Farm Ballads Part 5

Old Uncle Sammy one morning Lay down on his comfortless bed, And Death and he had a discussion, And Death came out ahead; And the fact that SHE failed to start him was only because he was dead.

The neighbors laid out their old neighbor, With homely but tenderest art; And some of the oldest ones faltered, And tearfully stood apart; For the crusty old man had often unguardedly shown them his heart.

But on his face an expression Of quizzical study lay, As if he were sounding the angel Who traveled with him that day, And laying the pipes down slyly for an argument on the way.

And one new-fas.h.i.+oned old lady Felt called upon to suggest That the angel might take Uncle Sammy, And give him a good night's rest, And then introduce him to Solomon, and tell him to do his best.

TOM WAS GOIN' FOR A POET.

The Farmer Discourses of his Son.

Tom was goin' for a poet, an' said he'd a poet be; One of these long-haired fellers a feller hates to see; One of these chaps forever fixin' things cute and clever; Makin' the world in gen'ral step 'long to tune an' time, An' cuttin' the earth into slices an' saltin' it down into rhyme.

Poets are good for somethin', so long as they stand at the head: But poetry's worth whatever it fetches in b.u.t.ter an' bread.

An' many a time I've said it: it don't do a fellow credit, To starve with a hole in his elbow, an' be considered a fool, So after he's dead, the young ones 'll speak his pieces in school.

An' Tom, he had an opinion that Shakspeare an' all the rest, With all their winter clothin', couldn't make him a decent vest; But that didn't ease my labors, or help him among the neighbors, Who watched him from a distance, an' held his mind in doubt, An' wondered if Tom wasn't shaky, or knew what he was about.

Tom he went a-sowin', to sow a field of grain; But half of that 'ere sowin' was altogether in vain.

For he was al'ays a-stoppin', and gems of poetry droppin'; And metaphors, they be pleasant, but much too thin to eat; And germs of thought be handy, but never grow up to wheat.

Tom he went a-mowin', one broilin' summer's day, An' spoke quite sweet concernin' the smell of the new-mowed hay.

But all o' his useless chatter didn't go to help the matter, Or make the grief less searchin' or the pain less hard to feel, When he made a clip too suddent, an' sliced his brother's heel.

Tom he went a-drivin' the hills an' dales across; But, scannin' the lines of his poetry, he dropped the lines of his hoss.

The nag ran fleet and fleeter, in quite irregular metre; An' when we got Tom's leg set, an' had fixed him so he could speak, He muttered that that adventur' would keep him a-writin' a week.

Tom he went a-ploughin', and couldn't have done it worse; He sat down on the handles, an' went to spinnin' verse.

He wrote it nice and pretty--an agricultural ditty; But all o' his pesky measures didn't measure an acre more, Nor his p'ints didn't turn a furrow that wasn't turned before.

Tom he went a-courtin';--she liked him, I suppose; But certain parts of courtin' a feller must do in prose.

He rhymed her each day a letter, but that didn't serve to get her; He waited so long, she married another man from spite, An' sent him word she'd done it, an' not to forget to write.

Tom at last got married; his wife was smart and stout, An' she shoved up the window and slung his poetry out.

An' at each new poem's creation she gave it circulation; An' fast as he would write 'em, she seen to their puttin' forth, An' sent 'em east an westward, an' also south an' north.

Till Tom he struck the opinion that poetry didn't pay, An' turned the guns of his genius, an' fired 'em another way.

He settled himself down steady, an' is quite well off already; An' all of his life is verses, with his wife the first an' best, An' ten or a dozen childr'n to const.i.tute the rest.

GOIN' HOME TO-DAY.

My business on the jury's done--the quibblin' all is through-- I've watched the lawyers right and left, and give my verdict true; I stuck so long unto my chair, I thought I would grow in; And if I do not know myself, they'll get me there ag'in; But now the court's adjourned for good, and I have got my pay; I'm loose at last, and thank the Lord, I'm going home to-day.

I've somehow felt uneasy like, since first day I come down; It is an awkward game to play the gentleman in town; And this 'ere Sunday suit of mine on Sunday rightly sets; But when I wear the stuff a week, it somehow galls and frets.

I'd rather wear my homespun rig of pepper-salt and gray-- I'll have it on in half a jiff, when I get home to-day.

I have no doubt my wife looked out, as well as any one-- As well as any woman could--to see that things was done: For though Melinda, when I'm there, won't set her foot outdoors, She's very careful, when I'm gone, to tend to all the ch.o.r.es.

But nothing prospers half so well when I go off to stay, And I will put things into shape, when I get home to-day.

The mornin' that I come away, we had a little bout; I coolly took my hat and left, before the show was out.

For what I said was naught whereat she ought to take offense; And she was always quick at words and ready to commence.

But then she's first one to give up when she has had her say; And she will meet me with a kiss, when I go home to-day.

My little boy--I'll give 'em leave to match him, if they can; It's fun to see him strut about, and try to be a man!

The gamest, cheeriest little chap, you'd ever want to see!

And then they laugh, because I think the child resembles me.

The little rogue! he goes for me, like robbers for their prey; He'll turn my pockets inside out, when I get home to-day.

My little girl--I can't contrive how it should happen thus-- That G.o.d could pick that sweet bouquet, and fling it down to us!

My wife, she says that han'some face will some day make a stir; And then I laugh, because she thinks the child resembles her.

She'll meet me half-way down the hill, and kiss me, any way; And light my heart up with her smiles, when I go home to-day!

If there's a heaven upon the earth, a fellow knows it when He's been away from home a week, and then gets back again.

If there's a heaven above the earth, there often, I'll be bound, Some homesick fellow meets his folks, and hugs 'em all around.

But let my creed be right or wrong, or be it as it may, My heaven is just ahead of me--I'm going home to-day.

OUT O' THE FIRE.

[As Told in 1880.]

Year of '71, children, middle of the fall, On one fearful night, children, we well-nigh lost our all.

True, it wa'n't no great sum we had to lose that night, But when a little's all you've got, it comes to a blessed sight.

I was a mighty worker, in them 'ere difficult days, For work is a good investment, and almost always pays; But when ten years' hard labor went smokin' into the air.

I doubted all o' the maxims, an' felt that it wasn't fair.

Up from the East we had traveled, with all of our household wares, Where we had long been workin' a piece of land on shares; But how a fellow's to prosper without the rise of the land, For just two-thirds of nothin', I never could understand.

Up from the East we had traveled, me and my folks alone, And quick we went to workin' a piece of land of our own; Small was our backwoods quarters, and things looked mighty cheap; But every thing we put in there, we put in there to keep.

So, with workin' and savin', we managed to get along; Managed to make a livin', and feel consid'able strong; And things went smooth and happy, an' fair as the average run, Till every thing went back on me, in the fall of '71.

First thing bothered and worried me, was 'long o' my daughter Kate; Rather a han'some cre'tur', and folks all liked her gait.

Not so nice as them sham ones in yeller-covered books; But still there wa'n't much discount on Katherine's ways an' looks.

And Katherine's smile was pleasant, and Katherine's temper good, And how she come to like Tom Smith, I never understood; For she was a mornin'-glory, as fair as you ever see, And Tom was a s.h.a.g-bark hickory, as green as green could be.