The History and Records of the Elephant Club Part 7

"'B'lieve so.'

"'Are you not certain you are?'

"'Prob'bly.'

"'Did you drink liquor to-night?'

"'P'r'aps.'

"'Where did you get it?'

"'Dun'no.'

"'What kind was it?'

"'I halvays 'ad a pa.s.sion for gin.'

"'Was it gin you drank to-night?'

"'Des'say.'

"'Are you not sure that it was?'

"'Mebbee.'

"'How often do you drink?'

"'Honly ven I've got the blunt to pay. Dutchmen vont trust now.'

"'Did you have any money to-night?'

"'Likely.'

"'How did you get it?'

""Oldin' an 'orse for a cove.'

"'How much did you get for that?'

"'A s.h.i.+llin.'

"'With that you bought gin?'

"'Prob'bly.'

"'And got drunk?'

"'Poss'bly.'

"'Thomas, where do you live?'

"'Noveres, in p'tickler.'

"'Where do you eat?'

"'Vere the wittles is.'

"'Where do you sleep?'

"'Anyveres, so that the M.P.s can't nab me.'

"'You ought to be sent to Blackwell's Island as a vagrant.'

"'Des'say.'

"'You've been there, have you not?'

"'Mebbee.'

"'Don't you know whether you've been there or not?'

"'P'r'aps.'

"'Are you certain of anything?'

"'Dun'no.'

"'Now, Thomas,' said I, in conclusion, 'I am going to let you off this time, but I hope you will keep sober in the future. Now, here is a quarter for you, to pay for your lodging to-night.'

"Thomas, the non-committalist, accepted the silver.

"I concluded to ask him one more question, in hopes to get a direct and positive answer.

"'Will you use that money to pay for a bed?' I asked.

"'Des'say,' said he, upon which I vamosed."

The Higholdboy raised himself from his official seat before the window, turned round, got on his knees in the chair, leaned his head on his hands and his arms on the chair-back, and whilst everybody was still and quiet, he called out, in a stentorian voice, "Order." The effect of this peremptory demand was to induce considerable disorder, as no one was willing to be regarded out of order, even by implication, without some foundation. Everybody talked and n.o.body listened, except Mr. Dropper, and it was not until Mr. Quackenbush had stuffed a ham sandwich down the throat of the Higholdboy, thrown a box of sardines at the head of Van Dam, tipped over the timid Boggs, and poured a lemonade down the throat of Johnny Cake, that they would consent to hear what he desired to say.

"Gentlemen," said Quackenbush, "that's a remarkably fine story, isn't it?"

"Des'say," said Spout.

"Werry like," responded Van Dam.

"Mebbee," replied Johnny Cake.

"Likely," remarked Boggs, as he picked himself up, preparatory to letting himself down in three chairs.