Mr. Punch's Life in London - BestLightNovel.com
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The indiarubber manufacturer has an elastic step.
The rogue shuffles, and The doctor's pace is killing.
SHOPKEEPER'S SCIENCE.--Buyology.
PEOPLE talk about making a clean sweep. Can they make a sweep clean?
BENEATH ONE'S NOTICE.--Advertis.e.m.e.nts on the pavement.
[Ill.u.s.tration: "THE ABSENT-MINDED BEGGAR" (_With apologies to Mr.
Kipling_)]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Talkative Old Lady_ (_drinking a gla.s.s of milk, to enthusiastic teetotaler, who is doing ditto_). "Yes, sir, since they're begun poisoning the beer, we _must_ drink _something_, mustn't we?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Small Boy_ (_who is somewhat cramped for room_). "Are you still there, Billy? I thought you wos lost."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Irate Old Gentleman._ "Here, I say, your beast of a dog has bitten a piece out of my leg!" _Dog's Owner._ "Oh, bother! And I wanted to bring him up a vegetarian!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: "'Ad any breakfus' 's mornin'?" "Not a drop!"]
THE INFANT'S GUIDE TO KNOWLEDGE
CONCERNING CASH
_Question._ What is cash?
_Answer._ Cash may be described as comfort in the concrete.
_Q._ Is it not sometimes called "the root of all evil"?
_A._ Yes, by those who do not possess it.
_Q._ Is it possible to live without cash?
_A._ Certainly--upon credit.
_Q._ Can you tell me what is credit?
_A._ Credit is the motive power which induces persons who have cash, to part with some of it to those who have it not.
_Q._ Can you give me an instance of credit?
_A._ Certainly. A young man who is able to live at the rate of a thousand a-year, with an income not exceeding nothing a month, is a case of credit.
_Q._ Would it be right to describe such a transaction as "much to his credit"?
_A._ It would be more precise to say, "much by his credit"; although the former phrase would be accepted by a large cla.s.s of the community as absolutely accurate.
_Q._ What is bimetallism?
_A._ Bimetallism is a subject that is frequently discussed by amateur financiers, after a good dinner, on the near approach of the coffee.
_Q._ Can you give me your impression of the theory of bimetallism?
_A._ My impression of bimetallism is the advisability of obtaining silver, if you cannot get gold.
_Q._ What is the best way of securing gold?
_A._ The safest way is to borrow it.
_Q._ Can money be obtained in any other way?
_A._ In the olden time it was gathered on Hounslow Heath and other deserted spots, by mounted hors.e.m.e.n wearing masks and carrying pistols.
_Q._ What is the modern way of securing funds, on the same principles, but with smaller risk?
_A._ By promoting companies and other expedients known to the members of the Stock Exchange.
A GOOD FIGURE-HEAD.--An arithmetician's.
[Ill.u.s.tration: AN EMPTY EMBRACE.--"'Ere y'are! Humberella rings, two a penny!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Conductor_ (_on "Elephant and Castle" route_). "Fares, please!"
_Fare._ "Two elephants!"]
