Belinda: An April Folly in Three Acts Part 11

BAXTER (_very formally_). Belinda.

BELINDA. How nicely you say it--Harold.

BAXTER (_getting out of his seat_). Mrs. Tremayne, I must not listen to this.

BELINDA (_meekly_). I won't offend again, Mr. Baxter. Please go on.

(_She motions him to sit--he does so_.) Tell me about the quest; are you winning?

BAXTER. I am progressing, Mrs. Tremayne. Indeed, I came here this morning to acquaint you with the results of my investigations.

(_Clears his throat_.) Yesterday I located a man called Robinson working upon a farm close by. I ventured to ask him if he had any marks upon him by which he could be recognized. He adopted a threatening att.i.tude, and replied that if I wanted any he could give me some. With the aid of half-a-crown I managed to placate him. Putting my inquiry in another form, I asked if he had any moles. A regrettable misunderstanding, which led to a fruitless journey to another part of the village, was eventually cleared up, and on my return I satisfied myself that this man was in no way related to your niece.

BELINDA (_admiringly_). How splendid of you!

BAXTER. Yes.

BELINDA. Well, now, we know _he's_ not. (_She holds up one finger_.)

BAXTER. Yes. In the afternoon I located another Mr. Robinson following the profession of a carrier. My first inquiries led to a similar result, with the exception that in this case Mr. Robinson carried his threatening att.i.tude so far as to take off his coat and roll up his sleeves. Perceiving at once that he was not the man, I withdrew.

BELINDA. How brave you are!

BAXTER. Yes.

BELINDA. That makes two.

BAXTER. Yea.

BELINDA (_holding up another finger_). It still leaves a good many.

(_Pleadingly_.) Just call me Belinda again.

BAXTER (_rising and backing to_ R. _a little, nervously_). You mustn't tempt me, Mrs. Tremayne.

BELINDA (_penitently_). I won't!

BAXTER (_going slowly to fireplace and placing his hat down on armchair below fireplace_). To resume, then, my narrative. This morning I have heard of a third Mr. Robinson. Whether there is actually any particular fortune attached to the number three I cannot say for certain. It is doubtful whether statistics would be found to support the popular belief. But one likes to flatter oneself that in one's own case it may be true; and so--

BELINDA. And so the third Mr. Robinson--?

BAXTER. Something for which I cannot altogether account inspires me with hope. He is, I have discovered, staying at Mariton. This afternoon I go to look for him.

BELINDA (_to herself_). Mariton! How funny! I wonder if it's the same one.

BAXTER. What one?

BELINDA. Oh, just one of the ones. (_Gratefully_.) Mr. Baxter, you are doing all this for _me_.

BAXTER. Pray do not mention it. I don't know if it's Devons.h.i.+re (_going to and sitting_ L. _of_ BELINDA), or the time of the year, or the sort of atmosphere you create, Mrs. Tremayne, but I feel an entirely different man. There is something in the air which--yes, I shall certainly go over to Mariton this afternoon.

BELINDA (_gravely_). I have had the same feeling sometimes, Mr.

Baxter. I am not always the staid respectable matron which I appear to you to be. Sometimes I--(_She looks absently at the watch on her wrist_.) Good gracious!

BAXTER (_alarmed_). What is it!

BELINDA (_looking anxiously from the door to him_). Mr. Baxter, I'm going to throw myself on your mercy.

BAXTER. My dear Mrs. Tremayne--

BELINDA (_looking at her watch again, rising and moving up_ L.C., _looking at door_). A strange man will be here directly. He must not find you with me.

BAXTER (_rising, jealously_). A man?

BELINDA (_excitedly_). Yes, yes, a man! He is pursuing me with his attentions. If he found you here, there would be a terrible scene.

BAXTER. I will defend you from him.

BELINDA (_crossing down to_ R. _of Chesterfield_). No, no. He is a big man. He will--he will overpower you. (_Moving_ L. _a little and looking out of windows_.)

BAXTER. But you----!

BELINDA. I can defend myself. I will send him away. But he must not find you here. You must hide before he overpowers you.

BAXTER (_with dignity, crossing below table to_ R.). I will withdraw if you wish it. BELINDA (_following to_ R. _at back of table_ C.). No, not withdraw, hide. He might see you withdrawing.

(_Leading the way to the cupboard door_.) Quick, in here.

BAXTER (_embarra.s.sed at the thought that this sort of thing really only happens in a bedroom farce and moving towards her_). I don't think I quite----

BELINDA (_rea.s.suring him_). It's perfectly respectable; it's where we keep the umbrellas. (_She takes him by the hand_.)

BAXTER (_resisting and looking nervously into the cupboard_). I'm not at all sure that I----

BELINDA (_earnestly_). Oh, but don't you see what _trust_ I'm putting in you? (_To herself_.) Some people are so nervous about their umbrellas.

BAXTER. Well, of course, if you--but I don't see why I shouldn't just slip out of the door before he comes.

BELINDA (_reproachfully_). Of course, if you grudge me every little pleasure----(_Crossing in front of_ BAXTER _towards swing doors and seeing_ TREMAYNE _coming_.) Quick! Here he is.

(_She bundles him through the cupboard door and closes it and with a sign of happiness crosses down to_ C. _table. She sees _BAXTER'S _bowler hat on the arm-chair below the fireplace. She fetches and carries it over to the cupboard door, knocks and hands it to him, saying, _"Your hat!")

BAXTER (_expostulating and nearly knocking her over as he comes out_). Well, really I----

BELINDA (_bundling him into the cupboard and closing the door_).

Hus.h.!.+

(BELINDA _straightens her hair, takes up her book from_ L.

_of_ C. _table and sits, stroking the head of the toy dog and pretending to read_. TREMAYNE _enters from garden up_ R. _and through the swing doors up_ R.C. BELINDA _gives an a.s.sumed cry of surprise_.)

TREMAYNE (_at the swing doors_). It's no good your pretending to be surprised, because you said I could come. (_Coming down to the back of the table_ C. _and putting down his hat_.)

BELINDA (_rising, shaking hands and welcoming him_). But I can still be surprised that you wanted to come.