The Century Handbook of Writing Part 21

=42. Do not place the important idea of a sentence in a subordinate clause or phrase. Make the important idea grammatically independent. If possible, subordinate the rest of the sentence to it.=

Faulty: He had a manner which made me angry.

Faulty: The fire spread to the third story, when the house was doomed.

Faulty: For years the Indians molested the white people, thereby causing the settlers to want revenge.

The important idea should not be placed in a _which_ clause, or a _when_ clause, or a participial phrase.

Right: His manner made me angry.

Right: When the fire spread to the third story, the house was doomed.

Right: Years of molestation by the Indians made the white men want revenge.

Exercise:

1. I was riding on the train, when suddenly there was an accident.

2. There are two windows in each bedroom, thus insuring good ventilation.

3. Yonder is the house which is my home.

4. He saw that argument was useless, so he let her talk.

5. His clothes were very old, making him look like a tramp.

=The Periodic Sentence=

A sentence is periodic when the completion of the main thought is delayed until the end. This delay creates a feeling of suspense. A periodic sentence is doubly emphatic: it has emphasis by position because the important idea comes at the end; it has emphasis by subordination because all ideas except the last one are grammatically dependent.

=43. To give emphasis to a loosely constructed sentence, turn it into periodic form.=

Loose: I saw two men fight a duel, many years ago, on a moonlit summer night, in a little village in northern France. [What is most important, the time? the place? or the actual duel? Place the important idea last.]

Periodic: Many years ago, on a moonlit summer night, in a little village in northern France, I saw two men fight a duel.

Loose: We left Yellowstone Gateway for the ride of our lives in a six-horse tally-ho. [Place the important idea last, _and make all other ideas grammatically subordinate_.]

Periodic: Leaving Yellowstone Gateway in a six-horse tally-ho, we had the ride of our lives.

Loose: The river was swollen with incessant rain, and it swept away the dam. [Which is the important idea? Why not make it appear more important by subordinating everything to it?]

Periodic: The river, swollen with incessant rain, swept away the dam.

Loose: War means to have our pursuit of knowledge and happiness rudely broken off, to feel the sting of death and bereavement, to saddle future generations with a burden of debt and national hatred.

Periodic: To have our pursuit of knowledge and happiness rudely broken off, to feel the sting of death and bereavement, to saddle future generations with a burden of debt and national hatred--this is war.

Exercise:

1. I am happy when the spring comes, when the sun is warm, when the fields revive.

2. He cares nothing for culture, for justice, for progress.

3. As the boat gathered speed, the golden sun was setting far across the harbor.

4. He ama.s.sed a great fortune, standing there behind his dingy counter, discounting bills, pinching coins, buying cheap and selling dear.

5. The shattered aqueducts, pier beyond pier, melt into the darkness, from the plains to the mountains.

=Order of Climax=

=44. In a series of words, phrases, or clauses of noticeable difference in strength, use the order of climax.=

Wrong order: He was insolent and lazy.

Weak ending: Literature has expanded into a sea, where before it was only a small stream.

Weak ending: As we listened to his story we felt the sordid misery and the peril and fear of war.

Emphatic: He was lazy and insolent.

Emphatic: The stream of literature has swollen into a torrent, expanded into a sea.

Emphatic: As we listened to his story we felt the fear, the peril, the sordid misery of war.

Exercise:

1. We boarded the train, after having bought our tickets and checked our baggage.

2. War brings famine, death, disease after it.

3. They have broken up our homes, enslaved our children, and stolen our property.

4. In the old story, the drunken man, carried into the duke's palace, sees himself surrounded with luxury, and imagines himself a true prince, after waking up.

5. The becalmed mariners were famished, hungry.

=The Balanced Sentence=

=45. Two ideas similar or opposite in thought gain in emphasis when set off, one against the other, in similar constructions.=

Weak and straggling: This paper, like many others, has many bad features, but in some ways it is very good. The news articles are far better than the editorials, which are feeble.