The Bab Ballads Part 14

KING BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO Was a man-eating African swell; His sigh was a hullaballoo, His whisper a horrible yell-- A horrible, horrible yell!

Four subjects, and all of them male, To BORRIA doubled the knee, They were once on a far larger scale, But he'd eaten the balance, you see ("Scale" and "balance" is punning, you see).

There was haughty PISH-TUSH-POOH-BAH, There was lumbering DOODLE-DUM-DEY, Despairing ALACK-A-DEY-AH, And good little TOOTLE-TUM-TEH-- Exemplary TOOTLE-TUM-TEH.

One day there was grief in the crew, For they hadn't a morsel of meat, And BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO Was dying for something to eat-- "Come, provide me with something to eat!

"ALACK-A-DEY, famished I feel; Oh, good little TOOTLE-TUM-TEH, Where on earth shall I look for a meal?

For I haven't no dinner to-day!-- Not a morsel of dinner to-day!

"Dear TOOTLE-TUM, what shall we do?

Come, get us a meal, or, in truth, If you don't, we shall have to eat you, Oh, adorable friend of our youth!

Thou beloved little friend of our youth!"

And he answered, "Oh, BUNGALEE BOO, For a moment I hope you will wait,-- TIPPY-WIPPITY TOL-THE-ROL-LOO Is the Queen of a neighbouring state-- A remarkably neighbouring state.

"TIPPY-WIPPITY TOL-THE-ROL-LOO, She would pickle deliciously cold-- And her four pretty Amazons, too, Are enticing, and not very old-- Twenty-seven is not very old.

"There is neat little t.i.tTY-FOL-LEH, There is rollicking TRAL-THE-RAL-LAH, There is jocular WAGGETY-WEH, There is musical DOH-REH-MI-FAH-- There's the nightingale DOH-REH-MI-FAH!"

So the forces of BUNGALEE BOO Marched forth in a terrible row, And the ladies who fought for QUEEN LOO Prepared to encounter the foe-- This dreadful, insatiate foe!

But they sharpened no weapons at all, And they poisoned no arrows--not they!

They made ready to conquer or fall In a totally different way-- An entirely different way.

With a crimson and pearly-white dye They endeavoured to make themselves fair, With black they encircled each eye, And with yellow they painted their hair (It was wool, but they thought it was hair).

And the forces they met in the field:- And the men of KING BORRIA said, "Amazonians, immediately yield!"

And their arrows they drew to the head-- Yes, drew them right up to the head.

But jocular WAGGETY-WEH Ogled DOODLE-DUM-DEY (which was wrong), And neat little t.i.tTY-FOL-LEH Said, "TOOTLE-TUM, you go along!

You naughty old dear, go along!"

And rollicking TRAL-THE-RAL-LAH Tapped ALACK-A-DEY-AH with her fan; And musical DOH-REH-MI-FAH Said, "PISH, go away, you bad man!

Go away, you delightful young man!"

And the Amazons simpered and sighed, And they ogled, and giggled, and flushed, And they opened their pretty eyes wide, And they chuckled, and flirted, and blushed (At least, if they could, they'd have blushed).

But haughty PISH-TUSH-POOH-BAH Said, "ALACK-A-DEY, what does this mean?"

And despairing ALACK-A-DEY-AH Said, "They think us uncommonly green!

Ha! ha! most uncommonly green!"

Even blundering DOODLE-DUM-DEY Was insensible quite to their leers, And said good little TOOTLE-TUM-TEH, "It's your blood we desire, pretty dears-- We have come for our dinners, my dears!"

And the Queen of the Amazons fell To BORRIA BUNGALEE BOO,-- In a mouthful he gulped, with a yell, TIPPY-WIPPITY TOL-THE-ROL-LOO-- The pretty QUEEN TOL-THE-ROL-LOO.

And neat little t.i.tTY-FOL-LEH Was eaten by PISH-POOH-BAH, And light-hearted WAGGETY-WEH By dismal ALACK-A-DEY-AH-- Despairing ALACK-A-DEY-AH.

And rollicking TRAL-THE-RAL-LAH Was eaten by DOODLE-DUM-DEY, And musical DOH-REH-MI-FAH By good little TOOTLE-DUM-TEH-- Exemplary TOOTLE-TUM-TEH!

The Periwinkle Girl

I've often thought that headstrong youths Of decent education, Determine all-important truths, With strange precipitation.

The ever-ready victims they, Of logical illusions, And in a self-a.s.sertive way They jump at strange conclusions.

Now take my case: Ere sorrow could My ample forehead wrinkle, I had determined that I should Not care to be a winkle.

"A winkle," I would oft advance With readiness provoking, "Can seldom flirt, and never dance, Or soothe his mind by smoking."

In short, I spurned the sh.e.l.ly joy, And spoke with strange decision-- Men pointed to me as a boy Who held them in derision.

But I was young--too young, by far-- Or I had been more wary, I knew not then that winkles are The stock-in-trade of MARY.

I had not watched her sunlight blithe As o'er their sh.e.l.ls it dances-- I've seen those winkles almost writhe Beneath her beaming glances.

Of slighting all the winkly brood I surely had been chary, If I had known they formed the food And stock-in-trade of MARY.

Both high and low and great and small Fell prostrate at her tootsies, They all were n.o.blemen, and all Had balances at COUTTS'S.

Dukes with the lovely maiden dealt, DUKE BAILEY and DUKE HUMPHY, Who ate her winkles till they felt Exceedingly uncomfy.

DUKE BAILEY greatest wealth computes, And sticks, they say, at no-thing, He wears a pair of golden boots And silver underclothing.

DUKE HUMPHY, as I understand, Though mentally acuter, His boots are only silver, and His underclothing pewter.

A third adorer had the girl, A man of lowly station-- A miserable grov'ling Earl Besought her approbation.

This humble cad she did refuse With much contempt and loathing, He wore a pair of leather shoes And cambric underclothing!

"Ha! ha!" she cried. "Upon my word!

Well, really--come, I never!

Oh, go along, it's too absurd!

My goodness! Did you ever?

"Two Dukes would Mary make a bride, And from her foes defend her"-- "Well, not exactly that," they cried, "We offer guilty splendour.

"We do not offer marriage rite, So please dismiss the notion!"

"Oh dear," said she, "that alters quite The state of my emotion."

The Earl he up and says, says he, "Dismiss them to their orgies, For I am game to marry thee Quite reg'lar at St. George's."

(He'd had, it happily befell, A decent education, His views would have befitted well A far superior station.)

His sterling worth had worked a cure, She never heard him grumble; She saw his soul was good and pure, Although his rank was humble.