The Covent Garden Theatre Part 3

Pas: Sir, I shall think my self highly honour'd in their Acquaintance.

Omn: (#within#) Where is he, where is he? what, upon the Stage, ha, ha, ha.

(#as they all press to come on Hydra stops them#)

Hyd: Nay, nay, softly, softly Gentlemen, & I'll Introduce You all if you will have Patience! One at a time, You must come on but one at a time.

Omn: Ay, ay, one at a time, keep back, keep back; pray keep back; We shall have the Audience hiss us.

Enter Bob Smart.

Hyd: The first Character I have the Honour to introduce to your Highness is the facetious Bob Smart, a professed Wit and Critic; no Man knows the Intrigues of the Court, the Theatres, or the City better, No Man has a finer Taste in the Belle' Letters, for he is deemed one of the best Gentlemen Harlequins in Europe, and is an Emminent Orator at the Robin Hood Society.

Bob: Yes, Seignior, I am little Bob Smart at your Service; did you ever hear of me Abroad?

Pas: Often, often Sir.

Bob: I thought so; have you got ever a Harlequin in this Farce of yours, Mr. Drawcansir?

Pas: No Sir.

Bob: Then you'll be d.a.m.n'd Sir. by your Bills I thought there was a Pantomime in it. I wish you had consulted me, I have wrote two-- And a Parcell of us intend next Winter to have one of the Theatres, and to treat the Public with the finest Pantomime that ever was seen, in Immitation of the Gentlemen Who Play'd Oth.e.l.lo.

Omn: Ha, ha, ha, Bravo, Bravo (_at the side of the Scenes_)

Bob: Don't you think it will exceed Oth.e.l.lo?

Pas: Certainly Sir; and be a much more rational Entertainment, and what will Shew your Genius to vast Advantage.

Bob: I am to do the Harlequin in it, tidi, doldi, doldi, doldi dee, tidi, doldi, doldi, doldi dee (#Sings & dances the Harlequin.#)

Omn: Ha, ha, ha, ha, Bravo, Bravo.

Bob: Do you think that will do Seignior?

Pas: To Admiration.

Bob: I practice it three Hours evry Morning, but what is the Nature of this Farce of yours? have you any Smart, ridiculous, droll Fellows in it ha!

Pas: No Sir. they are all polite, Sensible, decent, Characters such as yours!

Bob.

Nay Igad if they are like me I'll engage they'll make the public laugh.-- for by all that's drole I always Set the Coffee House in a Roar when I am there, he! don't I Hydra.

Hyd: Why you are the very Yorick of the Age.

Bob: Igad I have more humour than Foot a thousand times; and I'll lay a Chaldron of Guineas to a Nutsh.e.l.l that my Pantomime, is a better thing than his Taste. I think I have some Fun in me demme.

Hyd: This Mr. Pasquin is the Noted Sr. Conjecture Possitive; a Gentleman who was never in an Error in his Life,-- consequently cou'd never be convinced. Sr. he understands Politics and b.u.t.terflies, Whale fis.h.i.+ng and Cricket, Fortification and s.h.i.+ttle c.o.c.k; Poetry and Wolf Dogs; in short ev'ry thing, in ev'ry Art and Science, from a Pins Head, to the Longitude & Philosopher's Stone, better than any Man in Europe.

Sr. Con: O Fye, Mr. Hydra, you are too lavish, Mr. Pasquin will think you are imposing upon him.

Hyd: Sir, he has such Segacity and Penetration that he can decypher a Lady's Affections, or a Statesman's Heart by a glance of the Eye; and has such profound critical Knowledge that he can p.r.o.nounce upon a New Play the Moment he has heard the first Speech of it.

Sr. Con: Mr. Hydra is apt to think too well of his Friends Abilities Mr.

Pasquin;-- it is his Foible; But however, I have some knowledge-- I am not in the common herd of Critics. I can give a tollerable Guess at most of the Productions in Art and Nature.

Pas: I believe it Sir; for your Mein, & Countenance, Dress and mannor of speaking, are an Index of Sagacity and Penetration.

Sr. Con: I shall give you my Opinion very freely; I know you intend to bring on some particular Characters from Our End of the Town-- Capt. Crimp-- Match Count Hunt-Bubble & that Knot-- To be sure they are all Sharpers, and deserve to be exposed-- but, they are what are called Men of Fas.h.i.+on-- You had better let them alone-- they are a Nest of Hornets-- You may be Stung to death by them-- they'll d.a.m.n your Piece if they can do nothing else

Enter Miss Bashfull.

Pas: Sir, I thank you for your Caution-- I shall Act with Prudence.

Hyd: This, Sir, is Miss Bashfull, who is under the Tuition of Miss Brilliant, A Novice at present, but will in Time make a s.h.i.+ning Figure-- For She's a Genius-- but not ripe yet.

Bas.

I, I, I, I,-- a.s.sure You Mr. Pasquin-- I-- I-- I am mightily pleased with your Bill about A, a, aristo-- pha-- nes and-- Paskee-- in-- des.

and the Per-- oration, I reckon they are very Comical-- Your hble. Sr.

Pas: Your Servant Madam.

Bash: (#To Miss Brilliant#) Well I never Spoke to a Poet before! Lord how frightened I was.

Enter Miss Brilliant.

Lord Mr. Hydra, I should laugh if the Audience shou'd take me for one of the Actresses-- but if they do I don't care; for I am resolved I'll See this Farce if I never See another.

Hyd: This Mr. Pasquin is the Sprightly Miss Brilliant, a Lady who pants to be acquainted with you; She is intimate with Mr. Garrick-- is known to the Fool, corresponds with Sir Alexander Drawcansir, and has writ several Admired Inspectors.

Brill: Yes, Mr. Pasquin the World is kind enough to say my Friend Prometheus has given me a little Flame, a small Portion-- A Spark-- A Ray of the Etherial-- that's all. I wish you wou'd come and breakfast with me One Morning. I wou'd shew you a little thing that wou'd please you, it is but a Trifle;-- but it is neat-- something like Sapho-- a Ia ne se quoi-- Do you know the Inspector.

Pas: No Madam.

Brill: Nor the Fool.

Pas: No Madam.

Brill.

Nor Sir Alexander.

Pas: I am not so happy Madam.

Brill.

I'll make them your Friends-- If I see them here to Night, I'll Introduce them to you. I am intimate with all the Genii in Town. but prithee what is this Piece of yours? it has excited vast Curiosity. Is it after the Manner of Aristophanes-- or Fielding-- or Foot's Pieces-- don't tell me-- I won't have my Pleasure Antic.i.p.ated-- but I a.s.sure I shall applaud-- I am mighty glad I don't know what it is-- It is much pleasanter to be Surprized be it good or bad.

Enter Sir Eternal Grin.