Washington Square Plays Part 5

II. EUGENICALLY SPEAKING

A One-Act Play

By Edward Goodman

Copyright, 1914, by Edward Goodman

"Eugenically Speaking" was produced by the Was.h.i.+ngton Square Players, under the direction of Philip Moeller, as part of their first program at the Bandbox Theatre, New York City, beginning February 19, 1915.

In the cast, in the order of their appearance, were the following:

UNA BRAITHEWAITE. Florence Enright GEORGE c.o.xEY. Karl Karsten MR. BRAITHEWAITE. George C. Somnes JARVIS a manservant Ralph Roeder

The scene was designed by Engelbert Gminska and Miss Enright's costume by Mrs. Edward Flammer.

"Eugenically Speaking" was subsequently revived by the Was.h.i.+ngton Square Players at the Comedy Theatre, New York City, beginning August 30, 1916.

In this production Arthur Hohl played the part of George c.o.xey; Robert Strange, Wm. Braithewaite; and Spalding Hall, Jarvis.

CHARACTERS

UNA. A girl GEORGE c.o.xEY. A conductor MR. BRAITHEWAITE. A financier JARVIS. A butler

TIME: Between to-day and to-morrow.

SCENE: A room in the Braithewaite mansion, richly but tastefully furnished. Among these furnis.h.i.+ngs it is necessary for the play to note, besides the door at the back, only the table that stands a little to the right of the centre of the room, with a statue on it, and three chairs which stand, one to the right, one to the left, and one in the middle.

It is a winter afternoon, and the room is illuminated by invisible lights.

Enter UNA, followed by GEORGE c.o.xEY. UNA is a charming, fas.h.i.+onable girl of twenty with a suave blend of will and poise. GEORGE c.o.xEY is a handsome, well-built, magnetic-looking youth of about twenty-five. He is dressed in the garb of a street-car conductor and carries the cap in his hand. Although somewhat inconvenienced and preoccupied with the novelty of his surroundings and his situation, he remains, in the main, in excellent self-possession, an occasional twinkle in his eye showing that he is even quietly alive to a certain humor in the adventure. Above all, his att.i.tude is that rare one, which we like to feel typical of American youth, of facing an unusual situation firmly, and seeing and grasping its possibilities quickly.

He stands near the door, waiting, examining the room and warming his hands, while UNA goes to the bell and rings it and then proceeds to the mirror to primp a little. When she is finished she turns and notices him.

UNA. Why, my dear man, sit down. [She points to a chair at the right.]

GEORGE. Thanks, after you.

UNA [laughs]. Oh! Excuse me. I forgot. You're a car conductor. Naturally you're polite.

GEORGE. Not naturally, Miss. But I've learned.

UNA. An apt pupil, too. Let me teach you then that the ruder you are to a woman, the more she'll hate you--or love you. [She goes up to him and invites him with a gesture.] Sit down.

[GEORGE remains immobile.] The polite are not only bourgeois, they're boring.

GEORGE. When I know I'm right, I stick to it.

UNA. But you must grow tired of standing.

GEORGE. If I did, I'd lose my job.

UNA. You have already. Sit down.

GEORGE [firmly]. After you.

UNA [taking the chair, centre, and sitting on it]. You're splendid. Now!

[GEORGE sits in the offered chair a little stiffly.]

UNA. Isn't that better than ringing up fares?

GEORGE [smiling at his attempt at a pun]. Fairly.

UNA [rising, perturbed]. No! You mustn't do that. That's vulgar.

GEORGE [rising in alarm]. What have I done?

UNA [vexed again]. Sit down. You mustn't jump up when I do. [He remains standing. Vexed but smiling she sits.] Well, there! [He sits down.] You punned! You mustn't. We all like puns, but it's good form to call them bad taste.

[Enter JARVIS the Butler.]

JARVIS [starts slightly at perceiving the situation, but controls himself]. Did you ring for me, Miss?

UNA. Yes. Please tell my father that I'd like to see him at once.

[JARVIS goes out.]

UNA. Do you know the reason that you are here?

GEORGE. The hundred dollars you gave me.

UNA. No----

GEORGE. Yes. I wouldn't have left my job if you hadn't given me that.

UNA. I suppose not. But I mean, do you know why I brought you here?

GEORGE. I'm waiting to see.

UNA [enthusiastically]. I wonder if you'll like it.

GEORGE. Your father?

UNA. No. Dad's a dear. That is, he is when he sees you mean business.

[Enter MR. BRAITHEWAITE. He is a well-preserved man near sixty, almost always completely master of himself. On seeing c.o.xEY he, too, gives a little start and then controls himself.]

BRAITHEWAITE. Una, dear?