Belinda: An April Folly in Three Acts Part 2

DELIA (_settling herself comfortably in deck-chair_ L. _of_ BELINDA _and lying in her arms_). Now tell me all about this one.

BELINDA (_meekly_). Which one?

DELIA (_excitedly_). Oh, are there lots?

BELINDA (_severely_). Only two.

DELIA. Two! You abandoned woman!

BELINDA. It's something in the air, darling. I've never been in Devons.h.i.+re in April before.

DELIA. Is it really serious this time?

BELINDA (_pained_). I wish you wouldn't say this time, Delia. It sounds so unromantic. If you'd only put it into French--_cette fois_--it sounds so much better. _Cette fois_. (_Parentally_.) When one's daughter has just returned from an expensive schooling in Paris, one likes to feel-----

DELIA. What I meant, dear, was, am I to have a stepfather at last?

BELINDA. Now you're being too French, darling.

DELIA. Why, do you still think father may be alive?

BELINDA. Why not? It's only eighteen years since he left us, and he was quite a young man then.

DELIA. Yes, but surely, surely you'd have heard from him in all those years, if he'd been alive?

BELINDA. Well, he hasn't heard from _me, _and I'm still alive.

DELIA (_looking earnestly at her mother, rises and moves_ L.C.). I shall never understand it.

BELINDA. Understand what?

DELIA. Were you as heavenly when you were young as you are now?

BELINDA (_rapturously_). Oh, I was sweet!

DELIA. And yet he left you after only six months.

BELINDA (_rather crossly, sitting up_). I wish you wouldn't keep on saying he left me. I left him too.

DELIA (_running to and kneeling in front of_ BELINDA _and looking anxiously into her face_). Why?

BELINDA (_smiling to herself_). Well, you see, he was quite certain he knew how to manage women, and I was quite certain I knew how to manage men. (_Thoughtfully_.) If only one of us had been certain, it would have been all right.

DELIA (_seriously_). What really happened, mummy? I'm grown up now, so I think you ought to tell me.

BELINDA (_thoughtfully_). That was about all, you know ... except for his beard.

DELIA. Had he a beard? (_Laughing_.) How funny!

BELINDA (_roaring with laughter, in which_ DELIA _joins_).

Yes, dear, it was; but he never would see it. He took it quite seriously.

DELIA. And did you say dramatically, "If you really loved me, you'd take it off"?

BELINDA (_apologetically_). I'm afraid I did, darling.

DELIA. And what did he say?

BELINDA. He said--_very_ rudely--that, if I loved _him, _I'd do my hair in a different way.

DELIA (_sinks down on her haunches, facing the audience_). How ridiculous!

BELINDA (_touching her hair_). Of course, I didn't do it like this then. I suppose we never ought to have married, really.

DELIA. Why did you?

BELINDA. Mother rather wanted it. (_Solemnly_.) Delia, never get married because your mother---- Oh, I forgot; _I'm_ your mother.

DELIA. And I don't want a better one ... (_They embrace_.) And so you left each other?

BELINDA. Yes.

DELIA. But, darling, didn't you tell him there was going to be a Me?

BELINDA. Oh no!

DELIA. I wonder why not?

BELINDA. Well, you see, if I had, he might have wanted to stay.

DELIA. But----

BELINDA (_hurt_). If he didn't want to stay for _me, _I didn't want him to stay for _you_. (_Penitently_.) Forgive me, darling, but I didn't know you very well then. We've been very happy together, haven't we?

DELIA (_going to the hammock, sitting in it and dangling her legs_). I should think we have.

BELINDA (_leaning back in chair_). I don't want to deny you anything, and, of course, if you'd like a stepfather (_looking down modestly_) or two--

DELIA. Oh, you _have_ been enjoying yourself.

BELINDA. Only you see how awkward it would be if Jack turned up in the middle of the wedding, like--like Eugene Aram.

DELIA. Enoch Arden, darling.

BELINDA. It's very confusing their having the same initials. Perhaps I'd better call them both E. A. in future and then I shall be safe. Well, anyhow it would be awkward, darling, wouldn't it? Not that I should know him from Adam after all these years--except for a mole on his left arm.

DELIA. Perhaps Adam had a mole.

BELINDA. No, darling; you're thinking of Noah. He had two.