My Lady of the Chinese Courtyard Part 5

37 I have given to this stranger-child, this child left to die upon the tow-path, the clothes that were our son's. She was cold, and thy Mother came to me so gently and said, "Kwei-li, hast thou no clothing for the child that was found by thy servants?" I saw her meaning, and I said, "Would'st thou have me put the clothing over which I have wept, and that is now carefully laid away in the camphor-wood box, upon this child?" She said-- and thou would'st not know thy Mother's voice, her bitter words are only as the rough sh.e.l.l of the lichee nut that covers the sweet meat hidden within-- she said, "Why not, dear one?

This one needs them, and the hours thou pa.s.sest with them are only filled with saddened memories." I said to her, "This is a girl, a beggar child. I will not give to her the clothing of my son. Each time I looked upon her it would be a knife plunged in my heart." She said to me, "Kwei-li, thou art not a child, thou art a woman. Of what worth that clothing lying in that box of camphor-wood? Does it bring back thy son? Some day thou wilt open it, and there will be nothing but dust which will reproach thee. Get them and give them to this child which has come to us out of the night."

I went to the box and opened it, and they lay there, the little things that had touched his tiny body. I gave them, the trousers of purple, the jackets of red, the embroidered shoes, the caps with the many Buddhas. I gave them all to the begger child.

I am, Thy Wife.

38 I am reproached because I will not go to the temple. It is filled with the sounds of chanting which comes to me faintly as I lie upon the terrace. There are women there, happy women, with their babies in their arms, while mine are empty. There are others there in sorrow, laying their offerings at the feet of Kwan-yin. They do not know that she does not feel, nor care, for womankind. She sits upon her lotus throne and laughs at mothers in despair. How can she feel, how can she know, that thing of gilded wood and plaster?

I stay upon my terrace, I live alone within my court of silent dreams.

For me there are no G.o.ds.

39 They have brought to me from the market-place a book of a new G.o.d.

I would not read it. I said, "There are too many G.o.ds-- why add a new one? I have no candles or incense to lay before an image." But-- I read and saw within its pages that He gave rest and love and peace.

Peace-- what the holy man desired, the end of all things-- peace. And I, I do not want to lose the gift of memory; I want remembrance, but I want it without pain.

The cherry-blossoms have bloomed and pa.s.sed away. They lingered but a moment's s.p.a.ce, and, like my dream of spring, they died. But, pa.s.sing, they have left behind the knowledge that we'll see them once again. There must be something, somewhere, to speak to despairing mothers and say, "Weep not! You will see your own again."

I do not want a G.o.d of temples. I have cried my prayers to Kwan-yin, and they have come back to me like echoes from a deadened wall. I want a G.o.d to come to me at night-time, when I am lying lonely, wide-eyed, staring into darkness, with all my body aching for the touch of tiny hands. I want that G.o.d who says, "I give thee Peace," to stand close by my pillow and touch my wearied eyelids and bring me rest.

I have been dead-- enclosed within a tomb of sorrow and despair; but now, at words but dimly understood, a faint new life seems stirring deep within me. A Voice speaks to me from out these pages, a Voice that says, "Come unto Me all ye weary and heavy-laden, and I will give thee rest." My longing soul cries out, "Oh, great and unknown G.o.d, give me this rest!" I am alone, a woman, helpless, stretching out my arms in darkness, but into my world of gloom has come a faint dim star, a star of hope that says to me, "There is a G.o.d."

Part 2.

-Preface_.

These letters were written by Kwei-li twenty-five years after those written to her husband when she was a young girl of eighteen. They are, therefore, the letters of the present-day Chinese woman of the old school, a woman who had by education and environment exceptional opportunities to learn of the modern world, but who, like every Eastern woman, clings with almost desperate tenacity to the traditions and customs of her race. Indeed, however the youth of Oriental countries may be changing, their mothers always exhibit that characteristic of woman-hood, conservatism, which is to them the safe-guard of their homes. Unlike the Western woman, accustomed to a broader horizon, the woman of China, secluded for generations within her narrow courtyards, prefers the ways and manners which she knows, rather than flying to ills she knows not of. It is this self-protective instinct that makes the Eastern woman the foe to those innovations which are slowly but surely changing the face of the entire Eastern, yard.

The former letters were written out of the quiet, domestic scenes of the primitive, old China, while the present letters come out of the confused revolutionary atmosphere of the new China. Kwei-li's patriotism and hatred of the foreigner grows out of the fact that, as wife of the governor of one of the chief provinces, she had been from the beginning en rapport with the intrigues, the gossip, and the rumours of a revolution which, for intricacy of plot and hidden motive, is incomparable with any previous national change on record. Her att.i.tude toward education as seen in her relations.h.i.+p with her son educated in England and America reveals the att.i.tude of the average Chinese father and mother if they would allow their inner feelings to speak.

Kwei-li's religion likewise exhibits the tendency of religious att.i.tude on the part of the real Chinese, especially those of the older generation.

It is touched here and there by the vital spark of Christianity, but at the centre continues to be Chinese and inseparably a.s.sociated with the wors.h.i.+p of ancestors and the reverence for those G.o.ds whose influence has been woven into the early years of impressionable life.

That the hope of the educational, social, and religious change in China rests with the new generation is evident to all. The Chinese father and mother will sail in the wooden s.h.i.+ps which their sons and daughters are beginning to leave for barks of steel.

There is little doubt that new China will be Westernised in every department of her being. No friend of China hopes for such sudden changes, however, as will prevent the Chinese themselves from permeating the new with their own distinctive individuality. There is a charm about old China that only those who have lived there can understand, and there is a charm about these dainty ladies, secluded within their walls, which the modern woman may lose in a too sudden transition into the air of the Western day.

Let Europe, let America, let the West come to China, but let the day be far distant when we shall find no longer in the women's courtyards such mothers as Kwei-li.

1 My Dear Mother, Thy son has received his appointment as governor of this province, and we are at last settled in this new and strange abode. We are most proud of the words p.r.o.nounced by His Excellency Yuan when giving him his power of office. He said:

"You, Liu, are an example of that higher patriotism rarely met with in official life, which recognises its duty to its Government, a duty too often forgotten by the members of a great family such as that of which you are the honoured head, in the obligation to the Clan and the desire to use power for personal advantage. Your official record has been without stain; and especially your work among the foreigners dwelling in our land has been accomplished with tact and discretion. I am sending you to Shanghai, which is the most difficult post in the Republic because of its involved affairs with the foreign nations, knowing that the interests of the Republic will be always safe in your hands."

I write thee this because I know thy mother-heart will rejoice that our President shows such confidence in thy son, and that his many years of service to his country have been appreciated.

Shanghai truly is a difficult place at present. There are fifteen nationalities here represented by their consuls, and they are all watching China and each other with jealous eyes, each nation fearing that another will obtain some slight advantage in the present unsettled state of our country. The town is filled with adventurers, both European and Chinese, who are waiting anxiously to see what att.i.tude the new Governor takes in regard to the many projects in which they are interested. My husband says nothing and allows them to wonder. It is better for them, because, like all schemers, if they had nothing to give them anxious nights and troubled dreams, they would not be happy.

We found the Yamen not suitable for our large household, as it did not lend itself readily to the reception of foreigners and the innovations and new customs that seem to be necessary for the fulfillment of the duties of a Chinese official under this new order. As thy son was selected governor of this province because of his knowledge of foreign lands and customs, it is necessary for him to live, partly at least, the life of a European; but let me a.s.sure thee that, so far as I am concerned, and so far as I can influence it, our life behind the screens will always be purely Chinese, and the old, unchanged customs that I love will rule my household. I will surrender no more than is necessary to this new tide of Westernism that seems to be sweeping our China from its moorings; but-- I must not dwell o'ermuch upon that theme, though it is a subject on which I can wax most eloquent, and I know thou desirest to hear of this house which would seem so ugly in thine eyes.

There are no quiet courtyards, no curving roofs, no softly shaded windows of sh.e.l.l, no rounded archways; but all is square and glaring and imposing, seeming to look coldly from its staring windows of gla.s.s at the stranger within its gates. It says loudly, "I am rich; it costs many thousands of taels to make my ugliness." For me, it is indeed a "foreign" house. Yet I will have justice within my heart and tell thee that there is much that we might copy with advantage. In place of floors of wide plain boards, and walls of wood with great wide cracks covered with embroideries and rugs, as in the Chinese homes, the floors are made of tiny boards polished until they glisten like unto the sides of the boats of the tea-house girls, and the walls are of plaster covered, as in our rooms of reception, with silk and satin, and the chairs and couches have silken tapestry to match their colour.

This furniture, strange to me, is a great care, as I do not understand its usages, and it seems most stiff and formal. I hope some day to know a foreign woman on terms of friends.h.i.+p, and I will ask her to touch the room with her hands of knowledge, and bring each piece into more friendly companions.h.i.+p with its neighbour. Now chairs look coldly at tables, as if to say, "You are an intruder!" And it chills me.

This house is much more simple than our homes, because of the many modern instruments that make the work less heavy and allow it to be done by few instead of many, as is our way. It is not necessary to have a man attend solely to the lighting of the lamps. Upon the wall is placed a magic b.u.t.ton which, touched even by the hand of ignorance, floods the room with the light of many suns. We see no more the water-carrier with his two great wooden buckets swinging from the bamboo as he comes from river or ca.n.a.l to pour the water into the great kangs standing by the kitchen door. Nor do we need to put the powder in it to make it clear and wholesome. That is all done by men we do not see, and they call it "sanitation." The cook needs only to turn a small bra.s.s handle, and the water comes forth as from a distant spring. It reminds me of the man who came to my father, when he was governor of Wuseh, and wished to install a most unheard-of machine to bring water to the city from the lake upon the hillside. My father listened most respectfully to the long and stupid explanation, and looked at the clear water which the foreign man produced to show what could be done, then, shaking his head, said, "Perhaps that water is more healthful, as you say, but it is to me too clear and white. It has no body, and I fear has not the strength of the water from our ca.n.a.ls."

Another thing we do not hear is the rattle of the watchman as he makes his rounds at night, and I miss it. In far Sezchuan, on many nights when sleep was distant, I would lie and listen as he struck upon his piece of hollow bamboo telling me that all was well within our compound. Now the city has police that stand outside the gateway.

Many are men from India-- big black men, with fierce black beards and burning eyes. Our people hate them, and they have good cause.

They are most cruel, and ill-treat all who come within their power. But we must tread with cat-like steps, as they are employed by the English, who protect them at all times. They are the private army of that nation here within our city, and at every chance their numbers are constantly increased. I do not understand this question of police.

There are in thousands of our cities and villages no police, no soldiers, yet there is less lawlessness and vice in a dozen purely Chinese cities than in this great mongrel town that spends many tens of thousands of taels each year upon these guardians of the people's peace. It seems to me that this should tell the world that the force of China is not a physical force, but the force of the law-abiding instinct of a happy common people, who, although living on the verge of misery and great hunger, live upright lives and do not try to break their country's laws.

There is a garden within our walls, but not a garden of winding pathways and tiny bridges leading over lotus ponds, nor are there hillocks of rockery with here and there a tiny G.o.d or temple peeping from some hidden grotto. All is flat, with long bare stretches of green gra.s.s over which are nets, by which my children play a game called tennis. This game is foolish, in my eyes, and consists of much jumping and useless waste of strength, but the English play it, and of course the modern Chinese boy must imitate them. I have made one rule: my daughters shall not play the game. It seems to me most shameful to see a woman run madly, with great boorish strides, in front of men and boys. My daughters pout and say it is played by all the girls in school, and that it makes them strong and well; but I am firm. I have conceded many things, but this to me is vulgar and unseemly.

Need I tell thee, Mother mine, that I am a stranger in this great city, that my heart calls for the hills and the mountain-side with its ferns and blossoms? Yesterday at the hour of twilight I drove to the country in the motor (a new form of carrying chair that thou wouldst not understand-- or like) and I stopped by a field of flowering mustard. The scent brought remembrance to my heart, and tears flowed from beneath my eyelids. The delicate yellow blossoms seemed to speak to me from out their golden throats, and I yearned to hold within my arms all this beauty of the earth flowering beneath my feet. We stayed until the darkness came, and up to the blue night rose from all the fields "that great soft, bubbling chorus which seems the very voice of the earth itself-- the chant of the frogs." When we turned back and saw the vulgar houses, with straight red tops and piercing chimneys, I shut my eyes and in a vision saw the blue-grey houses with their curved-up, tilted roofs nestling among the groves of bamboo, and I felt that if it were my misfortune to spend many moons in this great alien city, my heart would break with longing for the beautiful home I love.

I felt sympathy with Kang Tang-li, of my father's province, who heard of a new G.o.d in Anhui. He had eaten bitter sorrow and he felt that the old G.o.ds had forgotten him and did not hear his call, so he walked two long days' journey to find this new G.o.d who gave joy and peace to those who came to him. He arrived at eventime, the sun was setting in a lake of gold, but even with its glory it could not change the ugly square-built temple, with no curves or grace to mark it as a dwelling-place of G.o.ds. Kang walked slowly around this temple, looked long at its staring windows and its tall and ugly spire upon the rooftree which seemed to force its way into the kindly blue sky; then, saddened, sick at heart, he turned homeward, saying deep within him no G.o.d whom he could reverence would choose for a dwelling-place a house so lacking in all beauty.

Is this a long and tiresome letter, my Honourable Mother? But thou art far away, and in thy sheltered walls yearn to know what has come to us, thy children, in this new and foreign life. It is indeed a new life for me, and I can hardly grasp its meaning. They are trying hard to force us to change our old quietude and peace for the rush and worry of the Western world, and I fear I am too old and settled for such sudden changes.

Tell Mah-li's daughter that I will send her news of the latest fas.h.i.+ons, and tell Li-ti that the hair is dressed quite differently here. I will write her more about it and send her the new ornaments. They are not so pretty in my eyes, nor are the gowns so graceful, but I will send her patterns that she may choose.

We all give thee our greetings and touch my hand with love.

Kwei-li.

2 My Dear Mother, I have not written thee for long, as my days have been filled with duties new and strange to me. The wives of the foreign officials have called upon me, as that appears to be their custom. It seems to me quite useless and a waste of time; but they come, and I must return the calls. I do not understand why the consuls cannot transact their business with the Governor without trying to peer into his inner life. To us a man's official life and that which lies within his women's courtyard are as separate as two pathways which never meet.

The foreign woman comes and sits upon the edge of her chair in great discomfort, vainly searching for a subject upon which we may have a common bond. I sit upon the edge of the chair from necessity, as these chairs are far too high for me, and my tiny feet hang helplessly in the air. Although the chairs are not so high or so straight and stiff as are our seats of honour, they have no footstools, and no small tables on which to lean the arm. Thou wouldst laugh at our poor feeble efforts to be agreeable one to the other. Our conversation is as foolish and as useless as would be the using of a paper lantern for the rice-mill. With all desire to be courteous and to put her at her ease, I ask about her children, the health of her honourable mother, and the state of her household. I do not ask her age, as I have learned that, contrary to our usage, it is a question not considered quite auspicious, and often causes the flush of great embarra.s.sment to rise to the cheek of a guest. Often she answers me in "pidgin" English, a kind of baby-talk that is used when addressing servants. These foreign women have rarely seen a Chinese lady, and they are surprised that I speak English; often I have been obliged to explain that when I found that my husband's office brought him close to foreigners, and that my sons and daughters were learning the new education in which it is necessary to know other than their mother tongue, I would not be left behind within closed doors, so I too learned of English and of French enough to read and speak. I am to them a curiosity. It has not been correct in former times to know a Chinese lady socially; and to these ladies, with their society, their calls, their dinners, and their games of cards, we within the courtyards are people from another world. They think that Chinese women are and always have been the closely prisoned slaves of their husbands, idle and ignorant and soulless, with no thoughts above their petty household cares and the strange heathen G.o.ds they wors.h.i.+p.

Of course, these foreign women do not say these things in words, but their looks are most expressive, and I understand. I serve them tea and cake, of which they take most sparingly, and when the proper time has come they rise, trying not to look relief that their martyrdom is over. I conduct them to the doorway, or, if the woman is the wife of a great official, to the outer entrance. Then I return to my own rooms midst the things I understand; and I fear, I fear, Mother mine, that I gossip with my household upon the ways and dress and manners of these queer people from distant lands.

I have been asked to join a society of European and Chinese ladies for the purpose of becoming acquainted one with the other, but I do not think that I will do so. I believe it impossible for the woman of the West to form an alliance with the woman of the East that will be deep-rooted. The thoughts within our hearts are different, as are our points of view. We do not see the world through the same eyes. The foreign woman has children like myself, but her ambitions and her ideals for them are different. She has a home and a husband, but my training and my instincts give my home and my husband a different place in life than that which she gives to those of her household. To me the words marriage, friends.h.i.+p, home, have a deeper meaning than is attached to them by a people who live in hotels and public eating-places, and who are continually in the homes of others. They have no sanct.i.ty of the life within; there are no shrines set apart for the family union, and the wors.h.i.+p of the spirits of their ancestors. I cannot well explain to thee, the something intangible, the thick grey mist that is always there to put its bar across the open door of friends.h.i.+p between the woman of the Occident and those of Oriental blood.

I would ask of thee a favour I wish that thou wouldst search my rooms and find the clothing that is not needed by thy women. My house is full to overflowing. I had no idea we had so many poor relations. The poor relation of our poor relation and the cousin of our cousin's cousin have come to claim their kins.h.i.+p. Thy son will give no one official position nor allow them money from the public funds; but they must have clothing and rice, and I provide it. I sometimes feel, when looking into the empty rice-bin, that I sympathize with His Excellency Li Hung-chang who built a great house here, far from his home province.

When asked why, unlike the Chinese custom, he builded so far from kith and kin, he answered, "You have placed the finger upon the pulse-beat the first instant. I built it far away, hoping that all the relatives of my relatives who find themselves in need, might not find the money where-with to buy a ticket in order to come and live beneath my rooftree." (With us, they do not wait for tickets; they have strong and willing feet.) I am afraid that His Excellency, although of the old China that I love, was touched with this new spirit of each member for himself that has come upon this country.

It is the good of the one instead of the whole, as in the former times, and there is much that can be said upon both sides. The family should always stand for the members of the clan in the great crises of their lives, and help to care for them in days of poverty and old age. It is not just that one should prosper while others of the same blood starve; yet it is not just that one should provide for those unwilling to help themselves. I can look back with eyes of greater knowledge to our home, and I fear that there are many eating from the bowl of charity who might be working and self-respecting if they were not members of the great family Liu, and so ent.i.tled to thy help.

It is the hour for driving with the children. We all are thine and think of thee each day.

Kwei-li.

3 My Mother, I have such great news to tell thee that I hardly know where to begin.