Take It Slow Part 9

"We went to the zoo, and it was cool," Mano added.

"The snakes were the best."

Benny shuddered and said, "Nope. Disapproved. The elephants rocked."

Mama came out from the kitchen and said, "The good thing about it is there's something for everyone.

Welcome back, boys. Anybody hungry?"

There were groans all around as they all held their stomachs.

"Okay, I get it. Well, your day off continues. You're free until tomorrow morning. Go on, Nick and I can handle things here. See you all at breakfast."

Easy and Mano turned and headed back out, Easy saying, "Hey, Daniel, let's get your new stuff out of the truck. I'll take Mom's sack to her, and Mano, I'll meet you at home."

"Thanks, Mama Sasy." Daniel said, and turned to leave. He couldn't help it. He looked at his dad. Nick was standing, dish bucket in hand, looking broken because Daniel hadn't acknowledged him. Daniel nodded toward his dad and walked out. It was all he could do.

Daniel and Benny headed for the outside door to the dorm and, as if ch.o.r.eographed, they turned together to Take It Slow 109.

watch Easy and Mano as they reached the door of their apartment at the back of the complex. It was clear that the two of them weren't aware of their audience, or maybe they just didn't care. As they reached their door, Mano turned and gave a little hop, and Easy caught him easily. Mano's arms wound around Easy's neck, and his legs wrapped Easy's waist. Easy pressed Mano against the door, and they shared a very long, hot kiss.

"I feel like a sleazy voyeur," Daniel admitted, but he didn't quit looking.

"Maybe, but it's not like they care. They're so much in love, they don't notice anyone else half the time, and I think that's just the way it should be. Now you see what I mean, don't you? They're like, inspiring," Benny laughed as he said it, turning to go in their own door.

"They'd crack up if I told them that."

"Yeah, I don't see them as being in your face. They just feel it."

The two young men hurried inside, and Daniel took his bags of new things to his area and began putting them in his locker, chest of drawers, and closet. When that was done, he went to his bed and sat down, lost as to what to do next. He looked over, and Benny was sitting on his bed, watching him.

"Kind of strange, not having something to do, huh?"

Benny asked.

"Yeah, I'm sorta lost. It's too early to go to bed, but I don't know what I should do. Any ideas?" Daniel looked to Benny for help.

"Got a few. Can I come over there?" Benny asked.

"Sure." Daniel didn't have any qualms about his answer. He trusted Benny pretty much more than anyone right now. He liked him, too. But he wasn't sure he was ready to go there.

110.

Benny hopped off his bed and joined Daniel. He sat beside Daniel and then scooted until his back was against the wall. Daniel copied him, and they sat close.

Benny brought his knees up and circled them with his arms, and for some reason Daniel did the same. Benny giggled, and Daniel blushed, putting his knees down.

"Oh, no, honey. I wasn't laughing at you. Come on, get comfortable with me. I was just, well, to be honest, nervous," Benny said, putting his hand out and touching Daniel's knee after he'd drawn them up again.

"I'm sorry. I'm a little quick to be..." Daniel didn't know how to continue.

"Hurt?" Benny supplied.

Daniel nodded slowly and said, "Yeah, I guess.

Today was so different for me. I'm not used to being happy and having fun. My old life, when I was all those things, seems so long ago."

"Daniel, if you ever want to talk about it, what you went through, I would listen. I'd never tell anyone. I'm surprised they haven't made you go to counseling or something like that."

Daniel gasped, scared at even the thought of that. The idea of having to meet with some stranger and tell him or her everything he'd lived through in the last two years made him s.h.i.+ver.

"Shh, it's okay. I understand. Like I said, I haven't gone through anything as bad as what I figure you have, but really, if it would help, you can talk to me. I don't judge, and Daniel?" Benny paused until Daniel turned to look at him. "I like you, a lot. After all, we're going steady, right?"

Daniel chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, and after only one date. I'm afraid you're going to think I'm easy."

111.

"No, Easy's the big guy back there." Benny gestured toward the back of the building. "You know, the one who carries his lover around all the time."

"Smarty. He has to, I guess, to get on the same level.

There's such a difference in their heights, he'd have a bad back from leaning down to kiss Mano, so he just brings Mano up to his level. I think it's kind of cute."

"Well, we don't have to worry about that. We're the same height. Neither of us would have to bend a lot if we wanted to kiss." Benny just left that statement out there. Daniel didn't know what to do with it.

Did he want to kiss Benny? Did he want Benny to kiss him?

There was silence. Daniel felt his face flame, and he was afraid to look at Benny. He felt like Benny was waiting for him to say something, but he was, frankly, chicken.

"It's okay, Daniel. I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. I was just sayin'."

"I know. I hate feeling so awkward. I didn't used to,"

Daniel said, trying to remember how he had felt before his life blew apart.

"Tell me about Daniel Webster, from before. What you were like back then, and do you want to be that person again? Do you feel like the things you've been through have changed you too much to get the old Daniel back again?" Benny quietly asked, and Daniel knew it wasn't just being nosey. Benny cared about him.

Daniel thought about his answer, deciding it was time to do a little soul searching, looking inside to see if what was in there was truly broken.

For some reason, when he started talking, it wasn't to answer the question, but to tell Benny everything that had happened to him. Benny reached over and took his Take It Slow 112.

hand as soon as he started. That made it easier for him to go on. The hand, the tender touch, grounded him.

Daniel hadn't gotten very far when he realized that Benny had made a distressed sound. He stopped and turned just a little to see Benny.

"Please, ignore me. Go on. You're breaking my heart.

I can't believe how much I feel for you. I need to hear the rest, if you can keep on." Benny used his other hand to wipe his face.

Daniel thought for a minute. Should he go on? Benny saying that his heart was breaking was almost enough to make Daniel stop. But he had started this, and he would finish it. Maybe there would be something good that would come from telling it all. At least with Benny, he had a sympathetic listener.

Daniel went on and told about his life with Tony and Randall; how he felt safe, but lonely most of the time.

When he got to the part about losing them, he felt Benny tighten his fingers, and Daniel squeezed back. He managed to get through the attempted rape in the alley and the save by Jack Basham. When he explained that he thought he was going to be safe with Jack, he was surprised when Benny growled.

"Ooh, you sound fierce."

Benny pulled Daniel closer and put an arm around his shoulders, drawing him near. "Is this okay?"

Daniel liked it, soaked it up. "Yes."

He went on with the rest of the story, telling Benny how it wasn't long before the hits and slaps started, the endless work he had to do for Jack, and how Jack's repeatedly referring to his age and how you don't mess with kids and when was Daniel going to be eighteen kept him so full of fear that he was unable to eat or sleep. Daniel even talked about hearing the p.o.r.n through Take It Slow 113.

the wall and when Jack would stand outside his door and chant his name.

"He didn't have hot water most of the time, and I was scared to get naked and bathe anyway, afraid he'd walk in. I hate the way I look now. I don't know that I was ever really vain before, but I knew I was okay looking and at least healthy and clean. Benny, I spent so much time feeling the opposite that I can't stand myself anymore." Daniel stopped. Just stopped talking, not knowing where to go now.

"Okay. I know that had to be one of the hardest things you've ever done. I have a couple of questions, if you don't mind. I wonder about the night it all started and the day you were rescued. Will you tell me some things?" Benny asked.

By this time, they'd both straightened their legs, and Daniel was leaning on Benny's shoulder. He liked it like that because he didn't have to look in Benny's eyes in case what he saw would hurt him. Daniel didn't think he could take it if he thought Benny was grossed out by his story.

"I guess, if I can." He wondered what Benny wanted to know.

Benny's hand was rubbing Daniel's shoulder, soothing him, calming him. Daniel nodded his head against Benny's shoulder, letting him know it was okay to ask.

"After your dad said those awful things to you, and believe me, I know how hard that hits, why didn't you stay around? From the stories I've heard, he was looking for you within the hour to tell you he didn't mean it.

Don't you kind of feel like all that pain was for nothing, because he changed his mind pretty quickly? If you'd waited just a little, maybe your life would have been so much better."

114.

"You don't know my dad, not like I do...did." Daniel made a motion with his hand, making his point. "When Nick Webster says something, that's it. He doesn't change his mind or take anything back. I've heard it all my life. He meant it."

"But he did; change his mind, I mean. I'm not taking his side, not at all. I've got your back, and I'll stand by you. I'd like to be the one you turn to. G.o.d, I sound like a sappy song, but you know what I mean, don't you?

Daniel, I just hate thinking you went through all that and it could have been different."

"Okay, noted, and thanks for the support. Other question?" Daniel wanted to get off the subject of the day it started. Did anyone think it hadn't occurred to him that he'd gone through h.e.l.l because he didn't give his father a chance to recant his hateful words?

"I heard the story about how Mano met you in the bathroom and told you what was happening, but what made you believe him? What was it like when you saw your dad there? Did you freak?" Benny never stopped rubbing Daniel's arm and shoulder, easing him.

"I had already gotten to the point where I knew I was going to have to get away from Jack before something nasty happened. He was either going to rape me or beat the h.e.l.l out of me if I fought. I was ready for a way out, and there was something about Mano that was so worthy of trust. As for seeing my dad, my first thought, I'll admit, was joy. There was my dad, after all that time.

His arms were open to me, and he had tears in his eyes.

Then it occurred to me that that was the response I wanted that night two years ago, total acceptance. It's what I expected, knowing him as I thought I did."

"But you let him hug you, right?" Benny asked.

"Yeah, I could see real pain in his eyes, and I was so d.a.m.n needy right then. But, immediately after that, I Take It Slow 115.

began to feel bitter. If he hadn't denied me as his son, none of that horror would have happened to me. When he said those things, I knew he meant them, and I couldn't stay there, knowing how he felt. I still don't know how to relate to him." Daniel felt tears stinging his eyes as he admitted this.

"What you do is take your time. This s.h.i.+t happened to you, and you're the only one who will know when the time is right to deal with your dad. I have one more question, and then I swear I'll quit." Daniel thought he felt Benny kiss him on the side of his head.

"Go on."

"Your father is known for helping out the guys who show up here. When I told them I wanted to go into law, but couldn't afford it, he said he would help me when he got time. I don't want to lose what I think we're building between us by taking help from the man who hurt you so badly. I don't know what to do." As Benny finished with the words he put his hand under Daniel's chin and raised his face.

"Tell me what to do, Daniel. I don't have any money or any idea of how to go about getting started on the life I want. Nick has both and is willing to share, help me get started on the right path. But I won't do anything that will hurt you. I won't."

"Benny, nothing that we have, or will have, will be affected by your taking help from my father. It seems he's the patron saint of young gay boys, after making me feel like trash. h.e.l.l, I know I sound bitter. I have to work on that. Seriously, take his help." Daniel pulled back so he could look in Benny's face. "Take as much as you can and use it to make a good life for yourself.

Nothing would make me happier. If he's going to help strangers, gays he doesn't even know, I certainly want Take It Slow 116.

him to help you. I care about you. You've been so good to me since I came here."

"Man, you should have heard them all making plans for your rescue. Did you know your father went down the week before but just missed you and Jack? I've never seen anyone so broken up. Anyway, it was like they all knew you, he'd talked about you so much. He showed your picture to every trucker who came in here and evidently he's paid a s.h.i.+tload of money to private detectives over the last two years. He tried, Daniel, he really did try to find you. That's all I'll say about that."

"I know. I know I'm supposed to be able to forgive and forget and be Daddy's little boy and best friend again, but there's something that is keeping me from it."

Daniel tried to duck his head, but Benny wasn't having it.

"It's called pain, on top of fear and more pain and heartbreak. You're ent.i.tled. Okay, enough of this. I'm not trying to sound like a shrink or anything, but I hope you feel better. They say if you talk through things, it lightens the load a little." Benny sounded so hopeful that Daniel had to ease his mind.

"Actually, I do feel better. You're a good listener, and I trust you."

"Good deal. Now, it is getting late. How about we shower, get ready for bed, and I have another idea, if you're up for it." Benny paused from where he was getting ready to slide off the bed and looked over at Daniel.

"What's that?" Daniel wasn't worried, though Benny looked hesitant.

"I was thinking, since we're both so skinny, and since I've ended up in your bed the last couple of nights, what if I started out in it tonight? No one else is here. No one will see. Maybe if we go to bed together, with me Take It Slow 117.

holding you, you won't even have the nightmares. A whole night of good sleep sounds good, huh?" Benny paused, clearly waiting to hear what Daniel thought of his idea.

"I'm sorry I keep waking you up." Daniel was ashamed of his needs.

"That's all you got from that? Come on, you got to know I don't mind. But, what do you think of us trying to ward off the nighthorses? I'm not trying to start anything you're not ready for, I promise. Just sleeping and holding is all I'm talking about."

"Are you sure that's all? Not even a good night kiss?

Maybe if we did that while we were standing up, it wouldn't go anywhere, but I admit I've thought of it since you mentioned it earlier." Daniel felt so very brave bringing that up.

"Why Daniel Webster, you sweet thing, you." Benny teased. Daniel blushed.

"Stop. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything,"