Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 189

MADDEN. Would you call Florrie a ... a ... well one o' them high-strung girls?

MIX. Gosh, no!

MADDEN. You don't think she'd be the sort to fly off the handle an' do ... well, somethin' desp'rate?

MIX. Come off. You know's well's I do, Florrie's nothin' but a big jelly fish.

MADDEN. Ed--I don't want you to talk that way about Florrie. You don't 'preciate her.

MIX. Well, w'at's bitin' _you_? W'at y' askin' all these questions f'r, anyways?

MADDEN [_dully_]. Oh, nothin'.

[_Madden looks down uneasily at the bills, but without giving them any real attention. Mix yawns and lazily s.h.i.+fts his position in the armchair._]

MADDEN. Ed--I do want to ask you somethin'.

MIX [_indifferently_]. Shoot.

MADDEN. I want you to tell the truth about this, Ed. Even if you think it will hurt my feelings. It won't.

MIX. Spit it out.

MADDEN. Just what sort of a chap do you think I am?

MIX [_considering_]. Huh! That's easy. D' y' really wanta know w'at I think?

MADDEN [_gravely_]. I cert'nly do.

MIX. Well--if you really wanta know, I think yer a d.a.m.n good kid [_Madden looks suddenly grateful_] ... but a bit weak on th' pep.

MADDEN [_a trifle dubiously_]. Thanks. [_Thoughtfully._] You don't think I'm unfair?

MIX. Unfair? Why, no. How d' y' mean?

MADDEN. Well ... here in the house, f'r instance.

MIX. Lord, no, Jim! Yer s' easy goin' it'd be a holy shame f'r any one t' slip anythin' over on y'. [_After a short pause. Suspiciously._] W'at y' askin' all these questions f'r, anyways?

MADDEN. Oh--nothin'.

MIX [_struck with an idea.--Starting up from his chair_]. _I_ know w'at's bitin' you. You an' Florrie's had a row. [_He walks up to Madden and taps his arm familiarly with the back of his hand._] Come on. Own up! [_He pa.s.ses around behind Madden until he stands behind the chair at the left of the table._]

MADDEN. Well ... we did have a ... a sort of a ... disagreement.

MIX. I bet y' did. Look here, Jim. W'at's a use o' takin' it s' hard?

MADDEN [_gravely_]. The trouble is----[_He breaks off_] I guess I was mostly in the wrong.

MIX [_sitting down vehemently_]. Tell that to a poodle! I know you an' I know Florrie. I guess I know who'd be in the wrong, all right. She was bad enough w'en y' firs' got sweet on 'r--jus' a lazy fool, ev'n if she did have a pretty face. Gee, how you did fall f'r her face! Moonin'

round an' sayin' how _wonderful_ she was! [_He chuckles._] An' Florrie twenty-eight years old ... an' jus' waitin' t' fall into yer arms.

MADDEN. Ed--don't say things like that, even in fun.

MIX. h.e.l.l! It's the truth.... But lately Florrie's jus' plain slumped.

She's nothin' now but a selfish, lazy pig.

MADDEN [_angrily_]. I won't have you talk that way about Florrie. She's made me a good wife ... on the whole. She don't go trapesin' off like some o' your fly by nights. She's affection'te ... an' good tempered ...

an'----[_Mix is grinning incredulously._]

MIX. Rats! Yer havin' a d.a.m.n hard time t' say anythin' real nice about 'r. I wouldn' stretch th' truth s' far 's _that_ [_snapping his fingers._] f'r her, ev'n if she is m' sister.

MADDEN [_vehemently_]. Ed--if you can't talk decently about a nice girl like Florrie, I guess you better get out.

MIX [_slowly rising from his chair_]. Well I'll be d.a.m.ned! All right, I _will_ go.... Yer crazy, Jim!

MADDEN [_rising and putting a restraining arm on Mix's shoulder.

Nervously_]. Don't mind me, Ed. I didn't really mean what I said. I'm all upset.

MIX. Sh'd think y' were. [_After a slight hesitation, he sits down again._] W'at y' quarrelin' 'bout? Money?

MADDEN [_sitting down again_]. Uhuh.

MIX. Huh! Thought as much.... As I was sayin', I know Florrie.

MADDEN. It really wasn't her fault.

MIX [_slowly and emphatically_]. Well, you are sappy. Ever'body knows Florrie spends more money th'n you an' all my family put t'gether.

MADDEN. You wouldn't have me deny her _ev'rythin'_?... She's got to have _some_ fun.

MIX. But, Lord, man, y' don't earn th' income of a John D. Rockefeller.

MADDEN [_somberly_]. I know.... I ought to do much better. But that isn't _her_ fault. Besides, she's learned her lesson.

MIX. Well, I'll be d.a.m.ned! T' hear you talk this way. O' course, y' kep'

yer mouth pretty well shut. But we all figgered you was havin' th'

devil's own time with Florrie!

MADDEN [_rising from his seat. With deep feeling_]. Ed----[_He turns and goes over to the window, looks out and then faces around_]. I never knew ... till just now ... how fond I was of her.

[_Mix regards him with a puzzled expression. Madden begins to walk up and down the floor, at first slowly and thoughtfully, then more and more nervously. The light outside begins to fade._]

MIX [_after a pause. Looking up at Madden_]. Jim. Y' never c'n tell w'at these women 're goin' t' do--can yer?

MADDEN [_stopping abruptly. Intensely_]. I s'pose not, Ed. [_He goes on a few steps and then stops again._] Even ... even when they're not ...

high strung.