The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction Part 18

If you know important facts, please contact us! please contact us! www.DarwinAwards.com/book/contact [image]

In the At-Risk Survivor At-Risk Survivor stories, be aware that we do change names and obscure details in order to provide a measure of anonymity for the innocent-and for that matter, the guilty. stories, be aware that we do change names and obscure details in order to provide a measure of anonymity for the innocent-and for that matter, the guilty.

FAQ: Have you ever been wrong?

Yes! Sometimes, spectacularly wrong.

Once upon a time, a man wanted to know what it feels like to be shot with cigarette b.u.t.ts. He loaded an old-fas.h.i.+oned muzzle-loader-persuaded a friend to turn the ciggie-gun on him-and was killed by three b.u.t.ts to the heart! three b.u.t.ts to the heart! We featured this numbingly ridiculous story in 2001, labeling it CONFIRMED BY DARWIN, and reveled in witticisms like "Smoking Kills" and "Cigarettes Proved Deadly." Seven years later, We featured this numbingly ridiculous story in 2001, labeling it CONFIRMED BY DARWIN, and reveled in witticisms like "Smoking Kills" and "Cigarettes Proved Deadly." Seven years later, MythBusters MythBusters asked us to provide our sources-and finding them missing or suspicious, we declared, IT'S A HOAX , A LEGEND, COMPLETELY FABRICATED. But in 2010, e-mail from a family friend citing media references, names, and Facebook accounts, reconvinced us that the poor man was indeed killed by cigarette b.u.t.ts! asked us to provide our sources-and finding them missing or suspicious, we declared, IT'S A HOAX , A LEGEND, COMPLETELY FABRICATED. But in 2010, e-mail from a family friend citing media references, names, and Facebook accounts, reconvinced us that the poor man was indeed killed by cigarette b.u.t.ts!

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For more details on The Smoking Gun, visit www.DarwinAwards.com/book/cigarette Yes, we have been wrong and wronger, more than once and more than twice. But we aren't afraid to say we were wrong. That's why you can trust us. We continually correct errors correct errors and update the stories with new information, and you can always find the latest scoop on the Darwin Awards website. and update the stories with new information, and you can always find the latest scoop on the Darwin Awards website.

The Darwin Awards are not legends. They are true, and that is what makes them so funny.

FAQ: How many submissions do you get?

Two hundred to four hundred submissions per month. A particularly inspirational story might be submitted hundreds of times. A recent avalanche was in April 2008, when a priest went aloft in a lawn chair tethered to hundreds of helium party balloons-and that was the last we saw of him for many months.

FAQ: Are the winners decided by vote?

If votes were all that mattered, you would see more stories about p.o.o.p and procreation. Put one or both of these in a story, and its score goes up. Grotesque stories also get a boost. We let the popular vote guide guide our preference-but not our preference-but not rule rule it. it.

Your vote has the most influence in choosing the best of the Slush, pointing out stories that need more polish, and picking the annual Winners.

Case example: Wendy loved a story that kept getting votes. A Californian was working on a laptop Wendy loved a story that kept getting votes. A Californian was working on a laptop while driving; while driving; he drifted over the centerline and was killed. Ha-ha! Ha? Bafflingly unpopular. She rewrote the story four times, trying to convey the humor, but still its score remained low. Minor injuries were suffered by the innocent; that can kill a nomination. In the end, she heeded your votes and removed it from consideration. he drifted over the centerline and was killed. Ha-ha! Ha? Bafflingly unpopular. She rewrote the story four times, trying to convey the humor, but still its score remained low. Minor injuries were suffered by the innocent; that can kill a nomination. In the end, she heeded your votes and removed it from consideration.

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FAQ: Why aren't these these buckets of testosterone on your list? buckets of testosterone on your list?

We often get enthusiastic pointers to evolution-about-to-happen, for example, crocodile-baiting teenage boys. When young men are being stupid just to garner attention, additional publicity will feed into and actually promote risk-taking. We draw the line at encouraging encouraging dangerous stupidity! But certainly croc-baiters (and so forth) are walking into the maw of natural selection. dangerous stupidity! But certainly croc-baiters (and so forth) are walking into the maw of natural selection.

"Croc-baiters are walking into the maw of natural selection."

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FAQ: Who writes the great Science essays?

The essays in this book were written by graduates of the science writing program at the University of California, Santa Cruz. This program has produced professional science writers since 1981. If you read major science magazines, go to science museums and aquaria, or listen to NPR, you've seen and heard their work. The essays in this book were written by Slugs, as the alumni of UCSC call themselves, and we are honored to share their exceptional work with you.

FAQ: Why Why are there Science essays in a humor book? are there Science essays in a humor book?

Wendy says, "I'm a Scientist! I live and breathe science." The Darwin Awards are based on the scientific premise that humans are evolving. A large portion of our readers are college students, or first heard about the Darwin Awards whilst in college. The Science essays are relevant-often explaining advanced evolutionary concepts-and keep Scientist Wendy interested in her job. "Charles Darwin would be disappointed if I focused only on humor and failed to contribute to scientific knowledge," says Wendy.

FAQ: What is the history of this dubious distinction?

In 1993, Wendy began writing Darwin Award vignettes and gathering a wide audience by sending regular newsletters, encouraging submissions, and facilitating discussions and voting. Her hobby became a consuming pa.s.sion, as the fans grew from hundreds to thousands, tens of thousands, millions . . .

Thanks to Wendy's tireless efforts, today a Darwin Award is a worldwide symbol of stupidity.

Wendy writes the stories, but the Darwin Awards belong to all of us. The heart and soul of the Darwin Awards is our community. All All the stories are available on the website, updated with facts, comments, and quips from readers. The Darwin Awards grows with your guidance. We prune stories when you convince us our judgment is flawed-if the deceased was the victim of a bizarre accident rather than his own bizarre judgment-or more subtle points such as whether the person is mentally incompetent (for example, "Saw It Coming! " p. 202). the stories are available on the website, updated with facts, comments, and quips from readers. The Darwin Awards grows with your guidance. We prune stories when you convince us our judgment is flawed-if the deceased was the victim of a bizarre accident rather than his own bizarre judgment-or more subtle points such as whether the person is mentally incompetent (for example, "Saw It Coming! " p. 202).

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Wendy's goal is to maintain this network of people and keep this cultural icon true to its origins.

When Wendy began chronicling the Darwin Awards, there were only a few in existence. The first use of the term "Darwin Awards" is obscure. Usenet archives contains an August 1985 mention of the fellow crushed beneath a c.o.ke machine while he was trying to shake loose a free can-true story! Five years later, an urban legend surfaced about a man who strapped a JATO rocket to his Chevy, turning it into a doomed aircraft. Wendy took over the helm of the Beagle and began writing the Darwin Awards in 1993; since then, thousands of people have aspired to win a Darwin Award- thousands of people have aspired to win a Darwin Award-nine thousand submissions in the last three years alone.

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FAQ: The Darwin Awards are written by . . . a woman!?

Wendy writes the stories, but the heart and soul of the Darwin Awards is our community. We maintain a vibrant network of contributors and keep this cultural icon connected to its community. Wendy writes the stories, but the heart and soul of the Darwin Awards is our community. We maintain a vibrant network of contributors and keep this cultural icon connected to its community.

Yes, Wendy is a woman. That makes the Darwin Awards a kinder, gentler place. She deals with flames sympathetically. She says NO! to racial stereotypes and just-plain-mean submissions. When community or family complain, she listens respectfully to their point of view. These discussions lead to facts being corrected; sometimes the story is removed, other times the family takes solace from knowing that their loss is at least a "safety lesson" to help others avoid the same mistake.

FAQ: What do the families think?

If a family writes to us, we take their concerns seriously. Sometimes we remove the story. We don't want to cause anyone pain. Sometimes the family realizes that their loss has a little more meaning if it serves as a cautionary tale that might save someone else's life. Often they even confide prior foolhardy things that the winner did.

Like an Irish wake, it can be healing to laugh while you grieve. That's human nature.

Sometimes families write to share a memory. From a recent email: "Many years ago my two uncles started roughhousing at our Christmas gathering. At one point Uncle Frank picked up Uncle John by the heels, lost his grip, and dropped Uncle John on his head. It was all right because John was a state supreme court justice and there for life. The other uncle is, I am sure, in your archive. The one about the skydiving photographer who forgot to put on a chute . . ."

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Where's the Shoot? Where's the Chute?

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1994-12.html FAQ: I have kids. Am I safe?

You pa.s.sed along your genes. You're safe!

The broader question is whether a person with offspring has opted out of a Darwin Award. Our community engages in inconclusive discussions about what it means to be out of the gene pool. out of the gene pool. What if the winner has already reproduced? Obviously a winner with no kids is What if the winner has already reproduced? Obviously a winner with no kids is more more "out of the gene pool" than one who leaves behind several ankle biters, so shouldn't rug rats rule you out? "out of the gene pool" than one who leaves behind several ankle biters, so shouldn't rug rats rule you out?

What about a vow of celibacy, is that an automatic win? What if the nominee has an identical twin, and his DNA is still running around trying to reproduce? How about old people who aren't able to have any (more) kids-are the elderly disqualified? And the whole topic of cryogenics is troubling. Unbeknownst to us, have so-called winners left frozen sperm and eggs laying around? If cloning humans becomes feasible (it is already possible possible), Darwin Awards might cease to exist!

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These questions are vexing. And the answers . . . we just don't know. The rule of thumb is, if you no longer have the physical wherewithal to breed with a mate on a desert island, you you are out of the gene pool. are out of the gene pool.

FAQ: Are humans really evolving?

Yes! Although technological advances have extended the average lifespan, the mechanism of evolution still applies: (1) a species must show variation; (2) that variation must be inheritable; (3) not all members of the population survive to reproduce; but (4) the inherited characteristics of some members make them more likely to do so. Not only are humans still evolving, we are doing it faster than ever before. There is solid evidence that human evolution has accelerated dramatically in the past ten thousand years.15

"Stupidity is the only universal capital crime . . . and execution is carried out automatically."

-Robert Heinlein Time Enough for Love

"Survival of the fittest " alters a species gradually-over thousands of generations-or quickly when it eliminates the dodo who does not avoid the club. It eliminates with equal ease the bird that flies into a window and the driver who weaves around the freeway yakking on a phone. Without a doubt, humans Without a doubt, humans are "really" evolving. are "really" evolving. We won't recognize ourselves in a hundred thousand years. We won't recognize ourselves in a hundred thousand years.

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But whether the Darwin Awards represent human evolution is less clear. Is there a set of genes that causes a man to kite board during a hurricane (p. 223) or a woman to chase a feather (p. 105) off a cliff? Do chromosomes play a role in the decision to jump into a dust devil? (p. 236) These actions do not appear to have a direct genetic link.

Here at Darwin Central, all we know is that a person who does not survive through his own acts is manifestly manifestly less fit than the rest of us. Said genes are less fit than the rest of us. Said genes are ipso facto ipso facto gone from the future, and we can only hope there gone from the future, and we can only hope there is is a genetic link because that means the next generation will see fewer people shooting stashes of dynamite, (p. 146) staging risky accidents for insurance (p. 123), or anchoring boats with ordnance (p. 151). a genetic link because that means the next generation will see fewer people shooting stashes of dynamite, (p. 146) staging risky accidents for insurance (p. 123), or anchoring boats with ordnance (p. 151).

FAQ: Isn't there something beautiful about moronic creativity?

Yes, there is indeed a poetic beauty here. The well-planned Darwin Award can ill.u.s.trate the creativity and genius that distinguishes us from less adaptable species. The same innovative spirit that causes the downfall of a Darwin Award winner is also responsible for the social and scientific advances that make the human race great. Cheese, flight, electricity, and small businesses are some of the benefits to having risk takers living (and dying) among us.

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FAQ: Why so many men?

"Is a feminist conspiracy at work in the selection of the candidates? " "Is a feminist conspiracy at work in the selection of the candidates? "

-Concerned Reader

Nearly all of the submissions for this ignominious Award are on behalf of male perps. Ten percent or fewer are female, and of those 10 percent, more are likely to be At-Risk Survivors. Pure observation leads us to conclude that males are risk takers and driven to daring feats. It's a gender difference. Get over it.

FAQ: Why do we laugh about death?

Laughter helps us cope with tragedy.

Wendy says, "I see a little of myself in every story. As one of the world's biggest klutzes my final hour will likely find me clutching a Darwin Award. If so, I hope my family and friends will laugh through their tears and say, That's just like Wendy. Oh, she was such an idiot! That's just like Wendy. Oh, she was such an idiot!

Why are the Darwin Awards funny? Readers wax eloquent on the subject: "Eventually you die. That 's life. And fifty years later you die again because everybody has forgotten you. But if your exit is news-worthy, there's a good chance you will be remembered within your own family, at least. The Darwin Award winners of today will have their memories cherished longer, by more people, than those who die peacefully in bed."

" Want to feel like a genius? Next time you feel foolish or incompetent, read a few and you will soon realize how brilliant you really are compared to the morons out there."

"Just makes you feel better about your own intelligence."

"One truly admires those individuals whose efforts at immortality lift the veil of depression from the rest of us mortals stuck on this rock."

"You think you've got troubles?"

"They make me feel like a genius."

"Sometimes truth is funny, even if it's tragic."

FAQ: What inspired you to do this?

Waiting for science experiments to run their courses is, at times, tedious. In the gaps, Wendy learned how to make a website from a Stanford sysadmin, back when the WWW was first invented. The Internet was young then and changing quickly. The excitement of learning how to shape this new media was the driving force behind her first website, which originally included a section called "Pet p.o.r.n" that showed innocent gag pictures of family pets: a kitten sleeping with a s.e.xy negligee, the dog accidentally French-kissing Papa. Soon the annoyed sysadmin complained that Wendy's Pet p.o.r.n pages were the top-visited destination on his Stanford server. Ewww! Creeped out, she pulled down the pet pictures. The Darwin Awards stories were the second-most popular, and Wendy jibes, "My future could have gone either way."

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Ancillary FAQ: What are your aspirations?

Wendy aspires to make the world a s.h.i.+nier place. Wendy aspires to make the world a s.h.i.+nier place.Wendy plans to publish a graphic novel drawn by favorite comic book artists!Wendy yearns to become a science writer astute enough to write a book as elegant as Carl Sagan's cla.s.sic, The Dragons of Eden. The Dragons of Eden.Wendy hopes her children's book-True Adventures of Rock, Paper, and Scissors, squirrels raised from babies to live in the wild-will soon find a publisher. squirrels raised from babies to live in the wild-will soon find a publisher.Wendy dreams of being a science advisor for MythBusters. MythBusters. (See (See MythBusters MythBusters challenge, p. 184). challenge, p. 184).

FAQ: How many stories? How many books? How many more?

In your hands you hold the sixth book.

In April 2010, there were 84216 stories on the website. Seven hundred have been published in six books in twenty-three languages. The Darwin Awards will live until the supply ends! Or until Wendy wins a Darwin Award while executing her latest mad plan innovative idea. stories on the website. Seven hundred have been published in six books in twenty-three languages. The Darwin Awards will live until the supply ends! Or until Wendy wins a Darwin Award while executing her latest mad plan innovative idea.

FAQ: Are you making a movie, musical, or TV show?

Darwin Awards: The Movie stars Joseph Fiennes and Winona Ryder, with guest appearances by stars Joseph Fiennes and Winona Ryder, with guest appearances by MythBusters MythBusters hosts Jamie and Adam, and the rock band Metallica. This movie is seriously silly fun. It was written and directed by Finn Taylor and filmed in the San Francis...o...b..y Area using plenty of stellar local talent. Check it out on DVD! hosts Jamie and Adam, and the rock band Metallica. This movie is seriously silly fun. It was written and directed by Finn Taylor and filmed in the San Francis...o...b..y Area using plenty of stellar local talent. Check it out on DVD!

Darwin Awards: The Musical is a sensational stage play composed by Stephen Witkin, Joey Miller, and Mitch Magonet and is coming to a theatrical stage near you. When Stephen told me he wanted to write a musical, I reached for the Q-tips. A musical?! But his ideas and script are awesome. is a sensational stage play composed by Stephen Witkin, Joey Miller, and Mitch Magonet and is coming to a theatrical stage near you. When Stephen told me he wanted to write a musical, I reached for the Q-tips. A musical?! But his ideas and script are awesome. Beach Blanket Babylon Beach Blanket Babylon meets meets Avenue Q Avenue Q. Great songs have been composed, and the show continues to be developed while seeking Off-Broadway producers.

FAQ: Do you drive while using a cell phone?

NO! And you shouldn't either.

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Cell phones take too much attention away from the input you ought ought to attend to. Humans are not equipped to use these devices safely even while walking down the street, or piloting a shopping cart. A person on a cell phone does not notice the needs of others. In the supermarket you will not realize that you are causing aisle congestion. In a car you will drive slower and more erratically. It is very risky to drive "under the influence" of a phone. to attend to. Humans are not equipped to use these devices safely even while walking down the street, or piloting a shopping cart. A person on a cell phone does not notice the needs of others. In the supermarket you will not realize that you are causing aisle congestion. In a car you will drive slower and more erratically. It is very risky to drive "under the influence" of a phone.

We here at Darwin Central have made personal life changes due to reading thousands of Darwin-dumb submissions. The hardest change was to stay off our cell phones while driving. Try putting that deadly device in the backseat. Whatever it takes, get off the phone!

The life you save may be your own.

What were those Five (5) Rules, again?

Remember: To win a Darwin Award, an adult must eliminate himself from the gene pool in an astonis.h.i.+ngly stupid way that is verifiably true.

1. Death.2. Excellence.3. Self-selection.4. Maturity.5. Veracity.

APPENDIX A.