The Century Handbook of Writing Part 6

In structure a sentence may be

A. Simple: The rain fell.

B. Compound: The rain continued and the stream rose.

C. Complex: When the rain ceased, the flood came.

In B, the clauses are of almost equal importance, and the first is coordinated with the second. In C, the clauses are not of equal importance, and the first is subordinated to the second. _And_ is a coordinating conjunction. _When_ is a subordinating conjunction. For a list of connectives see 36.

=14. Do not use coordination when subordination will secure a more clear and emphatic unit of thought. Especially do not coordinate a main idea with an explanatory detail.= The speech of children connects all ideas, important and unimportant, with _and_. Discriminating writers place minor ideas in subordinate clauses, consign still less important ideas to participial or prepositional phrases, and omit trivial details altogether.

Childish: I went down town and saw a crowd standing in the street, and wanted to know what was the matter, and so I went up and asked a man.

Right: When I went down town, I saw a crowd standing in the street, and since I wanted to know what was the matter, I asked a man. [Two clauses are subordinated by the use of _when_ and _since_. This change abolishes two _ands_. The words _went up and_ are struck out. One _and_ remains, and deserves to remain, for it joins two ideas which are truly coordinate.]

Main idea not emphasized: I talked with an old man and his name was Ned.

Better: I talked with an old man named Ned. [A participial phrase replaces a clause. The name is now subordinated.]

Main idea not emphasized: Developing is the next step in preparing the film, and it is very important.

Better: Developing, the next step in preparing the film, is very important. [An appositional phrase replaces the first predicate.]

Main idea not emphasized: They began their perilous journey, and they had four horses.

Right [emphasizing _perilous journey_]: With four horses they began their perilous journey. [A prepositional phrase replaces a clause.]

Right [emphasizing _having the horses_]: When they began their perilous journey, they had four horses. [A subordinate clause replaces a main clause.]

Capable of greater unity: The frog is a stupid animal, and may be caught with a hook baited with red flannel. [Is the writer trying to tell us _how to catch frogs_, or merely that _frogs are stupid_? Coordination makes the two ideas appear equally important.]

Right [emphasizing _frogs are stupid_]: The fact that the frog can be caught with a hook baited with red flannel proves his stupidity.

Right [emphasizing _how to catch frogs_]: The frog, being stupid, will bite at a piece of red flannel.

Exercise.

1. Men were sent to Panama and could not live in such unsanitary conditions.

2. When a letter came and it bore a familiar handwriting, I always opened it eagerly.

3. West Hickory is the name of the place where the tannery is situated, and it is a laboring man's town.

4. She wore a dress and it was silk, and cost her father a lot of money.

5. Every race horse has a care taker or groom, and this man spends all his time and makes the horse comfortable.

=Faulty Subordination of the Main Thought=

=15. Do not put the princ.i.p.al statement of a sentence in a subordinate clause or phrase.= This violation of unity is sometimes called "upside-down subordination".

Faulty: I was going down the street, when I heard an explosion.

[If _hearing the explosion_ is the main thought, it should be placed in the main clause.]

Right: When I was going down the street, I heard an explosion.

Faulty: Longstreet received orders to attack the Federal right wing, which he did immediately.

Right: As soon as Longstreet received orders, he attacked the Federal right wing.

Faulty: I suspected that it would rain, although I did not take an umbrella.

Right: Although I suspected that it would rain, I did not take an umbrella.

Exercise:

1. An old man used to work for us, who died yesterday.

2. He became angry, saying he positively refused to go.

3. He is a bright boy, although I should not want to trust him with my pocketbook.

4. He had an ambition which was to become the best lawyer in the state by the time he was forty years old.

5. The cable breaks and the elevator starts to drop, when the safety device always operates at once to prevent an accident.

=Subordination Thwarted by _and_=

=16. Do not attach to a main clause by means of _and_, a word, phrase, or clause which you intend shall be subordinate. The presence of _and_ thwarts subordination.=

Wrong: Major went to bed, and leaving the work unfinished.

Right: Major went to bed, leaving the work unfinished.

Wrong: He ran home and with coat tails flying.

Right: He ran home with coat tails flying.

Exercise:

1. They denied my request, and giving no reason for the refusal.

2. He gave me his answer and in few words.

3. The girl stood on the edge of the cliff, and thus showing that she was not afraid.