The Ghost Breaker: A Melodramatic Farce in Four Acts Part 14

DUKE. Very well, I will release you from your end of the bargain.

JARVIS. Your Excellency, I am overwhelmed, but the price is paid and we're on the job, aren't we, Rusty?

RUSTY. Yas, sir, we most certainly is!

DUKE. I suppose that means that you will keep faith with Her Highness?

JARVIS. Yes.

DUKE. I never saw a man quite so anxious to be killed; but there it is: Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

JARVIS. I'd rather be an energetic fool than an angel with cold feet.

DUKE. I am sorry for you.

JARVIS. (_Crossing to_ DUKE) Your Excellency, I decline your offer and your advice and your sympathy, and I'll tell you why. I once saw a gambler lay down four aces. Just think of it: four fat aces. He looked the dealer straight in the eye and said: "The play ain't natural." Now, you tried to have me arrested on the steamer, you have tried to block me in every move I have made. Now, all of a sudden you express the utmost anxiety as to what's going to happen to me in the castle. You even offer to buy me off. You advise me to stay out. Shall I take your advice? No.

"The play ain't natural."

DUKE. You have intruded into a matter which you neither understand nor appreciate. If, as you say, the play seems unnatural, throw the cards and stay out of the game.

JARVIS. No, I'll stay right in the game, but I am going to watch the dealer. Well, come along, Rusty. (_Cross to_ RUSTY.) Let's see if we can find the landlord. (_Picking up bags._)

RUSTY. I'd like to find a piece of chicken.

JARVIS. Chicken, Rusty? What put that in your head?

RUSTY. I's powerful hungry, Ma.r.s.e Warren.

JARVIS. What--again?

RUSTY. No, sir--it's the same old hunger.

JARVIS. Well, Rusty, you are not going to get anything to eat until we finish the job.

RUSTY. Good Lord, have I got to wait till you're dead before I eat?

(_They start with bags to cross to stairway. Enter_ PRINCESS _on stairs_.)

DUKE. Well, all Segura will be buzzing with your ghost hunt tonight. The whole town will sit up to hear of the outcome.

JARVIS. And where are you going to get the returns, Duke?

DUKE. Unfortunately, I must leave at once. I have an urgent summons to Madrid.

JARVIS. Well, that's too bad. I'm sorry you're leaving us. Won't you even be around at the finish, your Excellency?

DUKE. I am sorry, Mr. Warren, but I must go.

JARVIS. Well, I call that a shame.

PRINCESS. (_Coming downstairs--to_ PEDRO _entering_ R.) Pedro, this is Mr. Warren. Attend to his wants.

PEDRO. (_Bowing_) Yes, your Highness! (PRINCESS _crosses_ L.C. PEDRO _goes upstairs_.) This way. (JARVIS _and_ RUSTY _following_ PEDRO _upstairs_.)

JARVIS. Your Highness, I'd like a couple of good horses and two good lanterns.

PRINCESS. Pedro.

PEDRO. Yes, your Highness. (PEDRO _exits_.)

DUKE. Lanterns? Looking for an honest man, Mr. Warren? (C. _Lays hat on table_ C.)

JARVIS. (_Over banister_) Not in this neck of the woods, your Excellency. (_Exit_ JARVIS _and_ RUSTY.)

PRINCESS. Carlos, what news of my brother have you heard?

DUKE. (L.C.) Nothing, Maria.

PRINCESS. And yet you are leaving for Madrid.

DUKE. The message is from His Majesty.

PRINCESS. But why must you go so soon?

DUKE. You know my ride is a long one.

PRINCESS. But, Carlos, my brother may be dying, dead--and yet you have not the time and the courage to help me find him.

DUKE. What need of me? You have your Ghost Breaker.

PRINCESS. So, Carlos, that is your excuse?

DUKE. I make no excuse, Maria. I need none. That Yankee adventurer stands between you and me. Send him away, and I will do anything you ask. I'll put off my journey now to the King. I'll send one of my men into the castle to find your brother.

PRINCESS. Yes, you will send one of your men--but you are not brave enough to go there yourself. Yet you ask me to send away this man who of all is willing to sacrifice even his life for me.

DUKE. If he stays, I'll go.

PRINCESS. Very well, then you force me to choose. I do. I choose a man.

DUKE. You love him?

PRINCESS. Perhaps. (R. _Turns away_.)

DUKE. Well, Maria, you are sending him to his death. (_Enter_ JARVIS _on stairs_.) Success to you, Mr. Ghost Breaker, when you beard the spectre in his den. (_Takes hat and coat from table._)

JARVIS. (_Coming downstairs_) Thank you, your Excellency. (_With mock dignity_) I'll do my best. (_Changes expression._) To put salt on the spectre's tail.

DUKE. Good-bye! (_Exit_ L.C.)