Olla Podrida Part 48

[_Mrs Jellybags, who has been listening attentively, interrupts Mr Seedy in great agitation._

_Jel._ Will you be pleased to read that part over again?

_Seedy._ Certainly, ma'am. "I leave the whole of my wardrobe, and also my silver watch, with the key and seal hanging to it.

[_Mrs Jellybags screams, and falls back in a swoon on her chair--no one a.s.sists her._

"And having thus provided for all my relations, I do hereby devise the rest of my property to the said Solomon Lazarus and Hezekiah Flint, to have and to hold for the building and endowment of an hospital for diseases of the heart, lights, liver, and spleen, as set off by the provisions in the schedule annexed to my will as part and codicil to it."

_Seedy._ Would the relations like me to read the provisions?

_Omnes._ No! no! no!

(_Mr Seedy is about to fold up the papers._)

_Gum._ I beg your pardon, sir, but is there no other codicil?

_Seedy._ I beg your pardon, Mr Gumarabic, I recollect now there is one relative to you.

_Gum._ (_nods his head._) I thought so.

(_Seedy reads._)

"And whereas I consider that my apothecary, Mr Haustus Gumarabic, hath sent in much unnecessary physic, during my long illness--it is my earnest request that my executors will not fail to tax his bill."

_Gum._ (_rises and comes forward._) Tax my bill!--well that is odd, very odd! I may as well go and look after my patients. [_Exit._

(_James and William come forward._)

_James._ I say, Bill, how are you off for a suit of mourning?

_Will._ Thanky for nothing, Jem. If the old gentleman don't go to heaven until I put it on, he will be in a very bad way. Come along, it's no use staying here.

(_John and Thomas come forward._)

_John._ I say, Tom, how are you off for nineteen pounds nineteen and six? Heh!

_Thos._ Let's toss and see which shall have both legacies. Here goes--heads or tails?

_John._ Woman for ever.

_Thos._ You've won, so there's an end of not only my expectations but realities. Come along, Mrs Jellybags must be anxious to look over her wardrobe.

_John._ Yes, and also the silver watch and the key and seal hanging to it. Good-bye, Jemmy! Ha! ha!

[_Exeunt, laughing._

_Clem._ For shame, John. (_Turns to Edward._) My dear Edward, do not appear so downcast. I acknowledge that I am myself much mortified and disappointed--but we must submit to circ.u.mstances. What did I tell you before this will was read?--that nothing could alter my feelings towards you, did I not?

_Edw._ (_with indifference._) Yes.

_Clem._ Why then annoy yourself, my dear Edward?

_Edw._ The confounded old junks!

_Clem._ Nay, Edward, recollect that he is dead--I can forgive him.

_Edw._ But I won't. Has he not dashed my cup of bliss to the ground?

Heavens! what delightful antic.i.p.ations I had formed of possessing you and competence--all gone!

_Clem._ All gone, dear Edward?

[_Mrs Jellybags, who has been sitting very still, takes her handkerchief from her eyes and listens._

_Edw._ Yes, gone!--gone for ever! Do you imagine, my ever dear Clementina, that I would be so base, so cruel, so regardless of you and your welfare, to entrap you into marriage with only one hundred and fifty pounds? No, no!--judge me better. I sacrifice myself--my happiness--all for you!--banish myself from your dear presence, and retire to pa.s.s the remainder of my existence in misery and regret, maddened with the feeling that some happier mortal will obtain that dear hand, and will rejoice in the possession of those charms which I had too fondly, too credulously, imagined as certain to be mine.

[_Takes out his handkerchief, and covers his face; Clementina also puts her handkerchief to her face and weeps. Mrs Jellybags nods her head ironically._

_Clem._ Edward!

_Edw._ My dear, dear Clementina!

_Clem._ You won't have me?

_Edw._ My honour forbids it. If you knew my feelings--how this poor heart is racked!

_Clem._ Don't leave me, Edward. Did you not say that for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, you would be mine, till death did us part?

_Edw._ Did I?

_Clem._ You know you did, Edward.

_Edw._ It's astonis.h.i.+ng how much nonsense we talk when in love. My dearest Clementina, let us be rational. We are almost without a sixpence. There is an old adage, that when poverty comes in at the door, love flies out of the window. Shall I then make you miserable! No, no!

Hear me, Clementina. I will be generous. I now absolve you from all your vows. You are free. Should the time ever come that prosperity s.h.i.+ne upon me, and I find that I have sufficient for both of us of that dross which I despise, then will I return, and, should my Clementina not have entered into any other engagement, throw my fortune and my person at her feet. Till then, dearest Clementina, farewell!

_Clem._ (_sinking into a chair sobbing._) Cruel Edward! Oh, my heart will break!

_Edw._ I can bear it myself no longer. Farewell! farewell!

[_Exit._

_Jel._ (_coming forward._) Well, this is some comfort. (_To Clementina._) Did not I tell you, Miss, that if you did not change your mind, others might?

_Clem._ Leave me, leave me.

_Jel._ No, I shan't; I have as good a right here as you, at all events.

I shall stay, Miss.