The Writer on the Hill Part 33

'Well, I was thinking of you. I've often thought about you. You were much older than me, but I liked you. After that show, when the lights went out, I came up to you and kissed you. And then I ran away.'

'So it was you! I've often wondered. But why did you run away? I would have returned the kiss. More than once.'

'I was very nervous. I thought you'd be angry.'

'Well, I suppose it's too late now. You must be happily married with lots of children.'

'Husband left me. Children grew up, went away.'

'It must be lonely for you.'

'I have lots of dogs.'

'How many?'

'About thirty.'

'Thirty dogs! Do you run a kennel club?'

'No, they are all strays. I run a dog shelter.'

'Well, that's very good of you. Very humane.'

'You must come and see it sometime. Come to Bareilly. Stay with me. You like dogs, don't you?'

'Er-yes, of course. Man's best friend, the dog. But thirty is a lot of dogs to have about the house.'

'I have lots of s.p.a.ce.'

'I'm sure...well, Nellie, if ever I'm in Bareilly, I'll come to see you. And I'm glad you phoned and cleared up the mystery. It was a lovely kiss and I'll always remember it.'

We said our goodbyes and I promised to visit her some day. A trip to Bareilly to return a kiss might seem a bit far-fetched, but I've done sillier things in my life. It's those dogs that worry me. I can imagine them snapping at my heels as I attempt to approach their mistress. Dogs can be very possessive.

'Who was that on the phone?' asked Gautam, breaking in on my reverie.

'Just an old friend.'

'Dada's old girlfriend. Are you going to see her?'

'I'll think about it.'

And I'm still thinking about it and about those dogs. But bliss it was to be in Mussoorie forty years ago, when Nellie kissed me in the dark.

Some memories are best left untouched.

Joyfully I Write.

I AM A fortunate person. For over fifty years I have been able to make a living by doing what I enjoy most-writing.

Sometimes I wonder if I have written too much. One gets into the habit of serving up the same ideas over and over again; with a different sauce perhaps, but still the same ideas, themes, memories, characters. Writers are often chided for repeating themselves. Artists and musicians are given more lat.i.tude. No one criticized Turner for painting so many sunsets at sea, or Gauguin for giving us all those lovely Tahitian women; or Husain for treating us to so many horses, or Jamini Roy for giving us so many identical stylized figures.

In the world of music, one Puccini opera is very like another, a Chopin nocturne will return to familiar themes, and in the realm of lighter, modern music the same melodies recur with only slight variations. But authors are often taken to task for repeating themselves. They cannot help this, for in their writing they are expressing their personalities. Hemingway's world is very different from Jane Austen's. They are both unique worlds, but they do not change or mutate in the minds of their author-creators. Jane Austen spent all her life in one small place, and portrayed the people she knew. Hemingway roamed the world, but his characters remained much the same, usually extensions of himself.

In the course of a long writing career, it is inevitable that a writer will occasionally repeat himself, or return to themes that have remained with him even as new ideas and formulations enter his mind. The important thing is to keep writing, observing, listening and paying attention to the beauty of words and their arrangement. And like artists and musicians, the more we work on our art, the better it will be.

Writing, for me, is the simplest and greatest pleasure in the world. Putting a mood or an idea into words is an occupation I truly love. I plan my day so that there is time in it for writing a poem, or a paragraph, or an essay, or part of a story or longer work; not just because writing is my profession, but from a feeling of delight.

The world around me-be it the mountains or the busy street below my window-is teeming with subjects, sights, thoughts, that I wish to put into words in order to catch the fleeting moment, the pa.s.sing image, the laughter, the joy, and sometimes the sorrow. Life would be intolerable if I did not have this freedom to write every day. Not that everything I put down is worth preserving. A great many pages of ma.n.u.scripts have found their way into my waste-paper basket or into the stove that warms the family room on cold winter evenings. I do not always please myself. I cannot always please others because, unlike the hard professionals, the Forsyths and the Sheldons, I am not writing to please everyone, I am really writing to please myself!

My theory of writing is that the conception should be as clear as possible, and that words should flow like a stream of clear water, preferably a mountain stream! You will, of course, encounter boulders, but you will learn to go over them or around them, so that your flow is unimpeded. If your stream gets too sluggish or muddy, it is better to put aside that particular piece of writing. Go to the source, go to the spring, where the water is purest, your thoughts as clear as the mountain air.

I do not write for more than an hour or two in the course of the day. Too long at the desk, and words lose their freshness.

Together with clarity and a good vocabulary, there must come a certain elevation of mood. Sterne must have been bubbling over with high spirits when he wrote Shandy. The sombre intensity of Wuthering Heights reflects Emily Bronte's pa.s.sion for life, fully knowing that it was to be brief. Tagore's melancholy comes through in his poetry. d.i.c.kens is always pa.s.sionate; there are no half measures in his work. Conrad's prose takes on the moods of the sea he knew and loved.

A real physical emotion accompanies the process of writing, and great writers are those who can channel this emotion into the creation of their best work.

'Are you a serious writer?' a schoolboy once asked.

'Well, I try to be serious,' I said, 'but cheerfulness keeps breaking in!'

Can a cheerful writer be taken seriously? I don't know. But I was certainly serious about making writing the main occupation of my life.

In order to do this, one has to give up many things-a job, security, comfort, domesticity-or rather, the pursuit of these things. Had I married when I was twenty-five, I would not have been able to throw up a good job as easily as I did at the time; I might now be living on a pension! G.o.d forbid. I am grateful for continued independence and the necessity to keep writing for my living, and for those who share their lives with me and whose joys and sorrows are mine too. An artist must not lose his hold on life. We do that when we settle for the safety of a comfortable old age.

Normally writers do not talk much, because they are saving their conversation for the readers of their books-those invisible listeners with whom we wish to strike a sympathetic chord. Of course, we talk freely with our friends, but we are reserved with people we do not know very well. If I talk too freely about a story I am going to write, chances are it will never be written. I have talked it to death.

Being alone is vital for any creative writer. I do not mean that you must live the life of a recluse. People who do not know me are frequently under the impression that I live in lonely splendour on a mountain top, whereas in reality, I share a small flat with a family of twelve-and I'm the twelfth man, occasionally bringing out refreshments for the players!

I love my extended family, every single individual in it, but as a writer I must sometimes get a little time to be alone with my own thoughts, reflect a little, talk to myself, laugh about all the blunders I have committed in the past, and ponder over the future. This is contemplation, not meditation. I am not very good at meditation, as it involves remaining in a pa.s.sive state for some time. I would rather be out walking, observing the natural world, or sitting under a tree contemplating my novel or navel! I suppose the latter is a form of meditation.

When I casually told a journalist that I planned to write a book consisting of my meditations, he reported that I was writing a book on meditation per se, which gave it a different connotation. I shall go along with the simple dictionary meaning of the verb meditate-to plan mentally, to exercise the mind in contemplation.

So I was doing it all along!

I am not, by nature, a gregarious person. Although I love people, and have often made friends with complete strangers, I am also a lover of solitude. Naturally, one thinks better when one is alone. But I prefer walking alone to walking with others. That ladybird on the wild rose would escape my attention if I was engaged in a lively conversation with a companion. Not that the ladybird is going to change my life. But by acknowledging its presence, stopping to admire its beauty, I have paid obeisance to the natural scheme of things of which I am only a small part.

It is upon a person's power of holding fast to such undimmed beauty that his or her inner hopefulness depends. As we journey through the world, we must inevitably encounter meanness and selfishness. As we fight for our survival, the higher visions and ideals often fade. It is then that we need ladybirds! Contemplating that tiny creature, or the flower on which it rests, gives one the hope-better, the certainty-that there is more to life than interest rates, dividends, market forces and infinite technology.

As a writer, I have known hope and despair, success and failure; some recognition but also long periods of neglect and critical dismissal. But I have had no regrets. I have enjoyed the writer's life to the full, and one reason for this is that living in India has given me certain freedoms which I would not have enjoyed elsewhere. Friends.h.i.+p when needed. Solitude when desired. Even, at times, love and pa.s.sion. It has tolerated me for what I am-a bit of a dropout, unconventional, idiosyncratic. I have been left alone to do my own thing. In India, people do not censure you unless you start making a nuisance of yourself. Society has its norms and its orthodoxies, and provided you do not flaunt all the rules, society will allow you to go your own way. I am free to become a naked ascetic and roam the streets with a begging bowl; I am also free to live in a palatial farmhouse if I have the wherewithal. For twenty-five years, I have lived in this small, sunny second-floor room looking out on the mountains, and no one has bothered me, unless you count the neighbour's dog who prevents the postman and courier boys from coming up the steps.

I may write for myself, but as I also write to get published, it must follow that I write for others too. Only a handful of readers might enjoy my writing, but they are my soulmates, my alter egos, and they keep me going through those lean times and discouraging moments.

Even though I depend upon my writing for a livelihood, it is still, for me, the most delightful thing in the world.

I did not set out to make a fortune from writing; I knew I was not that kind of writer. But it was the thing I did best, and I persevered with the exercise of my gift, cultivating the more discriminating editors, publishers and readers, never really expecting huge rewards but accepting whatever came my way. Happiness is a matter of temperament rather than circ.u.mstance, and I have always considered myself fortunate in having escaped the tedium of a nine-to-five job or some other form of drudgery.

Of course, there comes a time when almost every author asks himself what his effort and output really amounts to. We expect our work to influence people, to affect a great many readers, when in fact, its impact is infinitesimal. Those who work on a large scale must feel discouraged by the world's indifference. That is why I am happy to give a little innocent pleasure to a handful of readers. This is a reward worth having.

As a writer, I have difficulty in doing justice to momentous events, the wars of nations, the politics of power; I am more at ease with the dew of the morning, the sensuous delights of the day, the silent blessings of the night, the joys and sorrows of children, the strivings of ordinary folk and, of course, the ridiculous situations in which we sometimes find ourselves.

We cannot prevent sorrow and pain and tragedy. And yet when we look around us, we find that the majority of people are actually enjoying life! There are so many lovely things to see, there is so much to do, so much fun to be had, and so many charming and interesting people to meet... How can my pen ever run dry?

Author's Note.

Almost all my early stories, novellas and essays made their first appearance in different periodicals and anthologies, both Indian and international. I have kept a record of most them, and the details are as follows: 'The Thief's Story', The Ill.u.s.trated Weekly of India; The Room on the Roof, first published in the UK by Andre Deutsch and serialized in India by The Ill.u.s.trated Weekly of India; 'The Photograph', The Ill.u.s.trated Weekly of India; 'A Face in the Dark', The Ill.u.s.trated Weekly of India; 'The Tunnel', The Road to the Bazaar, Rupa Publications India; 'The Kitemaker', Short Story International; 'Most Beautiful', Short Story International; 'Wilson's Bridge', The Statesman; 'The Superior Man', Tales and Legends of India, Rupa Publications India; 'The Hare in the Moon', Tales and Legends of India, Rupa Publications India; 'Toria and the Daughter of the Sun', Tales and Legends of India, Rupa Publications India; 'Colonel Gardner and the Princess of Cambay', The Ill.u.s.trated Weekly of India; 'The Lady of Sardhana', The Ill.u.s.trated Weekly of India; 'A Hill Station's Vintage Murders', Strange Men, Strange Places, Rupa Publications India; 'A Village in Garhwal', Blackwood's Magazine; 'Once Upon a Mountain Time', The Christian Science Monitor; 'Voting at Barlowganj', Blackwood's Magazine; 'Sounds I Like to Hear', The Christian Science Monitor; 'Bhabiji's House' first appeared as 'Punjabi Day' in Blackwood's Magazine; 'Break of the Monsoon', The Christian Science Monitor; 'To See a Tiger', The Lady Magazine; 'In Grandfather's Garden', The Lady Magazine; 'Man and Leopard', Blackwood's Magazine; 'Landour Bazaar', Blackwood's Magazine; 'Ganga Descends', Beautiful Garhwal: Heaven in Himalayas, Garhwal Mandal Vikas Nigam; 'Great Trees of Garhwal', The Christian Science Monitor; 'Birdsong in the Hills', The Christian Science Monitor; 'Children of India', The Lady Magazine; 'Friends of My Youth', The India I Love, Rupa Publications India; 'Some Hill Station Ghosts', Roads to Mussoorie, Rupa Publications India; 'Party Time in Mussoorie', Roads to Mussoorie, Rupa Publications India; 'The Walkers' Club', adapted for this book from an essay in Landour Days: A Writer's Journal, Penguin Books India; 'Love Thy Critic', adapted for this book from an essay in Landour Days: A Writer's Journal, Penguin Books India; 'Those Simple Things', The Statesman; 'A Good Philosophy', Deccan Herald; 'Life at My Own Pace', The Heritage, Chennai; 'Upon an Old Wall Dreaming', Deccan Herald; 'Nina', The Lady Magazine; 'The Road to Badrinath', Beautiful Garhwal: Heaven in Himalayas, Garhwal Mandal Vikas Nigam; 'The Good Earth', The Christian Science Monitor; 'A Night Walk Home', The Statesman; 'The Beetle Who Blundered In' first appeared as 'Guests Who Come in from the Forest', Cricket Magazine; 'Some Plants Become Friends', Deccan Herald; 'Rainy Day in June', Deccan Herald; 'The Old Gramophone', The Best of Ruskin Bond, Penguin Books India; 'Who Kissed Me in the Dark?', Funny Side Up, Rupa Publications India; 'Joyfully I Write', The India I Love, Rupa Publications India.

Also in Aleph.

SHADOW PLAY.

SHAs.h.i.+ DESHPANDE.

A masterful meditation on kins.h.i.+p, marriage, ambition and the changing face of urban India.

THE KING'S HARVEST CHETAN RAJ SHRESTA.

Two powerful novellas set in Sikkim.

EM AND THE BIG HOOM.

JERRY PINTO.

A poignant and often darkly funny portrait of a marriage, and an unforgettable study of mental illness.

end.