The Tatler Volume Iii Part 16

To all Gentlemen, Ladies, and others, that delight in soft lines.

These are to give notice, that the proper time of the year for writing pastorals now drawing near, there is a stage-coach settled from the One Bell in the Strand to Dorchester, which sets out twice a week, and pa.s.ses through Basingstoke, Sutton, Stockbridge, Salisbury, Blandford, and so to Dorchester, over the finest downs in England. At all which places, there are accommodations of spreading beeches, beds of flowers, turf seats, and purling streams, for happy swains; and thunderstruck oaks, and left-handed ravens, to foretell misfortunes to those that please to be wretched; with all other necessaries for pensive pa.s.sion.

And for the convenience of such whose affairs will not permit them to leave this town, at the same place they may be furnished, during the season, with opening buds, flowering thyme, warbling birds, sporting lambkins, and fountain water, right and good, and bottled on the spot, by one sent down on purpose.

N.B. The nymphs and swains are further given to understand, that in those happy climes, they are so far from being troubled with wolves, that for want of even foxes, a considerable pack of hounds have been lately forced to eat sheep.

Whereas on the 6th instant at midnight, several persons of light honour and loose mirth, having taken upon them in the shape of men, but with the voice of the players belonging to Mr. Powell's[147] company, to call up surgeons at midnight, and send physicians to persons in sound sleep, and perfect health: this is to certify, that Mr. Powell had locked up the legs of all his company for fear of mischief that night; and that Mr. Powell will not pay for any damages done by the said persons. It is also further advised, that there were no midwives wanted when those persons called them up in the several parts of Westminster; but that those gentlewomen who were in the company of the said impostors, may take care to call such useful persons on the 6th of December next.

The Censor having observed, that there are fine wrought ladies' shoes and slippers put out to view at a great shoemaker's shop towards St.

James's end of Pall Mall, which create irregular thoughts and desires in the youth of this nation; the said shopkeeper is required to take in those eyesores, or show cause the next court-day why he continues to expose the same; and he is required to be prepared particularly to answer to the slippers with green lace and blue heels.

It is impossible for me to return the obliging things Mr. Joshua Barnes[148] has said to me upon the account of our mutual friend Homer.

He and I have read him now forty years with some understanding, and great admiration. A work to be produced by one who has enjoyed so great an intimacy with an author, is certainly to be valued more than any comment made by persons of yesterday: therefore, according to my friend Joshua's request, I recommend his[149] work; and having used a little magic in the case, I give this recommendation by way of amulet or charm, against the malignity of envious backbiters, who speak evil of performances whereof themselves were never capable. If I may use my friend Joshua's own words, I shall at present say no more, but that we, Homer's oldest acquaintance now living, know best his ways; and can inform the world, that they are often mistaken when they think he is in lethargic fits, which we know he was never subject to; and shall make appear to be rank scandal and envy that of the Latin poet:

"_----Aliquando bonus dormitat Homerus._"[150]

[Footnote 146: A punch nag is a horse well set and well knit, having a short back and thin shoulders, with a broad neck, and well lined with flesh ("Farrier's Dictionary").]

[Footnote 147: The puppet-show man.]

[Footnote 148: "The learned and ingenious Mr. Joshua Barnes has lately writ an eulogium (after the manner of learned men to each other) upon me; and after having made me his compliments in the behalf of his beloved Homer, and thanked me for the justice I have done him, in the 'Table of Fame,' has desired me to recommend the following advertis.e.m.e.nt: 'Whereas Mr. Joshua Barnes, B.D., her Majesty's Greek professor in the University of Cambridge, hath some time since published proposals for printing a new and accurate edition of all Homer's "Works," enlarged, corrected, and amended, by the help of ancient MSS.

the best editions, scholiographers, &c.: These are to certify, that the "Iliad" and "Odyssey" are now both actually printed off, only a small part of the hymns, other poems, and fragments remaining, with the indexes, Life of Homer, and Prolegomena, which are carried on with all possible expedition. All gentlemen therefore, scholars and masters of great schools, that are willing to reap the benefit of subscription, being ten s.h.i.+llings down, and on the delivery of the two volumes in sheets twenty s.h.i.+llings more, are desired to make their first payment to the said Mr. Barnes, now lodging at the printing house at Cambridge, before the end of March; after which time no more single subscriptions to be admitted'" (_Tatler_, orig. folio, No. 139). Joshua Barnes (1654-1712), Greek scholar and antiquary, was educated at Christ's Hospital and Emanuel College, Cambridge. He was appointed professor of Greek at Cambridge in 1695. The expenses incurred in the production of his "Homer" involved him in considerable difficulties. Bentley paid a doubtful compliment to Barnes when he said that Barnes knew as much Greek as a Greek cobbler. See the _Spectator_, No. 245.]

[Footnote 149: Mr. Joshua Barnes' new and accurate edition of all Homer's Works, &c. (Steele).]

[Footnote 150: Horace, "Ars Poet." 359 ("Quandoque bonus," &c.).]

No. 144. [STEELE.

From _Thursday, March 9_, to _Sat.u.r.day, March 11, 1709-10_.

_Sheer Lane, March 10._

In a nation of liberty, there is hardly a person in the whole ma.s.s of the people more absolutely necessary than a censor. It is allowed, that I have no authority for a.s.suming this important appellation, and that I am censor of these nations, just as one is chosen king at the game of questions and commands:[151] but if, in the execution of this fantastical dignity, I observe upon things which do not fall within the cognisance of real authority, I hope it will be granted, that an idle man could not be more usefully employed. Among all the irregularities of which I have taken notice, I know none so proper to be presented to the world by a censor, as that of the general expense and affectation in equipage. I have lately hinted, that this extravagance must necessarily get footing where we have no sumptuary laws, and where every man may be dressed, attended, and carried, in what manner he pleases. But my tenderness to my fellow subjects will not permit me to let this enormity go un.o.bserved.

As the matter now stands, every man takes it in his head, that he has a liberty to spend his money as he pleases. Thus, in spite of all order, justice, and decorum, we the greater number of the Queen's loyal subjects, for no reason in the world but because we want money, do not share alike in the division of her Majesty's high-road. The horses and slaves of the rich take up the whole street, while we peripatetics are very glad to watch an opportunity to whisk across a pa.s.sage, very thankful that we are not run over for interrupting the machine, that carries in it a person neither more handsome, wise, nor valiant than the meanest of us. For this reason, were I to propose a tax, it should certainly be upon coaches and chairs: for no man living can a.s.sign a reason why one man should have half a street to carry him at his ease, and perhaps only in pursuit of pleasures, when as good a man as himself wants room for his own person to pa.s.s upon the most necessary and urgent occasion. Till such an acknowledgment is made to the public, I shall take upon me to vest certain rights in the scavengers of the cities of London and Westminster, to take the horses and servants of all such as do not become or deserve such distinctions into their peculiar custody.

The offenders themselves I shall allow safe conduct to their places of abode in the carts of the said scavengers, but their horses shall be mounted by their footmen, and sent into the service abroad: and I take this opportunity in the first place to recruit the regiment of my good old friend the brave and honest Sylvius,[152] that they be as well taught as they are fed. It is to me most miraculous, so unreasonable an usurpation as this I am speaking of should so long have been tolerated.

We hang a poor fellow for taking any trifle from us on the road, and bear with the rich for robbing us of the road itself. Such a tax as this would be of great satisfaction to us who walk on foot; and since the distinction of riding in a coach is not to be appointed according to a man's merit or service to their country, nor that liberty given as a reward for some eminent virtue, we should be highly contented to see them pay something for the insult they do us in the state they take upon them while they are drawn by us.

Till they have made us some reparation of this kind, we the peripatetics of Great Britain cannot think ourselves well treated, while every one that is able is allowed to set up an equipage.

As for my part, I cannot but admire how persons, conscious to themselves of no manner of superiority above others, can out of mere pride or laziness expose themselves at this rate to public view, and put us all upon p.r.o.nouncing those three terrible syllables, Who is that? When it comes to that question, our method is to consider the mien and air of the pa.s.senger, and comfort ourselves for being dirty to the ankles, by laughing at his figure and appearance who overlooks us. I must confess, were it not for the solid injustice of the thing, there is nothing could afford a discerning eye greater occasion for mirth, than this licentious huddle of qualities and characters in the equipages about this town. The overseers of the highway and constables have so little skill or power to rectify this matter, that you may often see the equipage of a fellow whom all the town knows to deserve hanging, make a stop that shall interrupt the Lord High Chancellor and all the judges on their way to Westminster.

For the better understanding of things and persons in this general confusion, I have given directions to all the coachmakers and coach-painters in town, to bring me in lists of their several customers; and doubt not, but with comparing the orders of each man, in the placing his arms on the doors of his chariot, as well as the words, devices and ciphers to be fixed upon them, to make a collection which shall let us into the nature, if not the history, of mankind, more usefully than the curiosities of any medallist in Europe.

But this evil of vanity in our figure, with many, many others, proceeds from a certain gaiety of heart, which has crept into men's very thoughts and complexions. The pa.s.sions and adventures of heroes, when they enter the lists for the tournament in romances, are not more easily distinguishable by their palfreys and their armour, than the secret springs and affections of the several pretenders to show amongst us are known by their equipages in ordinary life. The young bridegroom with his gilded cupids, and winged angels, has some excuse in the joy of his heart to launch out into something that may be significant of his present happiness: but to see men, for no reason upon earth but that they are rich, ascend triumphant chariots, and ride through the people, has at the bottom nothing else in it but an insolent transport, arising only from the distinction of fortune.

It is therefore high time that I call in such coaches as are in their embellishments improper for the character of their owners. But if I find I am not obeyed herein, and that I cannot pull down these equipages already erected, I shall take upon me to prevent the growth of this evil for the future, by inquiring into the pretensions of the persons who shall hereafter attempt to make public entries with ornaments and decorations of his own appointment. If a man, who believed he had the handsomest leg in this kingdom, should take a fancy to adorn so deserving a limb with a blue garter, he would justly be punished for offending against the most n.o.ble order: and, I think, the general prost.i.tution of equipage and retinue is as destructive to all distinction, as the impertinence of one man, if permitted, would certainly be to that ill.u.s.trious fraternity.

ADVERTIs.e.m.e.nT.

The Censor having lately received intelligence, that the ancient simplicity in the dress and manners of that part of this island, called Scotland, begins to decay; and that there are at this time in the good town of Edinburgh, beaus, fops, and c.o.xcombs: his late correspondent[153]

from that place is desired to send up their names and characters with all expedition, that they may be proceeded against accordingly, and proper officers named to take in their canes, snuff-boxes, and all other useless necessaries commonly worn by such offenders.

[Footnote 151: Cf. Steele's "Lover," No. 13: "I might have been a king at questions and commands." This game is mentioned several times in the _Spectator_.]

[Footnote 152: General Cornelius Wood, son of the Rev. Seth Wood, was born in 1636. He served for four years as a private soldier, before he was advanced to be a sub-brigadier; after which his rise was rapid, owing entirely to his signal valour, his strict justice, and extensive humanity. The Prince of Orange, on his accession to the throne, gave him a troop of horse, in the regiment commanded by George Lord Huet; he was made a colonel of horse in 1693; and a brigadier-general in 1702. His conduct and conversation in Ireland rendered him very acceptable to Marshal Schomberg; his valour was conspicuous at the Battle of Blenheim, after which the Duke of Marlborough declared him a major-general; it was no less signally manifested at Ramillies in 1706; the year following he was made a lieutenant-general of horse, in which post he arrived to be the eldest. In 1708, he was Governor of Ghent, and honoured by the burghers, in testimony of their singular satisfaction, with a large piece of plate, which he left as a legacy to the Duke of Ormond, to evince his grat.i.tude for services received, and his esteem for that n.o.bleman's ill.u.s.trious character. In 1709, he gathered fresh laurels in the b.l.o.o.d.y field of Tanieres, and next year was again appointed Governor of Ghent; but in his march to that garrison, an unruly horse on which he rode, reared on end, and fell backwards upon him; his collar-bone was broken, and his stomach so bruised by this accident, that he never was well after. He languished about two years, and died at the Gravel-pits near Kensington, on the 17th of May 1712, in the 75th year of his age.

He never married (Nichols). Prior, in his poem on the Battle of Blenheim, says:

"Let generous Sylvius stand for honest Wood."

[Footnote 153: "Osyris"; see No. 143.]

No. 145. [STEELE.

From _Sat.u.r.day, March 11_, to _Tuesday, March 14, 1709-10_.

Nescio quis teneros oculus mihi fascinat agnos.

VIRG., Eclog. iii. 103.

_White's Chocolate-house, March 13._

This evening was allotted for taking into consideration a late request of two indulgent parents, touching the care of a young daughter, whom they design to send to a boarding-school, or keep at home, according to my determination;[154] but I am diverted from that subject by letters which I have received from several ladies, complaining of a certain sect of professed enemies to the repose of the fair s.e.x, called Oglers. These are, it seems, gentlemen who look with deep attention on one object at the playhouses, and are ever staring all round them in churches. It is urged by my correspondents, that they do all that is possible to keep their eyes off these ensnarers; but that, by what power they know not, both their diversions and devotions are interrupted by them in such a manner, as that they cannot attend either without stealing looks at the persons whose eyes are fixed upon them. By this means, my pet.i.tioners say, they find themselves grow insensibly less offended, and in time enamoured, of these their enemies. What is required of me on this occasion, is, that as I love and study to preserve the better part of mankind, the females, I would give them some account of this dangerous way of a.s.sault, against which there is so little defence, that it lays ambush for the sight itself, and makes them seeingly, knowingly, willingly, and forcibly go on to their own captivity.