Tales from Blackwood Volume V Part 20

Jupiter, with his long beard and fine sloping forehead, looked the perfect image of a pontiff, and might have been appropriately drawn as a princ.i.p.al figure in a picture of the marriage of Heliogabalus.

Gratte-les-rues and Pomme-de-terre, being of bellicose temperament, had encased themselves in suits of armour, and stood, like two champions of antiquity, on each side of the venerable prelate. Destripes, who had accepted the office of temporary father to Demoiselle Corbeille, appeared as a patriot of the Reign of Terror. His brawny chest was bare; his s.h.i.+rt sleeves rolled up to the shoulder; and in his belt was stuck the axe, a fitting emblem alike of his principles and his profession.

At his right hand stood the bride, bedizened with brocade and finery.

From what antiquated lumber-chest they had fished out her apparel, it would be utterly in vain to inquire. One thing was clear, that the former occupant of the robes had been decidedly inferior in girth to the blooming poissarde, since it was now necessary to fasten them across the bosom by a curious network of tape. I am afraid I have done injustice to this lady, for really, on the present occasion, she did not look superlatively hideous. She was a woman of about forty-five, strong-built, with an immense development of foot and ancle, and arms of masculine proportion. Yet she had a pair of decidedly fine black eyes, betokening perhaps little of maiden modesty, but flas.h.i.+ng with love and triumph; a _nez retrousse_, which, but for its perpetual redness, might have given a piquant expression to her countenance; a large mouth, and a set of prodigious teeth, which, to say the truth, were enough to justify the apprehensions of the bridegroom.

"Silence!" cried Jupiter Potard as we entered; "let the present august solemnity be conducted as befits the sovereignty of the people! Citizen Saigne-du-nez, advance!"

Saigne-du-nez was clad in a black frock, I suppose to represent a notary. He came forward:--

"In the name of the French nation, one and indivisible, I demand the celebration of the nuptials of Citizen Hutton Bagsby, adopted child of France, and Provisional Minister of her Marine in the department of the Tuileries, and of Citoyenne Cephyse Corbeille, poissarde, and daughter of the people."

"Is there any one here to gainsay the marriage?" asked Jupiter.

There was no reply.

"Then, in the name of the French nation, I decree that the ceremony shall proceed. Citizen Minister of Marine, are you willing to take this woman as your lawful wife?"

A cold sweat stood upon the brow of Bagsby, his knees knocked together, and he leaned the whole weight of his body upon my arm, as I interpreted to him the demand of Jupiter.

"Say anything you like," muttered he; "it will all come to the same thing at last!"

"The citizen consents, most venerable President."

"Then nothing remains but to put the same question to the citoyenne,"

said Potard. "Who appears as the father of the bride?"

"_Chte de la Bastille!_ that do I," cried Destripes.

"Citizen Destripes, do you of your own free will and accord--"

Here a thundering rap was heard at the door.

"What is that?" cried Destripes, starting back. "Some one has pa.s.sed the barricade!"

"In the name of the Provisional Government!" cried a loud voice. The door was flung open, and to my inexpressible joy, I beheld the Count of Monte-Christo, backed by a large detachment of the National Guard.

"Treason! treachery!" shouted Destripes. "Ah, villain, thou hast neglected thy post!" and he fetched a tremendous blow with his axe at the head of Gratte-les-rues. It was fortunate for that chief that his helmet was of excellent temper, otherwise he must have been cloven to the chin. As it was, he staggered backwards and fell.

The National Guard immediately presented their muskets.

"I have the honour to inform the citizens," said Monte-Christo, "that I have imperative orders to fire if the slightest resistance is made.

Monsieur, therefore, will have the goodness immediately to lay down that axe."

Destripes glared on him for a moment, as though he meditated a rush, but the steady att.i.tude of the National Guard involuntarily subdued him.

"This is freedom!" he exclaimed, flinging away his weapon. "This is what we fought for at the barricades! Always deceived--always sold by the aristocrats! But the day may come when I shall hold a tight reckoning with thee, my master, or I am not the nephew of the citizen Samson!"

"Pray, may I ask the meaning of this extraordinary scene?" said Monte-Christo, gazing in astonishment at the motley group before him.

"Is it the intention of the gentlemen to inst.i.tute a Crusade, or have we lighted by chance upon an a.s.semblage of the chivalry of Malta?"

"Neither," I replied. "The fact is, that just as you came in we were engaged in celebrating a republican marriage."

"Far be it from me to interfere with domestic or connubial arrangements!" replied the polite Monte-Christo. "Let the marriage go on, by all means; I shall be delighted to witness it, and we can proceed to business thereafter."

"You will see no marriage here, I can tell you!" cried Bagsby, who at the first symptom of relief had taken shelter under the shadow of the Marquis. "I put myself under your protection; and, by Jove, if you don't help me, I shall immediately complain to Lord Normanby!"

"What is this?" cried Monte-Christo. "Do I see Monsieur Bagsby in a general's uniform? Why, my good sir, you have become a naturalised Frenchman indeed! The nation has a claim upon you."

"The nation will find it very difficult to get it settled then!" said Bagsby. "But I want to get out. I say, can't I get away?"

"Certainly. There is nothing to prevent you. But I am rather curious to hear about this marriage."

"Why," said I, "the truth is, my dear Marquis, that the subject is rather a delicate one for our friend. He has just been officiating in the capacity of bridegroom."

"You amaze me!" said Monte-Christo; "and which, may I ask, is the fair lady?"

Here Demoiselle Cephyse came forward.

"Citizen officer," she said, "I want my husband!"

"You hear, Monsieur Bagsby?" said Monte-Christo, in intense enjoyment of the scene. "The lady says she has a claim upon you."

"It's all a lie!" shouted Bagsby. "I've got nothing to say to the woman.

I hate and abhor her!"

"_Monstre!_" shrieked the poissarde, judging of Bagsby's ungallant repudiation rather from his gestures than his words. And she sprang towards him with the extended talons of a tigress. Bagsby, however, was this time too nimble for her, and took refuge behind the ranks of the National Guard, who were literally in convulsions of laughter.

"I will have thee, though, _polisson_!" cried the exasperated bride. "I will have thee, though I were to follow thee to the end of the world!

Thou hast consented to be my husband, little _tisserand_, and I never will give thee up."

"Keep her off! good, dear soldiers," cried Bagsby: "pray, keep her off!

I shall be murdered and torn to pieces if she gets hold of me! Oh, Mr Dunshunner! do tell them to protect me with their bayonets."

"Be under no alarm, Mr Bagsby," said Monte-Christo; "you are now under the protection of the National Guard. But to business. Which of the citizens a.s.sembled is spokesman here?"

"I am the president!" hiccupped Jupiter Potard, who, throughout the morning, had been unremitting in his attentions to the bottle.

"Then, you will understand that, by orders of the Provisional Government, all must evacuate the palace within a quarter of an hour."

"Louis Philippe had seventeen years of it," replied Jupiter Potard. "I won't abdicate a minute sooner!"

"And I," said Pomme-de-terre, "expect a handsome pension for my pains."

"Or at least," said Saigne-du-nez, "we must have permission to gut the interior."

"You have done quite enough mischief already," said Monte-Christo; "so prepare to move. My orders are quite peremptory, and I shall execute them to the letter!"

"Come along, then, citizens!" cried Destripes. "I always knew what would come of it, if these rascally _bourgeoisie_ got the upper hand of the workmen. They are all black aristocrats in their hearts. But, by the head of Robespierre, thou shalt find that thy government is not settled yet, and there shall be more blood before we let them trample down the rights of the people!"