A Moveable Feast Part 4

the closerie des lilas had once been a cafe where poets met more or less regularly and the last princ.i.p.al poet had been paul fort whom i had never read. but the only poet i ever saw there was blaise cendrars, with his broken boxer's face and his pinned-up empty sleeve, rolling a cigarette with his one good hand. he was a good companion until he drank too much and, at that time, when he was lying, he was more interesting than many men telling a story truly. but he was the only poet who came to the lilas then and i only saw him there once. most of the clients were elderly bearded men in well-worn clothes who came with their wives or their mistresses and wore or did not wear thin red legion of honour ribbons in their lapels. we thought of them all hopefully as scientists or savants savants and they sat almost as long over an aperitif as the men in shabbier clothes who sat with their wives or mistresses over a and they sat almost as long over an aperitif as the men in shabbier clothes who sat with their wives or mistresses over a cafe creme cafe creme and wore the purple ribbon of the palms of the academy, which had nothing to do with the french academy, and meant, we thought, that they were professors or instructors. and wore the purple ribbon of the palms of the academy, which had nothing to do with the french academy, and meant, we thought, that they were professors or instructors.

These people made it a comfortable cafe since they were all interested in each other and in their drinks or coffees, or infusions, and in the papers and periodicals which were fastened to rods, and no one was on exhibition.

There were other people too who lived in the quarter and came to the lilas, and some of them wore croix de guerre ribbons in their lapels and others also had the yellow and green of the medaille militaire, and i watched how well they were overcoming the handicap of the loss of limbs, and saw the quality of their artificial eyes and the degree of skill with which their faces had been reconstructed. there was always an almost iridescent s.h.i.+ny cast about the considerably reconstructed face, rather like that of a well-packed ski run, and we respected these clients more than we did the savants savants or the professors, although the latter might well have done their military service too without experiencing mutilation. or the professors, although the latter might well have done their military service too without experiencing mutilation.

In those days we did not trust anyone who had not been in the war, but we did not completely trust anyone, and there was a strong feeling that cendrars might well be a little less flashy about his vanished arm. i was glad he had been in the lilas early in the afternoon before the regular clients had arrived.

on this evening i was sitting at a table outside of the lilas watching the light change on the trees and the buildings and the pa.s.sage of the great slow horses of the outer boulevards. the door of the cafe opened behind me and to my right, and a man came out and walked to my table.

'oh here you are,' he said.

it was ford madox ford, as he called himself then, and he was breathing heavily through a heavy, stained moustache and holding himself as upright as an ambulatory, well-clothed, up-ended hogshead.

'may i sit with you?' he asked, sitting down, and his eyes which were a washed-out blue under colourless lids and eyebrows looked out at the boulevard.

'i spent good years of my life that those beasts should be slaughtered humanely,'

he said.

'you told me,' i said.

'i don't think so.'

'i'm quite sure.'

'very odd. i've never told anyone in my life.'

'will you have a drink?'

the waiter stood there and ford told him he would have a chambery ca.s.sis. the waiter, who was tall and thin and bald on the top of his head with hair slicked over and who wore a heavy old-style dragoon moustache, repeated the order.

'no. make it a fine a l'eau,' fine a l'eau,' ford said. ford said.

'a. fine a l'eau 'a. fine a l'eau for monsieur,' the waiter confirmed the order. for monsieur,' the waiter confirmed the order.

i had always avoided looking at ford when i could and i always held my breath when i was near him in a closed room, but this was the open air and the fallen leaves blew along the sidewalks from my side of the table past his, so i took a good look at him, repented, and looked across the boulevard. the light was changed again and i had missed the change. i took a drink to see if his coming had fouled it, but it still tasted good.

'you're very glum,' he said.

'no.'

'yes you are. you need to get out more. i stopped by to ask you to the little evenings we're giving in that amusing bal musette near the place contrescarpe on the rue cardinal lemoine.'

'i lived above it for two years before you come to paris this last time.'

'how odd. are you sure?'

'yes,' i said. 'i'm sure. the man who owned it had a taxi and when i had to get a plane he'd take me out to the field, and we'd stop at the zinc bar of the bal and drink a gla.s.s of white wine in the dark before we'd start for the airfield.'

'i've never cared for flying,' ford said. 'you and your wife plan to come to the bal musette sat.u.r.day night. it's quite gay. i'll draw you a map so you can find it. i stumbled on it quite by chance.'

'it's under 74 rue cardinal lemoine,' i said. 'i lived on the third floor.'

'there's no number,' ford said. 'but you'll be able to find it if you can find the place contrescarpe.'

i took another long drink. the waiter had brought ford's drink and ford was correcting him. 'it wasn't a brandy and soda,' he said helpfully but severely. 'i ordered a chambery vermouth and ca.s.sis.'

'it's all right, jean,' i said. 'i'll take the/w. bring monsieur what he orders now.'

'what i ordered,' corrected ford.

at that moment a rather gaunt man wearing a cape pa.s.sed on the sidewalk. he was with a tall woman and he glanced at our table and then away and went on his way down the boulevard.

'did you see me cut him?' ford said. 'did 'did you see me cut him?' you see me cut him?'

'no. who did you cut?' 'belloc,' ford said. 'did 'did i cut him!' 'i didn't see it,' i said. 'why did you cut him?' 'for every good reason in the world,' ford said. i cut him!' 'i didn't see it,' i said. 'why did you cut him?' 'for every good reason in the world,' ford said. 'did 'did i cut him though!' i cut him though!'

he was thoroughly and completely happy. i had never seen belloc and i did not believe he had seen us. he looked like a man who had been thinking of something and had glanced at the table almost automatically. i felt badly that ford had been rude to him, as, being a young man who was commencing his education, i had a high regard for him as an older writer. this is not understandable now but in those days it was a common occurrence.

i thought it would have been pleasant if belloc had stopped at the table and i might have met him. the afternoon had been spoiled by seeing ford but i thought belloc might have made it better.

'what are you drinking brandy for?' ford asked me. 'don't you know it's fatal for a young writer to start drinking brandy?'

'i don't drink it very often,' i said. i was trying to remember what ezra pound had told me about ford, that i must never be rude to him, that i must remember that he only lied when he was very tired, that he was really a good writer and that he had been through very bad domestic troubles. i tried hard to think of these things but the heavy, wheezing, ign.o.ble presence of ford himself, only touching-distance away, made it difficult. but i tried.

'tell me why one cuts people,' i asked. until then i had thought it was something only done in novels by ouida. i had never been able to read a novel by ouida, not even at some skiing place in switzerland where reading matter had run out when the wet south wind had come and there were only the left-behind tauchnitz editions of before the war. but i was sure, by some sixth sense, that people cut one another in her novels.

'a gentleman,' ford explained, 'will always cut a cad.'

i took a quick drink of brandy.

'would he cut a bounder?' i asked.

'it would be impossible for a gentleman to know a bounder.'

'then you can only cut someone you have known on terms of equality?' i pursued.

'naturally.'

'how would one ever meet a cad?'

'you might not know it, or the fellow could have become a cad.'

'what is a cad?' i asked. 'isn't he someone that one has to thrash within an inch of his life?'

'not necessarily,' ford said.

'is ezra a gentleman?' i asked.

'of course not,' ford said. 'he's an american.'

'can't an american be a gentleman?'

terhaps john quinn,' ford explained. 'certain of your amba.s.sadors.'

'myron t. herrick?'

'possibly.'

'was henry james a gentleman?'

'very nearly.'

'are you a gentleman?'

'naturally. i have held his majesty's commission.'

'it's very complicated,' i said. 'am i a gentleman?'

'absolutely not,' ford said.

'then why are you drinking with me?'

'i'm drinking with you as a promising young writer. as a fellow writer, in fact.'

'good of you,' i said.

'you might be considered a gentleman in italy,' ford said magnanimously.

'but i'm not a cad?'

'of course not, dear boy. who ever said such a thing?'

'i might become one,' i said sadly. 'drinking brandy and all. that was what did for lord harry hotspur in trollope. tell me, was trollope a gentleman?'

'of course not.'

'you're sure?'

'there might be two opinions. but not in mine.'

'was fielding? he was a judge.'

'technically, perhaps.'

'marlowe?'

'of course not.'

'john donne?'

'he was a parson.'

'it's fascinating,' i said.

'i'm glad you're interested,' ford said. 'i'll have a brandy and water with you before i go.'

after ford left it was dark and i walked over to the ktosque ktosque and bought a and bought a paris-sport compkt, paris-sport compkt, the final edition of the afternoon racing paper with the results at auteuil, and the line on the next day's meeting at enghien. the waiter emile, who had replaced jean on duty, came to the table to see the results of the last race at auteuil. a great friend of mine who rarely came to the lilas came over to the table and sat down, and just then as my friend was ordering a drink from emile the gaunt man in the cape with the tall woman pa.s.sed us on the sidewalk. his glance drifted towards the table and then away. the final edition of the afternoon racing paper with the results at auteuil, and the line on the next day's meeting at enghien. the waiter emile, who had replaced jean on duty, came to the table to see the results of the last race at auteuil. a great friend of mine who rarely came to the lilas came over to the table and sat down, and just then as my friend was ordering a drink from emile the gaunt man in the cape with the tall woman pa.s.sed us on the sidewalk. his glance drifted towards the table and then away.

'that's hilaire belloc,' i said to my friend. 'ford was here this afternoon and cut him dead.'

'don't be a silly a.s.s,' my friend said. 'that's aleister crowley, the diabolist. he's supposed to be the wickedest man in the world.'

'sorry,' i said.

10

Birth of A New School

The blue-backed notebooks, the two pencils and the pencil sharpener (a pocket knife was too wasteful), the marble-topped tables, the smell of early morning, sweeping out and mopping, and luck were all you needed. for luck you carried a horse chestnut and a rabbit's foot in your right pocket. the fur had been worn off the rabbit's foot long ago and the bones and the sinews were polished by wear. the claws scratched in the lining of your pocket and you knew your luck was still there.

Some days it went so well that you could make the country so that you could walk into it through the timber to come out into the clearing and work up onto the high ground and see the hills beyond the arm of the lake. a pencil-lead might break off in the conical nose of the pencil sharpener and you would use the small blade of the penknife to clear it or else sharpen the pencil carefully with the sharp blade and then slip your arm through the sweat-salted leather of your pack strap to lift the pack again, get the other arm through and feel the weight settle on your back and feel the pine needles under your moccasins as you started down for the lake.

then you would hear someone say, 'hi, hem. what are you trying to do? write in a cafe?'

your luck had run out and you shut the notebook. this was the worst thing that could happen. if you could keep your temper it would be better but i was not good at keeping mine then and said, 'you rotten son of a b.i.t.c.h, what are you doing in here off your filthy beat?'

'don't be insulting just because you want to act like an eccentric.'

'take your dirty camping mouth out of here.' 'it's a public cafe. i've just as much right here as you have.' 'why don't you go up to the pet.i.te chaumiere where you belong?'

'oh dear. don't be so tiresome.'

now you could get out and hope it was an accidental visit and that the visitor had only come in by chance and there was not going to be an infestation. there were other good cafes to work in but they were a long walk away and this was my home cafe. it was bad to be driven out of the closerie des lilas. i had to make a stand or move. it was probably wiser to move but the anger started to come and i said, 'listen. a b.i.t.c.h like you has plenty of places to go. why do you have to come here and louse a decent cafe?'

'i just came in to have a drink. what's wrong with that?'

'at home they'd serve you and then break the gla.s.s.'

'where's home? it sounds like a charming place.'

he was sitting at the next table, a tall fat young man with spectacles. he had ordered a beer. i thought i would ignore him and see if i could write. so i ignored him and wrote two sentences.