Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent Part 64

At length he caught the haughty parson's eye, and exclaimed with a comical grin, which was irresistible--

"I am glad to see you here, Mr. Lucre; who knows, but we may make a Christian of you yet. You know that we, as Catholics, maintain that the power of working miracles is in the Church still; and that, certainly, would prove it."

Mr. Lucre bowed, and smiled contemptuously, but made no reply.

When the chairman was appointed, and the regulations by which the meeting was to be guided, read and a.s.sented to by both parties, the melee commenced; and, indeed, we are bound to say, that a melancholy comment upon Christian charity it was. It is not our intention to give anything like a report of this celebrated discussion, inasmuch, as two reports, each the genuine and authentic one, and each most egregiously contradictory of the other, have been for several years before the public, who, consequently, have a far better right to understand the business than we do, who are at this distant date merely the remote historian.

We may be permitted to say, however, that the consequences of this great discussion were such as are necessarily produced by every exhibition of the kind. For a considerable time afterwards nothing was heard between Catholic and Protestant but fierce polemics, and all the trite and wordy arguments that are to be found in the mouths of ignorant and prejudiced men on both sides. The social harmony of the district was disturbed, and that friendly intercourse which should subsist between neighbors, was either suspended or destroyed. A fierce spirit of exacerbation and jealousy was created, and men looked Upon each other with bitterness and resentment; whilst to complete the absurdity, neither party could boast of a single convert to attest the glory of the triumph which each claimed.

At this period, the character of the Castle c.u.mber yeomanry corps, or as they were called, M'Clutchy's Blood-hounds, was unquestionably in such infamous odor with all but bigots, in consequence of their violence when upon duty, that a few of the more mild and benevolent gentry of the neighborhood, came to the determination of forming a corps composed of men not remarkable for the extraordinary and exclusive loyalty which put itself forth in so many offensive and oppressive forms. Deaker's Dashers were by no means of such rancid bigotry as M'Clutchy's men, although they were, heaven knows, much worse than they ought to have been.

Their most unjustifiable excesses, however, Were committed in his absence, and without his orders; for it is due to Deaker himself to say, that, although a staunch political Protestant and infidel, he never countenanced violence against those who differed from him in creed.

Deaker's creed was a very peculiar one, and partook of the comic profligacy which marked his whole life. He believed, for instance, that Protestantism was necessary, but could not for the life of him understand the nature or tendency of religion. As he himself said, the three great Protestant principles and objects of his life were--to drink the "Glorious Memory "--"To h.e.l.l with the Pope"--merely because he was not a Protestant--and to "die whistling the Boyne Water." If he could accomplish these successfully, he thought he had discharged his duty to his king and country, and done all that could be fairly expected from an honest and loyal Protestant. And, indeed, little, if anything else, in a religious way, was expected from him, or from any other person, at the period of which we write.

Be this, however, as it may, the formation of a new corps of cavalry was determined on, and by unanimous consent, the conduct of the matter in all its departments was entrusted to Mr. Hartley, the gentleman already mentioned, as selected to contest the county against Lord c.u.mber or his brother, for it had not yet been decided on between them, as to which of them should stand. Lord c.u.mber expected an Earldom for his virtues, with a seat in the house of Lords, and should these honors reach him in time, then his brother, the Hon. Richard Topertoe, should be put in nomination. In point of fact, matters between the two parties were fast drawing to a crisis, and it was also in some degree to balance interests with Lord c.u.mber, and neutralize the influence of the Irish government, that Hartley and his friends deemed it advisible to have a cavalry corps at their disposal. The day of the dissolution of parliament was now known, and it naturally became necessary that each candidate should be found at his post.

It was at this very period that a circ.u.mstance occurred, which, although of apparently small importance, was nevertheless productive of an incident that will form the catastrophe of our chronicles. Our readers cannot forget the warm language which pa.s.sed between the man Sharpe and our exquisite friend, Philip M'Clutchy, on their way from Deaker's. Now, it is due to this man to say, that, on looking back at the outrage which occurred in O'Regan's cottage, and reflecting upon the melancholy consequences it produced--not forgetting the heart-rending insanity of O'Regan's wife--he felt deep regret, amounting almost to remorse, for the part which he bore in it. Independently of this, however, the conduct of Phil and his father, in their military capacity over the corps, was made up of such tyrranical insolence at one time, and of such contemptible meanness at another, that the men began to feel disgusted with such sickening alternations of swaggering authority, and base, calculating policy. Many of them, consequently, were heartily tired of their officers, and had already begun to think of withdrawing altogether from the corps, unless there were some change for the better made in it. Now, at this precise state of feeling, with regard to both circ.u.mstances, had Sharpe arrived, when he met his lieutenant on the day when that gallant gentleman signalized himself by horsewhipping his grandmother. Phil's threat had determined him to return to the Dashers, but, on hearing a day or two afterwards, that Hartley was about to raise a new corps, composed of well-conducted and orderly men, he resolved not only to offer himself to that gentleman, but to induce all who were moderate among the "hounds," and, indeed, they were not many, to accompany him. This alarmed M'Clutchy very much, because on Lord c.u.mber's arrival to canva.s.s the county, it would look as if his Lords.h.i.+p's interests had been neglected; and he feared, too, that the withdrawing of the men from his corps might lead to investigations which were strongly to be deprecated. After a day or two's inquiries, therefore, and finding that from eighteen to twenty of his youngest and most respectable yeomanry had not only returned him their arms and appointments, but actually held themselves ready to be enrolled in the Annagh Corps--for so Hartley's was termed--he sat down and wrote the following letter to Lord c.u.mber:--

"Const.i.tution Cottage, June--

"My Lord:

"Circ.u.mstances affecting your Lords.h.i.+p's personal and political interests have recently occurred here, and are even now occurring, which render it my painful duty to communicate with you on the subject without loss of time. I am sorry to say that the conduct of Mr. Hartley, your well known opponent for the county, is not that which becomes a high-minded man. The Cavalry Corps of which your Lords.h.i.+p is Colonel, and which, by the way, has rendered good service in the firm discharge of their duty, has been very much damaged by the extraordinary conduct which that gentleman is pursuing. The fact is, that he has taken it into his head, aided and a.s.sisted of course by his friends and political supporters, to raise a corps of Yeomanry Cavalry as it were, in opposition to ours; and this, no doubt, he has a right to do; although I am quite certain, at the same time, that it is done with a view to secure either the support, or at least the neutrality of government; which neutrality would, as your Lords.h.i.+p knows, be a heavy blow to us. However, as I said, he has as good a right as we have to raise his corps; but I do not think he is justified in writing private circulars, or in tampering with the men of our corps, many of whom he has already seduced from their duty, and lured over with honeyed words and large promises to the body he is raising. The fact is, my Lord, if our men were not so devotedly attached to my son and myself as they are, Hartley's unjustifiable interference would leave the corps a mere skeleton. As it is, he has taken eighteen of our very best men from us; by best, I allude only to youth and physical energy, for I need scarcely say, that all the staunch and loyal fellows remain with us. I am sorry to add that Mr. Hickman, as I predicted he would, is vigorously supporting your opponent; and there is a scoundrel here who is often closeted with him--a rascally painter named Easel, _quem ego_--you see I have a little of my Latin still, my Lord. The fellow--this wild goose, Easel, I mean--says he has come to the neighborhood to take sketches; but if I don't mistake much I shall ere long put him in a condition to sketch the Bay of Sidney. I have already reported him to government, and, indeed, I have every reason to suppose he is a Popish Agent, sent here to sow the seeds of treason and disaffection among the people.

Nothing else can account for the dreadful progress which Whiteboyism has made upon your Lords.h.i.+p's property, where it is much more outrageous and turbulent than in any other district that I am acquainted with. I have also to acquaint you, my Lord, that even if I were disposed to keep M'Loughlin and Harman on the property--that is, granting that I were sufficiently treacherous to your interest to do so, it is now out of my power. Their own dishonesty has at length fallen upon their heads. They are bankrupts, and not now in a condition to pay a renewal fine for their leases; but I am happy to inform your Lords.h.i.+p, that my son Phil, and Mr. M'Slime, have each offered five hundred pounds for their respective holdings--a tender which I might in vain expect from any other quarter and which I cannot conscientiously refuse.

"Harman was acquitted for the murder of Harpur--in consequence, it is thought, of a treacherous scoundrel, named Sharpe, who was once one of our corps, having taken a bribe to give evidence in his favor. This same Sharpe is to be a sergeant in Hartley's corps; and, when I say that, Hartley and Harman are and have been on very intimate terms, I think it shows how the wind blows between them, at all events. I have been receiving rent yesterday and to-day, and cannot but regret the desperate state to which things have been brought. There is no gettin' in money, and the only consolation I feel is, that I have honestly and conscientiously discharged my duty. I have cleared a great number of our enemies from the property, but, unfortunately, such is the state of things here, that there is the greater number of the holdings still unoccupied, other tenants that we could depend on being afraid to enter upon them, in consequence of the spirit of intimidation that is abroad.

This M'Loughlin is certainly a most consummate swindler: he was unable to pay his rent, and I sent in an execution yesterday; but, as every one knows, fourteen days must elapse before the public auction of property takes place. Judge of my surprise then, when, short as was the time, an affidavit has been made before me, that he and his family have come to the determination of emigrating to America, and, I suppose, by the aid of a midnight mob to take away all that is valuable of their property by force. I consequently must remove it at once, as the law, under such circ.u.mstances, empowers me to do--for I cannot sit by and suffer your lords.h.i.+p' to be robbed, in addition to being both misrepresented and maligned by these men and their families. Granting the full force, however, of this unpleasant intelligence, still I do not think it necessary that you should at present leave the circles of polished and fas.h.i.+onable life in which you move, to bury yourself here among a set of malignant barbarians, who would scruple very little to slit your lords.h.i.+p's weasand, or to shoot you from behind a hedge.

"I am in correspondence with Counsellor Browbeater, at the Castle, who, in addition to the glorious privilege of being, as he deserves to be, free of the Back Trot there, is besides a creature after my own heart.

We are both engaged in attempting to bring the Spy System to that state of perfection which we trust may place it on a level with that fine old inst.i.tution, so unjustly abused, called the Inquisition. Browbeater is, indeed, an exceedingly useful man to the present government, and does all that in him lies, I mean out of his own beat, to prevent them from running into financial extravagance. For instance, it was only the other day that he prevented a literary man with a large family from getting a pension from the Premier, who, between you and me, my lord, is no great shake; and this was done in a manner that ent.i.tles him to a very lasting remembrance indeed. The principle upon which he executed this interesting and beautiful piece of treachery--for treachery of this kind, my lord, is in the catalogue of public virtues--was well worthy of imitation by every man emulous of office; it was that of professing to be a friend to the literary man, whilst he acted the spy upon his private life, and misrepresented him to the Minister. Oh, you do not know, my lord, how the heart of such a man as I am, warms to the author of this manly act of private treachery and public virtue, and I cannot help agreeing with my friend M'Slime, who, when he heard it, exclaimed with tears of admiration in his eyes, 'it is beautiful--verily the virtuous iniquity of it refreshes me! May that mild, meek, and most gentlemanly Christian, Mr. Browbeater, be rewarded for it! And may the day never come when he shall require to tread in the footsteps of the devil!' Indeed, my lord, I cannot help crying amen to this, and adding, that the remembrance of his virtues may descend and reflect honor on his posterity, as, I have no doubt, they will do. How few like him could transfuse the spirit of the Tipperary a.s.sa.s.sin into the moral principles of the Castle, for useful purpose? I beg to inclose, your lords.h.i.+p, Mr.

Hartley's circular, which, I think, contains an indirect reflection on certain existing bodies of a similar nature, and is therefore, in my opinion, very offensive to us; I also enclose you others which he has written to several of your tenants, who are already members of your own corps,

"I have the honor to be, &c, &c, "Val M'Clutchy."

The following is the circular alluded to above--

"Sir: As a proposal to raise an additional yeomanry corps of _respectable_ cavalry in Castle c.u.mber and its vicinity is about to be submitted to the Lord Lieutenant, in order to receive his approbation, your presence is requested at Sam Company's Castle c.u.mber Arms, at twelve o'clock on Friday next, when it is proposed to name officers, and adopt such further measures as may appear most conducive to the embodiment of the corps with expedition and effect.

"I am, sir, "Your humble servant, "Henry Hartley."

To his letter Val received the following reply--

"Belgrave Square.

"Dear Sir: I received your letter, and perfectly agree with you as to the offensive nature of Mr. Hartley's circular, many of which I have had in my possession for some time past. With respect to him, I have only to say, that he and I have agreed to arrange that matter between us, as soon as I reach Castle c.u.mber. I am sorry that any of my tenants should deserve the character which M'Loughlin and his partner have received at your hand; I dare say, however, that if they did not deserve it they would not get it. The arrangements for their removal, of course I leave as I hitherto have left everything within the sphere of your duty, to your own sense of honesty and justice. _Do not, however, take harsh or sudden steps_. In the meantime lose not a moment in remitting the needful.

"Yours, &c, "c.u.mber."

It is not at all likely that Lord c.u.mber would ever have noticed Hartley's circular, or troubled himself about the formation of the new corps in the slightest degree were it not for the malignity of M'Clutchy, who not only hated the whole family of the Hartleys from the same principle on which a knave hates an honest man, but in remembrance of that gentleman's cousin having, in his office, and in his own presence, kicked his son Phil and pulled his nose. When enclosing the circular, therefore, to his lords.h.i.+p, he underlined the word "respectable," by which it was made to appear deliberately offensive.

Whether it was used with the design of reflecting upon the licentious violence of the blood-hounds, we pretend not to say, but we can safely affirm that the word in the original doc.u.ment was never underlined by Hartley. Lord c.u.mber, like his old father, was no coward, and the consequence was, that having once conceived the belief that the offensive term in the circular was levelled at his own corps--although he had never even seen it--he, on the receipt of M'Clutchy's letter, came to the determination of writing to Hartley upon the subject.

Lord c.u.mber to Henry Hartley, Esq.:--

"Sir: I have just perused a circular written by you, calling a meeting at the Castle c.u.mber Arms, with the object of forming what you are pleased to term, a yeomanry corps of _respectable_ cavalry. Now you are perfectly at liberty to bestow whatever epithets you wish upon your new corps, provided these epithets contain no unfair insinuation against existing corps. I think, therefore, that whilst others have been for some time already formed in the neighborhood, your use of the term respectable was, to say the least of it, unhandsome. I also perceive that you have written to some of my tenants, who are already enrolled in the Castle c.u.mber corps, and am informed that several of my men have already given up their arms and clothing, on account of an application from you to join your corps. I presume, sir, you did not know that these persons belonged to the Castle c.u.mber troops, for, however anxious in the cause you may be, I need not point out to you a very obvious fact--to wit--that weakening a corps already embodied only tends to defeat the purpose for which it was designed. I take it, therefore, for granted, that no gentleman, however great his influence, would ask any soldier to desert his colors, and I am sure you will tell those men that they ought to remain in the body in which they were enrolled, and in which enrollment their names have been returned to the war office. In conclusion, I think that the tenant who does not reserve to himself the power of serving the landlord under whom he derives the whole of his property, is, in my opinion, both ungrateful and unprincipled: and he who solicits him to resign that essential reservation is, I think, extremely indelicate.

"I am, &c, c.u.mber."

To this Mr. Hartley sent the following:--

"My Lord: I cannot at all recognize the tyrannical principle you lay down in your definition of the relations between landlord and tenant. I deny that a tenant necessarily owes any such slavish and serf-like duty to his landlord as you advocate; and I am of opinion, that the landlord who enforces, or attempts to enforce such a duty, is stretching his privileges beyond their proper limits. I do not understand that any of your lords.h.i.+p's tenantry have been solicited to join our new corps. I have signed circular letters for my own tenantry, and if any of them have reached yours, it has been without either my consent or knowledge.

"I have the honor to be, "My lord, &c, "Henry Hartley."

Lord c.u.mber to Henry Hartley, Esq.:--

"Sir: I beg to inquire whether you apply the word tyrannical to me?

"I have the honor, &c, "c.u.mber."

Henry Hartley, Esq., to the Eight Hon. Lord c.u.mber:--

"My Lord: I think if you had read my last communication with due attention, you might have perceived that I applied the term which seems to offend you, to your principles, rather than to yourself. So long as your lords.h.i.+p continues, however, to advocate such a principle, so long shall I a.s.sociate it with the epithet in question.

"I have the honor, &c, "Henry Hartley."

Lord c.u.mber to Henry Hartley, Esq.:--

"Sir: Your letter merely contains a distinction without a difference.

So long as I identify my principles with myself, or myself with my principles, so long shall I look upon any offence offered to the one as offered to the other. The principle, therefore, which you brand with the insulting epithet tyrannical, is one which I hold, and ever shall hold; because I believe it to be just and not tyrannical. I await your explanation, and trust it may be satisfactory.

"I have the honor to be, &c, "c.u.mber."

Henry Hartley, Esq., to the Eight Hon. Lord c.u.mber:--

"My Lord: I am not anxious to have a quarrel with you, and I believe you will admit that the courage neither of myself nor any one of my family was never called in question. I really regret that any serious misunderstanding should arise between us, from this mere play upon words. I trust, therefore, to your Lords.h.i.+p's good sense, and good feeling, not to press me on this occasion.

"I have the honor, &c, "Henry Hartley."

Lord c.u.mber to Henry Hartley, Esq.:--