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MISS AQUILA SHARPE.--"What a capital idea! But why false noses?"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: NEIGHBORLY COMPLIMENTS
"Tell me, Mrs. Jones, who's that young Adonis your married daughter is looking up to so eagerly?"
"Her _husband_, Mrs. Snarley!"
"Dear me, you don't say so! I congratulate you.... Now I understand how you come to have such good-looking grandchildren."]
[Ill.u.s.tration: GENTLE TERRORISM
THE PROFESSOR.--"Will you give me a kiss, my dear?"
EFFIE (_an habitually naughty girl_).--"Oh, mammie.... I'll be _good_, I'll be _good_.... I promise!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: AN UNPLEASANT SOCIAL DUTY
HOSTESS.--"Geoffrey, I want you to dance with that little girl!"
GEOFFREY.--"Oh, well, if I must, I _must_...!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: STREET DIALECTICS
BROWN (_who was all but run over_).--"Why didn't you call out _sooner_, you stupid a.s.s?"
CABBY.--"I _did_, sir!"
BROWN.--"Why didn't you call out _louder_, then?"
CABBY.--"I _did_, sir!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: EQUAL TO THE OCCASION
MRS. GUs.h.i.+NGTON.--"Oh! oh! what a lovely, _lovely_ picture! So true, so...."
OUR ARTIST.--"Wait a bit, Mrs. Gus.h.i.+ngton--it's wrong side up.... Let me put it right first...!" (_Does so._)
MRS. GUs.h.i.+NGTON (_unabashed_).--"Oh! oh! oh! Why, _that_ way it's even more lovely still!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: PRECEDENCE AT BONNEBOUCHE HALL DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Grandpapa takes the bride in to dinner, and the rest follow anyhow.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: HISTRIONIC EGOTISM
OUR PET ACTOR (_just arrived_).--"By Jove--these good people all seem to know me very well--nodding and smiling"--(_nods and smiles himself, right and left_)--"uncommonly flattering, I'm sure--considering I've never set foot in the town before!"
OUR PET ARTIST (_his chum_).--"I'm afraid it's _me_ they're nodding and smiling at, old man! I come every year, you know--and know every soul in the place!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: A STATELY STAIRCASE WINDS AROUND A LARGE HALL]
[Ill.u.s.tration: HOW REPUTATIONS OF DISTINGUISHED AMATEURS ARE SOMETIMES MADE
HERR SILBERMUND (the Great Pianist) TO MRS. TATTLER.--"Ach, Lady Creichton has for _bainting_ der most remarrgaple chenius. Look at _dis_! It is eqval to Felasquez!"
M. LANGUEDOR (the Famous Painter) TO MISS GUs.h.i.+NGTON.--"Ah! For ze music, Miladi Cretonne has a talent kvite exceptionnel. Listen to _zat_!
It surpa.s.s Madame Schumann!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: EOTHEN
COOK'S TOURIST (_female_).--"What's that jagged white line on the horizon, I wonder?"
COOK'S TOURIST (_male_).--"_Snow_, probably!"
COOK'S TOURIST (_female_).--"Ah! that's much more likely! I heard the captain saying it was _Greece_!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE DANCING MAN OF THE PERIOD
"Been dancin' at all?"
"Dancin'? Not I! Catch me dancin' in a house where there ain't a smokin'-room! I'm off, directly!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: UNCONSCIOUS CYNICISM
SHE.--"It's such years since we met that perhaps you never heard of my marriage?"
