Olla Podrida Part 46

_Cad._ No, no. You have read it twice, Mr Seedy, and you may leave me now. I am ill, very ill, and wish to be alone.

_Seedy_ (_folds up his papers and rises._) I take my leave, Mr Cadaverous, trusting to be long employed as your solicitor.

_Cad._ Afraid not, Mr Seedy. Lawyers have no great interest in heaven.

Your being my solicitor will not help me there.

_Seedy_ (_coming forward as he goes out._) Not a sixpence to his legal adviser! Well, well! I know how to make out a bill for the executors.

[_Exit Seedy, and enter Mrs Jellybags._

_Jel._ (_with her handkerchief to her eyes._) Oh dear! oh dear! oh, Mr Cadaverous, how can you fatigue and annoy yourself with such things as wills?

_Cad._ (_faintly._) Don't cry, Mrs Jellybags. I've not forgotten you.

_Jel._ (_sobbing._) I can't--help--crying. And there's Miss Clementina,--now that you are dying,--who insists upon coming in to see you.

_Cad._ Clementina, my niece, let her come in, Mrs Jellybags; I feel I'm going fast,--I may as well take leave of everybody.

_Jel._ (_sobbing._) Oh dear! oh dear! You may come in, Miss.

_Enter Clementina._

_Clem._ My dear uncle, why have you, for so many days, refused me admittance? Every morning have I asked to be allowed to come and nurse you, and for more than three weeks have received a positive refusal.

_Cad._ Refusal! Why I never had a message from you.

_Clem._ No message! Every day I have sent, and every day did Mrs Jellybags reply that you would not see me.

_Cad._ (_faintly._) Mrs Jellybags,--Mrs Jellybags----

_Clem._ Yes, uncle; it is true as I stand here;--and my brother Thomas has called almost every day, and John every Sunday, the only day he can leave the banking house; and cousins William and James have both been here very often.

_Cad._ n.o.body told me! I thought everyone had forgotten me. Why was I not informed, Mrs Jellybags?

_Jel._ (_in a rage._) Why, you little story-telling creature, coming here to impose upon your good uncle! You know that no one has been here--not a soul;--and as for yourself, you have been too busy looking after a certain gentleman ever to think of your poor uncle;--that you have;--taking advantage of his illness to behave in so indecorous a manner. I would have told him everything, but I was afraid of making him worse.

_Clem._ You are a false, wicked woman!

_Jel._ Little impudent creature,--trying to make mischief between me and my kind master, but it won't do. (_To Clementina aside._) The will is signed, and I'll take care he does not alter it;--so do your worst.

_Cad._ (_faintly._) Give me the mixture, Mrs----

_Clem._ I will, dear uncle. (_Pours out the restorative mixture in a gla.s.s._)

_Jel._ (_going back._) You will, Miss!--indeed! but you shan't.

_Clem._ Be quiet, Mrs Jellybags;--allow me at least to do something for my poor uncle.

_Cad._ Give me the mix----

_Jel._ (_prevents Clementina from giving it, and tries to take it from her._) You shan't, Miss!--You never shall.

_Cad._ Give me the----

[_Mrs Jellybags and Clementina scuffle, at last Clementina throws the contents of the gla.s.s into Mrs Jellybags's face._

_Clem._ There, then!--since you will have it.

_Jel._ (_in a rage._) You little minx!--I'll be revenged for that. Wait a little till the will is read,--that's all!--See if I don't bundle you out of doors,--that I will.

_Clem._ As you please, Mrs Jellybags; but pray, give my poor uncle his restorative mixture.

_Jel._ To please you?--Not I! I'll not give him a drop till I think proper. Little, infamous, good-for-nothing----

_Cad._ Give me----oh!

_Jel._ Saucy--man-seeking----

_Clem._ Oh! as for that, Mrs Jellybags, the big sergeant was here last night--I know that. Talk of men, indeed!

_Jel._ Very well, Miss!--very well! Stop till the breath is out of your uncle's body--and I'll beat you till yours is also.

_Cad._ Give----oh!

_Clem._ My poor uncle! He will have no help till I leave the room--I must go. Infamous Woman! [_Exit._

_Cad._ Oh!

_Jel._ I'm in such a rage!--I could tear her to pieces!--the little!--the gnat! Oh, I'll be revenged! Stop till the will is read, and then I'll turn her out into the streets to starve. Yes! yes! the will!--the will! (_Pauses and pants for breath._) Now, I recollect the old fellow called for his mixture. I must go and get some more. I'll teach her to throw physic in my face.

[_Goes out and returns with a phial--pours out a portion and goes up to Mr Cadaverous._

_Jel._ Here, my dear Mr Cadaverous. Mercy on me!--Mr Cadaverous!--why, he's fainted!--Mr Cadaverous! (_Screams_) Lord help us!--why he's dead!

Well now, this sort of thing does give one a shock, even when one has longed for it. Yes, he's quite dead! (_Coming forward._) So, there's an end of all his troubles--and, thank Heaven! of mine also. Now for Sergeant-Major O'Callaghan, and--love! Now for Miss Clementina, and--revenge! But first the will!--the will! [_Curtain drops._

_Act III._

_Mrs Jellybags._

Oh dear!--this is a very long morning. I feel such suspense--such anxiety; and poor Sergeant-Major O'Callaghan is quite in a perspiration!

He is drinking and smoking down in the kitchen to pa.s.s away the time, and if the lawyer don't come soon, the dear man will be quite fuddled.

He talks of buying a farm in the country. Well, we shall see; but if the Sergeant thinks that he will make ducks and drakes of my money, he is mistaken. I have not been three times a widow for nothing--I will have it all settled upon myself; that must and shall be, or else--no Sergeant O'Callaghan for me!

_Enter Clementina._

So, here you are, Miss. Well, we'll wait till the will is read, and then we shall see who is mistress here.