The Three Lieutenants Part 3

"But, my dear Captain Sourcrout, the affair happened a good many years ago, remember," interrupted the Admiral, wis.h.i.+ng to tranquillise him, "and had not leniency been shown to the culprits, the service would have lost three promising young officers likely to prove ornaments to it.

However, I would advise other youngsters not to imitate them. Such tricks don't bear repet.i.tion, I'll allow. By-the-bye, Captain Sourcrout, are you acquainted with my old s.h.i.+pmate, Jerry Hazledine? He served under me as a youngster, and I have kept an eye on him ever since. He hailed from Ireland, and as all his ways and doings savoured strongly of the Emerald Isle, he was known as Paddy throughout the service."

The Admiral went on, without wailing to hear whether Captain Sourcrout was or was not personally acquainted with the officer in question.

"Paddy Hazledine was possessed of prodigious strength, though he seldom put it forth, except in what he considered the side of right and justice. His notions, to be sure, on these points, were occasionally like himself, somewhat eccentric; ha! ha! ha! I remember it as if it were yesterday. Coming up High Street one night, I saw a crowd collected round a lamp-post, not one of your modern iron affairs, but a stout, honest one of timber, with a cross-bar at the top as long as a sloop's cross-jack-yard. Seated with his legs over it was Paddy Hazledine in full rig, c.o.c.ked hat and sword--he was a lieutenant then as composed as possible, smoking a cigar, which, it appeared, he had got up there for the purpose of lighting at the huge gla.s.s lamp, as big as a seventy-four's p.o.o.p-lantern. While he held on with one hand, in the other he flourished a formidable s.h.i.+llaly, which he usually carried, as he declared, in order to keep the peace when more warlike weapons could not be used. Below him stood half-a-dozen watchmen, who, in angry tones, were ordering him to come down, while he, in eloquent language, was a.s.serting his right to be where he was, and proclaiming his intention of remaining there as long as suited his pleasure. Every now and then the watchmen made a rush at him with their cudgels, the blows from which his faithful s.h.i.+llaly enabled him to ward off, and occasionally to bestow a pretty heavy tap on the heads of the most daring of his a.s.sailants.

"'Is it breaking the peace I am, do ye say?' he exclaimed. 'Not at all at all. It's you are doing the same, and running the risk of getting your on heads broken as the consequence. Now be off wid you, and lave a quietly-disposed citizen to his meditations.'

"I kept out of sight to see what would happen next. At length the watchmen lost patience. While three of their number remained at a respectful distance from the heavy end of the s.h.i.+llaly to prevent Paddy from escaping, the others went off, as I supposed, for a ladder and further a.s.sistance. Hazledine, fearless of consequences, sat smoking his cigar with perfect composure. Presently a dozen watchmen came trooping up, some armed with sticks and others with crow-bars and pick-axes and spades. Their object was evident. While one party began digging away round the lamp-post, the others defended them by fierce a.s.saults with their sticks on the gallant lieutenant's legs, giving him enough to do for their defence, and thus preventing him from bringing down his weapon on the heads of their comrades. Still he showed every intention of keeping his seat, and notwithstanding the violent shaking which the working party gave the post as they got near the heel, he held on. At length, several stout fellows putting their shoulders to it, up it came, but instead of toppling it over, away they marched, carrying off Paddy in triumph, as they thought, to the watch-house; but they little knew the man they had got hold of. He seemed to enjoy the fun, and sat smoking as before, and occasionally indulging in a quiet laugh.

Suddenly uttering a wild Irish shout, he sprang over the heads of his bearers, and with a whirl of his s.h.i.+llaly, scattering those who attempted to stop him, he darted down a narrow lane, the end of which they were pa.s.sing at the time, and disappeared from sight. As his s.h.i.+p sailed the next morning, the police of Portsmouth searched in vain for the culprit, who, getting undiscovered on board, did not fail to amuse his messmates with a full account of his exploit; ha! ha! ha!"

The Admiral laughed heartily at his story, as, of course, did everybody else, with the exception of Captain Sourcrout, who, grimly smiling, observed--

"I should have brought that harum-scarum lieutenant to a court-martial pretty sharply."

"What for--smoking a cigar on the top of a lamp-post?" asked the Admiral. "It is not against the articles of war."

"No, Admiral Triton, but for conduct unworthy the character of an officer and a gentleman," answered Captain Sourcrout gruffly.

"Well, as to that, people may be allowed to have their opinion. It's not a usual proceeding, I grant you, but the act was beyond the jurisdiction of his captain, and as Paddy was as gallant a fellow as ever stepped and never failed in his duty, I don't think he would have been willing to act as you suggest. We must not forget that we were once upon a time youngsters ourselves, and we may possibly recall to mind some of the tricks we played in those days, ay, and after we had mounted a swab, or maybe two, on our shoulders. You remember the sentry-box which stood at the inner end of the landing-place on the Common Hard, with a comfortable seat inside it, rather tempting, it must be confessed, to a drowsily-disposed sentry to take a quiet snooze. Our fore-fathers had more consideration for the legs and feet of soldiers than the martinets of our times. To be sure, it a sentry was found asleep he ought have been flogged or shot, but he could sit down and rest himself, and if he did so it was at his own risk.

"One night several young commanders, there may have been a post-captain among them, coming down to the Common Hard, after a dinner-party on sh.o.r.e, to go on board their s.h.i.+ps, found the sentry fast asleep in his sentry-box. They, of course, were as sober as judges; he, evidently, drunk as a fiddler. They thereon held a consultation, and came to the unanimous conclusion that it was meet and fit that a man guilty of so flagrant an infraction of military discipline should receive condign punishment, and const.i.tuting themselves the executioners as well as the judges of the law, forthwith set about carrying out the sentence they had p.r.o.nounced. Calling up the strongest men of their boats' crews, they ordered them to shoulder the sentry-box and its sentry within, and to carry it down to one of the boats as gently as possible, not to awake the occupant. There, however, was little chance of that. Safe on board,--there being no witnesses but themselves to the operation,--the boat containing it was towed across to the Gosport sh.o.r.e, on which, being carefully landed, it was set up in its proper position, facing the harbour. Great, as may be supposed, was the consternation of the 'Relief' when it arrived at the post, to find sentry-box and sentry gone. The soldier could not have walked off with it as a snail does its sh.e.l.l on its back. A rigid search was inst.i.tuted, but no sign of sentry or box could be discovered, and the sentry at the Dockyard gates, having also been snoozing at the time, had neither seen nor heard anything unusual. The captain of the guard, unable, even by a conjecture, to solve the mystery, considered it of sufficient importance to report without delay to the major, who, jumping to the conclusion, as he heard it when awakened from his first sleep, that the French had made their way into the harbour, and were about to a.s.sault the town, turned out the guard, ordered the draw-bridge to be hauled up, and, like a wise soldier, took every precaution to avoid surprise. Not till the next morning was his mind set at rest, when a report came from across the harbour that a sentry-box had been found on the Gosport sh.o.r.e, where one had not stood the night before, with a sentry in front of it, who could give no account of how he got there. The sentry, on awaking at daybreak, had in vain looked for the objects he expected to see around him, but deemed it prudent to maintain his post. When questioned, he roundly a.s.serted that he had been broad awake all night, and the only conclusion to which he or any one else could come, was that he had been the victim of some trick of witchcraft."

"Were you, admiral, among those who played it?" asked Captain Sourcrout "because then the less I say on the subject the better."

"A man is not compelled by law to give evidence against himself,"

answered the admiral, laughing. "I give the tale current at the time, and happened to have been informed of the facts which solved the mystery. I should say that Jerry Hazledine had nothing to do with it, as it was before his day. He has a good many things set down to his account."

"Some of them were true bills, however," observed another post-captain.

"I was a mids.h.i.+pman under him when he commanded the old _Turk_. Though good-natured he was somewhat hot-tempered. One of our marines had been bred a barber, and Jerry, discovering this, made the man come in every morning to shave him, the steward following with a jug of warm water.

It had just been placed on the table as the barber had finished lathering the captain's face, but instead of being only warm was scalding hot. The marine, not reflecting on this, dipped in his razor, and intending to commence operations on the captain's upper lip, touched the tip of his nose with the back. As Jerry felt the pain, on the impulse of the moment up went his fist, which he planted with a knock-down blow between the eyes of the unfortunate jolly, who rolled over, half-stunned, on the deck. I, at that moment, went into the cabin, having been sent on some duty or other, and heard Jerry shout out in a voice of thunder:--

"'Take that, ye spalpeen, and think yourself fortunate to get it instead of the three dozen you would have had as sure as you're alive for burning your captain's nose.' The captain, in half a minute, sitting down as if nothing had happened, the jolly picked himself up and went on with the operation, taking very good care, you may be certain, not to burn Jerry's nose again. Some time after this, our captain received an intimation from the Admiralty, as did other captains, that flogging was as much as possible to be avoided, and other punishments subst.i.tuted.

On this, Jerry, who was possessed of an inventive turn of mind, set himself to work to devise such as would to a certainty be so hated by the men that they would answer the purpose of maintaining discipline fully as much as flogging. The s.h.i.+p's cook was a one-legged negro, a jolly, fat fellow with a comical expression of countenance, Sambo Lillywhite by name, generally known as Sam Lilly. Sam had a white mate called Tim Dippings, an incorrigibly idle rascal. One day Tim--not for the first time--had neglected to clean the galley, and on being reported, both he and Sam Lilly were put in the black list. Jerry, exercising his inventive genius, ordered Tim to walk the deck the whole of the afternoon watch, with a cauldron slung round his neck half full of slush; while the black cook, with a huge frying-pan held at arm's length in each hand, had to pace up and down for the same period. As each bell struck Tim had to sing out, 'Here am I for not cleaning the galley,' which was responded to by Sambo, in the most dolorous tone, with, 'I here for no see 'um do it,' his peculiar voice and the comical expression of his countenance eliciting roars of laughter from his s.h.i.+pmates. Thus at every half-hour the words went sounding along the deck, 'Here am I for not cleaning the galley!' 'I here for no see 'um do it.' Jerry, however, on another occasion, surpa.s.sed even himself, he caught a man smuggling a bottle of rum on board. The opportunity for exhibiting his inventive genius was not to be lost. The bottle was captured and the man put in the black list. The captain, after due consideration, ordered a c.o.c.k to be fixed in a seven-gallon beaker, into which, being more than half-filled with water, the rum was emptied. It was then secured by a rope yarn round the neck of the culprit, who appeared thus at the commencement of the watch with a tumbler in his hand, and as the bell struck he had to fill his gla.s.s and drink the contents, shouting out at the top of his voice each time, 'Here am I, a smuggler bold!' He was never again caught smuggling spirits on board.

Some captains with less inventive genius are much more cruel than was our friend Jerry in their black list punishments."

"That is not a subject I wish to bear spoken of," observed Captain Sourcrout, in an angry tone.

"Come, come, we'll change it then, gentlemen," exclaimed the good-natured admiral.

"I forgot," whispered Jack's neighbour to him. "Old Sourcrout is said to have had a man's head shaved, and to have made him carry a kettle of boiling water on the top of it for two hours during every day-watch for a week, but that may be scandal."

"As to the shaving I fancy so, but with regard to the water it is true enough, only it was not boiling," answered Jack. "He got hauled up for it, notwithstanding, and no wonder that he does not like the subject of black-listing spoken of."

Notwithstanding the grumpy remarks Captain Sourcrout occasionally let drop, the party went off very pleasantly, and Desmond and Gordon a.s.sured Tom that he had not overpraised the admiral, and that they had no notion there were such jolly old fellows in the navy. He, at all events, was worthy of all the patronage they could bestow.

Murray came on board the frigate the next day to see Jack and Terence.

He was pleased with the corvette as far as she herself was concerned.

"She is as fine a little craft as I could wish for, but," he added, "the commander is one of the oddest fish I ever fell in with. He has not been to sea for a number of years, and having, as he says, turned his sword into a ploughshare, has devoted his mind to farming and rural sports. Unwilling to tear himself altogether from his beloved beeves and sheep, and pigs and poultry, he has brought them along with him, and has converted the little s.h.i.+p into a regular Noah's ark. The boats are turned into sheep-pens and hen-coops, and the decks c.u.mbered with ox-stalls and hay-stacks. If the latter, in the meantime, do not catch fire, the admiral, when he comes to inspect us, will order them and the greater portion of the live-stock to be landed, and we shall probably benefit by the remainder, as they must be killed for want of food, so we have said nothing to him as yet on the subject; but Haultaut, our first, grumbles and looks askance at the beasts every time he goes along the deck, and declares that the s.h.i.+p is more like a Thames barge than a man-of-war, while Grummet, the boatswain, grins ominously at them, and tells the butcher to keep his knife sharp, as he will have work enough on his hands before long. Old Babbicome is afflicted, it seems, with absence of mind. The day after he joined the s.h.i.+p he sang out to a mids.h.i.+pman, 'Let my cab be brought round to the door.' The youngster stared. 'Do you hear? What did I say?' 'You desired to have your cab brought round to the door, sir,' answered the mids.h.i.+pman, trying to stifle his laughter. 'Ah! did I?' exclaimed the commander. 'Well, possibly. It's no easy matter to change one's mode of expression on a sudden. I mean, man my gig; I am going on sh.o.r.e.' The first day he attempted to carry on duty, he threw all the crew into convulsions by shouting out, 'Wo-ho! wo-ho, there! I mean, avast hauling, you lubbers!' and he swore and stamped with rage when he saw the men t.i.ttering near him, and wanted to know what they were laughing at."

Probably, we shall hear more of Commander Babbicome. Murray's account highly amused his friends.

"Well, Alick, you may possibly pick up a few wrinkles which may be of use to you when your time comes, and you settle down on the Highland farm you used to talk about," said Jack, laughing.

"I would sacrifice so remote a benefit for the sake of having the s.h.i.+p look rather more like a man-of-war than she does at present," answered Murray.

Two days after this a lighter was seen alongside the corvette, when truss after truss of hay was lowered into her. Then came two fat oxen and lastly, nearly a dozen sheep.

"Any more coming?" asked the master of the lighter.

"No, no," exclaimed the commander, who had been looking on with ruthful countenance, adding, as he turned aft, clenching his fist, and pulling at his hair, "I'd sooner throw up my command than part with them."

The frigate and corvette were ready for sea at the same time, and went out together to Spithead. Still their destination was unknown. The tailors, the Jews, and even the b.u.mboat-women were unable to solve the mystery, the fact being that the Lords of the Admiralty had not decided themselves. s.h.i.+ps were wanted at three different stations, but economy being the order of the day, all three could not be supplied. The West Indies, the South American station and the Pacific were spoken of. At length Captain Hemming announced that he had received orders to proceed to Jamaica, and that the _Tudor_ was to accompany the _Plantagenet_.

More stores and provisions were received on board, till every locker and cranny in the two s.h.i.+ps was filled, as Adair remarked, to bursting.

Admiral Triton came on board the frigate to wish his young friends good-bye.

"I cannot say that I hope you'll come back crowned with glory and your pockets filled with prize-money, for such things are not to be picked up now-a-days," he said, shaking Jack's hand, "but may you enjoy health and happiness and have many a long yarn to spin about your adventures in the West Indies or wherever you may be sent to, and I suspect that your captain has got orders to proceed rather farther than you at present expect."

As the kind old admiral went down the side, the anchor was run up to the bows, to the sound of the merry fife, the topsails were sheeted home, and the two s.h.i.+ps glided westward over the smooth waters of the Solent.

It was a lovely morning, a few fine weather clouds were to be seen here and there in the sky, but there were not enough of them to obscure the noon-day splendour of the sun. The duck trousers and s.h.i.+rts of the crews looked clean and summerish; the new gold lace on the uniforms of the officers glittered brightly as they paced the deck, or hurried here and there as duty called; the sentries with gleaming arms and white belts; the fresh paint, the light-coloured copper, the snowy canvas, all indicated that the s.h.i.+ps were just out of harbour, to many an admiring eye from Ryde pier, and from yachts large and small, as the frigate followed by the corvette, with a leading wind, ran past the sh.o.r.es of the Isle of Wight, towards the Needles pa.s.sage. Numberless yachts skimmed by them; those fairy-like fabrics which Englishmen alone know how thoroughly to enjoy, varying in size from Lord Yarborough's superb _Falcon_, to the tiny craft whose owner is probably proud of her in inverse ratio to her tonnage. All is not gold that glitters, and the fair admirers of the graceful frigate and corvette would have been somewhat horrified, could they have witnessed the various scenes taking place within the dark recesses of the s.h.i.+ps, and had they heard the language, neither refined nor pious, uttered by their st.u.r.dy crews, and it must be confessed by some of the officers also--not by Jack Rogers though--for neither oath nor unbecoming phrase ever issued from his honest hips. The mate of the lower deck, with the purser's clerks and a.s.sistants, had provisions and articles innumerable to stow away; the gunner, boatswain, and carpenter, their respective stores to look to; indeed, in every department order had to commence its reign, where chaos had hitherto seemed to prevail, operations not to be performed without their due allowance of shouting and swearing. On deck all went smoothly, and under the pleasantest of auspices the two s.h.i.+ps ran through the Needles, and stood down channel.

Tom and Paddy Desmond (for, of course he was so called, as Tom said he would be) were as jolly as possible, and laughed at sea-sickness, or any of the ills landsmen are subject to; they were not going to be ill, not they. Already they began to consider themselves first-rate sailors, for they could go aloft and skylark as fearlessly as young monkeys, and box the compa.s.s; and had some notion when the helm was a-lee, and the head-sails backed against the mast, that the s.h.i.+p would come about. As yet, to be sure, they had had only light winds and smooth water, but even a heavy gale would make no difference to them, of that they were very sure. Old Higson grinned sarcastically when he heard them say so.

"Oh, of course, sucking Nelsons like you are above such weaknesses; we shall see, though, when the time comes. The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

"Faith, I hope to have some better pudding to eat than this hard duff,"

answered Paddy, who seldom understood the meaning of the proverbs Higson was in the habit of quoting. The old mate only laughed; though he had a colt, to keep the turbulent in order, he seldom used it, treating the two youngsters with more consideration than he might have done under other circ.u.mstances, out of respect to Rogers and Adair, though they were under the impression that it was owing to their own merits, and were apt accordingly to take liberties with him. He behaved to them as a good-natured bear might towards a couple of playful children whom he could munch up in a moment.

"I say, Tom, couldn't we be after playing some trick like that the admiral told us of, which your brother and my uncle Terence played off on Lieutenant Spry, with Quaco, the monkey," said Gerald, one day to his messmate, when they were alone together; "it would be mighty good fun."

"I should like to do something of the sort amazingly, but once when Jack was telling me some of the tricks of his mids.h.i.+pman-days, he gave me a strong hint not to imitate them, as he would certainly be down upon me,"

answered Tom; "for all he is so good-natured, he can be wonderfully strict, I can tell you. He was saying that tricks are very well in their way if they are original and have fun in them, but that those who play them must look out for the consequences."

"I shouldn't have supposed that of him," said Gerald; "I'm after thinking now that my uncle Terence would be as ready for any fun as he ever was in his life."

"Very likely, but he mightn't approve of our indulging in it notwithstanding," answered Tom; "however, if you can think of anything, I'm willing enough to lend a hand. We can't play Lieutenant Jennings such a trick as they did old Spry, because he's too wide awake and wouldn't stand it; besides, we've no Quaco to dress up in his uniform.

By-the-bye, I hope that we shall be able to get a jolly monkey before long, at Jamaica or elsewhere. I don't know if they run wild in the woods there, indeed it might be as well to have a civilised one who knows how to behave himself, and then I think we might manage to play old Scrofton, the boatswain, a trick."

"How?" asked Gerald eagerly.

"Don't you know that he has got a notion in his head that men are descended, or rather, I should say, ascended from apes, which he declares has been proved by a Lord Monboddo, or some other wiseacre, and if we had a monkey, we might somehow or other put his theory to the test, and, at all events, have some fun with the old fellow."

"Capital; I'll think over what can be done," exclaimed Gerald, rubbing his hands with glee; "do the gunner and carpenter agree with him?"

"No; the three are constantly disputing on the subject. I heard them yesterday, and they are probably at it again to-day. Come below; it will be good fun to hear them."

The mids.h.i.+pmen found the three warrant officers in the boatswain's cabin. He was seated; the others standing at the door, leaning against the bulkheads. They took up a position, so as not to be seen within earshot. The gunner was arguing that if men have grown out of monkeys, there would be none of the latter left, as they would all have turned into men; and the carpenter declared that though he had wandered all the world over, he had never met with one half-way between a man and a monkey, which he should have done if any change does take place.