Tales of the Caliph Part 15

Saluting Haroun very solemnly, the sham Grand Vizier said, "Sir, I beg that you will give yourself no concern respecting the language or demeanour of your friend Yussuf. I dare say he is a good plain man, however unused to the company of high personages, and in any case I am able to make allowances for any whiff of pa.s.sing ill-humour or jealousy."

During this conversation between Haroun and Abraha, Giafer and Sidi ibn Thalabi had fallen a little way behind and were walking and talking together. A little way behind these came the two slaves whom Mesrur had brought to the slave merchants with him to carry the gold pieces.

When the party arrived at the bank of the Tigris, Haroun, stepping aside, beckoned the slaves to him and despatched them to the palace with a note addressed to the Grand Chamberlain.

In this note he informed that functionary that he should not return to the palace for some hours, and commanded him to send the two slaves at once, under guard and without allowing them to speak to any one, to a town fifty days' journey from Bagdad, he having no mind to entrust the secret of his last night's adventure to the indiscreet tongues of the slaves who had partic.i.p.ated in it. Having thus got rid of the slaves, Haroun and Giafer accompanied their new acquaintances, Abraha and Sidi ibn Thalabi, on board the s.h.i.+p or pleasure barge belonging to the latter.

After they had been seated for some time, and had appeased their hunger by partaking of a very substantial breakfast, Haroun said to Sidi ibn Thalabi--

"I must now remind you of your promise to tell me something of your recent experience."

Upon which Sidi ibn Thalabi spoke as follows:

THE NARRATIVE OF SIDI IBN THALABI.

"I must first tell you, friend Hamad," he began, for Haroun and Giafer were known to him only by their a.s.sumed names of Hamad and Yussuf--"I must first tell you how it came about that I was induced to personate our sovereign lord, Haroun Alraschid, whom may Allah preserve, and from whose ears may the story of my presumption be hidden for ever."

"I should say," said Haroun, "that he is never likely to hear of it, unless you communicate it to him yourself."

"In that case I should be safe enough," said Sidi ibn Thalabi.

"However, to resume, what put the idea into my head in the first instance was this. I was one day coming down to the river to spend the day on board my boat, when I called at the shop or stall of a fruit merchant in the bazaar to buy some fruit. I sat down in his shop while I selected what I required and bargained as to the price. I was surprised, in the first place, to find that instead of asking five or six times the value of the fruit and abating his demand by degrees, as is commonly the custom, the merchant, who treated me with extreme deference, begged me to choose whatever fruit I pleased and pay him for it as much as I might consider it to be worth."

"'What,' said I, 'do you leave the price to be fixed by me? Suppose I give you but half the value of it?'

"'Sir,' answered the man, 'Allah forbid that your slave should venture to put aside the veil in which you choose at this moment to envelop yourself. Nevertheless, I am very sensible of the honour you have done me in entering my shop and conversing familiarly with me, and truly the shop and all it contains are altogether at your service.'

"'For whom do you take me, or mistake me,' said I, 'that you treat me to so many compliments and good offers?'

"'Sir,' he replied, 'I have seen his Majesty the Caliph, whom may Allah protect, ride by so often, both when he is going to and returning from the Mosque, that it would be very strange if I could fail to recognize his features, no matter what disguise he may choose to a.s.sume.

However, I will say no more, a merchant and no more than a merchant you are if you will it so. To what place does it please you that I should send you the fruit?'

"I denied again that I was the Commander of the Faithful, no matter how much my features might resemble his; but perceiving that the man retained his own opinion of my ident.i.ty and received my disclaimers only out of politeness, I thought it not worth while to argue the question with him further, but desired him to send the fruit to me, Sidi ibn Thalabi, on board this boat. At the same time, I must confess that I so far yielded to the weakness of being flattered by being taken for the Caliph in disguise that I gave the fruit merchant two dinars for fruit which was not worth one quarter of that sum.

"On receiving the money, which he did with much humbleness and many profound salutations, the merchant said--

"'Sidi ibn Thalabi, as so you desire to be called, I give you many thanks for your liberality, and I pray you not to be offended with me if I seize the present opportunity to beg a favour of you.'

"'If,' said I, 'it is in my power to do what you wish, I a.s.sure you that, far from taking offence, I shall oblige you gladly.'

"'Your kind words,' said the merchant, 'fill me with joy, because my request is entirely within your power to grant. I have an only son, let him come to you and employ him in any office for which you may judge him to be fit.'

"'On condition,' I answered, 'that you bear in mind that I am simply Sidi ibn Thalabi and no one else, I am ready to see and employ your son if you so desire.'

"The fruit merchant vowed that no word of either himself or his son should betray the belief that I was any other than what I represented myself, namely, Sidi ibn Thalabi, a retired merchant taking his ease in his boat upon the Tigris. On this understanding the young man came to me, and finding him to be a very agreeable and well-educated young fellow, I have employed him in the office of my secretary.

"Being possessed of property at Bussora and other towns, I am often absent from Bagdad, and only occasionally take my pleasure here on my boat just as the humour seizes me. Whether misled by these absences, or whether accepting his father's opinion without question, I know not, but I soon discovered that, not only did my new secretary believe me to be the Caliph, but that he had spread this rumour of me among a great number of the river-side population. Perhaps he discovered that he himself was in consequence held in greater esteem, Allah alone knows--at any rate he hesitated not to spread the false report concerning me.

"It thus came to pa.s.s that, not only was I often received in any company in which I chanced to find myself with an amount of respect and deference to which I was really by no means ent.i.tled, but people who were strangers to me asked me to social gatherings and feasts under the mistaken notion that they were thereby securing themselves personal intercourse with the dreaded and ill.u.s.trious Haroun Alraschid himself.

"As often as possible I refused these invitations, but could not avoid now and then coming into a mixed society, where I soon perceived that my fame had preceded me. On those occasions, should any dispute arise, it was not uncommon for my authority to be confidently appealed to, and my verdict to be implicitly accepted. This very naturally brought me more than once into a position of considerable difficulty. For, on the one hand, no disclaimer on my part would avail to convince those who appealed to me that I was not really the Caliph; and, on the other hand, I well knew myself to be quite powerless either to enforce my decision or to punish those who were clearly guilty, and both deserving and expecting to be sentenced.

"An incident that occurred only two days since will ill.u.s.trate what I have been saying. I was on my way to the river accompanied by Abraha only, when pa.s.sing through a street in the lower part of the town we came upon a crowd of people shouting and gesticulating and making a great hubbub. In the centre of the crowd there was one man who was dragging another along violently and crying out constantly, 'Come before the Cadi, you villain! come before the Cadi, you villain!' All the others, as is usual in such cases, were crying out some one thing, some another.

"When the crowd perceived us the hubbub was redoubled, and all we could gather from the confused noise was that they were appealing to me to arbitrate between them. I made a sign, therefore, that they should be silent, and there being at a short distance from the spot where we met the crowd a small open s.p.a.ce with a fountain in the middle of it, I led the way thither, and seating myself on the steps of the fountain, the two men stood before me, and the crowd gathered round to hear what was said and witness what would take place, the people never doubting but that when I should have examined the case I should p.r.o.nounce judgment on the offender.

"When I asked the man who had hold of the other, and who was evidently the complainant, to state what was the matter, he exclaimed very vehemently--

"'This man, this rascally barber, whom your Greatness sees here before you, has murdered my brother. He a barber! He is a plunderer! he is an a.s.sa.s.sin! Do justice upon him, therefore, and condemn the ignorant wretch to the punishment he so richly deserves.'

"'Not so fast, not so fast,' said I; 'tell me more calmly, and with particulars, in what way has this barber murdered your brother?'

"'Your Greatness,' said the man, 'it was in this wise. My brother had been working in the heat of the sun, and the sun had doubtless inflamed his blood so that he became stupefied and unconscious. I went, therefore, for a barber that he should come and bleed my brother, and restore his senses to him. Now as ill-luck would have it the first barber I lighted upon was this pestilent fellow. When I found him he was engaged in shaving a customer, and because that customer was a good one he would not leave him to attend to my brother, but first finished his shaving and then came with me. Having first delayed so long, when at last he was come he bled my brother not once but three times, and two hours afterwards my brother died. I say, therefore, truly that he has killed my brother, and deserves to be termed butcher rather than barber.'

"Having listened to this complaint, I said, addressing the barber, 'You hear what this man alleges; let me hear, therefore, what reply you can make and how you will defend yourself from the charge which has been brought against you.'

"The barber, who like most of his cla.s.s did not lack a.s.surance and had words at command, was not slow to answer.

"'Sir,' said he, 'the accusation which this man brings against me, and his a.s.sertion that I am ignorant and do not understand the duties of my office, are both of them groundless and absurd. I have not been a barber for fifteen years without knowing very well how to let blood as well as how to shave; and if this man's brother is dead, it is in spite of what I did for him, and not in consequence of it. As to what is alleged of my delay, I deny it altogether. I did but give three or four strokes of my razor, which was all that was needed to finish the operation of shaving in which I was engaged when this man called for me, and it is only his furious impatience that has magnified a few seconds into a serious delay. As to the bleeding, I did indeed take from him six ounces of blood; in one cup I received two ounces, in a second cup two ounces, and in a third cup two ounces. But that quant.i.ty was by no means too much. Moreover, that which was received into the first cup coagulated in twelve minutes, that which was received into the second cup in twenty-two minutes, while that which was in the third cup was not completely coagulated in thirty-five minutes; now what does that prove?'

"'It proves,' said the other, 'that you are, as I have told you already, a bungler and murderer, for is not my brother dead of your bleeding, and you deserve to lose your head?'

"'Sir,' said the barber to me, 'this man simply raves, as you will have observed. Every baker and tailor knows more in his own conceit of bleeding than a barber of fifteen years' experience like myself. They are able to pa.s.s judgment as to the question of too much or too little without hesitation and with the utmost exactness. It is a story as old as King Ad--the more ignorant they are the more sure they be.

Presently they will discover that men should never be let blood at all, forgetting that we bleed our horses also,[2] and find it does them good. And, for myself, I know after fifteen years' experience how much to take both from the healthy and from the sick.'

"'Accursed barber,' interrupted the other, fiercely, 'I believe verily that thou canst neither bleed without killing nor shave without cutting.'

'"As for my bleeding,' retorted the barber, in a rage, 'I have bled many score without accident or ill-result, excepting only your brother, who was a drunkard and as good as dead before ever I saw him; while as for my being able to shave without cutting, I will have you to know that there lives no creature on this earth, from an ape to the ill.u.s.trious Caliph himself, whom may Allah preserve and exalt, that I will not shave without giving him so much as a scratch.'

"'That,' said I, willing to end the dispute between the two men, 'is a very bold challenge on the part of the barber. The Caliph indeed can be scarcely got to submit himself to the test, but we will get an ape, and if this honest man shaves him, as he says he can, without inflicting a scratch, I will adjudge him to be a very proficient barber and an adept in each branch of his trade, both bleeding and shaving.'

"The people, who are easily led and amused, received my decision with delight. They cried out, 'An ape! an ape!' All were desirous to see how the creature would submit himself to the operation of being shaved.

Even the man who had lost his brother could not altogether refrain from a grin of satisfaction at the thought of the troublesome task the barber had before him."

Haroun Alraschid smiled and stroked his beard, saying, "Sidi ibn Thalabi, that was a happy inspiration, and extricated you cleverly from what threatened to become for you a rather embarra.s.sing position."

Sidi ibn Thalabi acknowledged this compliment to his sagacity by a low bow, and continued--

"For the people to find an ape on which the barber could exhibit his skill was no easy matter, none knew where such an animal could be procured. However, I was able myself to get them out of this difficulty very speedily. A merchant of my acquaintance had I knew many strange birds and beasts which had been brought to him at sundry times by the various s.h.i.+ps and caravans which conveyed his merchandize.

To him I applied, stating what I required, and was able to purchase a little ape who appeared very suitable for our purpose.

"This little animal was really very young, as its constant and restless activity sufficiently proved, but it had the appearance of a small aged African, with deeply wrinkled forehead and cheeks and a spa.r.s.e beard of short white hairs. When this creature was placed in the hands of the barber, its behaviour gave promise of affording us all the entertainment we could desire.

"It was the duty of the barber to perform the various functions of his office in the customary manner. He had first to wash the head and face, and then to proceed to shave just as in the case of any one else.

For this purpose the barber produced a metal basin, which he filled with water from the fountain; and the ape having been accommodated with a seat on a low bench in the middle of the open s.p.a.ce round which the people were a.s.sembled, the barber set down the basin beside him. For a few moments the little creature sat regarding the basin with an expression of great gravity and wisdom, but just as the barber, having dipped a piece of cloth in the water, was wringing it out preparatory to commencing the operation of was.h.i.+ng, the ape suddenly seized upon the basin with both hands and turned it upside down, apparently with childish curiosity to examine the other side.

"The effect of this movement was to pour all the contents of the basin over the ape's own legs, which disconcerted him very much, and the barber stooping down to pick up the basin which the ape had dropped, the little creature nimbly sprang upon his shoulders, and with its wet legs round the barber's neck he employed himself in taking off the man's turban, which he first placed on his own head and then immediately afterwards s.n.a.t.c.hing it off again he threw it on the ground.

"At these antics the crowd of course laughed loudly, but the barber, who was a man of much good temper and self-control, simply took the ape off his shoulders, and having seated him again as at first, he proceeded to pick up and replace his turban, and refill the basin.