Epistles from Pap: Letters from the man known as 'The Will Rogers of Indiana' Part 3

December 6, 1922 Honorable Emmett E. Branch Lieutenant Governor Martinsville, Indiana

My dear Governor, I have your "epistle to the Corinthians" of recent date concerning committee a.s.signments for the coming session of the Legislature, and desire to thank you for the opportunity of suggesting my preference.

I had read in the Indianapolis paper where the Messrs. C--, H-- and C-- had met with you for the palpable purpose of putting us down-trodden and foot-sore Democrats where we could do a minimum of harm, and so I went over yesterday--the State Committee was scheduled to meet--for the purpose of interviewing those delectable gentlemen to see if I were not scheduled as the ranking Democrat of the Committee on Sky Lights and Ventilation.

The sessions I was a member of the House, I was on the Ways and Means, Railroad and Banking Committees. . . My fitness for the above committees is striking. The expenditure of money always appealed to me, as I have had little of my own to expend, and naturally those of us in that cla.s.s like to see the other fellow's go. As an authority on railroads, I met the 5 o'clock p.m. train at Russellville regularly for years and years; not that I expected guests, but it was the custom of the town, so I have an intimate knowledge of the stopping and starting of trains. I was "connected" with the Russellville Bank from the ages of 8 to about 18 ("Connected" has a variety of meanings.

"Red" Purnell, now in Congress from the 9th District, and I roomed together during a part of our college careers at I.U. I heard much of his "girl" back at Veedersburg, whose father, Red freely confessed, was "connected" with the Cloverleaf Railroad.

Some years later, I learned the good man was Section Boss at that point). My "connection" with Russellville Bank was spent princ.i.p.ally in a janitorial capacity, and the balancing of pa.s.s books.

And so, in the full knowledge there are 33 of you and one of me, but that I have truth and justice on my side, and my trust is in the Lieutenant Governor, I must stay where you place me and be content, except that I do hope the Committee on Swamp Lands is full to overflowing . . .

Very respectfully,

WAXING POETIC OVER FIRST LOVE

November 24, 1925 Ithaca Gun Company Ithica, New York

Gentlemen,

I am sending you by parcel post the barrels of an Ithica hammerless shot gun, No. 29438, I must have bought 30 years ago or more when a very small boy. . .

It was the pride of my younger life. I have slept with it in sheer delight, and for fear it would be stolen. For years not a pin point of rust marred its gloriously s.h.i.+ning barrels; the stock shone as does the throne of Allah from being gone over hundreds of times lovingly and tenderly with silk and wool, oil and polish. Its shooting prowess--it made the fur fly out of unsuspecting rabbits before Bryan built his crown of thorns and cross of gold; it sought the tender spots in ambitious fox squirrels when automobiles were as scarce as we Democrats are now; it has shot at everything from a beer bottle to a chicken- thief, and never failed or refused to respond.

The number of this gun was burned in my memory so unforgettably that today it came to me as doth the lamb the ewe. And while I do not know when the Magna Charta was wrung from King John, yet this numeral remains with me--yesterday, today and to the ages.

But evil days are come. The unrelenting grip of time has forced a fingerhold. Disintegration shows, for the first time, its hydra- head. When it happened, or how, I do not know, but only today, in removing it from its case preparatory to a hunt on the morrow, I found the rib split at the muzzle--and so, I must forego my biennial hunt.

Look it over and fix it up. You will probably have a bill for services. Send it on and if I haven't gone into bankruptcy keeping kool with Coolidge during these most d.a.m.nably hard times, I'll try to splice enough money together to meet your demands. . .

Respectfully,

ADVICE IN A CUSTODY BATTLE

May 19, 1926 Mr. J----, Hot Springs, Arkansas

Dear Sir, I have given the matter of the custody and control of your boy some thought. . . In Indiana the general rule of law is that the father of a minor is ent.i.tled to the custody of his child or children . . . even as against the child's legal guardian--which happens to be the fact in your case. As I understand it, Mr. A-- was appointed guardian of your boy in this court. Your letter pretty positively a.s.serts that you never at any time, either verbally or in writing, released such right.

I find that the courts have pretty generally taken the view that the welfare of the child is the paramount matter. If it can be shown that the father is not a fit or suitable person or not able financially to support such child, then the courts will step in.

As I understand the situation, neither of these affect you adversely. . . To me it seems, under the circ.u.mstances, most deplorable, or rather unfortunate that the A--s have taken such a fancy to the boy, and are unwilling now to give him up. He is a very fine boy, I am told, and will make a fine man. But I cannot see their position, and fail to get their angle.

In the event that you determine to bring a writ of habeas corpus proceeding for your boy, you must make good preparations in advance. You must be prepared to show the court most forcibly that you are a fit person to keep him; that your wife is anxious to have him, that you are amply able to support and school him; that you are not financially cramped, and all that sort of thing.

It will take witnesses, and good ones. . . As a tip I might say that Mr. H-- of this city is somewhere in Hot Springs now, in one of the hotels or sanitariums, I presume. I would say absolutely nothing to him about the trouble over the boy, but I would make a special effort to have him out to the house and let it get to him that your people are good people and financially able, and that you have a good home, and favorable surroundings, etc. Make a friend of him, and later we might use him advantageously. The B-- s go down there in Arkansas somewhere. Keep an eye for the Greencastle people, and if convenient let them all see how you are fixed. You know what I mean.

I sympathize with you in your trouble. If such a condition came to me I would be fighting mad. But we must absolutely refrain from showing any anger. That weakens a man's case.

Respectfully,

NO CHARGE

Greencastle, Indiana March 16, 1927 Honorable E. Harold Van Orman Lieutenant Governor of Indiana Evansville, Indiana

My dear Van: I am just in receipt of a copy of your "epistle". . .

I want to move that the latter part of your fifth paragraph be made more specific--that part pertaining to the extension of the hospitality of your hotel. Does that mean with or without remuneration? And whether or not it means the invitee's family? A favorable construction on your part might lead to the culmination of our going en ma.s.se next Summer on a pilgrimage . . .

Finally, I would advise you that we are safely ensconced at 309 E. Seminary Street, this city, and in your seeking the Primary suffrages of the Putnam County and Greencastle const.i.tuency for Gubernatorial preferences, we would urgently convey the knowledge that our palatial home is in the exact center of the City and a house to house canva.s.s can be most advantageously made, using our manse as a radius--with our compliments (Meaning, in the vernacular, "no charge").

As ever,

THE COSTS OF PUBLIC OFFICE

December 21, 1927 Mr. James D. Wilson New Richmond, Indiana

My dear Mr. Wilson: I am in receipt of your very considerate letter. . .

It is a satisfaction to hear now and then that one has the approval and support of the people who gave him his job-- especially in a legislative way. . . It is so much harder to oppose money spending than it is to support it--so much more difficult to fight the creation of new boards, commissions and bureaus than it is to aid in bringing them into existence. And the crowd or lobby or whatever you call it who are fostering these expenditures always on hand during the Session to make it hot and unpleasant for anyone who opposes them, while the people who have to pay most of the bill are back home so busily engaged fighting clods, weather and pests, in order to get enough money ahead to pay these additional taxes, they haven't time to be loafing around a Legislative Session. . .

As to my being a candidate for re-election again, I doubt it, although I most sincerely appreciate your offer of support. That is what elected me--Republican support. But the truth is, as much as I like Legislative work .. . . if I continue in politics, I ought to try for an office that pays more money. I am in very moderate circ.u.mstances, financially; have a family of six children, five of them girls, and the oldest a girl ready for college next year, and you probably know what that means. Some think I was grandstanding and getting ready to run again, when I sent that $292 back to the State. But it wasn't at all. I sent it back simply because it was absolutely and unqualifiedly un- Const.i.tutional, regardless of what our State Supreme Court says; and for the further reasons that I was elected knowing my salary would be $6 per day, that I had opposed salary increases during the term of office all my legislative career and could see no good excuse for exempting myself from that rule, and for the further reason that our agricultural interests were in such a deplorable condition they couldn't be asked to stand any salary increase--however much I needed, or would have liked to have it myself. And I hear that by reason of my having sent the excess salary back I have incurred the displeasure of a considerable number of my Democratic colleagues, who expect to try to see to it that I am not re-elected Dem. Floor Leader next Session. And so it goes. . .

Most Respectfully,

HIS OPINIONS CARRY WEIGHT

(Excerpt from a letter sent by Indiana State Forester R. F.

Wilc.o.x to Charles Barnaby, of Greencastle, March 11, 1929)

The Senate pa.s.sed our LaFuze Bill which appropriates $100,000 a year to this Department for our nursery program and acquiring land for state forests. This means great things for the future lumber industries of the state, and of course all of the citizens of Indiana. . .

During the discussion, when the boys were getting away off the track, pro and con, Senator Durham demanded the floor and made a statement which carried more weight than all the other arguments put together. He said that Charlie Barnaby had been in the lumber business for 40 years and probably knew more about hardwood trees than anyone else in the country. . . He said you wrote him that this positively was a good bill and they had better take your advice and pa.s.s it. Senator Durham discriminates very closely, I have noticed, in the matter of legislation. . . and I have noticed that the other members of the Senate give his opinions serious consideration. You are to be congratulated on having such a splendid man to represent you.

AS GOOD AS WILL ROGERS

(Excerpt from the Service Club Grenade, newsletter of the Service Club of Indianapolis, Feb. 16, 1929)

We confess our inability to make even a pretense of reporting the talk given the club last Monday by Senator Durham. It was understood that the senator hailed from Greencastle, but this was an error. His home is in Russellville, where according to his own admission, there "ain't a golf ball or a pair of pajamas in the whole d.a.m.n town."

Senator Durham is one of "G.o.d's Chosen Minority," as he himself admits. Invitations to speak before this club and that led him to believe for a while that he was an orator, but he finally came to the conclusion that demands for his public appearance were made because, as a Democrat, he was quite a curiosity.

Give Senator Durham a wad of gum and a rope, and he would be as good as his fellow Democrat, Will Rogers. He entertained the club, had everybody in an uproar, for a full half hour with his tales about the characters in his home town.

Those who stayed away Monday missed one of the most enjoyable meetings we have had in a long time, even if the Lincoln Hotel lost no money on the lunch.

THE HAZARDS OF TRYING A COME-BACK

Greencastle, Indiana July 2, 1930 Mr. Claud E. Fix Shelbyville, Indiana

My dear Mr. Fix: I received your very kind letter of May 30th, relative to a proposed oratorical "come back" on my part before a Shelbyville audience. I say "come back" because I was the alleged speaker of the evening with the Shelbyville Rotary Club in May of this year.