Fifty Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 206

SUD [_nudging Wouldby--aside_]. Quite epigrammatic, eh?

INKWELL. Even abuse at such fair hands could only please.

SUD [_aside_]. Did you catch the subtlety of that line?

MISS IVORY [_nervously_]. Wi--wi--will you have some more tea?

INKWELL [_coming left of table--to be opposite her--catching her hand._]

I don't want tea--I want you! I love you!

SUD. Wait a moment! That's too abrupt! I've some more lines here somewhere. [_Looks through slips pinned in ma.n.u.script._] I cut some out of the beginning of the act. When the first curtain went up and the maid was discovered dusting the room I had the Irish butler make love to her.

[_To Wouldby._] [_Handing Inkwell a paragraph._] There, Inkwell, are the love lines I was looking for. Proceed, please.

MISS IVORY. Shall I go back?

INKWELL. To tea.

MISS IVORY. Wi--will--will you have some m--more--t--tea?

INKWELL [_catching her hand and bringing her forward, he gives speech with Irish accent_]. I don't want tea--I want you! I love you! Oh! My darlint, it is a terrible sensation I'ave for you, I'ave--'and me your little 'and in moine, for the loikes of you I never--[_As all look dazed and Inkwell has trouble twisting his tongue._] I beg pardon, Mr. Sud, but this is a butler making love--I am playing the part of a gentleman--

SUD [_has dropped from his stool and retired in tears and rage up right_]. Haven't you any brains of your own? If a musician can transpose music by sight, can't you do the same to dialogue?

INKWELL. But a gentleman doesn't make love like a--

SUD [_goes up stage again--ends at his stool by Wouldby_]. He means the same--now go on--I can't stand these arguments. They will give me apoplexy!

MISS IVORY. Oh! Come on, Robert, say anything.

[_They sit at table again._]

INKWELL. Ahem!

MISS IVORY. Wi--wi--will you have some more t--tea?

INKWELL. I don't want tea! I want you! I love you! Oh! My darling--it is a wonderful feeling--this one--that--which I have for you--indeed--that one which I have for you--put your hand in mine--for a woman like you never before fr--fr--never before have I seen a woman such as you--

[_Again he has brought Miss Ivory down center._]

SUD. My stars! Leave out the h's. That--which--such!--Get it clear for to-morrow's rehearsal.

INKWELL [_puts paragraph in his pocket--hesitatingly, doubtfully, sarcastically_]. I ought to have my name on the program as co-author.

[_Exit left._]

SUD [_jumps forward_]. You ought to have it cut out of the program when you forget to act! [_Raps on floor and cries out._] Mr. Ruler--Mr.

Ruler--Pay some attention to your cues, please!--

[_Sud goes off stage center over bridge into pit._]

RULER [_pokes head in from left_]. Beg pardon, sir--I didn't hear my cue!

SUD [_at right of center_]. It's your business to listen for it.

RULER. But they didn't give me the cue!

SUD. Well, what is your cue?

RULER [_not seen_]. What is it?

SUD. I asked you what your cue was?

RULER [_appears_]. What is it?

SUD. Is your hearing perfectly clear?

RULER. Perfectly.

SUD. Then will you kindly tell me what your cue is?

RULER. What is it?

SUD. I shall go mad! I'm dealing with lunatics! Lunatics--Once again I ask you, Mr. Ruler--if you can _hear_--[_Yells._] Kindly read from your book and tell me what your cue is--

RULER [_yells furiously and is now down stage_]. I've been trying to tell you my cue is "WHAT IS IT!"

[_During this scene all the other players come in to see the fight and grin._]

SUD [_wipes perspiration from brow_]. Heart disease! Heart disease--I shall die of it! That line was cut long ago!!! [_Sud walks back and forth across the pit._] The trouble with you actors is you can't forget.

Oh! If you could only forget!

WOULDBY [_meekly_]. I always thought actors had to remember.

SUD. Any fool can remember--

RULER. See here, Mr. Sud--I don't take abuse! In fact, it's my first experience taking it from authors. In all the other companies I've been in the manager kept the playwright out. He wouldn't have him meddling about!

[_Sud stops short during this speech--turns--straightens up--b.u.t.tons coat--adjusts tie--faces Ruler._]

SUD. Mr. Ruler, I am backing the show. I haven't engaged you because you can act, but because you were born good-looking, which is scarcely a compliment to your own efforts. [_Other players retire now laughing at Ruler._] If you please we will proceed. I'll find a line here somewhere in my treasure note books.

[_He goes upstairs and stands near border lights aside to hunt through many books he has in his pockets. Ruler sits left of table to rest and smoke. Mr. Ivory and Mrs. Pencil play cards out of character up stage._]

MISS IVORY [_talks out of character and gets light from Ruler for her cigarette_]. Did you see the advance notices in the paper this morning, Jack--saying the Pot-Boiler is sold out three weeks in advance?

RULER. Bill told me there's a steady line outside of the box office.

MISS IVORY. I have visions of rehearsing all night outside the night before the opening.