The History of Thomas Ellwood Written By Himself Part 12

This satisfied me; down I shrew my quill, Willing to be resigned to G.o.d's pure will.

Having discharged this duty to the memory of my deceased friend, I went on in my new province, instructing my little pupils in the rudiments of the Latin tongue, to the mutual satisfaction of both their parents and myself. As soon as I had gotten a little money in my pocket, which as a premium without compact I received from them, I took the first opportunity to return to my friend William Penington the money which he had so kindly furnished me with in my need, at the time of my imprisonment in Bridewell, with a due acknowledgment of my obligation to him for it. He was not at all forward to receive it, so that I was fain to press it upon him.

While thus I remained in this family various suspicions arose in the minds of some concerning me with respect to Mary Penington's fair daughter Guli; for she having now arrived at a marriageable age, and being in all respects a very desirable woman--whether regard was had to her outward person, which wanted nothing to render her completely comely; or to the endowments of her mind, which were every way extraordinary and highly obliging; or to her outward fortune, which was fair, and which with some hath not the last nor the least place in consideration--she was openly and secretly sought and solicited by many, and some of them almost of every rank and condition, good and bad, rich and poor, friend and foe. To whom, in their respective turns, till he at length came for whom she was reserved, she carried herself with so much evenness of temper, such courteous freedom, guarded with the strictest modesty, that as it gave encouragement or ground of hopes to none, so neither did it administer any matter of offence or just cause of complaint to any.

But such as were thus either engaged for themselves or desirous to make themselves advocates for others, could not, I observed, but look upon me with an eye of jealousy and fear, that I would improve the opportunities I had by frequent and familiar conversation with her, to my own advantage, in working myself into her good opinion and favour, to the ruin of their pretences.

According therefore to the several kinds and degrees of their fears of me, they suggested to her parents their ill surmises against me.

Some stuck not to question the sincerity of my intentions in coming at first among the Quakers, urging with a why may it not be so, that the desire and hopes of obtaining by that means so fair a fortune might be the prime and chief inducement to me to thrust myself amongst that people? But this surmise could find no place with those worthy friends of mine, her father-in-law and her mother, who, besides the clear sense and sound judgment they had in themselves, knew very well upon what terms I came among them, how strait and hard the pa.s.sage was to me, how contrary to all worldly interest, which lay fair another way, how much I had suffered from my father for it, and how regardless I had been of attempting or seeking anything of that nature in these three or four years that I had been amongst them.

Some others, measuring me by the propensity of their own inclinations, concluded I would steal her, run away with her, and marry her; which they thought I might be the more easily induced to do, from the advantageous opportunities I frequently had of riding and walking abroad with her, by night as well as by day, without any other company than her maid. For so great indeed was the confidence that her mother had in me, that she thought her daughter safe if I was with her, even from the plots and designs that others had upon her; and so honourable were the thoughts she entertained concerning me, as would not suffer her to admit a suspicion that I could be capable of so much baseness as to betray the trust she with so great freedom reposed in me.

I was not ignorant of the various fears which filled the jealous heads of some concerning me, neither was I so stupid nor so divested of all humanity as not to be sensible of the real and innate worth and virtue which adorned that excellent dame, and attracted the eyes and hearts of so many with the greatest importunity to seek and solicit her. But the force of truth and sense of honour suppressed whatever would have risen beyond the bounds of fair and virtuous friends.h.i.+p; for I easily foresaw that if I should have attempted anything in a dishonourable way by force or fraud upon her, I should have thereby brought a wound upon my own soul, a foul scandal upon my religious profession, and an infamous stain upon mine honour; either of which was far more dear unto me than my life. Wherefore, having observed how some others had befooled themselves by misconstruing her common kindness, expressed in an innocent, open, free, and familiar conversation, springing from the abundant affability, courtesy, and sweetness of her natural temper, to be the effect of a singular regard and peculiar affection to them, I resolved to shun the rock on which I had seen so many run and split; and remembering that saying of the poet,

Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula cautum,

Happy's he Whom others' dangers wary make to be,

I governed myself in a free yet respectful carriage towards her, that I thereby both preserved a fair reputation with my friends and enjoyed as much of her favour and kindness in a virtuous and firm friends.h.i.+p as was fit for her to show or for me to seek.

Thus leading a quiet and contented life, I had leisure sometimes to write a copy of verses on one occasion or another, as the poetic vein naturally opened, without taking pains to polish them. Such was this which follows, occasioned by the sudden death of some l.u.s.ty people in their full strength:

EST VITA CADUCA.

As is the fragrant flower in the field, Which in the spring a pleasant smell doth yield, And lovely sight, but soon is withered; So's Man: to-day alive, to-morrow dead.

And as the silver dew-bespangled gra.s.s, Which in the morn bedecks its mother's face, But ere the scorching summer's pa.s.sed looks brown, Or by the scythe is suddenly cut down.

Just such is Man, who vaunts himself to-day, Decking himself in all his best array; But in the midst of all his bravery Death rounds him in the ear, "Friend, thou must die."

Or like a shadow in a sunny day, Which in a moment vanishes away; Or like a smile or spark,--such is the span Of life allowed this microcosm, Man.

Cease then vain man to boast; for this is true, Thy brightest glory's as the morning dew, Which disappears when first the rising sun Displays his beams above the horizon.

As the consideration of the uncertainty of human life drew the foregoing lines from me, so the sense I had of the folly of mankind, in misspending the little time allowed them in evil ways and vain sports, led me more particularly to trace the several courses wherein the generality of men run unprofitably at best, if not to their hurt and ruin, which I introduced with that axiom of the Preacher (Eccles. i. 2):

ALL IS VANITY.

See here the state of man as in a gla.s.s, And how the fas.h.i.+on of this world doth pa.s.s.

Some in a tavern spend the longest day, While others hawk and hunt the time away.

Here one his mistress courts; another dances; A third incites to l.u.s.t by wanton glances.

This wastes the day in dressing; the other seeks To set fresh colours on her with red cheeks, That, when the sun declines, some dapper spark May take her to Spring Garden or the park.

Plays some frequent, and b.a.l.l.s; others their prime Consume at dice; some bowl away their time.

With cards some wholly captivated are; From tables others scarce an hour can spare.

One to soft music manc.i.p.ates his ear; At shovel-board another spends the year.

The Pall Mall this accounts the only sport; That keeps a racket in the tennis-court.

Some strain their very eyes and throats with singing, While others strip their hands and backs at ringing.

Another sort with greedy eyes are waiting Either at c.o.c.k-pit or some great bull-baiting.

This dotes on running-horses; t'other fool Is never well but in the fencing-school.

Wrestling and football, nine-pins, prison-base, Among the rural clowns find each a place.

Nay, Joan unwashed will leave her milking-pail To dance at May-pole, or a Whitsun ale.

Thus wallow most in sensual delight, As if their day should never have a night, Till Nature's pale-faced sergeant them surprise, And as the tree then falls, just so it lies.

Now look at home, thou who these lines dost read, See which of all these paths thyself dost tread, And ere it be too late that path forsake, Which, followed, will thee miserable make.

After I had thus enumerated some of the many vanities in which the generality of men misspent their time, I sang the following ode in praise of virtue:-

Wealth, beauty, pleasures, honours, all adieu; I value virtue far, far more than you.

You're all but toys For girls and boys To play withal, at best deceitful joys.

She lives for ever; ye are transitory, Her honour is unstained; but your glory Is mere deceit - A painted bait, Hung out for such as sit at Folly's gate.

True peace, content, and joy on her attend; You, on the contrary, your forces bend To blear men's eyes With fopperies, Which fools embrace, but wiser men despise.

About this time my father, resolving to sell his estate, and having reserved for his own use such parts of his household goods as he thought fit, not willing to take upon himself the trouble of selling the rest, gave them unto me; whereupon I went down to Crowell, and having before given notice there and thereabouts that I intended a public sale of them, I sold them, and thereby put some money into my pocket. Yet I sold such things only as I judged useful, leaving the pictures and armour, of which there was some store there, unsold.

Not long after this my father sent for me to come to him at London about some business, which, when I came there, I understood was to join with him in the sale of his estate, which the purchaser required for his own satisfaction and safety, I being then the next heir to it in law. And although I might probably have made some advantageous terms for myself by standing off, yet when I was satisfied by counsel that there was no entail upon it or right of reversion to me, but that he might lawfully dispose of it as he pleased, I readily joined with him in the sale without asking or having the least gratuity or compensation, no, not so much as the fee I had given to counsel to secure me from any danger in doing it.

There having been some time before this a very severe law made against the Quakers by name, and more particularly prohibiting our meetings under the sharpest penalties of five pounds for the first offence so called, ten pounds for the second, and banishment for the third, under pain of felony for escaping or returning without license--which law was looked upon to have been procured by the bishops in order to bring us to a conformity to their way of wors.h.i.+p--I wrote a few lines in way of dialogue between a Bishop and a Quaker, which I called

CONFORMITY, PRESSED AND REPRESSED.

B. What! You are one of them that do deny To yield obedience by conformity.

Q. Nay: we desire conformable to be.

B. But unto what? Q. The Image of the Son. {190} B. What's that to us! We'll have conformity Unto our form. Q. Then we shall ne'er have done.

For, if your fickle minds should alter, we Should be to seek a new conformity.

Thus, who to-day conform to Prelacy, To-morrow may conform to Popery.

But take this for an answer, Bishop, we Cannot conform either to them or thee; For while to truth your forms are opposite, Whoe'er conforms thereto doth not aright.

B. We'll make such knaves as you conform, or lie Confined in prisons till ye rot and die.

Q. Well, gentle Bishop, I may live to see, For all thy threats, a check to cruelty; But in the meantime, I, for my defence, Betake me to my fortress, Patience.

No sooner was this cruel law made but it was put in execution with great severity; the sense whereof working strongly on my spirit, made me cry earnestly to the Lord that he would arise and set up his righteous judgment in the earth for the deliverance of his people from all their enemies, both inward and outward; and in these terms I uttered it:

Awake, awake, O arm of th' Lord, awake, Thy sword uptake; Cast what would Thine forgetful of Thee make Into the lake.

Awake, I pray, O mighty Jah, awake Make all the world before Thy presence quake, Not only earth, but heaven also shake.

Arise, arise, O Jacob's G.o.d, arise, And hear the cries Of ev'ry soul which in distress now lies, And to Thee flies.

Arise, I pray, O Israel's hope, arise; Set free Thy seed, oppressed by enemies.

Why should they over it still tyrannize?

Make speed, make speed, O Israel's help, make speed, In time of need; For evil men have wickedly decreed Against Thy seed.

Make speed, I pray, O mighty G.o.d, make speed; Let all Thy lambs from savage wolves be freed, That fearless on Thy mountain they may feed.

Ride on, ride on, Thou Valiant Man of Might, And put to flight Those sons of Belial who do despite To the upright: Ride on, I say, Thou Champion, and smite Thine and Thy people's enemies, with such might That none may dare 'gainst Thee or Thine to fight.