The Wit and Humor of America Volume X Part 27

"How very interesting! Do you know, we came to-night just to see if you would be there. You--you staggered us, the other evening. We were glad when you didn't appear--if you won't misunderstand. It is so unexpected, in this environment. I shall be curious to see how far you can carry it out." He was leaning against the banister, looking at them as if they were abstract propositions rather than young girls, and they felt unwontedly at ease.

"To the very end," Dora a.s.serted. "We begin teaching Monday, and--and we have to find a place to board." Her color rose a little, but she smiled.

"That _is_ plucky," he commented. "We can help you there; I know a number of places. When do you want to move?"

"To-morrow," they answered in unison.

He consulted an engagement-book, reflected a few moments, then made a note.

"Morton or I will call for you to-morrow at three," he announced with business-like brevity. "I think I know just the place, but we will give you a choice. If you really wish to move in at once, you could have your things packed, ready to be sent for."

"Oh, we do!" said Cora. He glanced meditatively at their fine and glowing faces.

"Of course you won't be comfortable, luxurious, as you are here," he warned them, with a nod toward the great paneled hall. Mrs. Baldwin pa.s.sed the drawing-room door below with the stately tread of a reviewing officer.

"Oh, we don't care!" they exclaimed eagerly.

The next day their mother treated the twins as if they were not. She spoke no word to them and did not seem to hear their husky little efforts at reconciliation. They found it hard to remember persistently that they were revolutionists rather than children in disgrace. She was unapproachable in her own room when Mr. White and Mr. Morton came for them.

"Well, we can't help it," they said sadly as they locked their two trunks and went down the stairs.

Three hours later the twins had entered a new world and were rapturously making an omelet in a kitchen that had begun life as a closet, while Mr.

Morton put up shelves and hooks and Mr. White tacked green burlap over gloomy wall-paper. Groceries and kitchen utensils and amusing make-s.h.i.+ft furniture kept arriving in exciting profusion. They had not dreamed that there was such happiness in the world.

"If only mother will forgive us, it will be simply perfect!" they told each other when they settled down for the night in their hard little cots. They said that many times in the days that followed. The utter joy of work and freedom and simplicity had no other blemish.

For five weeks Mrs. Baldwin remained obdurate. Then, one Sunday afternoon, she appeared, cold, critical, resentful still; lifted her eyebrows at the devices of their light housekeeping; looked disgusted when they pointed out from the window the little cafe where they sometimes dined; and offered to consent to their social retirement if they would give up the teaching and come home. The twins were troubled and apologetic, but inflexible. They had found the life they were meant for; they could not give it up. If she knew how happy they were!

"How, with your bringing up, you can enjoy this!" she marveled. "It isn't respectable--eating in nasty little holes alone at night!"

"But it is a nice, clean place, and Mr. White and Mr. Morton are nearly always with us," Dora began, then broke off at an expression of pleased enlightenment that flashed across her mother's face. "They are just very good friends," she explained gravely; "they don't take us as girls at all--that is why we have such nice times with them. We are simply comrades, and interested in the same books and problems."

"And they bother about us chiefly because we are a sort of sociological demonstration to them," Cora added. "They like experiments of every kind."

"Ah, yes, I understand," a.s.sented Mrs. Baldwin. "Well, you certainly are fixed up very nicely here. If you want anything from home, let me know.

After all, it is a piquant little adventure. If you are happy in it, I suppose I ought not to complain."

She was all complacence and compliment the rest of her visit. When she went away, the girls glanced uneasily at each other.

"She took a wrong idea in her head," said Dora. "I do hope we undeceived her. It would be hard for her to understand how wholly mental and impersonal our friends.h.i.+p is with those two."

"Well, she will see in time, when nothing comes of it," said Cora confidently. "That's their ring, now. Oh, Dora, isn't our life nice!"

Mrs. Baldwin, pa.s.sing down the shabby front steps, might have seen the two men approaching, one with an armful of books and the other with a potted plant; but she apparently did not recognize them, for she stepped into her carriage without a sign. The visit seemed to have left a pleasant memory with her, however; her bland serenity, as she drove away, was not unlike that of the cat which has just swallowed the canary.

FALL STYLES IN FACES[5]

BY WALLACE IRWIN

Faces this Fall will lead the styles More than in former years With something very neat in smiles Well trimmed with eyes and ears.

The Gayer Set, so rumor hints, Will have their noses made In all the famous Highball Tints-- A bright carnation shade.

For morning wear in club and lobby, The Dark Brown Taste will be the hobby.

In Wall Street they will wear a gaze To match the paving-stones.

(This kind, Miss Ida Tarbell says, John Rockefeller owns.) Loud mouths, sharp glances, furtive looks Will be displayed upon The faces of the best-groomed crooks Convened in Was.h.i.+ngton.

Among the Saints of doubtful morals Some will wear halos, others laurels.

Checkered careers will be displayed On faces neatly lined, And vanity will still parade In smirks--the cheaper kind.

Chins will appear in Utah's zone Adorned with lace-like frizzes, And something striking will be shown In union-labor phizzes.

The gentry who have done the races Show something new in Poker Faces.

Cheek will supplant Stiff Upper Lips And take the place of Chin; The waiters will wear ostrich tips When tipping days begin.

The Wilhelm Moustache, curled with scorn, Will show the jaw beneath, And the Roosevelt Smile will still be worn Cut wide around the teeth.

If Frenzied Finance waxes stronger Stocks will be "short" and faces longer.

But if you have a well-made face That's durable and firm, Its features you need not replace-- 'Twill wear another term.

Two eyes, a nose, a pair of ears, A chin that's clean and strong Will serve their owner many years And never go far wrong.

But if your face is shoddy, Brother, Run to the store and buy another!

FOOTNOTES:

[5] From "At the Sign of the Dollar," by Wallace Irwin. Copyright, 1905, by Fox, Duffield & Co.

HAD A SET OF DOUBLE TEETH

BY HOLMAN F. DAY

Oh, listen while I tell you a truthful little tale Of a man whose teeth were double all the solid way around; He could jest as slick as preachin' bite in two a s.h.i.+ngle-nail, Or squonch a molded bullet, sah, and ev'ry tooth was sound.

I've seen him lift a keg of pork, a-bitin' on the chine, And he'd clench a rope and hang there like a puppy to a root; And a feller he could pull and twitch and yank up on the line, But he couldn't do no business with that double-toothed galoot.

He was luggin' up some s.h.i.+ngles,--bunch, sah, underneath each arm,-- The time that he was s.h.i.+nglin' of the Baptist meetin'-house; The ladder cracked and buckled, but he didn't think no harm, When all at once she busted, and he started down kersouse.

His head, sah, when she busted, it was jest abreast the eaves; And he nipped, sah, quicker 'n lightnin', and he gripped there with his teeth, And he never dropped the s.h.i.+ngles, but he hung to both the sheaves, Though the solid ground was suttenly more 'n thirty feet beneath.