Olla Podrida Part 69

"But you must have been sweet upon her, c.o.c.kle?"

"Nothing more than a little sugar to take the nauseous taste of my long bill out of her mouth. As for the love part of the story, that was all her own. I never contradict a lady, because it's not polite; but since I explained, the old woman has huffed, and wo'n't trust me with half a quartern--will she, Moons.h.i.+ne?"

"No, sar: when I try talk her over, and make promise, she say dat _all moons.h.i.+ne_. But, sar, I try 'gain--I tink I know how." And Moons.h.i.+ne disappeared, leaving us in the dark as to what his plans might be.

"I wonder you never did marry, c.o.c.kle," I observed.

"You would not wonder if you knew all. I must say, that once, and once only, I was very near it. And to whom do you think it was--a woman of colour."

"A black woman?"

"No: not half black, only a quarter--what they call a quadroon in the West Indies. But, thank Heaven! she refused me."

"Refused you! hang it, c.o.c.kle, I never thought that you had been refused by a woman of colour."

"I was, though. You shall hear how it happened. She had been the quadroon wife (you know what that means) of a planter of the name of Guiness; he died, and not only bequeathed her her liberty, but also four good houses in Port Royal, and two dozen slaves. He had been dead about two years, and she was about thirty, when I first knew her. She was very rich, for she had a good income and spent nothing, except in jewels and dress to deck out her own person, which certainly was very handsome, even at that time, for she never had had any family. Well, if I was not quite in love with her, I was with her houses and her money; and I used to sit in her verandah and talk sentimental. One day I made my proposal.

'Ma.s.sa c.o.c.kle,' said she, 'dere two ting I not like; one is, I not like your name. 'Pose I 'cept you offer, you must change you name.'

"'Suppose you accept my offer, Mistris Guiness, you'll change your name. I don't know how I am to change mine,' I replied.

"'I make 'quiry, Ma.s.sa c.o.c.kle, and I find that by act and parliament you get anoder name.'

"'An act of parliament!' I cried.

"'Yes, sar; and I pay five hundred gold Joe 'fore I hear people call me Missy c.o.c.kle--dat _sh.e.l.l_ fish,' said she, and she turned up her nose.

"'Humph!' said I, 'and pray what is the next thing which you wish?'

"'De oder ting, sar, is, you no ab _coat am arms_, no ab seal to your watch, with bird and beast pon 'em; now 'pose you promise me dat you take oder name, and buy um coat am arms; den, sar, I take de matter into 'sideration.'

"'Save yourself the trouble, ma'am,' said I, jumping up; 'my answer is short--I'll see you and your whole generation hanged first!'"

"Well, that was a very odd sort of a wind-up to a proposal; but here comes Moons.h.i.+ne."

The black entered the room, and put a full bottle down on the table.

"Dare it is, sar," said he, grinning.

"Well done, Moons.h.i.+ne, now I forgive you; but how did you manage it?"

"Me tell you all de tory, sar--first I see Missy O'Bottom, and I say, 'How you do, how you find yourself dis marning? Ma.s.sa come, I tink, by-an-bye, but he almost fraid,' I said. She say, 'What he fraid for?'

'He tink you angry--not like see him--no lub him any more: he very sorry, very sick at 'art--he very much in lub wid you.'"

"The devil you did!" roared c.o.c.kle; "now I shall be bothered again with that old woman; I wish she was moored as a buoy to the Royal George."

"Ma.s.sa no hear all yet. I say, 'Miss...o...b..ttom, 'pose you no tell?' 'I tell.'--'Ma.s.sa call for clean s.h.i.+rt dis morning, and I say, it no clean s.h.i.+rt day, sar;' he say, 'Bring me clean s.h.i.+rt;' and den he put him on clean s.h.i.+rt and he put him on clean duck trousers, he make me brush him best blue coat. I say, 'What all dis for, ma.s.sa?' He put him hand up to him head, and he fetch him breath and say--'I fraid Missy O'Bottom, no hear me now--I no ab courage;' and den he sit all dress ready, and no go. Den he say, 'Moons.h.i.+ne, gib me one gla.s.s grog, den I ab courage.' I go fetch bottel, and all grog gone--not one lilly drop left; den ma.s.sa fall down plump in him big chair, and say, 'I nebber can go.' 'But,' say Missy O'Bottom, 'why he no send for some?' ''Cause,' I say, 'quarter-day not come--money all gone.'--Den say she, 'If you poor ma.s.sa so _very_ bad, den I trust you one bottel--you gib my compliments and say, I very appy to see him, and stay at home.'--Den I say, 'Missy O'Bottom pose ma.s.sa not come soon as he take one two gla.s.s grog cut my head off.' Dat all, sar."

"That's all, is it? A pretty sc.r.a.pe you have got me into, you scoundrel!

What's to be done now?"

"Why, let's have a gla.s.s of grog first, c.o.c.kle," replied I, "we've been waiting a long while for it, and we'll then talk the matter over."

"Bob, you're sensible, and the old woman was no fool in sending the liquor--it requires _Dutch_ courage to attack such a Dutch-built old schuyt; let's get the cobwebs out of our throats, and then we must see how we can get out of this sc.r.a.pe. I expect that I shall pay 'dearly for my whistle' this time I wet mine. Now, what's to be done, Bob?"

"I think that you had better leave it to Moons.h.i.+ne," said I.'

"So I will--Now, sir, as you've got me into this sc.r.a.pe, you must get me out of it.--D'ye hear?"

"Yes, Ma.s.sa c.o.c.kle, I tink--but no ab courage."

"I understand you, you sooty fellow--here, drink this, and see if it will brighten up your wits. He's a regular turnpike, that fellow, everything must pay toll."

"Ma.s.sa c.o.c.kle, I tell Missy O'Bottom dat you come soon as you ab two gla.s.s grog; 'pose you only drink one."

"That wo'n't do, Moons.h.i.+ne, for I'm just mixing my second; you must find out something better."

"One gla.s.s grog, ma.s.sa, gib no more dan one tought--dat you ab--"

"Well, then, here's another.--Now recollect, before you drink it, you are to get me out of this sc.r.a.pe; if not, you get into a sc.r.a.pe, for I'll beat you as--as white as snow."

"'Pose you no _wash_ n.i.g.g.e.r white, you no _mangle_ him white, Ma.s.sa c.o.c.kle," added Moons.h.i.+ne.

"The fellow's _ironing_ me, Bob, ar'n't he?" said c.o.c.kle, laughing.

"Now, before you drink, recollect the conditions."

"Drink first, sar, make sure of dat," replied Moons.h.i.+ne, swallowing off the brandy; "tink about it afterwards.--Eh! I ab it," cried Moons.h.i.+ne, who disappeared, and c.o.c.kle and I continued in conversation over our grog, which to sailors is acceptable in any one hour in the twenty-four.

About ten minutes afterwards c.o.c.kle perceived Moons.h.i.+ne in the little front garden. "There's that fellow, Bob; what is he about?"

"Only picking a nosegay, I believe," replied I, looking out of the window.

"The rascal, he must be picking all my chrysanthemums. Stop him, Bob."

But Moons.h.i.+ne vaulted over the low pales, and there was no stopping him.

It was nearly an hour before he returned; and when he came in, we found that he was dressed out in his best, looking quite a dandy, and with some of his master's finest flowers, in a large nosegay, sticking in his waistcoat.

"All right, sar, all right; dat last gla.s.s grog gib me fine idee; you nebber ab more trouble bout Missy O'Bottom."

"Well, let's hear," said c.o.c.kle.

"I dress mysel bery 'pruce, as you see, ma.s.sa. I take nosegay----"

"Yes, I see that, and be hanged to you."

"Nebber mind, Ma.s.sa c.o.c.kle. I say to Missy O'Bottom, 'Ma.s.sa no able come, he very sorry, so he send me;' 'Well,' she say, 'what you ab to say, sit down, Moons.h.i.+ne, you very nice man.' Den I say, 'Ma.s.sa c.o.c.kle lub you very much, he tink all day how he make you appy; den he say, Missy O'Bottom very fine 'oman, make very fine wife.' Den Missy O'Bottom say, 'Top a moment,' and she bring a bottel from cupboard, and me drink something did make 'tomach feel really warm; and den she say, 'Moons.h.i.+ne, what you ma.s.sa say?' den I say, ma.s.sa say, 'You fine 'oman, make good wife;' but he shake um head, and say, 'I very old man, no good for noting; I tink all day how I make her appy, and I find out--Moons.h.i.+ne, you young man, you 'andsome feller, you good servant, I not like you go away, but I tink you make Missy O'Bottom very fine 'usband; so I not care for myself, you go to Missy O'Bottom, and tell I send you, dat I part wid you, and give you to her for 'usband.'"

c.o.c.kle and I burst out laughing, "Well, and what did Mrs Rowbottom say to that?"

"She jump up, and try to catch me hair, but I bob my head, and she miss; den she say, 'You filthy black rascal, you tell you ma.s.sa, 'pose he ever come here, I break his white bald pate; and 'pose you ever come here, I smash you woolly black skull.'--Dat all, Ma.s.sa c.o.c.kle; you see all right now, and I quite dry wid talking."