief in him--in spite of d.a.m.ning evidence to the contrary--for a moment wavered, then wickedness might have triumphed. How at times, knowing all the facts but helpless to interfere, we trembled, lest deceived by the cruel lies the villain told her; she should yield to importunity. How we thrilled when, in language eloquent though rude, she flung his false love back into his teeth. Yet still we feared. We knew well that it was not the hero who had done the murder. "Poor dear," as Amy would have called him, he was quite incapable of doing anything requiring one-half as much smartness. We knew that it was not he, poor innocent lamb! who had betrayed the lady with the French accent; we had heard her on the subject and had formed a very shrewd conjecture. But appearances, we could not help admitting, were terribly to his disfavour. The circ.u.mstantial evidence against him would have hanged an Archbishop.
Could she in face of it still retain her faith? There were moments when my mother restrained with difficulty her desire to rise and explain.
Between the acts Barbara would whisper to her that she was not to mind, because it was only a play, and that everything would be sure to come right in the end.
"I know, my dear," my mother would answer, laughing, "it is very foolish of me; I forget. Paul, when you see me getting excited, you must remind me."
But of what use was I in such case! I, who only by holding on to the arms of my seat could keep myself from swarming down on to the stage to fling myself between this n.o.ble damsel and her persecutor--this fair-haired, creamy angel in whose presence for the time being I had forgotten even Barbara.
The end came at last. The uncle from Australia was not dead. The villain--bungler as well as knave--had killed the wrong man, somebody of no importance whatever. As a matter of fact, the comic man himself was the uncle from Australia--had been so all along. My mother had had a suspicion of this from the very first. She told us so three times, to make up, I suppose, for not having mentioned it before. How we cheered and laughed, in spite of the tears in our eyes.
By pure accident it happened to be the first night of the piece, and the author, in response to much shouting and whistling, came before the curtain. He was fat and looked commonplace; but I deemed him a genius, and my mother said he had a good face, and waved her handkerchief wildly; while my father shouted "Bravo!" long after everybody else had finished; and people round about muttered "packed house," which I didn't understand at the time, but came to later.
And stranger still, it happened to be before that very same curtain that many years later I myself stepped forth to make my first bow as a playwright. I saw the house but dimly, for on such occasion one's vision is apt to be clouded. All that I saw clearly was in the front row of the second circle--a sweet face laughing though the tears were in her eyes; and she waved to me a handkerchief. And on one side of her stood a gallant gentleman with merry eyes who shouted "Bravo!" and on the other a dreamy-looking lad; but he appeared disappointed, having expected better work from me. And the fourth face I could not see, for it was turned away from me.
Barbara, determined on completeness, insisted upon supper. In those days respectability fed at home; but one resort possible there was, an eating-house with some pretence to gaiety behind St. Clement Danes, and to that she led us. It was a long, narrow room, divided into wooden compartments, after the old coffee-house plan, a gangway down the centre. Now we should call it a dismal hole, and closing the door hasten away. But to Adam, Eve in her Sunday fig-leaves was a stylishly dressed woman; and to my eyes, with its gilded mirrors and its flaring gas, the place seemed a palace.
Barbara ordered oysters, a fish that familiarity with its empty sh.e.l.l had made me curious concerning. Truly no spot on the globe is so rich in oyster sh.e.l.ls as the East End of London. A stranger might be led to the impression (erroneous) that the customary lunch of the East End labourer consists of oysters. How they collect there in such quant.i.ties is a mystery, though Washburn, to whom I once presented the problem, found no difficulty in solving it to his own satisfaction: "To the rich man the oyster; to the poor man the sh.e.l.l; thus are the Creator's gifts divided among all His creatures; none being sent empty away." For drink the others had stout and I had ginger beer. The waiter, who called me "Sir,"
advised against this mixture; but among us all the dominating sentiment by this time was that nothing really mattered very much. Afterwards my father called for a cigar and boldly lighted it, though my mother looked anxious; and fortunately perhaps it would not draw. And then it came out that he himself had once written a play.