Sons and Lovers Part 64

"And how are things with you?" she asked.

"About all right," he answered.

She looked at him, waiting.

"Nay," she said, very low.

Her brown, nervous hands were clasped over her knee. They had still the lack of confidence or repose, the almost hysterical look. He winced as he saw them. Then he laughed mirthlessly. She put her fingers between her lips. His slim, black, tortured body lay quite still in the chair. She suddenly took her finger from her mouth and looked at him.

"And you have broken off with Clara?"

"Yes."

His body lay like an abandoned thing, strewn in the chair.

"You know," she said, "I think we ought to be married."

He opened his eyes for the first time since many months, and attended to her with respect.

"Why?" he said.

"See," she said, "how you waste yourself! You might be ill, you might die, and I never know-be no more then than if I had never known you."

"And if we married?" he asked.

"At any rate, I could prevent you wasting yourself and being a prey to other women-like-like Clara."

"A prey?" he repeated, smiling.

She bowed her head in silence. He lay feeling his despair come up again.

"I'm not sure," he said slowly, "that marriage would be much good."

"I only think of you," she replied.

"I know you do. But-you love me so much, you want to put me in your pocket. And I should die there smothered."

She bent her head, put her fingers between her lips, while the bitterness surged up in her heart.

"And what will you do otherwise?" she asked.

"I don't know-go on, I suppose. Perhaps I shall soon go abroad."

The despairing doggedness in his tone made her go on her knees on the rug before the fire, very near to him. There she crouched as if she were crushed by something, and could not raise her head. His hands lay quite inert on the arms of his chair. She was aware of them. She felt that now he lay at her mercy. If she could rise, take him, put her arms round him, and say, "You are mine," then he would leave himself to her. But dare she? She could easily sacrifice herself. But dare she a.s.sert herself? She was aware of his dark-clothed, slender body, that seemed one stroke of life, sprawled in the chair close to her. But no; she dared not put her arms round it, take it up, and say, "It is mine, this body. Leave it to me." And she wanted to. It called to all her woman's instinct. But she crouched, and dared not. She was afraid he would not let her. She was afraid it was too much. It lay there, his body, abandoned. She knew she ought to take it up and claim it, and claim every right to it. But-could she do it? Her impotence before him, before the strong demand of some unknown thing in him, was her extremity. Her hands fluttered; she half-lifted her head. Her eyes, shuddering, appealing, gone almost distracted, pleaded to him suddenly. His heart caught with pity. He took her hands, drew her to him, and comforted her.

"Will you have me, to marry me?" he said very low.

Oh, why did not he take her? Her very soul belonged to him. Why would he not take what was his? She had borne so long the cruelty of belonging to him and not being claimed by him. Now he was straining her again. It was too much for her. She drew back her head, held his face between her hands, and looked him in the eyes. No, he was hard. He wanted something else. She pleaded to him with all her love not to make it her her choice. She could not cope with it, with him, she knew not with what. But it strained her till she felt she would break. choice. She could not cope with it, with him, she knew not with what. But it strained her till she felt she would break.

"Do you want it?" she asked, very gravely.

"Not much," he replied, with pain.

She turned her face aside; then, raising herself with dignity, she took his head to her bosom, and rocked him softly. She was not to have him, then! So she could comfort him. She put her fingers through his hair. For her, the anguished sweetness of self-sacrifice. For him, the hate and misery of another failure. He could not bear it-that breast which was warm and which cradled him without taking the burden of him. So much he wanted to rest on her that the feint of rest only tortured him. He drew away.

"And without marriage we can do nothing?" he asked.

His mouth was lifted from his teeth with pain. She put her little finger between her lips.

"No," she said, low and like the toll of a bell. "No, I think not."

It was the end then between them. She could not take him and relieve him of the responsibility of himself. She could only sacrifice herself to him-sacrifice herself every day, gladly. And that he did not want. He wanted her to hold him and say, with joy and authority : "Stop all this restlessness and beating against death. You are mine for a mate." She had not the strength. Or was it a mate she wanted? or did she want a Christ in him?

He felt, in leaving her, he was defrauding her of life. But he knew that, in staying, stifling the inner, desperate man, he was denying his own life. And he did not hope to give life to her by denying his own.

She sat very quiet. He lit a cigarette. The smoke went up from it, wavering. He was thinking of his mother, and had forgotten Miriam. She suddenly looked at him. Her bitterness came surging up. Her sacrifice, then, was useless. He lay there aloof, careless about her. Suddenly she saw again his lack of religion, his restless instability. He would destroy himself like a perverse child. Well, then, he would!

"I think I must go," she said softly.

By her tone he knew she was despising him. He rose quietly.

"I'll come along with you," he answered.

She stood before the mirror pinning on her hat. How bitter, how unutterably bitter, it made her that he rejected her sacrifice! Life ahead looked dead, as if the glow were gone out. She bowed her face over the flowers-the freesias so sweet and spring-like, the scarlet anemones flaunting over the table. It was like him to have those flowers.

He moved about the room with a certain sureness of touch, swift and relentless and quiet. She knew she could not cope with him. He could escape like a weasel out of her hands. Yet without him her life would trail on lifeless. Brooding, she touched the flowers.

"Have them!" he said; and he took them out of the jar, dripping as they were, and went quickly into the kitchen. She waited for him, took the flowers, and they went out together, he talking, she feeling dead.

She was going from him now. In her misery she leaned against him as they sat on the car. He was unresponsive. Where would he go? What would be the end of him? She could not bear it, the vacant feeling where he should be. He was so foolish, so wasteful, never at peace with himself. And now where would he go? And what did he care that he wasted her? He had no religion; it was all for the moment's attraction that he cared, nothing else, nothing deeper. Well, she would wait and see how it turned out with him. When he had had enough he would give in and come to her.

He shook hands and left her at the door of her cousin's house. When he turned away he felt the last hold for him had gone. The town, as he sat upon the car, stretched away over the bay of railway, a level fume of lights. Beyond the town the country, little smouldering spots for more towns-the sea-the night-on and on! And he had no place in it! Whatever spot he stood on, there he stood alone. From his breast, from his mouth, sprang the endless s.p.a.ce, and it was there behind him, everywhere. The people hurrying along the streets offered no obstruction to the void in which he found himself. They were small shadows whose footsteps and voices could be heard, but in each of them the same night, the same silence. He got off the car. In the country all was dead still. Little stars shone high up; little stars spread far away in the flood-waters, a firmament below. Everywhere the vastness and terror of the immense night which is roused and stirred for a brief while by the day, but which returns, and will remain at last eternal, holding everything in its silence and its living gloom. There was no Time, only s.p.a.ce. Who could say his mother had lived and did not live? She had been in one place, and was in another; that was all. And his soul could not leave her, wherever she was. Now she was gone abroad into the night, and he was with her still. They were together. But yet there was his body, his chest, that leaned against the stile, his hands on the wooden bar. They seemed something. Where was he?-one tiny upright speck of flesh, less than an ear of wheat lost in the field. He could not bear it. On every side the immense dark silence seemed pressing him, so tiny a spark, into extinction, and yet, almost nothing, he could not be extinct. Night, in which everything was lost, went reaching out, beyond stars and sun. Stars and sun, a few bright grains, went spinning round for terror, and holding each other in embrace, there in a darkness that outpa.s.sed them all, and left them tiny and daunted. So much, and himself, infinitesimal, at the core a nothingness, and yet not nothing.

"Mother!" he whispered-"mother!"

She was the only thing that held him up, himself, amid all this. And she was gone, intermingled herself He wanted her to touch him, have him alongside with her.

But no, he would not give in. Turning sharply, he walked towards the city's gold phosph.o.r.escence. His fists were shut, his mouth set fast. He would not take that direction, to the darkness, to follow her. He walked towards the faintly humming, glowing town, quickly.

Endnotes All quotations from the Bible are from the King James version, except where noted. All quotations from D. H. Lawrence's letters are from The Collected Letters of D. H. Lawrence The Collected Letters of D. H. Lawrence, edited by Harry T. Moore, Vol. 1, New York: Viking, 1962. Other biographical quotations are from D. H. Lawrence: A Composite Biography D. H. Lawrence: A Composite Biography, edited by Edward Nehls, Vol. 1, Madison: University of Wisconsin Press, 1957-1959. In defining much of the dialect in the novel, I am indebted to the comprehensive annotations in Helen Baron and Carl Baron's edition of Sons and Lovers, Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1992.

Chapter 1: The Early Married Life of the Morels.

1 (p. 3) (p. 3) colliers: colliers: This is a term for coal miners. In a letter to his editor, Edward Garnett, dated March 1912, D. H. Lawrence refers to an early ma.n.u.script of This is a term for coal miners. In a letter to his editor, Edward Garnett, dated March 1912, D. H. Lawrence refers to an early ma.n.u.script of Sons and Lovers Sons and Lovers as "the colliery novel." as "the colliery novel."

2 (p. 3) (p. 3) Bestwood: Bestwood: D. H. Lawrence fictionalized many of the place names in Nottinghams.h.i.+re for this book. Bestwood is his name for Eastwood, a town in the north of England where he was born. D. H. Lawrence fictionalized many of the place names in Nottinghams.h.i.+re for this book. Bestwood is his name for Eastwood, a town in the north of England where he was born.

3 (p. 10) (p. 10) Colonel Hutchinson Colonel Hutchinson: Governor of Nottingham Castle during the Civil War (1642-1649) and a member of Parliament, Hutchinson signed the death warrant for Charles I.

4 (p. 10) (p. 10) Congregationalists: Congregationalists: This political and religious group believed that all legislative, disciplinary, and judicial functions of the church should be vested in the local congregation. Like the adult Paul, Congregationalists reacted against orthodox religion. This political and religious group believed that all legislative, disciplinary, and judicial functions of the church should be vested in the local congregation. Like the adult Paul, Congregationalists reacted against orthodox religion.

5 (p. 12) (p. 12) Apostle Paul: Apostle Paul: A missionary for Christianity, Paul was one of the founders of the Christian church. Originally known as Saul of Tarsus, he converted to Christianity on the road to Damascus and changed his name. A missionary for Christianity, Paul was one of the founders of the Christian church. Originally known as Saul of Tarsus, he converted to Christianity on the road to Damascus and changed his name.

6 (p. 14) (p. 14) She had never been "thee'd" and "thou'd" before She had never been "thee'd" and "thou'd" before: These terms were part of nineteenth-century English dialect that gradually fell out of use. Although these terms would be part of Morel's typical form of address, they carry with them the additional implication of courts.h.i.+p.

7 (p. 19) (p. 19) spear through the side spear through the side: This is a reference to the Bible, John 19:34, in which a soldier pierces the side of the dead body of Christ with a sword and blood issues from the wound.

8 (p. 20) (p. 20) b.u.t.ty b.u.t.ty: Contractors for the coal mine, b.u.t.ties were a.s.signed a length of coal along a seam to mine out. They were paid a set amount for the weight of coal they retrieved, out of which they paid all the expenses for the day-to-day running of the mine, including men's wages and tool costs. In a ma.n.u.script of Sons and Lovers, Sons and Lovers, D. H. Lawrence wrote: "If their stall was a good one, and the pit was turning full time, then they got a hundred or two tons of coal out, and made good money. If their stall was a poor one, they might work just as hard, and earn very little. Morel, for thirty years of his life, never had a good stall. But, as his wife said, it was his own fault." D. H. Lawrence wrote: "If their stall was a good one, and the pit was turning full time, then they got a hundred or two tons of coal out, and made good money. If their stall was a poor one, they might work just as hard, and earn very little. Morel, for thirty years of his life, never had a good stall. But, as his wife said, it was his own fault."

9 . (p. 25) . (p. 25) "Lead, kindly Light": "Lead, kindly Light": John H. Newman, a powerful member of the Church of England who converted to Roman Catholicism, composed this hymn in 1833 during a period of homesickness: "The night is dark, and I am far from home ... I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears / Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!" John H. Newman, a powerful member of the Church of England who converted to Roman Catholicism, composed this hymn in 1833 during a period of homesickness: "The night is dark, and I am far from home ... I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears / Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years!"

Chapter 2: The Birth of Paul, and Another Battle.

1 (p. 35) (p. 35) safe working: safe working: The term refers to a coal stall in which dangerous gases were not present. In safe workings miners could use green or yellow candles, which threw light that was much stronger than that of the safety lamps they used when combustible gases were present. The term refers to a coal stall in which dangerous gases were not present. In safe workings miners could use green or yellow candles, which threw light that was much stronger than that of the safety lamps they used when combustible gases were present.

2 (p. 38) (p. 38) wedding at Cana wedding at Cana: In a miracle recounted in the Bible, John 2:1-11, Christ and his disciples attend a wedding at Cana in Galilee at which Christ turns water into wine.

3 (p. 41) (p. 41) Joseph Joseph: This figure from Genesis in the Old Testament of the Bible was the founder of one of the twelve tribes of Israel. When his ten older brothers sold him into Egyptian slavery, Joseph gained the favor of the pharaoh by interpreting the pharaoh's dream of seven lean cattle swallowing seven fat cattle and seven lean ears of corn swallowing seven fat ears of corn. In time, Joseph became food administrator and saved his family from famine.

4 (p. 47) " (p. 47) "The Child's Own": The Sunday School Union published this monthly magazine from 1852 to 1923. The Sunday School Union published this monthly magazine from 1852 to 1923.

Chapter 3: The Casting Off of Morel-The Taking On of William 1 (p. 55) (p. 55) barm-man: barm-man: Barm is the fermented froth produced in brewing alcoholic beverages and used to leaven bread or to ferment beer; a barm-man was a salesman who distributed barm to households, going from door to door. Barm is the fermented froth produced in brewing alcoholic beverages and used to leaven bread or to ferment beer; a barm-man was a salesman who distributed barm to households, going from door to door.

2 (p. 55) (p. 55) cobbler: cobbler: Seash.e.l.ls or horse chestnuts were threaded on a string to make a cobbler, a tool in a boy's game that a player won by breaking an opponent's cobbler, or conker, by hitting it with his own. Seash.e.l.ls or horse chestnuts were threaded on a string to make a cobbler, a tool in a boy's game that a player won by breaking an opponent's cobbler, or conker, by hitting it with his own.

3 (p. 58) (p. 58) Women's Guild: Women's Guild: An offshoot of the Co-operative Wholesale Society (see note 4 below), the Guild was a national organization that grew into its own during the 1890s. It supplied the early feminist movement with many influential leaders. Due in part to the vocal efforts of groups like this, women thirty years and older received the right to vote in 1918 and women twenty-one and older in 1928. An offshoot of the Co-operative Wholesale Society (see note 4 below), the Guild was a national organization that grew into its own during the 1890s. It supplied the early feminist movement with many influential leaders. Due in part to the vocal efforts of groups like this, women thirty years and older received the right to vote in 1918 and women twenty-one and older in 1928.

4 (p. 58) (p. 58) Co-operative Co-operative Wholesale Society: Founded in 1863 on the principles of social reformer Robert Owen, the CWS provided discounts to members on goods bought and a dividend on all purchases. The CWS began manufacturing products in 1873 and was also involved in insurance, banking, publis.h.i.+ng, and education; it is still a powerful organization in Britain. Wholesale Society: Founded in 1863 on the principles of social reformer Robert Owen, the CWS provided discounts to members on goods bought and a dividend on all purchases. The CWS began manufacturing products in 1873 and was also involved in insurance, banking, publis.h.i.+ng, and education; it is still a powerful organization in Britain.

5 (p. 59) (p. 59) Mechanic's Hall: Mechanic's Hall: Started in the 1820s, this foundation offered artisans and skilled workers the opportunity for self-education. Started in the 1820s, this foundation offered artisans and skilled workers the opportunity for self-education.

6 (p. 61) (p. 61) Board school Board school... Nottingham: In 1870 the Elementary Education Act put the national system of board schooling in place. Board schools were state-run and free to all children aged five to thirteen. High schools were private schools that sometimes offered scholars.h.i.+ps to children of the lower cla.s.ses.

7 (p. 63) as rich as (p. 63) as rich as Croesus: Croesus: The last king of Lydia (560-546 B.C.) and conqueror of western Asia Minor, Croesus acquired great wealth through trade. The last king of Lydia (560-546 B.C.) and conqueror of western Asia Minor, Croesus acquired great wealth through trade.

8 (p. 63) (p. 63) Lafayette: Lafayette: The Marquis de Lafayette, Marie Joseph (1757-1834), was well known in England in the early 1900s. He was a statesman and officer and friend to George Was.h.i.+ngton. Lafayette fought on the colonists' side during the American Revolution, was commander of the National Guard during the French Revolution, and was instrumental in bringing about the adoption of the tricolored French flag. The Marquis de Lafayette, Marie Joseph (1757-1834), was well known in England in the early 1900s. He was a statesman and officer and friend to George Was.h.i.+ngton. Lafayette fought on the colonists' side during the American Revolution, was commander of the National Guard during the French Revolution, and was instrumental in bringing about the adoption of the tricolored French flag.

9 . (p. 63) transpires: Originally this term meant "to exhale, to pa.s.s in a state of vapor" from the Latin roots . (p. 63) transpires: Originally this term meant "to exhale, to pa.s.s in a state of vapor" from the Latin roots tran, tran, "across," and "across," and spirare, spirare, "to breathe." Around 1810 the term began to appear in American usage with the meaning "to occur." Though this meaning was initially considered to be incorrect in Britain usage, it slowly came into common use. "to breathe." Around 1810 the term began to appear in American usage with the meaning "to occur." Though this meaning was initially considered to be incorrect in Britain usage, it slowly came into common use.

Chapter 4: The Young Life of Paul.

1 (p. 66) (p. 66) Band of Hope: Band of Hope: This Christian youth society was founded in 1847 to teach working-cla.s.s children the virtues of thrift, cleanliness, hard work, and self-control, as well as the "evils" of drink. This Christian youth society was founded in 1847 to teach working-cla.s.s children the virtues of thrift, cleanliness, hard work, and self-control, as well as the "evils" of drink.

2 (p. 75) (p. 75) kicking against the p.r.i.c.ks: kicking against the p.r.i.c.ks: The meaning here is "rebelling." The phrase is a reference to the Bible, Acts 9:5, in which Saul, on the road to Damascus, falls to the ground and hears the voice of Christ say, "It is hard for thee to kick against the p.r.i.c.ks." The meaning here is "rebelling." The phrase is a reference to the Bible, Acts 9:5, in which Saul, on the road to Damascus, falls to the ground and hears the voice of Christ say, "It is hard for thee to kick against the p.r.i.c.ks."

3 (p. 76) (p. 76) knits the sleep: knits the sleep: This is a reference to Macbeth (act 2, scene 2), by William Shakespeare. Macbeth refers to "the innocent sleep, sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleeve of care, the death of each day's life." This is a reference to Macbeth (act 2, scene 2), by William Shakespeare. Macbeth refers to "the innocent sleep, sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleeve of care, the death of each day's life."

4 (p. 86) (p. 86) And he thought ... And he thought ... that the moon should be turned to that the moon should be turned to blood: blood: In the Bible, a blood-red moon is often a sign of the coming apocalypse; see the Bible, Joel 2:30-31; Acts 2:19-21; and Revelation 6:11-13. In the Bible, a blood-red moon is often a sign of the coming apocalypse; see the Bible, Joel 2:30-31; Acts 2:19-21; and Revelation 6:11-13.

Chapter 5: Paul Launches into Life.

1 (p. 98) (p. 98) Disability Fund: Disability Fund: The Workmen's Compensation Act of 1897 mandated that workers injured on the job receive compensation. The Workmen's Compensation Act of 1897 mandated that workers injured on the job receive compensation.

2 (p. 104) (p. 104) Charles I: Charles I: The king of England and Scotland from 1625 to 1649, Charles I was beheaded for many alleged intrigues and disloyalties during his reign. The king of England and Scotland from 1625 to 1649, Charles I was beheaded for many alleged intrigues and disloyalties during his reign.

3 (p. 109) (p. 109) Castle on its bluff of brown, green-bushed rock: Castle on its bluff of brown, green-bushed rock: The medieval castle in Nottingham, built by the Normans and nearly dismantled by 1660, stands on bedrock riddled by caves and tunnels. The medieval castle in Nottingham, built by the Normans and nearly dismantled by 1660, stands on bedrock riddled by caves and tunnels.

4 (p. 122) " (p. 122) "You remind me of Elaine in the 'Idylls of the King": In Alfred, Lord Tennyson's Lancelot and Elaine Lancelot and Elaine, part of his ten-book "Idylls" poem cycle (1859), Elaine loves the knight Lancelot "with that love which was her doom." She dies from the immensity of her love and, by her request, her body is placed in a boat and set on the river to float toward Camelot. The legend inspired the Pre-Raphaelite artist John William Waterhouse to paint the scene in 1888.

5 (p.125) (p.125) an Arabian Nights: an Arabian Nights: In In The Thousand and One Nights, The Thousand and One Nights, a collection of stories originally in Arabic and commonly known as a collection of stories originally in Arabic and commonly known as The Arabian Nights, The Arabian Nights, Scheherazade entertains her husband, Schahriah, with tales in order to delay her execution. Scheherazade entertains her husband, Schahriah, with tales in order to delay her execution.

Chapter 6: Death in the Family.

1 (p. 140) (p. 140) The Lady of the Lake The Lady of the Lake: In Alfred, Lord Tennyson's "Idylls of the King," the Lady of the Lake is an obscure, supernatural figure who steals Lancelot in infancy and raises him in her impenetrable castle in the middle of a lake. King Arthur grasps his magical sword Excalibur from her hand rising from the water.