Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent Part 46

"'My friends--my dear friends,' said Solomon--'my brothers--Christian brethren, I should say, for you are Christian brethren--Lord c.u.mber's health is a good thing, and his property is a good thing; and I--I return you thanks for it, as I am bound to do, as a Christian. Am I Christian? Well--' (here he smiled, and laying his hand upon his heart, added,) 'well I know what I feel here, that is all. My dear friends, I said that Lord c.u.mber's health and property were good things, but I know a thing that's better, more valuable, richer--and what is that? It is here, in this poor frail--but not frail so long as that thing is here--that thing, what is it? Oh, if you had prayed for it, wrestled for it, fought for it, as I did, you would know what it is, and all the delightful and elevating consolations it brings along with it. Surely some one drank Lord c.u.mber's health! That was well; he sitteth in a high place, and deserveth honor. Let us drink his health, my friends--let us drink it, yea, abundantly, even unto rejoicing. But what is this thing?

Why, it is the sense of inward support, a mild, sweet light, that diffuses pleasant thoughts through you, that multiplies every good gift about you, that makes one cup of pleasant liquor seem two. It is not to many that these things are vouchsafed; not, I believe, to any here, always with humility and fear be it spoken, excepting Bob Spaight and myself--

"'--July the first in Oldbridge town,

responded Bob,

"' There was a grievous battle, Where many a man lay on the ground, By the cannons that did rattle.'--

"'Yea,' pursued Bob, 'the gift is come, brother Solomon--the fifth cup always brings it--

--'King James he pitched his tents between'--

"'Aye, but, brother Bob,' resumed Solomon, 'the gift is a little too soon on this occasion. Let me give the words, and, Bob, if you could manage the 'Protestant Boys,' rather than 'Croppies lie Down,' it would suit it; and, indeed, it would be well if the whole congregation joined us in it. I shall give the words--let me see, long measure, eight lines, four nines, and four six-sixes;--

"'There's nought but care on every hand, In every hour that pa.s.ses, oh, What signifies the life o' man, An' 'twere not for the la.s.ses, oh."

eh, let me see--am I right?'

"'Right,' they shouted, 'never were half so right, Solomon. We'll join you to a man,' and accordingly, with one voice, they gave the stanza at the top of their voices, little Bob leading them, to the air of 'Croppies lie Down,' in a style that was perfectly irresistible.

"Thus ended a night in an Orange Lodge, but not so out of it. Those who had to go any distance, were armed, and the consequence was, that when they got into the street, they commenced their usual courses: shots were fired in every direction, offensive songs were sung--any money for the face of a Papist--to h.e.l.l with the Pope--Ram down Catholics, and so on. At length, by degrees these all ceased, the streets gradually grew quiet, then still, and another night closed upon the habits of a cla.s.s of men, who, in the wantonness of their power, scarcely knew what they did.

"Having witnessed the scene just described--a scene that accounted very clearly for at least one important phase of Irish life--I deemed it full time to go to bed, this being the inn in which I stop. I accordingly was about to ascend the staircase, from the lobby, for we sat in the back drawing-room, when I thought I heard a voice that was not unfamiliar to me, giving expression to language--in which I could perceive there was a very peculiar blending of love and devotion; that is to say, it was exceedingly difficult, from the admirable tact with which he balanced the application of the two principles, whether Solomon, for it was he, loved the physical or the spiritual system of the barmaid, for it was she, with more earnestness and warmth. The family at this time had all retired for the night, with the exception of boots, and the barmaid in question, a well made, pretty Irish girl, with a pair of roguish eyes in her head, that beamed with fun and good humor. Solomon, instead of going home, had got into a little retired spot behind the bar, called the snuggery, and into which, of course, she attended him with a gla.s.s of liquor.

"'Eliza,' said Solomon, 'Eliza, I have often had an intention of asking you to allow me the privilege and the pleasure, Eliza, of some serious conversation with you. It is a trying world, a wicked world, and to--to a girl--so charming a girl as you are, Eliza--'

"'Charming, Mr. M'Slime; well, well!'

"'Charming, certainly, as regards your person, your external person--your person is indeed very charming, and verily, Eliza, this brandy and water is truly precious, so beautifully blended, that I cannot--now, Eliza, will you pardon me a small, but, I trust, not unedifying joke; yes, you will--I know--I see you will--very well, then, the little joke is pardoned--this brandy and water are so beautifully blended, that I cannot help thinking there is something in that sweet hand of yours that diffuses a delicious flavor upon it--I know that such things exist.'

"'Upon my word, Mr. M'Slime, from such a religious gentleman as you are, I didn't expect--'

"'Ah, my dear Eliza, that is coming to the root of the matter, and I am glad to find that you are not insensible to it. On that subject, my sweet girl, and you are a sweet girl--it is that I propose to speak with you--to commune with you--in a spirit, my dear Eliza, of love and affection. Will you then take a seat--a seat, my dear Eliza.'

"'I fear I cannot, sir; you know there is no one else to keep an eye to the bar.'

"'The business of the bar, my dear girl, is over for this night; but not, I trust--sincerely trust--that of the sweet barmaid; do sit, Eliza, pray be seated, and let me have a word with you in season; thank you, but not at such a distance, Eliza, such an inconvenient distance; I say inconvenient--because--ugh, ugh, I have caught a slight cold--as a trial it came--and I will receive it so, that has fallen for the time--ugh, ugh, ugh--upon my lungs, and renders it a good deal troublesome to me to speak loud; so that the nearer you sit--and it has affected my head a little, only with a slight deafness, though, which--were you speaking, my dear?'

"'No, sir.'

"'Yes, so I thought, you were saying something--will soon pa.s.s away.'

"I thought this dialogue, on the part of M'Slime, too characteristic to be lost. I accordingly stole somewhat near the snuggery, until I got into a position from whence I could see them clearly, without being seen myself. It was quite evident from the humor, which, in spite of a demure face glinted from her eye, that Eliza's object was to occasion M'Slime to a.s.sume his real character, for I could easily see that from time to time she felt very considerable difficulty in suppressing her laughter.

"'The deafness, Eliza, I feel particularly troublesome, though not painful; as while transacting business it f-forces me to sit so, very close to my clients.'

"'But I am not a client, Mr. M'Slime, and you need not draw your chair so close to me--there now, that will do.'

"'You are my sweet--sweet girl; you are my client--and you shall be my client--and upon a most important subject--the most important of all; verily, Eliza, this is a most delicious cup of refreshment. How did you flavor it--but, indeed, if I were, as I have been, before I was graciously called and chosen, I would have recourse to a harmless gallantry, and say that this most ambrosial beverage must have caught its sweetness from your lips--its fragrance from your breath--and its l.u.s.tre from your eyes--I would say so--if I were as I have been--and, indeed, as I am--even yet, frail, Eliza, still frail, and very far, indeed, from perfection--but--still, even as I am I could scarcely scruple to relapse a little--yea, only a little, Eliza, for the sake of such lips--of such eyes--and such a fragrant breath. Alas! we are all frail.'

"'But, Mr. M'Slime, I surely didn't think that you who stand so high in the religious world, and that the people look upon as a saint, would talk as you do.'

"'Ah, Eliza, my dear girl, it is very natural for you in your hitherto darkened state to say so; but, sweet Eliza, if you had your privileges, you could understand me. For instance, in the indulgence of this precious little dialogue with you, I am only following up a duty that strengthens myself; for, Eliza, my precious creature, if more light were given you, you would be permitted to feel that an occasional lapse is for our good, by showing us our own weakness and how little we can do of ourselves. No--there is nothing which gives us so much confidence and strength as to know our own weakness; but, my sweet girl, of what use is it for us to know it, if we do not feel it; and why feel it--unless we suffer it for better purposes to teach us a practical lesson to humble us.'

"'That's queer doctrine, Mr. M'Slime, and I don't properly understand it.'

"'I know you don't, my darling girl; for it has not been given to you, as yet, to understand it. Nay, it seems, as it were, a stumbling block to you, in your present state.'

"'Why, do you think me so very great a sinner, sir?'

"'Not by acts, Eliza--and what a soft name is Eliza--soft as a pillow of down--but by condition. You are exalted now, upon pride--not personal pride, but the pride of position. You think you are incapable of error or infirmity, but you must be brought--down to a sense of your own frailty, as it were, for it is upon a consciousness of that, that you must build.'

"'That is to say, I must commit sin first, in order to know the grace of repentance afterwards.'

"'You put it too strongly, Eliza; but here is the ill.u.s.tration:--You know it is said 'there is joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just men.' And I know many, Eliza, who go through a long course of virtuous iniquity, in order that their triumph in the end may be the greater. I have myself practised it on a small way, and found it refres.h.i.+ng. And now, Eliza, bring me another cup of brandy and water, even for my stomach's sake; and, Eliza, my charming girl, put it to those sweet lips--that it may catch the true fragrance--Christian fragrance I wish I could say--for they are fragrant lips--and a sweet arm--a full tapering arm you are gifted with. Ah!

Eliza, if you could feel as I feel--nay, it was the chair that was unsteady--my my heart is dis--dissolving, Eliza. If you were only a little more frail, my sweet girl--we could feel this a kind of religious exercise. Oh! these precious little frailties--these precious little frailties!'

"'Mr. M'Slime you will excuse me, but I think you have got enough, and a little too much liquor. If you should be seen going home in an unsteady state your character would suffer.'

"'Another cup of refreshment, Eliza--but I am not perfection--no--nor would I be perfection. What would life be without these precious little frailties--that make us what we are.'

"'With all piety and undher------'

"'Who is that,' inquired the maid, evidently startled, if not affrighted by a strange voice.

"'I join--join you, brother M'Slime, for another cup of refreshment.'

"'Bob Spaight--brother Bob--I am glad you are here; Eliza, my darling--my dove--another cup for Bob, and after that we shall aid each other home--will render one another Christian and mutual a.s.sistance.'

"'Yes,' replied Bob, clearing his voice:--

(Both voices simultaneously:)

Bob--'King James he pitched his tents between

Solomon--'There's naught but care on every hand,

Bob--'The lines for to retire,

Solomon--'In every hour that pa.s.ses, O

Bob--'But King William threw his bomb b.a.l.l.s in,

Solomon--'What signifies the life o' man,

Bob--'And set them all on fire.'

Solomon--'An' 'twerna for the la.s.ses, O!'