Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent Part 67

After Darby had gone, Val paused for a while, then rose, and walked about, apparently musing and reflecting, with something of uneasiness and perplexity in his looks; whilst Phil unfolded the True Blue, and began to peruse its brilliant pages with his usual nonchalance.

"Phil," said the father, "there is one thing I regret, and it is that I promised Solomon Harman's farm. We should, or rather you should, you know, have secured both--for I need not tell you that two good things are better than one, and as my friend Lucre knows--who, by the way, is about to be made a bishop of, now that he of ------ ------ has gone to his account. Solomon, however, having been aware of the fines they offered, _ex officio_, as the Law Agent, I thought the safest thing was to let them go snacks. If, however, we could so manage, before Lord c.u.mber's arrival, as to get him discarded, we might contrive to secure the other farm also. The affair of the young woman, on which I rested with a good deal of confidence, would, I am inclined to think, on second consideration, rather raise him in that profligate Lord's esteem than otherwise."

"Why, did you not hear that he was publicly expelled from the congregation?" said Phil; "and as to the history of Susanna, that's all over the parish these two days. Her father brought the matter before the congregation, and so far Solomon's hypocrisy is exposed."

"In that case, then," said Val, "something may be done yet. We must only now endeavor to impress Lord c.u.mber with a strong sense of what is due to public opinion, which would be outraged by having such a Law Agent on his estate. Come, leave the matter to me, and we shall turn Solomon's flank yet; I know he hates me, because I curtailed his pickings, by adopting the system of not giving leases, unless to those on whom we can depend. Besides, the little scoundrel has no political opinions whatsoever, although an Orangeman."

"Come, my old c.o.c.k, no hypocrisy; what political opinions have you got?"

"Very strong ones, Phil."

"What are they?--you hate the papists, I suppose?"

"Cursed stuff, Phil; the papists are as good as other people; but still I hate them, Phil, because it's my interest to do so. A man that's not an anti-papist now is nothing, and has no chance. No, Phil, I am not without a political opinion, notwithstanding, and a strong one too."

"What is it, then?"

"Here," said he, laying his hand upon his breast, "here is my political opinion. Valentine M'Glutchy, Phil, is my political creed, and my religious one too."

"After all," replied Phil, "you are a chip of the old block."

"Yes, Phil; but I don't parade it to the world as he does--and there's the difference."

"Well, thank heaven," said the son, "I have no brains for any creed; but I know I hate Popery and the Papists as I do the devil."

"And that, Phil, is the enlightened sentiment upon which all bigotry and mutual hatred between creeds is based. But you, Phil, could never be so vexatious as a foe to Popery as I could--your very pa.s.sions and prejudices would occasionally obstruct you even in persecution--but I--I can do it coolly, clearly, and upon purely philosophical principles.

I hate M'Loughlin upon personal principles--I hate the man, not his religion; and here there must be pa.s.sion: but in matters of religion, Phil, there is nothing so powerful--so destructive--so lasting--so sharp in persecution--and so successful, as a pa.s.sionless resentment. That, Phil, is the abiding and imperishable resentment of churches and creeds, which has deluged the world with human blood."

"Curse your philosophy, I don't understand it; when I hate, I hate--and I'm sure I hate Popery, and that's enough."

CHAPTER XXIX.--Solomon Suffers a Little Retribution

--Requests Widow Lenehan to "Wrestle" for Him--Deaker's Death-Bed--Dies Loyally Whistling the Boyne Water.

The conversation had proceeded thus far, when Lanty Gorman, already spoken of, knocked at the door, and asked to see Mr. M'Clutchy.

Val went to the hall.

"Well, Lanty, what's the matter?--how is your master?"

"Plaise your honor," said the lad, "I think you ought to go to him; he's at the last gasp, sir; if you'd see the way his face is, and his eyes."

"He is worse, then?"

"I don't think it's so much sickness, sir, as--"

"As what?"

"As the liquor, your honor; he's at the Glorious Memory, sir, till he's nearly off; he thinks it's the Boyne wather he's drinkin' it in, sir, otherwise I don't b'lieve he'd take so much of it. _Sheemus a c.o.c.ka_ and the cart's in the yard, sir; Darby said you wanted them."

"Take _Sheemus a c.o.c.ka_ to h--l, sir," said Phil, "we don't want him--he's a kind of papist; take him away to h--l out of this."

"I can only take him to the gates, sir; unfortunately there's no entrance there for a papish, Captain Phil; if we could only get him to turn Protestant, sir, it's himself 'ud get the warm welcome. But," he proceeded, addressing Val, "wouldn't it be a charity, sir, to go over and see the state he's in; Tom Corbet, the butler, says its a burnin'

sin and shame to look at him, widout any one near him but that vagabone, Miss Fuzzle, an' he dyin', like a dog."

"I shall be there immediately," replied Val. "Bring the a.s.s home again; we do not want him. Now, Phil," he proceeded, "I shall ride over, to see how matters are going on; and in the meantime I think it would be well to get Hanlon, and those other two who were out with Darby for his protection--for the fellow pretends to be afraid, and carries arms--it would be as well, I say, to get two or three additional affidavits against this Easel prepared by my return; for we must make our case as firm as we can. Whether the fellow's a Popish Agent, or whether he's not, doesn't matter a curse. I don't think he is myself; but at all events it will be a strong proof in the eye of the government, that we are at least vigilant, active, and useful men. I will entrust his arrest to you, and you shall have the full credit of it at headquarters. I hope soon to have you on the Bench. Only I do beg, that for your own sake and mine, you will keep from the brandy. I have remitted the rents to Lord c.u.mber, who will soon make them fly."

In a few minutes afterwards he proceeded at full speed to the edifying death-bed of his father.

Whilst Phil is preparing the supplementary affidavits for Easel's arrest, which he stretched out considerably by interpolations drawn from his own imagination, we shall follow Darby to M'Slime's, observing, _en pa.s.sant_, that the aforesaid Darby, as he went, might have been perceived to grin and chuckle, and sometimes give a short, low, abrupt cackle, of a nature peculiarly gratifying to himself.

"Devil a _smite_ ever either of them left on any bone thrown me," he exclaimed. "Instead o' that they begridged me the very fees that I was ent.i.tled to, bad luck to them! Well no matther!" and here he shrugged and chuckled again, and so continued to do as he went along.

As for Solomon, he felt full occasion that morning for all his privileges and spiritual sustainment. A few days previous, he had been brought before his brother Elders by Susanna's father, whose statement was unfortunately too plain to admit of any doubt or misapprehension on the subject. These respectable men--for with but another exception they were so--discharged their duty as became them. The process of expulsion was gone into, but rather with a spirit of sorrow for the failings of an erring and sinful fellow-creature, than with any of the dogmatic and fiery indignation, which, under the plea of charity for his soul, is too often poured upon the head of a backslider. The fact now was that the consequences of his crime were about to come home to him, in a manner which required the exhibition of all the moral courage he possessed. It is unnecessary to inform our readers, that he had a.s.sumed the cloak of hypocrisy for the purpose of merely advancing his own interests among a certain section of the religious world. No sooner, however, did the history of his expulsion and its cause become general, than all those religious clients, who felt themselves scandalized by his conduct, immediately withdrew their business out of his hands, and transferred it to those of others; and not only persons of a decidedly religious character, but also almost every one who detested hypocrisy, and loved to see it exposed and punished. In truth, short as the period was since that exposure, Solomon was both surprised and mortified at the number of clients and friends who deserted him.

He was meditating over these things then that morning, when Widow Lenehan, of whom, mention has already been made, a religious woman, and notwithstanding her name, a member of the congregation to which he belonged, entered his office, accompanied by her brother.

"Ah, Mrs. Lenehan, how do you do? and my friend Palmer, I hope I see you well!"

"Pretty well, Mr. M'Slime; as well as these hard times will let us."

"Hard times! true, my friend, hard times they are indeed; very hard--yea, even as a crus.h.i.+ng rock to those who are severely tried.

But affliction is good, my friends, and if it be for our soul's health, then, indeed, it is good to be afflicted."

To this, neither Mrs. Lenehan nor her brother made any reply; and Solomon was left to console himself with a holy groan or two--given in that peculiar style which hypocrisy only can accomplish, but which is altogether out of the sphere, and beyond the capacity of true repentance.

"Mr. M'Slime," said Palmer, "my sister has at present"--which was the fact--although Solomon did not believe it--"a more advantageous opportunity of investing those eight hundred pounds which the poor woman has sc.r.a.ped together, and she wishes to draw them out of the funds without any delay; she wishes to sell out."

"Of course," said Solomon; "and, indeed, Mrs. Lenehan, I am delighted to hear it. How are you about to have the money invested, ma'am? Only give me the names of the parties, with the nature of the securities, and I shall have the whole matter safely managed with as little delay as may be."

"She wishes first, Mr. M'Slime, to get the money into her own hands," said Palmer, "and, I believe, I may as well state that, as a conscientious Christian woman, she does not feel justified in availing herself any longer of your professional services, Mr. M'Slime."

"Indeed," observed the widow, "I don't see how I could, Mr. M'Slime; I trust I am a Christian woman, as he says, and for a Christian woman to continue you, as her attorney, would be, I fear, to encourage hypocrisy and sin; and I feel that it would not be permitted to me to do so, unless I abuse my privileges."

"Heigho," thought Solomon, "here am I punished, as it were, in my own exact phraseology; verily, the measure is returning unto me."

"Well, Mrs. Lenehan, this is part of my individual dispensation--may it be precious to me! There is a mystery in many things, and there is a mystery in this; a mystery which, I trust, shall yet be cleared up, even so as that I shall indulge in much rejoicing when I look back upon it.

Mr. Palmer, you, I trust, are a Christian man, and you, Mrs. Lenehan, a Christian woman--Now, let me ask, did you ever hear that it is possible for an innocent man to be condemned as though he were guilty? Oh! I could argue strongly on this--but that I know now is not the hour."

"Well, but to business, Mr. M'Slime; my sister wants the money into her own hands."

"And in her own hands it shall be placed, Mr. Palmer; but this, you are aware, cannot be done for a few days--until, at all events, I go to Dublin."

"When will that be?" asked Palmer. "About this day week (D.V.). Term commences on to-morrow week, but I am generally in town a day or two before.