The Etiquette of To-day Part 16

The custom of sending out cards for a certain day throughout one month avoids a "crush" on any one day, and enables a hostess to receive informally without giving up a great part of her time.

The informal entertainment is a greater compliment to guests than any formal entertainment, however splendid.

The hostess should preserve the happy medium between neglecting and overattending to her guests.

When a hostess wishes to have her friends meet an expected guest, she should inform them of the intended visit beforehand, and so enable them to make an engagement to meet her, or plan entertainment for her.

Invitations to a reception in honor of a friend can well be, and should be, sent out in advance of her coming, if her stay is to be short, and if the dates of her stay are definitely known.

At a reception for the introduction of a friend, the hostess and the guest of honor will stand near the door of the drawing-room and receive. If the reception is very large, the butler announces the names of the guests as they enter. The hostess gives her hand to the newcomer, and presents her to the guest of honor. After a few words of greeting, the caller pa.s.ses on into the room where the refreshments are served.

The refreshments usually consist of dainty sandwiches, salads, perhaps creamed oysters or chicken, bouillon, chocolate, coffee, or lemonade.

Afternoon teas are less formal and less elaborate than receptions. The refreshments consist of tea, with thin slices of bread and b.u.t.ter, thin biscuits, and cake.

At a dancing party the hostess receives, together with her daughters and any guests whom she honors by asking. The host may receive, as well, but his chief duty is to keep a watchful eye upon his guests, looking out for the chaperons, and seeing that the young people are supplied with partners for the dances.

At a debutante party the mother stands nearest the drawing-room door, the daughter next her, and the father beyond. The mother greets each guest and then introduces the daughter. At the supper or dinner her brother or father takes out the debutante, who sits at her father's left. In case her brother takes her out, her father takes out the oldest or most honored lady present.

The successful host and hostess see to it that all their guests are introduced to each other, if this is possible, so that the best of cordiality and the least restraint may characterize their mingling.

_Breakfasts and Luncheons_

Breakfasts may be homelike, informal affairs, or quite ceremonious.

The hour of this meal is at any time before one o'clock, usually twelve or twelve-thirty. After one o'clock the affair becomes a luncheon.

Men are invited to a breakfast, but usually at a luncheon the guests are all women.

A real breakfast menu, such as is often served on Sunday mornings in the country, consists of fruit, cereal, a chop, or steak, or fishb.a.l.l.s, with potatoes, eggs in some form, m.u.f.fins or hot rolls, and coffee, waffles or hot cakes, or, in New England, doughnuts.

The menu for luncheon consists usually of soup, fruit, lobster in cutlets or croquettes, with mushrooms, or omelet, or fish; broiled chicken, or lamb chops, with green peas and potatoes; a salad, crackers and cheese; ice cream, with coffee, tea, or chocolate.

At a breakfast or luncheon, as at a dinner, every effort should be made to be punctual. The success of such an occasion may be ruined by a tardy guest.

At a luncheon one removes wraps and veils in the dressing-room, retaining one's hat and gloves, the latter being removed at table, and resumed in the drawing-room after the meal, unless cards are the form of entertainment.

As the guests enter the drawing-room the hostess shakes hands with them and introduces them to one another before going to the dining-room. When no men are present the hostess leads the way to the dining-room, and the guests find their places at the table by the name cards. When men are present the procedure to the dining-room follows the custom at a formal dinner.

It is becoming customary to use the daylight as much as possible at all social functions; and, indeed, at no affair, unless it be very late in the afternoon and very ceremonious, is the daylight excluded and the candles and chandeliers lighted.

_The Formal Dinner_

The most enjoyable dinner is that with four or six guests, which is served in a simple and only semiformal way. This enables a hostess to bring together only congenial people, and the group is small enough for the talk to be largely general, and thence especially valuable, as each brings his wittiest stories, his clearest thoughts, and his best self to the appreciative and inspiring circle.

The formal dinner is usually set for seven o'clock, or half after, or eight. The elaborate dinner will take from an hour to two hours, according to the number of courses and the efficiency of the service.

There should be a waiter for every six people, although at a small dinner an efficient maid may serve eight covers without much delay.

The invitations to a formal dinner are sent out two weeks ahead. No more people should be asked than can be comfortably seated and speedily served. Twenty inches at the very least should be allowed to each cover. Children are never present at a ceremonious dinner.

In choosing guests every effort should be made to have them congenial, with no glaring divergence of opinions, which would by any means make any one uncomfortable if the conversation were to become general. In seating the guests, only congenial people should be placed side by side. The intellectual harmony of a dinner is as important as the culinary harmony.

Ladies wear gloves at a formal dinner, and remove them only at table, resuming them when dinner is over and the guests have returned to the drawing-room.

The dining-room must be quietly but well lighted. There should be no glaring lights, but a soft radiance which is so general as to make everything clear. An electric light hanging eighteen inches above the table, or a tall lamp whose light is at about the same height, either of them well shaded, are satisfactory additions to the candlelight.

Sometimes high lights are dispensed with and only candles used.

Candles should always be lighted three minutes before the dinner is announced. For a dinner of not more than eight covers four candles are sufficient light.

Relatives are not seated side by side, as the effort is to have a general mingling of the company. A clever hostess will see that her guests at a small dinner party are all introduced to each other before they enter the dining-room.

The table may be round, oval, or rectangular, but if too narrow it cannot be made to look well.

The tablecloth is always spread for a dinner. A thick pad of felt or double-faced cotton flannel should go under the tablecloth. The damask should be immaculate and of good quality. The tablecloth should hang almost to the floor at the corners.

At each place there is a card on which the guest's name is written.

These place cards often have the monogram of the hostess in the center and are otherwise blank, except for the name written on.

The place cards at a dinner should be laid immediately before the plates of the guests or on the napkins, which are folded squarely, and of sufficient size to be of real usefulness.

In setting the table, the spoons for soup, dessert, and coffee are arranged at the top of the plate; the knives and forks, the latter of several sizes, are placed on either hand, in order of use, and the small plate for bread, olives, etc., is on the right.

In eating, the oyster fork is the first used, and then one takes the next in order. Should one be in doubt, the rule is to glance at the hostess and adopt her method, whatever that may be.

On elegant tables, each cover, or plate, is accompanied by two large silver knives, a small silver knife, and fork for fish, a small fork for oysters on the half-sh.e.l.l, a large tablespoon for soup, and three large forks. The folded napkin is laid in the center, with a piece of bread in it. Fish should be eaten with silver knife and fork.

A half-ladleful of soup is quite enough for each person, unless at a country dinner, where a full ladleful may be given without offense.

Individual salts or salt cellars are now placed at each plate, and it is not improper to take salt with the tip of the knife in lieu of a spoon.

The place plates stand under the oyster or soup plates and under any course when it is desirable to have them. Plates must be warmed or chilled according to the temperature of the food which is to be served in them.

The indispensable courses of a dinner are soup, fish, roast, salad, and dessert. In arranging her menu, however, each hostess will suit herself to her pocketbook and to what she considers good form in the amount and kind of food.

The formal dinner should be served in a very leisurely style.

At the daily family dinner as well as at formal dinners, all the ladies of the house and among the guests should be helped before any of the men are served, even if some distinguished guest is among the latter.

It is not necessary to wait until all are served before beginning to eat at a dinner, but wait until the hostess has commenced to eat.

b.u.t.ter is not served at a formal dinner, and bread is laid in the napkin beside the plate.

There should be no urging of guests to eat. It is a.s.sumed that a guest is not afraid to eat as much as he wants.

When the fruit napkin is brought in, the user takes it from the gla.s.s plate on which it is laid, and either places it at his right hand, or on his knees. The doily beneath the finger bowl is not meant for use, but should be laid on the table beside the finger bowl.

After the dinner has been eaten, and dessert is reached, everything is cleared off but the tablecloth, which is now never removed. A dessert spoon is put before each guest, and a gold or silver spoon, a silver dessert spoon and fork, and often a queer little combination of fork and spoon called an ice spoon. For the after-dinner coffee a very small spoon is used.