Frost's Laws and By-Laws of American Society Part 19

All sitting apart, therefore, and especial displays are in bad taste; and they so often accompany insincerity, that the truest affections are apt to be those which are reserved for the genuine and heartfelt intimacy of private interviews.

At the same time, airs of indifference and avoidance should be equally guarded against; since, however strong and mutual attachment may be, such a line of conduct is apt needlessly to mislead others, and so produce mischief. True feeling, and a ladylike consideration for others--a point in which the present generation essentially fails--are the best guides for steering between the extremes of demonstration, on the one hand, and of frigidity on the other.

It is the lady's exclusive privilege to appoint the wedding-day; and however impatient the lover, he must submit patiently to her decree upon this important point.

When the day is fixed, it is customary for the bridegroom to have ready for the occasion a handsome present, usually a parure of jewels, but governed, of course, by his means and generosity. In France, this gift is called the _corbeille de mariage_, and the rule there is to make its value ten per cent. of the bride's private fortune. It consists of a handsome basket or box, containing shawls, jewels, lace, furs, gloves, fans, and a purse containing a sum of money in _new_ gold pieces. This gift is always placed on exhibition with the rest of the wedding presents.

It is etiquette for wedding presents to be sent always to the _bride_, never to the bridegroom, though they be given by friends of the latter. They may be sent at any time during the week previous to the wedding-day, and it is customary to display them, handsomely arranged before the ceremony.

In sending out invitations to a wedding, there are two cards folded in the invitation in the envelope. The invitation is in the name of the bride's mother-or if she is not living, the relative or friend nearest the bride-and is as follows:

MRS. LEON CHURCH AT HOME, _Wednesday, October 24th,_ FROM 11 TILL 2 o'CLOCK.

No. 74 L--- STREET.

The two cards, one large and one small, are folded in this, which is printed upon handsome note-paper. Upon the large card is engraved:

MR. AND MRS. T. L. BURNS.

On the smaller one:

MISS CAROLINE CHURCH.

If, however, there is no bridal reception on the wedding-day, but the young people "receive" after their return from the bridal tour, the card containing their joint names contains also the date of reception, as:

MR. AND MRS. T. L. BURNS AT HOME, _Wednesday, Novenber 17th,_ FROM 11 TILL 2 O'CLOCK.

No. 614 --- STREET.

Or,

MR. AND MRS. T. L. BURNS AT HOME, _Wednesdays in Novemnber,_ FROM 11 TILL 2 O'CLOCK.

No. 614 --- STREET.

The bridal calls are not expected to be returned until the last day of reception.

The bridegroom should give to the first groomsman the control of affairs, and the money for the necessary expenses. He it is who presents the snowy bouquet to the bride, the bridegroom making a similar offering to the bridesmaids. It is the first groomsman who leads the visitors up to the young couple for the words of congratulation. It is he who gives the clergyman his fee, who engages the carriages, and, in short, makes all arrangements. If, as is often the case, the whole bridal party go to the depot to see the happy pair start for the wedding trip, it is then the first groomsman who secures tickets, checks baggage, and secures pleasant seats for the Benedict and bride. It is his duty, also, to send the notice of the marriage to the newspapers. In England but one groomsman, or "best man," is allowed to a bridal party, though the bridesmaids may number a dozen, but in this country one groomsman is allowed for every bridesmaid.

If the wedding takes place in church, it is customary to reserve the front seats in the body of the church for the relatives of the young couple.

It is the height of rudeness for _any one_, whether clergyman, bridegroom, or any member of the bridal train, to keep the bride waiting. The clergyman should be within the rails, the bridegroom and groomsmen should be in the vestry-room, by the time bride is due at the church. The bridesmaids may receive the bride in the vestibule, or may accompany her to the church.

The bridal party should meet in the vestry-room. Then the bride, leaning on the arm of her father, heads the procession; the bridegroom, with the bride's mother upon his arm, follows; then groomsmen and bridesmaids in couples follow.

At the altar, the bridegroom receives the bride, and the ceremony begins. The groomsmen stand behind the bridegroom, the bridesmaids behind the bride. The bride and bridegroom remove the right hand- glove in some churches; in others it is not deemed necessary. The bride stands on the left of the groom.

When the wedding takes place at the house of the bride, it is customary to divide the room, either by folding doors or a curtain, and allow the bridal party to be grouped before their friends see them. If, however, this is not convenient, they enter in the same order as in church. It is somewhat customary of late for the bride and groom to walk arm-in-arm to the altar; but it is against established etiquette; the bride should walk with her father, or, if orphaned, with whoever takes the father's place on the occasion.

Where a ring is used, it is the duty of the first bridesmaid to remove the bride's left-hand glove.

After the ceremony, the parents of the bride speak to her first; then the parents of the bridegroom before other friends. After the ceremony, the bride and groom go in the same carriage from the church to the house, or from the house to the railway depot.

If there is a breakfast or supper, the bride does not change her dress until she a.s.sumes her travelling dress.

If parties are given to the bride and groom, the groomsmen and bridesmaids must be also invited, and, if they prefer, all may wear the dress worn at the wedding. This is, however, optional.

During the fortnight following a wedding, friends of the family should call upon the mother of the bride.

It is contrary to etiquette to wear mourning to a wedding. Even in the case of a widowed mother to either of the happy pair, it is customary to wear gray, or some neutral tint, upon the wedding- day, even if the deepest mourning is resumed afterwards.

The bridal dress and the costume of the bridesmaids are not matters that come so much within the province of etiquette as of the fas.h.i.+ons, which vary as the winds. All that etiquette requires is that good taste shall guide the whole of the arrangements. Pure white is the only color worn by the young bride, and the full veil of lace, with wreath of orange flowers, is _de rigueur_; but for a widow, pearl-color or tinted silk, without any veil or wreath, is better. If the bride is a maiden no longer young, it is not in good taste to wear the dress of a youthful bride. White gloves, vests, and ties are demanded for the bridegroom and groomsmen. The bridesmaids may wear colors, but a prettier effect is produced by dresses of pure white, with tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs only of color. The travelling dress of a bride should be very modest in color and fas.h.i.+on, as it is in extremely bad taste to draw attention to the _bride_ when travelling.

It is not etiquette, at a wedding or wedding reception, to congratulate the bride; it is the bridegroom who receives congratulations; the bride, wishes for her future happiness. A gentleman or lady who is acquainted with both bride and groom must speak first to the bride; but if a stranger to either, may first speak to the one with whom he is already acquainted, who will then introduce the other. If a stranger to both bride and groom, the first groomsman must make the introduction.

ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS.

IN the baptisms of infants there are certain customs in the world of good society, independent of the religious ceremonies. A few hints will suffice, as each sect has its own peculiar forms known to the members of that church; we do not profess to guide these, but merely the worldly observances.

It is not customary to invite mere acquaintances to be G.o.dfather or G.o.dmother to an infant; these should be tried friends of long standing, or better still, near relations, to whom the obligations thus imposed will be pleasures and not tasks.

Never invite any friends to be G.o.dfather or G.o.dmother, who are not of the same church as the child to be baptized.

When you are invited to stand G.o.dfather or G.o.dmother to an infant, never refuse without grave cause, and then do so immediately, that the parents may have time to make other arrangements.

It is unkind, as well as impolite, to refuse to act in this capacity towards children who, from poverty or other reasons, may occupy an inferior position in society to your own.

It is customary to allow the G.o.dmother to select herself the G.o.dfather.

It is, however, customary for the maternal grandmother and the paternal grandfather to act as sponsors for the first child; the paternal grandmother and the maternal grandfather as sponsors for the second child. If the grand-parents are not living, the nearest relatives of the same church should be invited.

It is customary for the sponsors to make the babe a present. If it is a little boy, the G.o.dfather gives a silver cup, with the full name engraved upon it, and the G.o.dmother some pretty piece of silver, jewelry, or dress. If a little girl, it is the G.o.dmother who gives the cup, and the G.o.dfather the other gift. Where the sponsors are wealthy, it is not unusual to fill the christening- cup with gold pieces. The G.o.dmother often adds to her gift the christening robe and cap, both trimmed with white ribbons--for a babe should wear only pure white when presented for baptism.

It is contrary to etiquette to invite young persons to stand as sponsors for an infant.

In the Roman Catholic church, it is customary to baptize an infant as soon as possible. If the child is very delicate, it is customary to send at once for the priest, and have the ceremony per formed in the bed-room; but if the babe is healthy and likely to live, it is usually taken to the church for baptism, as young as the physician will permit.

In entering the church, the nurse, carrying the child, goes first; then follow the sponsors, who do not walk arm-in-arm; then the father, and after him the invited guests.

When the ceremony commences, the sponsors stand on each side of the child, the G.o.dfather on the right, and the G.o.dmother on the left.

The babe should be held lying in the arms of the nurse, its head upon the right arm. The cap should be tied so as to be easily unfastened and removed.

When the priest asks who are the sponsors of the child, it is sufficient for them to incline the head, without speaking.

Baptism is a gratuitous ceremony in the church, but it is customary for the father to present some token to the officiating clergyman, in the name of the babe, or, where parents are wealthy, to make a handsome donation to the poor of the parish, through the clergyman.

In the Protestant churches, it is customary to defer the baptism until the mother of the child can be present.

It is always desirable to have the ceremony performed in the church, if possible; but if there is a necessity for it, such as the illness of the child or the parents, it can take place in the house of the parents, by their special request.