The Ghost Breaker: A Melodramatic Farce in Four Acts Part 5

DETECTIVE. Huh! Excuse me, Madame, but the police are making an investigation and they would like to take in this room. Do you mind?

PRINCESS. No.

DETECTIVE. What time does your boat sail?

PRINCESS. We are sailing at nine o'clock.

DETECTIVE. Does this trunk go on board?

PRINCESS. (_Relieved_) Yes, I want it to go on a special wagon.

DETECTIVE. All right, Porter. Go ahead. (_Exit_ PORTER _with trunk. To the Police who are supposed to be off_ R.) Come in.

CURTAIN

ACT II

SCENE: _An elegantly furnished stateroom on the S.S. Aquitania._

AT RISE _is empty, shuffling and murmuring of crowd on deck. "All visitors ash.o.r.e!" heard in distance._

_Door_ L., _leading to promenade deck outside; door_ R. _leading to another room; windows or portholes in rear looking out; closet down_ R.

_Lights full up, amber and white._

_Trunk that was carried off stage in first act discovered stage_ C., _wrong side up. Markings that were put on it first act are now upside down. Trunk on end. When curtain rises up trunk begins to rock back and forth as though something inside was trying to turn it over. When probable laugh has died away, door_ L. _opens. Stateroom_ STEWARD _is showing_ PRINCESS _and_ NITA _in_.

STEWARD. (_Opening door_ L. _and standing aside to allow_ PRINCESS _and_ NITA _to enter._ PRINCESS _enters first and trunk upside down immediately catches her eye. When_ PRINCESS _well in room, enter_ NITA, _who stumbles over raised sill. Solicitously_) Oh, I'm sorry! Did you hurt yourself? (STEWARD _lays bags and satchels on seat, back to audience._) Rather inconvenient, those doors, till you get used to them, but necessary to keep out the water in rough weather.

PRINCESS. (L., _paying very little attention to_ STEWARD, _only anxious to get rid of him and_ NITA _so she may turn trunk over._) You don't antic.i.p.ate a bad pa.s.sage, Steward?

STEWARD. (R., _fussing about_) Rather uncertain at this season, but your location is good, Madam, and you'll find she's as steady as a church.

PRINCESS. (_Looking around as_ STEWARD _arranges things fussily_) This is very pleasant. (NITA _arranges bags and grips on window seat._)

STEWARD. Quite the best suite on board, Madam. Here is the clothes press, and the other rooms are off there. (_Opening door_ L. _and closing it again._) If you want anything--(_Points_ L.)--there is the telephone. (_Notices trunk in middle of room for first time. Takes hold._) I'll place your trunk---- (_Starts to move trunk and drags it to side._)

PRINCESS. (_Quickly stopping him_) Never mind now, Steward. You can place it later. (STEWARD _releases trunk, but does not set it down._) You might turn it right side up.

STEWARD. (_Noticing labels_) Oh, I'm sorry! (_Turns trunk._ PRINCESS _sighs._) I hope the contents are not upset, madam.

PRINCESS. I hope not.

STEWARD. Anything more, Madam?

PRINCESS. (_Anxious to get him out of room_) Not now, thank you, Steward. How soon do we sail?

STEWARD. Very soon now. (_Voices off calling, "All ash.o.r.e!" four times; voice approaches and dies away._) They're already calling "All ash.o.r.e,"

Madam. (_Exit and closes door._)

Nita. (L.C.) Your Highness has the key to this trunk?

PRINCESS. (C.) Yes--yes--you may--leave this trunk as it is, Nita, till later. (_Crosses to_ R.) Go to your room and get settled; then unpack the other trunks. I'll call you when I want you.

NITA. (_Going toward door_ R.) Yes, your Highness. (_When_ R., _near door, stops suddenly and timidly says_) Will your Highness pardon me if I am mistaken in thinking I recognize the DUKE, your exalted cousin, among the pa.s.sengers?

PRINCESS. (_Without showing_ NITA _that she is startled, but audience sees it_) My cousin, impossible. He is at Madrid.

NITA. (_In excellent servant style, yet knowing she is right_) Yes, your Highness. (NITA _bows and exits_ R., _closing door._)

PRINCESS. (_Quickly fumbles with keys--selects right one, inserts in lock, unlocks and opens lid. Just as lid up_) Are you all right, Mr.

Jarvis? (_Knock at door as_ PRINCESS _starts to raise lid._) Wait---- (_Shuts down lid again. Knock repeated._ PRINCESS _crosses and opens door_ L., _disclosing_ DUKE. _Exclaims in dismay_) Carlos----

DUKE. (_Raising hat--standing in open door_) Fair cousin--if I but knew you were as pleased as surprised at seeing me. (_During speech he has entered; takes_ PRINCESS' _hand and carries it to lips and kisses it._)

PRINCESS. Why did you leave Spain?

DUKE. (_Shuts door_) First say you are glad to see me.

PRINCESS. Why are you here?

DUKE. (R.C.) Are you not glad to see me?

PRINCESS. (L.C.) Why, of course, Carlos, I--I'm always glad to see you.

But why have you come to America?

DUKE. Who could bring me to America but you?

PRINCESS. How did you find me?

DUKE. It wasn't easy. Spain had no attraction for me after you left, and I followed. Is not that true devotion? (_Two long whistles._ PRINCESS _gets up confusedly as though she would not listen and goes to window back._)

PRINCESS. (_Up to window_ C.) Oh, come! We are starting! Let's go out on deck--I want one last look at America.

DUKE. Thank you, cousin, I can do very well without it.

PRINCESS. Oh, Carlos, don't be absurd! Please. (_Whistle._) We'll be gone in ten minutes. (_She goes toward door._ CARLOS _gets up and opens it for her. Not wanting to_, PRINCESS _exits, followed by_ CARLOS, _who closes door after him. Trunk lid raised slowly after_ PRINCESS _and_ DUKE _exit_. JARVIS' _head appears and looks about. Throws back lid and stands up. Gets cigarette and matches out of pocket, lights and smokes.

Expresses satisfaction. Lifts one leg to step out of trunk; gets st.i.tch in back at movement._)

JARVIS. Oh--oh--Lord! (_Carries this business at far as legitimate. With every movement getting out of trunk finds new pain._) If I only had that last baggage man by the neck! Oh--a--oh, Lord! (_Crosses left and drinks water._) Well, I'm all here, most all. (_Feels elbow that is evidently skinned. Shoes are bent up from being doubled up in trunk. Sees them._) My feet are bent. (_Goes to stoop down to get them--gets st.i.tch in back.

Drinks._) Oh--oh--o! (_Hobbles over to looking gla.s.s, then to telephone_ R.) h.e.l.lo--h.e.l.lo--give me Mr. Jarvis' stateroom. Please--Jarvis--Warren Jarvis. No. I don't know the number. All right. (_Pause._) h.e.l.lo--Rusty?

Come on up here quick and bring me an overcoat, cap and scarf. What's that? Hold on, I'll see. (_Pause, then opens door_ L. _and looks at number on outside; shuts door; back to telephone_) Stateroom A--promenade deck--and bring up that big bundle--quick, now! (_Hangs up--crosses and looks out window._) Well, good-bye, America. I don't know when I'll see your sh.o.r.es again. (_Shuts trunk and sits on it._) If Rusty gets here before that Exalted Cousin returns, I'll be all right.

Hm--ouch!--I wonder what the game is? (_Knock at door._) Go away--we're all very ill. (JARVIS, _uncertain who it is, starts to hide. Door opens very cautiously. Enter_ RUSTY _carrying bundle of trays taken in first act_.)

RUSTY. (_Looking over shoulder_) I knows where I'm goin', all right.