The Politician Out-Witted Part 20

SERVANT. 'Tis not the place you want, I believe.--Mr. Airy lives here.

HUMPHRY. Mr. Airy! Aye, aye, now I've got it.--Here, Mr. What-d'ye-call'um, will you please to tell Miss Mary, somebody wants for to speak to her.

[_Exit SERVANT._] Now I've found out the mistake;--since I told him how the old man was a going for to marry him to Miss Mary, he thought he must obey the old fellow, for fear he shou'dn't let him have any of his money, and she's got a swinging fortune, they say; so he sent the trunk to her.--But what shou'd he tell me to take it to Mr. Frankton's for?--Why I suppose he thought I should find him here, for the man says he's here very often:--and then the number on the door; why, that settles the matter at once,--there can't be two numbers alike, in the same street, sartainly:--Yes, he's made one of his old blunders.

_SERVANT returns._

SERVANT. Please to walk in, sir.

HUMPHRY. Aye, aye;--here, master Cuffy, this way.

[_They go in._

SCENE V. _A Room in MARIA'S House._

_MARIA and OLD LOVEYET discovered sitting._

LOVEYET. It certainly is a mistake, madam; I have sent nothing out of my house to-day.

MARIA. He said it was from Mr. Loveyet, sir.--I confess I could not conceive what could induce you to send me a trunk of money.

LOVEYET. Who brought it, madam?

MARIA. A clownish kind of person, sir,--a countryman, I believe.

LOVEYET. Ah, now I begin to suspect something.--What a sad rascal!--want to cheat his father! But this lucky mistake will spoil his project.

[_Aside._

MARIA. You are striving to unravel the mystery, sir.--I am afraid the man has made some serious mistake.

LOVEYET. No matter,--it could not have come to a more suitable place; for, now it is here, it shall be yours, if you will consent to a proposal I have to make to you; for I have discovered it to be my property, after all.

MARIA. If I can with propriety consent to anything you may propose, I will, sir;--but I hope you do not think either your or your son's _money_ will tempt me.

LOVEYET. No, madam,--that is to say, I dare say it will not tempt you to do anything that is wrong;--but money is a tempting thing too,--though not quite so tempting as Miss Maria.--Hem, hem.--There was a delicate compliment for her! [_Aside._

MARIA. Mercy on me! What can the ugly old mortal mean! It cannot be possible he would have the vanity to propose his odious self.

[_Aside._

LOVEYET. You must know, madam, my son has lately arrived from the West-Indies--

MARIA. Really?--You rejoice me, sir.--Happy, happy Harriet!

LOVEYET. Not so happy as you imagine, madam; for she is not to have my son, I a.s.sure you; I intend a lady of greater beauty and merit for him, who is not very far from me now,--provided she and her father have no objection.--There I put it home to her [_Aside._]. Ugh, ugh.

MARIA. I fear there is something in this rumour about Harriet.

[_Aside._

LOVEYET. Come, shall it be so, eigh?--Well, silence gives consent.--I know you can't have any particular objection. I must have you for a--Ugh, ugh, uh.

MARIA. I must humour this joke a little. [_Aside._]--The honour you wish to confer on me, is so great, Mr. Loveyet, that I want words to express a suitable acknowledgment;--but what will the world say, when a gentleman of Mr. Loveyet's sedateness and experience stoops to a giddy girl like me?

LOVEYET. By my body, she thinks I want to have her myself.--Why, what a lucky young dog I am! I wish old Trueman was here now;--'ods my heart, and my life, and my--ugh, ugh,--but I must talk the matter over coolly with her. Hem, hem. [_Aside._]--Oh, you dear little charming, angelic creature;--I love you so much, I cou'd find in my heart to--'Zounds! I cou'd eat you up.--By my body, but you must give me a sweet kiss. [_Offers to kiss her._] 'Sblood! I can't bear it any longer. [_s.n.a.t.c.hes a kiss._]--Ugh, ugh.

MARIA. What a preposterous old dotard! [_Aside._]--You will excuse me, Mr.

Loveyet; I have company waiting for me.

LOVEYET. By all means, my blossom;--it goes to my very heart to part with you, though;--but go to your company, my love, go, go.--I wou'dn't disoblige you, nor put the least thing in your way, for the seraglio--of the Grand Seignior. You may give up the trunk to my son now, if he calls for it, my love. [_Exit MARIA._] Oh, what a dear creature! Such sweet lips,--such panting, precious, plump, little--oh, I cou'd jump out of my skin at the thoughts of it!--By my body, I must have her, and poor Charles may have Harriet, for all.--A fig for both the Const.i.tutions now, I say; I wou'dn't give my dear little Maria for a score of them.

[_Exit._

SCENE VI. _A Street._

_Enter YOUNG LOVEYET._

I wish I could find that fellow;--I cannot think he has been treacherous;--but it is very strange, neither he nor my man have returned yet:--I am tired of seeking Frankton too;--since he made free to call at Harriet's for me, I think I will go to Miss Airy's for him: they say she lives near by. [_Enter HUMPHRY._]--Well, sir, what have you done with the trunk?

HUMPHRY. Why, what you told me, to be sure. I've been a making your man Cuffy drunk, with some of the money you give me; but he's 'most sober now.

LOVEYET. Did you see Mr. Frankton?

HUMPHRY. No; but I carried the trunk to his lodgings though: I was just a going to Mr. Airy's, to see if I cou'dn't find you there.

LOVEYET. Mr. Airy's?

HUMPHRY. Aye,--where Mr. Frankton lodges; number two hundred and twenty-one;--there it is before your eyes.

LOVEYET. That is number one hundred and twenty-two;--you did not carry it there, I hope.

HUMPHRY. Yes I did.--Why isn't that the place?

LOVEYET. Confound your dull brains!--Did you not enquire who liv'd there?

HUMPHRY. Yes, Mr. Airy lives there.

LOVEYET. What a strange circ.u.mstance!--You are sure Mr. Airy lives there.

HUMPHRY. Sure and sartin;--why I see the young lady you're a going to be married to, and I give her the trunk; for I think the sarvint said how Mr.

Frankton lodg'd there.--I hope there's no harm done.

LOVEYET. I hope so too;--I must step in, and see; but this is the last time I shall send you with a message.

[_Goes in._

HUMPHRY. Like enough, for I'm a going home in the country to-morrow.

[_Exit._