Forgiving Hearts: For Better or Worse Part 23

"And look awful. I remember when Colton asked me to hem a pair of his scrub pants. He thanked me for doing it, but he found a seamstress to do the others."

Hannah folded up the material and put it back in the bag. "Where did you meet Colton?"

"At a friend's wedding. I was the maid of honor, and he was the best man."

"Was it love at first sight?"

Laurel chuckled. "No, but I knew within a few weeks that he was the one I wanted to marry."

"My experience is so different. I wasn't in love with Jackson when we got married, and I've done nothing but hurt him ever since."

"Do you love him now?"

Hannah smiled wistfully. "I can't help but love him."

"As long as two people love each other, there's hope. Things happen in every marriage. You have to pick up the pieces and start over. Colton and I went through a rough time a few years after we got married. I didn't want to work things out, but G.o.d showed me that everyone deserves a second chance." She reached over and touched Hannah's arm. "You and Jackson are getting your second chance. Don't waste it."

"I don't intend to. The hard part will be convincing Jackson. I've already burned him once."

"If you love him, you'll find a way to make him believe you."

"I hope so."

Laurel glanced at her phone. "It's time to pick up Amanda and Sophia. Would you like to come along? I can show you where the school is. We can also get some ice cream on the way home."

"I'd love to come."

Hannah watched Jackson disappear into Sophia's room. He'd be in there at least an hour reading to their insatiable daughter. After finis.h.i.+ng in the kitchen, she decided to take a shower and wash her hair while she waited for him.

She was sitting on the bed towel-drying her hair when he came into the room. He dropped down behind her and took the towel out of her hand.

"May I?" he asked softly.

At her nod, he took her hair gently in his hands and began to dry it the same way she'd seen him do it for Sophia. It was surprisingly soothing. Hannah could feel the stress over what had happened with Mitch.e.l.l earlier in the day slowly slip away.

"Feel better now?"

She turned to face him. "Much better. Thank you for sending Laurel over."

He pulled her back against him and ran his fingers lightly up and down her arms. "How do you know I called her?"

"I just know. You're going to put me to sleep doing that, Jackson."

"Is that a bad thing?"

She chuckled sleepily. "No, but it could be habit-forming."

"That's okay with me. Close your eyes and go to sleep."

It wasn't long before he felt her relax against him and heard the deep even breathing. He glanced down and smiled. Her eyes were closed, her long, dark lashes fanned out against her skin. Mission accomplished. If only sleep would come so easily for him.

Jackson decided to surprise Hannah by coming home again for lunch. Part of his reason was his anxiety about Mitch.e.l.l; the other was that he just needed to see her. There wasn't a sound when he came through the door. No television or music playing. A sudden fear gripped him. Please G.o.d, don't let her be gone! I couldn't live through this again.

On feet that felt as if they were moving in slow motion, he went down the hall to her room. Hannah was sitting on the floor staring at her phone. When she looked up at him, he could tell something had happened.

He went down on his knees beside her. "Why are you on the floor?"

"I remember, Jackson. I remember everything."

Trying to remain calm, he said, "Tell me about it."

"I was going through my clothes, and I found this." She pointed to a blue dress spread out on the carpet next to her. "Do you recognize it?"

He nodded. "You wore it on our wedding day."

"That's right. When I saw it, something snapped in my head. It was like a switch turned on or something. I know that sounds weird, but it's the only way I can describe it. Suddenly, I remembered all those stories you told me about in your letters. I even remembered one you didn't tell me the time you changed the tire on my car. If you only knew what a relief it is to finally know how everything fits together."

"How does it fit together, Hannah?"

She reached for his hand. "Do you remember when I came to see Sophia? You asked me if I was happy, and I told you I was. But when I got back to New York, I couldn't get that afternoon out of my mind. I kept seeing you and Sophia. That made me start questioning everything. I didn't want to think I'd made a mistake that I'd done all those terrible things for nothing. I'd loved Mitch.e.l.l for years. How could I suddenly not love him? And how could I have been so wrong about what love is? It took a long time for me to realize that my feelings for Mitch.e.l.l were more like a sickness. The only time I ever came close to being free of it was when I was with you."

"Are you sure you're free of it now?"

She looked directly into his eyes. "Yes, I am."

A strange smile touched his lips. "I'm curious to hear how one falls out of love."

"I'm not sure what I felt for Mitch.e.l.l was ever love at least not the type of love G.o.d intended between a man and a woman. I found myself comparing Mitch.e.l.l to you. It wasn't fair to him, of course. He's nothing like you. He doesn't have your immense capacity for love, integrity, and commitment. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't measure up. When I started pulling away from him, he did what most men do when that happens. He found consolation elsewhere."

"I'm sorry things didn't work out."

Her laugh was incredulous. "I leave you for another man and you're sorry. You're truly unique, Jackson. Why didn't you ask me for an annulment? You had every right to do so."

He twisted the ring on his finger. "I married you for better or worse."

"Did you wonder why I didn't ask you for one?"

"I supposed it was because Mitch.e.l.l never asked you to marry him."

"It's true that Mitch.e.l.l never asked me to marry him. It's also true that I wouldn't have married him. You were willing to marry me and be a father to Sophia. I owed you the courtesy of letting you decide when or if our marriage should end."

"I appreciate that."

"When I left New York, I had no expectations. I had ruined any chance of a relations.h.i.+p with you. All I wanted was an opportunity to be part of Sophia's life. The day after I arrived, I drove by the house and saw you and Sophia together. You looked so happy together, so complete. I realized that I needed you more than you needed me. I hadn't been a good wife or mother. It wasn't difficult to convince myself that you'd both be better off without me and that the best thing I could do was leave you in peace."

"I hate that you had to go through all this, but I'm glad you didn't leave again. And you're wrong about us being complete. Sophia and I need you, Hannah."

"If I hadn't been so fixated on myself, I would have known that you were everything I could ever want." Hannah took his face between her hands. "I want you to know how sorry I am." Tears ran down her cheeks. "Now that I know really know what I did, I don't understand how you can forgive me."

He took her hands into his. "Because Jesus does it for me every day. I'd be a hypocrite if I expected Him to wipe my slate clean and not be willing to do the same for you or anyone else who hurts me. We try to categorize and rank sin, but to G.o.d, sin is sin. None of us is worthy; we all deserve the worst that h.e.l.l can offer. For that reason, we can't afford to pa.s.s judgement on or withhold forgiveness from each other."

"Can I say it now, Jackson?"

"Say what, darling?"

"That I love you. Because I do. Your love is what brought me back here. I couldn't live without you anymore. Please give me another chance to be your wife. I promise I won't let you down again."

He didn't wait to hear anymore. Pulling her close, he did what he'd been dreaming about for years. Nothing in his imagination had prepared him for reality. Hannah's lips were deliciously soft and clung to his. He was certain his heart was going to explode with happiness. For the next few minutes, Jackson was lost, unaware of anything but the woman in his arms.

The vibration of his pager pulled him back to the real world. He had patients waiting on him. He drew back regretfully, certain that if he'd known this kind of pleasure before, he'd have lost his mind when she left him. He ran his fingers gently over her mouth. "I didn't hurt you, did I? I forgot about your lip being sore."

Hannah smiled tremulously. "So did I."

Jackson laughed. "I always knew that kissing you would be a slice of heaven."

Hannah had never been so distracted, so delightfully bemused in her entire life. A quiver of feeling slid down her spine as she remembered Jackson's kisses, tentative and gentle at first, but gradually increasing to an intensity that left her breathless. Were the barriers between them finally gone? She knelt down by the bed.

"Dear Father, I don't have words for how I feel right now. I never thought to have such happiness. When I asked You to forgive me in New York and promised that I was going to change, I didn't envision being given back all that I lost. Like Laurel said, You're giving me a second chance, and I'm not going to waste it. Please help me be a G.o.dly wife to Jackson. I don't want to fail him again. And give me the wisdom to be a good mother to Sophia and help her avoid the mistakes I made. Most of all, thank You for never giving up on me. Amen."

She'd just finished arranging cupcakes on a rack to cool when Laurel dropped off Sophia.

"How's the costume-making project going?" Hannah asked.

Laurel laughed. "It's all over, but it was quite an experience. I couldn't get anything on Rose's sewing machine to work. Colton came home from work and found me almost in tears. He took me into the living room, brought me a cup of hot chocolate, and gave me strict instructions not to leave the couch for an hour. I fell asleep and when I woke up, the costume was folded up on the coffee table."

"Colton finished it?"

"Yes, he did. When I asked him how he did it, he said, 'I'm a surgeon, Laurel. I know how to put things together'."

"That sort of makes sense."

"It's also kind of scary. Anyway, I've got to run. Amanda has a piano lesson this afternoon. See you tomorrow."

After Laurel left, Hannah helped Sophia change clothes. Then they played with Freya while the cupcakes cooled. Jackson came home just as they were discussing which frosting to use. A sudden shyness swept over Hannah when she met his eyes. He winked at her and she blushed. Walking over to Sophia, he ruffled her hair and bent down to kiss her cheek.

"Daddy, should we use chocolate or vanilla icing?"

"That's a big decision. Can I think about it while I kiss Mommy?"

Sophia giggled. "Yes, but please hurry."

Jackson looked at Hannah. "A kiss should never be done in a hurry." He kissed her lightly as he'd done Sophia. Over the sound of Sophia's shriek of laughter, he whispered, "That will not be the last kiss you get from me today." Eyes twinkling, he turned back to Sophia. "Let's go with vanilla. I hope we have sprinkles. Cupcakes just aren't cupcakes without sprinkles."

Hannah opened the cabinet. "We've got pink, yellow and blue."

"You two begin the icing operation while I change clothes and start dinner."

After their meal, Hannah sent Jackson to play a game with Sophia while she cleaned up the kitchen. She couldn't stop thinking about what he'd whispered in her ear. Did it mean what she thought?

As she went through the routine of getting Sophia bathed and into bed, she wondered if Jackson was as nervous and excited as she was. If so, he was a master at hiding it. With a strange combination of antic.i.p.ation and anxiety, she closed the door of Sophia's room and went in search of him. He was outside on the deck with Freya. She joined him at the railing.

"You smell like cake," he said softly. "I wonder if you taste like it, too."

"There's only one way to find out."

His low laugh reached her ears. "First things first." She felt him reach into his pocket and then he said, "Hold out your left hand." When she did, he slid her wedding ring on her finger.

She touched the s.h.i.+ny gold ring lovingly. "Thank you for keeping it safe for me."

"You know me; I won't get rid of anything you touch."

She'd done nothing to deserve someone like this. "I love you."

"I loved you first." His lips started at her eyes and moved slowly down her face to her mouth. When he finally drew back, he was smiling. "You do taste like cake."

The color rose in her cheeks. "Jackson, I was thinking..."

"about me kissing you again?" he interrupted her.

"Well, yes, that too, but I was also remembering what happened at the skating rink. You never got that couple's skate with me. We could do it now just without the skates."

"You realize this could be a disaster. I've never danced with anyone."

"I'm not asking you to do a tango. A slow dance isn't hard. I'm going to put my hands on your shoulders like this."

"I like it already," he murmured.

"Now, just follow my lead." After a few seconds, Hannah started to laugh. "Jackson, you have to move your feet."

"I'm afraid I'm going to step on you."

"I can take care of that." She took off her shoes and stood on top of his feet.

Jackson pulled her closer. "I'm beginning to understand why people like doing this."

"So I could probably talk you into dancing with me again?"

"As long as I don't have to do it in public."

Hannah hummed under her breath as they danced under the stars. Neither of them was aware of the pa.s.sing of time until a sudden coolness in the air sent a s.h.i.+ver through her.

"You're cold," he said reluctantly. "I need to get you inside." He released her and called Freya.