The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists Part 11

Any creatures that don't fit these cla.s.ses are the exceptions that prove the rule.

On Life in General Life is like a big shanty. Everything will be fine so long as everyone sings in harmony. But if someone plays a duff note on the accordion or tries to break-dance at a sensitive bit, then there will be all sorts of trouble, mark my words.

On Discipline Running a Pirate Boat An old sock and a couple of sh.e.l.ls can be used to create a sock puppet that acts as a useful teaching aid when dealing with the slower pirates on your crew. You can name your sock puppet anything you like, but I'd recommend either 'Socky' or 'Lord Socklington'.

On Delicious Fudge Brownies 6 oz rich dark chocolate (minimum 60% cocoa solids) 9 oz softened b.u.t.ter 5 big eggs 1 lb caster sugar Drop of vanilla extract 41/2 oz plain flour 2 oz cocoa powder Some chopped walnuts Melt b.u.t.ter and sugar together in a pan, remove from heat and beat in remaining ingredients. Put the whole lot in a roasting tin lined with greased tracing paper and stick in the oven for forty minutes. Remove from oven and leave to cool on a wire rack.

If any of your pirate crew try and pinch one before they're cooled, playfully smack them on the back of the hand with a wooden spoon and say, 'Naughty! Oh no, you don't!'

GIDEON DEFOE was born in 1975 and lives in London. He is also the author of The Pirates! In An Adventure with Scientists, The Pirates! In An Adventure with Moby d.i.c.k, and The Pirates! In An Adventure with Napoleon. You could be forgiven for thinking he is a bit of a one-trick pony.

By Gideon Defoe.

ALSO AVAILABLE IN THE PIRATES! SERIES.

THE PIRATES! IN AN ADVENTURE.

WITH SCIENTISTS.

NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.

It is 1837, and for the luxuriantly bearded Pirate Captain and his rag-tag pirate crew, life on the high seas has gotten a little dull. With nothing to do but twiddle their hooks and lounge aimlessly on tropical beaches, the Captain decides it's time they had an adventure.

A surprisingly successful boat raid leads them the young Charles Darwin, in desperate need of their help. And so the pirates set forth for London in a bid to save the scientist from the evil machinations of a diabolical Bishop. There they encounter grisly murder, vanis.h.i.+ng ladies, the Elephant Man and have an exciting trip to the zoo.

'Gideon Defoe defi nitively puts the "Ho ho!"

and, indeed, the "Yo!" into pirating'

CAITLIN MORAN.

'Very funny, very silly and highly original'

ESQUIRE.

'This book has cult smash tattoed all over it'

THE LIST.

THE PIRATES! IN AN ADVENTURE.

WITH MOBY d.i.c.k.

The Pirate Captain is in trouble. Eager to appease his crew with a boat that has a functioning mast, fewer holes and cannons that actually fire, he splashes out on the fancy new Lovely Emma, spending six thousand doubloons he doesn't have. Finding themselves in debt to the beautiful but deadly Cutla.s.s Liz or the butcher of Barbados, as she's otherwise known the pirates need to raise some money fast. In a desperate race against time, our heroes embark on an adventure that will take them from the sh.o.r.es of Nantucket to the bright lights of Las Vegas, to the ends of the earth in search of a mythical white whale, and even, perhaps, into the dark depths of madness. But hopefully they'll be home in time for tea.

'Hilarious. Destined to become a cla.s.sic of pirate comic fiction'

ERIC IDLE.

'Silly, surreal and absolutely and utterly hilarious ... possibly the funniest book I've ever read. Guaranteed to put a smile on your face'

IMAGE.

'Funny and entertaining'

INDEPENDENT.

THE PIRATES! IN AN ADVENTURE.

WITH NAPOLEON.

The Pirate Captain has finally had enough. Still reeling from the crus.h.i.+ng disappointment at the Pirate of the Year Awards, he decides it's time to hang up his hat and ditch his cutla.s.s. Begrudgingly followed by his sceptical but loyal crew, the Captain fixes his sights on a quiet life on the island of St Helena. But his retirement plan is rudely disrupted by the arrival of another visitor to the island the recently deposed Napoleon Bonaparte. Has the Pirate Captain finally met his match? Is the island's twenty-eight mile circ.u.mference big enough to contain two of history's greatest egos? And will the Pirates be able to settle the biggest question of all: who has the best hat?

'Little slabs of super-concentrated funny'

ANDY RILEY.

'It's supreme silliness is its charm'

DAILY TELEGRAPH.

'Deliriously Funny'

ARDAL O'HANLON.

end.