George Washington's Rules of Civility Part 3

Chapter ii. 25. Gardez vous bien de vous arrester en toute sorte de conuersation, a rajuster vostre rabat, ou a rehausser vos chausses pour les faire ioindre & en paroitre plus galaud. Que vos ongles ne soient point replis d'ordures, ny trop longs. Ayez grand soin de la nettete de vos mains; mais n'y recherchez point la volupte.

[Sidenote: Hawkins: "without overmuch attendance thereon or curiosity."]

Take good care not to stop, in any sort of conversation, to adjust your bands, or to pull up your stockings to make them join so as to look more gallant. Do not let your nails be full of dirt or too long. Have a great regard for the cleanliness of your hands, but do not be finikin about it.

16th. Do not puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the lips too open or too close.

Chapter ii. 26. C'est une vilainie de s'enfler les joues, de tirer la langue, de se manier la barbe, se frotter les mains, d'estendre ses levres ou les mordre, de les tenir trop serrees ou trop entrouuertes.

It is very low to puff out the cheeks, to put out the tongue, to pull one's beard, rub one's hands, poke out or bite the lips, or to keep them too tightly closed or too open.

17th. Be no Flatterer, neither Play with any that delights not to be Play'd Withal.

Chapter ii. 27. Ne flattez & n'amadouez personne par belles paroles, car celui qui pretend d'en gagner un autre par les discours emmiellez, fait voir qu'il n'en a pas grande estime, & qu'il le tient pour peu sense & adroit, des qu'il le prend pour vn hme que l'on peut iouer en cette maniere: n'usez point de gausseries aupres d'vne personne qui s'en offense.

Do not flatter or wheedle any one with fair words, for he who aspires to gain another person by his honied words shows that he does not hold him in high esteem and that he deems him far from sensible or clever, in taking him for a man who may be tricked in this manner: do not play practical jokes on those who do not like it.

18th. Read no Letters, Books, or Papers in Company but when there is a Necessity for the doing of it you must ask leave: come not near the Books or Writings of Another so as to read them unless desired or give your opinion of them unask'd also look not nigh when another is writing a Letter

Chapter ii. 28. C'est vne action directement opposee a la bien-seance, de lire quelque livre, quelques lettres ou autres choses semblables dans vne conversation ordinaire, si ce n'est en vne affaire pressante, ou pour quelque peu de moments; & mesme encore en ce cas, est-il a propos d'en demander la permission, si vous n'estes, possible, le Superieur de la compagnie. C'est encore pis de manier les ouvrages des autres, leurs livres, & d'autres choses de cette nature, de s'y attacher, d'en approcher la veue de plus pres, sans la permission de celuy a qui la chose appartient, aussi bien que de leur donner des louanges, ou les censurer, auant que l'on vous en demande vostre sentiment; de s'approcher trop pres, & d'incommoder celuy de qui ou est voisin, lors qu'il prend la lecture de ses lettres ou de quelqu'-autre chose.

It is an act directly opposed to politeness to read a book, letters or anything else during ordinary conversation, if it be not a pressing matter, or only for a few moments, and even in that case it is proper to ask leave unless you are, possibly, the highest in rank of the company. It is even worse to handle other people's work, their books or other things of that nature, to go close to them, to look at them closely without the permission of the owner, and also to praise or find fault with them before your opinion has been asked; to come too close to any one near by, when he is reading his letters or anything else.

19th let your Countenance be pleasant but in Serious Matters Somewhat grave

Chapter ii. 29. Que le visage ne paroisse point fantastique, changeant, egare, rauy en admiration, couuert de tristesse, divers & volage, & ne fa.s.se paroitre aucun signe d'vn esprit inquiet: Au contraire, qu'il soil ouuert & tranquille, mais qu'il ne soit pas trop epanouy de joye dans les affaires serieuses, ny trop retire par vne grauite affectee dans la conversation ordinaire & familiere de la vie humaine.

The face should not look fantastic, changeable, absent, rapt in admiration, covered with sadness, various and volatile, and it should not show any signs of an unquiet mind. On the contrary, it should be open and tranquil, but not too expansive with joy in serious affairs, nor too self-contained by an affected gravity in the ordinary and familiar conversation of human life.

20th The Gestures of the Body must be Suited to the discourse you are upon

Hawkins i. 30. Let the gestures of thy body, be agreeable to the matter of thy discourse. For it hath been ever held a solaesime in oratory, to poynt to the Earth, when thou talkest of Heaven.

_(The nearest Maxim to this is one directed against excessive and awkward gesticulation in speaking, in which it is said: "Parmy les discours regardez a mettre vostre corps en belle posture" (While speaking be careful to a.s.sume an elegant posture)._ 21st. Reproach none for the Infirmaties of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof.)

Chapter iv. 6. Ne reprochez les defauts a personne, non pas mesme de la nature, & ne prenez plaisir a faire confusion a qui que ce soit, par vos paroles.

[Sidenote: Hawkins adds: "which by no Art can be amended."]

Reproach none for their Infirmities--avoid it equally when they are natural ones--and do not take pleasure in uttering words that cause any one shame, whoever it may be.

22d. Shew not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy

Hawkins i. 32. When thou shalt heare the misfortunes of another, shew not thy selfe gladed for it, though it happ to thy enemy, for that will argue a mind mischievous, and will convict thee of a desire to have executed it thy selfe, had either power or opertunity seconded thy will.

_(Nothing corresponding to Rule 22 is found among the Maxims of the Jesuit fathers; but the later French book has the following: "Shew not your self joyful and pleased at the misfortunes that have befallen another, though you hated him, it argues a mischievous mind, and that you had a desire to have done it your self, if you had had the power or opportunity to your will.")_ 23d. When you see a Crime punished, you may be inwardly Pleased; but always shew Pity to the Suffering Offender.

Hawkins i. 33. When thou seest justice executed on any, thou maist inwardly take delight in his vigilancy, to punish offenders, because it tends to publique quiet, yet shew pity to the offender, and ever Const.i.tute the defect of his morality, thy precaution.

[Sidenote: This Rule has been nearly destroyed by mice.]

[24th. Do not laugh too loud or] too much at any Publick [spectacle, lest you cause yourself to be laughed at.]

Hawkins i. 34. Laugh not too much or too Loud, in any publique spectacle least for thy so doing, thou present thy selfe, the only thing worthy to be laughed at.

25th. Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of Ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected

Chapter iii. 1. Quoy qu'il soit bon de s'epargner vn trop grand soing de pratiquer vne ciuilite affectee, il faut pourtant estre exact a en obseruer ce qui est necessaire & auantageux pour faire paroistre une belle education, & ce qui ne se peut obmettre sans choquer ceux auec qui l'on converse.

Though it is right to avoid too great care in practising an affected civility, yet one must be exact in observing what is necessary and advantageous in order to show a good education, and all that cannot be omitted without shocking those with whom one is conversing.

26th. In pulling off your Hat to Persons of Distinction, as n.o.blemen, Justices, Churchmen, &c make a Reverence, bowing more or less according to the Custom of the Better Bred, and Quality of the Persons. Amongst your equals expect not always that they Should begin with you first, but to Pull off the Hat when there is no need is Affectation, in the Manner of Saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most usual Custom.

Chapter iii. 2. Temoignez vos respects aux hommes ill.u.s.tres & honorables, le chappeau en la main, comme aux Ecclesiastiques, ou aux Magistrats, ou a quelques autres personnes qualifiees; en tenant vers vous le dedans du chappeau que vous aurez oste: Faites leur aussi la reverence par quelque inclination de corps, autant que la dignite de chacun d'eux, & la belle coutume des enfants bien nourris, le semble exiger. Et comme c'est vne chose fort inciuile de ne se pas decouurir devant ceux a qui l'on doit ce respect, pour les saluer, ou d'attendre que vostre egal vous rend le premier ce deuoir; aussi de le faire, quand il n'est pas a propos, ressent sa ciuilite affectee: mais c'est vne honteuse impertinence de prendre garde si l'on vous rend vostre salutation. Au reste pour saluer quelqu'vn de parole, ce compliment semble le plus propre, qui est vsite par personnes le plus polies.

Show your respect for ill.u.s.trious and honourable men,--such as Ecclesiastics, Magistrates, or other persons of quality,--hat in hand, holding the inside of the removed hat towards you; make your reverence to them by inclining your body as much as the dignity of each and the custom of well-bred youth seems to demand. And, as it is very rude not to uncover the head before those to whom one owes such respect, in order to salute them, or to wait till your equal should perform this duty towards you first, so also, to do it when it is not fitting savours of affected politeness: but it is shameful impertinence to be anxious for the return of one's salute.

Finally, it seems most fitting to salute any one in words, a compliment which the politest persons are in the habit of using.

27th. Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it's due. Likewise he that makes too much haste to Put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to Put it on at the first, or at most the Second time of being ask'd; now what is herein Spoken, of Qualification in behaviour in Saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of Place, and Sitting down for ceremonies without Bounds is troublesome.

Chapter iii. 3. C'est une grande inciuilite d'entreprendre de prier vn superieur de se couurir, aussi bien que de n'en pas supplier celuy a qui cela se peut faire. Et celuy qui se haste trop de se couurir, particulierement en parlant a quelque personne qualifiee, ou qui presse par plusieurs fois de ce faire, le refuse, choque la biensceance; c'est pour cela qu'a la 1. ou 2. fois il est permis de se couurir, si l'vsage ne se trouue contraire en quelque Prouince ou Royaume. Et en effet entre les egaux, ou auec de plus agez, soit Religieux, ou domestiques, il est permis d'accorder cette requeste a vn egal ou a vn plus ieune, des la 1. fois. Toutefois ceux qui st egaux, ou fort peu differents les vns des autres, ont coustume de se faire cette priere, & de se couurir tout ensemble. Toutes les remarques donc qui se sont faites icy de la bonne conduite, doiuent estre aussi entendues de l'ordre qu'il faut tenir a prendre place, & a s'a.s.seoir: car le plaisir que l'on prend aux ciuilitez & aux complimens, est tout a fait importun.

It is very impolite to ask a superior to be covered, as it is not to do so in the case of one with regard to whom it is proper. And the man who is in haste to put his hat on, especially in talking to a person of quality, or who, having been urged several times to do so, refuses, shocks good manners; for this reason, after the first or second request, it is allowable to put the hat on, unless in some province or kingdom where the usage is otherwise. In fact, amongst equals, or with those who are older, or who belong to religious orders, or domestics, it is allowable to grant that request to one's equal or to a younger man, at the very first time.

However, those of equal rank, or between whom there is little difference of rank, usually make the request and put on their hats at the same time. All the remarks here made on polite conduct, must also be extended to the order to be observed in taking places, and in sitting down; for the pleasure taken in ceremonies and compliments is really irksome.

28th. If any one come to Speak to you while you are Sitting Stand up tho he be your Inferiour, and when you Present Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree.

Chapter iii. 5. Si vous estes a.s.sis, lors que quelq'vn vous vient rendre visite, leuez-vous des qu'il approche; si la dignite de la personne demande cette deference, comme s'il a quelque aduantage sur vous, s'il vous est egal, ou inferieur; mais non pas fort familier. Si vous vous reposez chez vous, ayant quelque siege, faites en soite de traiter chacun selon son merite.

If you are sitting down when any one pays you a call rise as soon as he comes near; whether his position demands that deference, as having precedence over you, or if he be your equal, or inferior; but not if he is on very intimate terms with you. If you are in your own house, having any seat to offer, manage to treat each guest according to his station.

29th. When you meet with one of Greater Quality than yourself, Stop, and retire especially if it be at a Door or any Straight place to give way for him to Pa.s.s

Chapter iii. 6. Quand vous rencontrez des personnes a qui vous deuez du respect, outre les devoirs d'vne salutation ordinaire, vous estes oblige de vous arrester quelque peu de temps, ou de rebrousser chemin jusqu'a l'entree des portes, ou aux coins des rues, pour leur donner pa.s.sage.

[Sidenote: Walker says, "If you meet a superior in a narrow way, stop, and press to make him more room."]