Ester Ried Part 28

"That is a very excellent beginning," answered the Doctor, heartily.

"I think we shall have no difficulty in getting the matter all settled Now, for my part, it won't sound as well as yours, because however blunderingly I may have said what I did, I said it honestly, in good faith, and with a good and pure motive. But I am glad to be able to say in equal honesty that I believe I was over-cautious, that Dr.

Dougla.s.s was never so little worthy of regard as I supposed him to be, and that nothing could have more rejoiced my heart than the n.o.ble stand which he has so recently taken. Indeed his conduct has been so n.o.ble that I feel honored by his acquaintance."

He was interrupted by a mischievous laugh.

"A mutual admiration society," said Sadie, in her most mocking tone.

"Did you and Dr. Dougla.s.s have a private rehearsal? You interrupted him in a similar rhapsody over your perfections."

Instead of seeming annoyed, Dr. Van Anden's face glowed with pleasure.

"Did he explain to you our misunderstanding?" he asked, eagerly. "That was very n.o.ble in him."

"Of _course_. He is the soul of n.o.bility--a villain yesterday and a saint to-day. I don't understand such marvelously rapid changes, Doctor."

"I know you don't," the Doctor answered quietly. "Although you have exaggerated both terms, yet there is a great and marvelous change, which must be experienced to be understood. Will you never seek it for yourself, Sadie?"

"I presume I never shall, as I very much doubt the existence of any such phenomenon."

The Doctor appeared neither shocked nor surprised, but favored her with a cool and quiet reply:

"Oh, no, you don't doubt it in the least. Don't try to make yourself out that foolish and unreasonable creature--an unbeliever in what is as clear to a thinking mind as is the sun at noonday. You and I have no need to enter into an argument concerning this matter. You have seen some unwise and inconsistent acts in many who are called by the name of Christian. You imagine that they have staggered your belief in the verity of the thing itself. Yet it is not so. You had a dear father who lived and died in the faith, and you no more doubt the fact that he is in heaven to-day, brought there by the power of the Savior in whom he trusted, than you doubt your own existence at this moment."

Sadie sat silenced and grave; she was very rarely either, perhaps. Dr.

Van Anden was the one person who could have thus subdued her, but in her inmost heart she felt his words to be true; that dear, _dear_ father, whose weary suffering life had been one long evidence to the truth of the religion which he professed--yes, it was so, she no more doubted that he was at this moment in that blessed heaven toward which his hopes had so constantly tended, than she doubted the s.h.i.+ning of that day's sun--so he, being dead, yet spoke to her. Besides, her keen judgment had, of late, settled back upon the belief that Dr. Van Anden lived a life that would bear watching--a true, earnest, manly life; also, that he was a man not likely to be deceived. So, sitting back there in the carriage, and appearing to look at nothing, and be interested in nothing, she allowed herself to take in again the firm conviction that whatever most lives were, there was always that father--safe, _safe_ in the Christian's heaven--and there were besides some few, a very few, she thought; but there were _some_ still living, whom she knew, yes, actually _knew_, were fitting for that same far-away, safe place. No, Sadie had stood upon the brink, was standing there still, indeed; but reason and the long-buried father still kept her from toppling over into the chasm of settled unbelief. "Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their works do follow them."

But something must be said. Sadie was not going to sit there and allow Dr. Van Anden to imagine that she was utterly quieted and conquered; she would rather quarrel with him than have that. He had espoused Dr.

Dougla.s.s' cause so emphatically, let him argue for him now; there was nothing like a good sharp argument to destroy the effect of unpleasant personal questions--so she blazed into sudden indignation:

"I think Dr. Dougla.s.s is a hypocrite!"

Nothing could have been more composed than the tone in which she was answered:

"Very well. What then?"

This question was difficult to answer, and Sadie remaining silent, her companion continued:

"Mr. Smith is a drunkard; therefore I will be a thief. Is that Miss Sadie Ried's logic?"

"I don't see the point."

"Don't you? Wasn't that exclamation concerning Dr. Dougla.s.s a bit of hiding behind the supposed sin of another--a sort of a reason why you were not a Christian, because somebody else pretended to be? Is that sound logic, Sadie? When your next neighbor in cla.s.s peeps in her book, and thereby disgraces herself, and becomes a hypocrite, do you straightway declare that you will study no more? You see it is fas.h.i.+onable, in talking of this matter of religion, to drag out the shortcomings and inconsistencies of others, and try to make of them a garment to covet our own sins; but it is very senseless, after all, and you will observe is never done in the discussion of any other question."

Clearly, Sadie must talk in a common-sense way with this straightforward man, if she talked at all. Her resolution was suddenly taken, to say for once just what she meant; and a very grave and thoughtful pair of eyes were raised to meet the doctor's when next she spoke.

"I think of these things sometimes, doctor, and though a great deal of it seems to be humbug, it is as you say--I know _some_ are sincere, and I know there is a right way. I have been more than half tempted many times during the last few weeks to discover for myself the secret of power, but I am deterred by certain considerations, which you would, doubtless, think very absurd, but which, joined with the inspiration which I receive from the ridiculous inconsistencies of others, have been sufficient to deter me hitherto."

"Would you mind telling me some of the considerations?"

And the moment Sadie began to talk honestly, the doctor's tones lost their half-indifferent coolness, and expressed a kind and thoughtful interest.

"No," she said, hesitatingly. "I don't know that I need, but you will not understand them; for instance, if I were a Christian I should have to give up one of my favorite amus.e.m.e.nts--almost a pa.s.sion, you know, dancing is with me, and I am not ready to yield it."

"Why should you feel obliged to do so if you were a Christian?"

Sadie gave him the benefit of a very searching look. "Don't _you_ think I would be?" she queried, after a moment's silence.

"I haven't said what I thought on that subject, but I feel sure that it is not the question for you to decide at present; first settle the all-important one of your personal acceptation of Christ, and then it will be time to decide the other matter, for or against, as your conscience may dictate."

"Oh, but," said Sadie, positively, "I know very well what my conscience would dictate, and I am not ready for it."

"Isn't dancing an innocent amus.e.m.e.nt?"

"For _me_ yes, but not for a Christian."

"Does the Bible lay down one code of laws for you and another for Christians?"

"I think so--it says, 'Be not conformed to the world.'"

"Granted; but does it anywhere say to those who are of the world, '_You_ have a right to do just what you like; that direction does not apply to you at all, it is all intended for those poor Christians?'"

"Dr. Van Anden," said Sadie with dignity, "don't you think there should be a difference between Christians and those who are not?"

"Undoubtedly I do. Do _you_ think that every person ought or ought _not_ to be a Christian?"

Sadie was silent, and a little indignant. After a moment she spoke again, this time with a touch of hauteur:

"I think you understand what I mean, Doctor, though you would not admit it for the world. I don't suppose I feel very deeply on the subject, else I would not advance so trivial an excuse; but this is honestly my state of mind. Whenever I think about the matter at all, this thing comes up for consideration. I think it would be very foolish for me to argue against dancing, for I don't know much about the arguments, and care less. I know only this much, that there is a very distinctly defined inconsistency between a profession of religion and dancing, visible very generally to the eyes of those who make no profession; the other cla.s.s don't seem so able to see it; but there exists very generally among us worldlings a disposition to laugh a little over dancing Christians. Whether this is a well-founded inconsistency, or only a foolish prejudice on our part, I have never taken the trouble to try to determine, and it would make little material difference which it was--it is enough for me that such is the case; and it makes it very plain to me that if I were an honest professor of that religion which leads one of its teachers to say, 'He will eat no meat while the world stands if it makes his brother to offend,' I should be obliged to give up my dancing. But since I am not one of that cla.s.s, and thus have no such influence, I can see no possible harm in my favorite amus.e.m.e.nt, and am not ready to give it up; and that is what I mean by its being innocent for me, and not innocent for professing Christians."

Dr. Van Anden made no sort of reply, if Sadie could judge from his face; he seemed to have grown weary of the whole subject; he leaned back in his carriage, and let the reins fall loosely and carelessly.

His next proceeding was most astounding; coolly possessing himself of one of the small gloved hands that lay idly in Sadie's lap, he said, in a quiet, matter-of-fact tone: "Sadie, would you allow me to put my arm around you?"

In an instant the indignant blood surged in waves over Sadie's face; the hand was angrily withdrawn, and the graceful form drawn to an erect hight, and it is impossible to describe the freezing tone of astonished indignation in which she e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed, "Dr. Van Anden!"

"Just what I expected," returned that gentleman in a composed manner, bestowing a look of entire satisfaction upon his irate companion. "And yet, Sadie, I hope you will pardon my obtuseness, but I positively can not see why, if it is proper and courteous, and all that sort of thing, I, who am a friend of ten years' standing, should not enjoy the same privilege which you accord to Fred Kenmore, to whom you were introduced last week, and with whom I heard you say you danced five times."

Sadie looked confused and annoyed, but finally she laughed; for she had the good sense to see the folly of doing any thing else under existing circ.u.mstances.

"That is the point which puzzles me at present," continued the Doctor, in a kind, grave tone. "I do not understand how young ladies of refinement can permit, under certain circ.u.mstances, and often from comparative strangers, attentions which, under other circ.u.mstances, they repel with becoming indignation. Won't you consider the apparent inconsistency a little? It is the only suggestion which I wish to offer on the question at present. When you have settled that other important matter, this thing will present itself to your clear-seeing eyes in other and more startling aspects. Meantime, this is the house at which I must call. Will you hold my horses, Miss Sadie, while I dispatch matters within?"

CHAPTER XXVI.

CONFUSION--CROSS-BEARING--CONSEQUENCE.

But the autumn days were not _all_ bright, and glowing, and glorious.