Pride and Prejudice, a play by Mary Keith Medbery Mackaye Part 31

MR. COLLINS.

True--they might not be suitable, but [_Looking at them proudly._] they are very fine radishes. [_To_ ELIZABETH.] Miss Elizabeth, I am very successful in my gardening. I consider the work I do in my garden to be one of my most respectable pleasures. Lady Catherine is always ready to encourage me in it, and my dear Charlotte is ever willing that I should leave her side for the sake of this healthful exercise. [_Looking at the radishes again._] It is, indeed, a pity that Miss de Bourg is not well enough to enjoy them. My dear Charlotte has doubtless told you, Miss Elizabeth, of the alliance which is in prospect between Miss de Bourg and Mr. Darcy. This extreme delicacy of const.i.tution would seem to be the only bar to their happiness.

ELIZABETH.

Yes, Charlotte has told me that Miss de Bourg is sickly. She will make Mr. Darcy a very proper wife.

[CHARLOTTE _looks anxiously at_ MR. COLLINS _as_ ELIZABETH _says this, but he is gazing out of the door and does not seem to notice the remark_.]

MR. COLLINS.

I hope you are pleased with Kent, Miss Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH.

Very much, Mr. Collins.

MR. COLLINS.

I do not think the kingdom can boast a grander scene than the one now spread before our eyes: [_Pointing._] This garden--that park with Rosings in the distance. Do not you think my dear Charlotte is most fortunately placed, Miss Elizabeth?

ELIZABETH.

Most fortunately, Mr. Collins.

MR. COLLINS.

And when you have seen Lady Catherine, you will be more deeply impressed, I am sure. We can hardly expect her to call upon you. This illness of Miss de Bourg would prevent it, and in any case it would be an act of extreme condescension on her part; but I am quite confident that you will receive an invitation to drink tea of a Sunday evening with her, after Mr. Darcy and his cousin are gone, of course. And--we may later have an invitation to dinner--although I would not for the world arouse in you false hopes which may be shattered.

MARTHA.

[_Enters in great excitement._] Oh, Mrs. Collins! Lady Catherine's carriage is turning into the lane and _she_ is in it!

MR. COLLINS.

[_Rising in great excitement_.] Lady Catherine--at this hour! What amazing condescension! [_He turns in a helpless manner to_ CHARLOTTE.]

But, my dear, I am quite unprepared. My habiliments--I would not be wanting in respect.--What shall I do?

CHARLOTTE.

[_Hurriedly putting up her work and giving her hat and gloves to the maid._] Go make yourself ready, Mr. Collins. We will do the same.

[CHARLOTTE _pushes_ MR. COLLINS _gently toward the door_.]

MR. COLLINS.

[_Protesting._] Yes--yes! But this implement----

[_He holds out the hoe._]

CHARLOTTE.

Give it to Martha!

[MR. COLLINS _hastily gives the hoe to the maid and then goes out.

He instantly returns, however, and again appeals in distressed tones to his wife_.]

MR. COLLINS.

[_Holding out the basket._] And these radishes, my dear?

CHARLOTTE.

Martha, take the radishes from Mr. Collins.

MARTHA.

Yes, ma'am.

[_The maid tries to hold at once--basket, hoe, hat, and gloves, as she stands in a corner, open-mouthed._]

MR. COLLINS.

[_Again emerging from the door._] Do not make yourself uneasy about your own apparel, Miss Elizabeth; Lady Catherine is far from requiring that elegance in us which becomes herself and daughter--I----

CHARLOTTE.

[_Impatiently._] Oh, do go, Mr. Collins! Lady Catherine will be here in an instant!

[_She shuts the door on_ MR. COLLINS.]

ELIZABETH.

[_Greatly amused at all this excitement._] Are you going to make any change in your dress, Charlotte? Do you wish me to do so?