An Inconvenient Trilogy Part 14

The following days of travel on the road were the longest of Michael's life. He had Charles for company, but for most of the time they travelled in silence. The pace of riding was too fast for anything but the briefest conversation. Changes of horses were done in the fastest possible time, with only the minimum stops for refreshments. The nights did not offer much respite. Once Michael stopped concentrating on the road stretching out ahead, the fears of what he would find in Yorks.h.i.+re took over, with the result being him staring at the ceiling long into the night.

Eventually, the village was reached where they picked up the estate road to Home Farm. Michael felt his heart rate increase as the familiar landscape pa.s.sed the hors.e.m.e.n by. When they arrived at the house, there was no sign of Elizabeth, but the butler Smithson opened the door to greet them.

"Lord Dunham! Miss Rufford had not mentioned anything about your visiting today?" the butler said, but it was obvious there was relief on his face at seeing the gentlemen.

"It is an unexpected visit." Michael explained. "Is Miss Rufford available?"

"She is repairing walls on the top field I believe my Lord. She insisted that she help the labourers, even though Mr Lawson was against it."

"Are Miss Fairfield or Mr Lawson available?"

"They are undertaking business in the village for Miss Rufford. I believe it was convenient timing on my mistress's part, not that I would wish to cast my mistress' character into question." the straight faced butler said.

"I'm sure it was convenient timing. As stubborn as ever I see," Michael muttered. "I'd better go to the top field."

Before Michael could start his walk to the field, their attention was caught by the sound of a cart coming around the side of the house. As the cart came into view, it was obvious there was something amiss as a number of men surrounded it, with one leading the horse. They stopped before the doorway.

"Mr Smithson, Sir, Miss Rufford has fainted again." The leading man said, half apologetic, half concern. The men moved aside to show the body of Elizabeth laid as careful as possible on a pile of sacks. Her pallor was deathly white.

Michael moved without thinking and lifted Elizabeth into his arms. "Smithson, order some sweet tea and something to eat. I am taking Miss Rufford to her room. Send someone to the village and bring the Doctor. Charles, when Mr Lawson and Miss Fairfield return, find out what the b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l has been going on here."

At Michael's barked words everyone sprang into action. He remembered which room Elizabeth had chosen for her own and he carried her easily up the stairs and along the landing. He laid her down on the bed and felt her forehead. Her temperature was not raised, which was a blessing; at least there was no sign of fever. Elizabeth had never mentioned such an affliction before. He had no idea what could be causing it, but he did know that constant fainting was not healthy.

Michael covered Elizabeth with a blanket and stepped back, she looked so small and vulnerable. What had happened to the bundle of energy that he had fallen in love with? It had been less than two weeks since he had seen her last, but she had lost weight and had dark rings under her eyes. Something was wrong and he was determined that she would accept his help, whether she wished it or not. He tried to dismiss the feeling of helplessness that threatened him as he watched her. Why she brought out such feelings in him, when other women had not even stirred slight interest from him, he had no idea. Whatever it was, he wished he could control himself more. All he wanted to do was to curl up by her side and not move until she was well again.

Elizabeth opened her eyes slowly, she felt comfortable and warm. The urge to keep her eyes closed and sleep was great, but she forced herself back to consciousness. There was too much to do, and she would not give anyone the chance to say that she had failed in running her estate as well as in love. If she remained lying still she would just start to think and she could not allow herself to do that. Thinking would bring on tears and she would not be so weak.

She opened her eyes slowly and immediately saw Michael standing over her. She blinked a number of times before she believed that he was real. "Michael, what are you doing here?" she asked starting to raise herself.

"Stay exactly where you are," Michael said firmly. "I have come to visit and it looks like my timing was perfect. I want to know what has been going on. We can discuss it later though, you can stay still for now, the doctor will be here shortly."

"Doctor? I don't need a Doctor!" Elizabeth sat up quickly and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, but the movement caused the dizziness to return and she swayed.

Michael moved to support her. "You silly girl, lie back before you faint again." Elizabeth complied reluctantly.

Smithson entered the room and placed a tea tray next to the bed. "Tea as requested my Lord, the doctor is on his way. Miss Fairfield and Mr Lawson have returned and are speaking to Mr Anderton."

Michael nodded his approval and poured the tea, adding three spoonfuls of sugar. He sat on the edge of the bed and placed the cup near Elizabeth's lips. "Drink this, it will help."

Elizabeth took a sip and then pulled a face. "That tastes disgusting! How much sugar is there in it?"

"Enough to stop you fainting every time you move," Michael shrugged, forcing more of the drink on Elizabeth.

"Do you know how much sugar costs? Some of us have to watch what we spend," Elizabeth retorted crossly.

"You must be very poor if the reports are true, and you are not eating," Michael responded.

Elizabeth flushed, "I am eating and no one has the right to report anything to you. I am my own mistress here. You are my guardian no longer, you told me that yourself. Don't worry! I received all my paperwork on my birthday. I am officially an independent woman."

Michael looked at Elizabeth for a long moment before replying. "I am and always will be your friend first and foremost Elizabeth. I thought we had cleared that up a long time ago. Yes, you are mistress here, but perhaps your staff care enough to want what's best for you. None of us are too grown-up to stop caring for, and being cared for, by those who are important to us. I will leave you alone until after the doctor has arrived, but I will be asking for a full report from him when he leaves, mistress or not."

Elizabeth slumped back; she had not the energy to retort, but part of her felt relief at Michael's interference. She had not purposely stopped eating. It was more that she had had a drive to prove something, to who or what she was not quite sure anymore. One thing was clear from being in Michael's company for even such a short time; her emotions were in turmoil the moment he was in any proximity to her.

It had been wonderful to see him standing next to her bed. The thoughts and feelings that had rushed through her body at that moment would have probably made her head pound if she had tried any movement. She must pull herself together though, since he had not come before now. His visit was probably just a coincidence and he would soon leave her alone again, to a life without him at its centre. The thought depressed her and she lay back in her bed. She must stop thinking that a life without Michael was a half life, he did not want her. She cursed herself, she had never been so simpering in her life and it disgusted her, she would have to snap out of this melancholy.

Michael joined the others in the study. Miss Fairfield left the room after agreeing to bring the doctor to Michael when he had finished his examination. Charles suggested that Mr Lawson inform Michael of what had been happening.

"She was always a hard worker on her father's estate," Mr Lawson began. "She wanted to gain her father's approval; he had wanted a boy you see."

"Yes, Miss Rufford explained that when we first met." Michael said. Poor Elizabeth, not only had she known that her father was disappointed that she was a girl, but everyone else seemed to know too.

"She was as good as any estate manager I knew, something her father and the now late Mr Rufford failed to appreciate. But when she returned here, I had never seen her like this."

"Like what?" Michael asked.

"So, driven, I suppose I would describe it as. It was as if this estate could not fail. I have told her time and time again that it would take more than a few months to turn everything around, but for the first time in her life she wasn't listening. Everything had to be done and it had to be done immediately."

"And the fainting?"

"It started as I described in the letter I sent. Although I had not met you, my Lord, what with you being in the position of Miss Rufford's guardian, Miss Fairfield and I thought you should know. Miss Fairfield was convinced you were the person to help us. I was easily convinced because on the very few occasions Miss Rufford mentioned her time in London, she said it was the happiest time of her life."

Michael hid the frown that was in danger of developing. Elizabeth saying that the time in London was the happiest time of her life? She hated the social whirl. What could she have possibly meant? All she had wanted to do while in London was to return to her estate, it did not make sense. Something was obviously very wrong.

When the doctor entered the study, Michael was alone. Charles had gone to arrange their accommodation and Mr Lawson had returned to his work. Michael was looking out of the window, pondering over Mr Lawson's words.

"My Lord?"

Michael turned and indicated the doctor should take a seat. "I hope you found no cause for worry after examining my ward?" He kept his tone light, to prevent the doctor from detecting any sense of dread he felt. He referred to Elizabeth as his ward purposely, she may have had her birthday, but she still belonged to him.

"At the moment, she is well." the doctor replied.

"At the moment?" Michael queried, a tightness developing in his chest.

"If she continues to do what she is doing, she will likely send herself into an early grave. She is working too hard, while all but starving herself. She can't explain why, just that she has no appet.i.te. It appears she has some sort of malady, strange in one so young and normally healthy. I have ordered rest and a fortifying diet that Miss Fairfield has gone to discuss with the cook. I cannot stress enough that Miss Rufford cannot maintain this unusual level of activity without sustenance. Of course, if she is sensible, she will recover quickly. It is obvious she has previously had a strong const.i.tution."

"I understand Doctor," Michael responded firmly. "I will personally guarantee that she will no longer miss mealtimes."

Michael sent a message to Elizabeth to enquire if she was well enough to join him in the drawing room for afternoon tea. The concern over Elizabeth had meant that Michael had missed luncheon and was now ready to eat at least a plate of cakes. He ordered the tea and edibles and awaited Elizabeth's arrival.

When she opened the door, she was no longer in breeches, as she had been when returned to the house. Her hair had also been redone and although she was still very pale, there was a slight blush to her cheeks as she entered.

"You must think I am very foolish." she began as soon as she entered.

"I am concerned for you," Michael replied. "If you heed the doctor's advice, there will be no need for me to think you foolish. We can all become careless occasionally."

"You are too kind and too indulgent." Elizabeth responded.

Michael poured the tea and filled a plate with cakes and fancies for each of them. He was wary of this meek Elizabeth. "Eat these; neither of us has eaten for hours."

Elizabeth started to eat, albeit slowly, but at least she was not refusing food, Michael thought with relief. "I will be well; I will listen to the doctor. There is no need to worry about me. I do not like the thought of putting you to any trouble."

"Glad to hear it," Michael responded drily. "I never had you down for a delicate flower when we met."

"A delicate flower? Perish the thought!" Elizabeth visibly shuddered and made Michael smile, the old Elizabeth was there, she just had been hidden a little. "How long are you to stay?" Elizabeth asked meekly. She needed to know how long she had him, for she was sure they would not meet again for a long time.

"Let's talk about that later shall we? I want to hear all about the work you have been doing." Michael wanted to distract Elizabeth and his words did the trick.

She told him of the work that had been started and the teams of men she had employed and what they were working on. Michael had to smile as the animation returned to her features and she chatted proudly of which part of the plans she had started to implement. All the time they ate and Michael continued to pour the tea every time her cup emptied, adding sugar without comment. Finally, she placed her plate down. "I cannot eat another morsel, no matter what the doctor ordered. I am full and shall not move for a week, which should please him." Elizabeth smiled.

"I know he said you needed to rest, but there is rest and rest, I was hoping you would join me on a gentle horse ride around the estate?" Michael offered.

"Oh yes!" came the quick response.

They rode side by side, gentler than they had done in Hyde Park, but as comfortable with each other as they had been in the early days. Michael kept a close eye on Elizabeth as they rode, looking for any sign of fainting, and he was constantly ready to pull her to safety onto his horse.

"This will be a fine estate and I can see what you have been able to achieve already." he said as Elizabeth pointed out the work she had mentioned earlier.

"Thank you, I hope so. I would so hate to fail." Elizabeth replied.

"You have run an estate before, why do you doubt yourself now?" Michael asked gently. Elizabeth's words mirroring those mentioned by Mr Lawson.

"I have made some errors of judgement since Papa died; I suppose I have learned the hard lesson that I am not as infallible as I thought." she replied quietly.

"What an admission from the great Miss Rufford!" Michael teased, but wondered what had made her so lacking in confidence, he hoped she was not regretting refusing Lord Halkyn, but he did not feel confident enough to raise the subject at the moment.

Elizabeth laughed, "Yes, who would have thought everything could change so much in so short a time? When I came to you initially I had such fixed ideas, I had imagined myself to be in control of everything."

"And is that no longer the case?" Michael asked gently.

Elizabeth stopped her horse and looked at Michael. "No, it is no longer the case. I don't think I was ever in control of anything when I look back, I just thought I was. Could we return to the house please?"

Michael turned back immediately. Some colour had returned to Elizabeth's cheeks, but he did not wish to push matters too much on her first day on the road to recovery. Whatever happened, he was determined to stay with her until she was more like her old self.

Elizabeth returned to her room after the ride. It was almost like torture having him so near and knowing that he was concerned about her. She did not want his concern, she wanted his love, but he had never mentioned anything remotely near a declaration of feeling. She had to accept that he saw her as nothing but his ward and a responsibility.

The evening meal started quietly, with only the two of them, Charles had remained at the inn and Miss Fairfield had begged to be excused. Neither had objected, both taking their own pleasure in the other's company. Even the lulls in conversation were a comfortable silence. When the staff left them alone with dessert, Michael had to try and find out if Elizabeth was regretting her decision to move away from London.

"Is there much entertainment around here? We weren't here long enough last time to find out what the society was like." he started.

"I'm not sure, I have kept myself to myself really," Elizabeth replied. "I really could not face the thought of card parties and morning calls just yet."

"Your neighbours will be curious to see the new lady in the neighbourhood; you should not spoil their opportunities for gossip."

"I'm sure once they see me in my breeches they will have gossip enough." Elizabeth smiled with her impish grin and Michael sighed. He had missed her so much.

"I'm sure once they see the changes in the estate; they will overlook your breeches."

"The men might, but it will be remarked on by the ladies. On such matters ladies always have the more forceful opinions." Elizabeth responded with authority.

"I shall bow to your better judgement," Michael teased. "Have you heard from anyone in London?" He had to ask, the questions were gnawing at him.

"Apart from Violet, no," Elizabeth said. "I'm surprised you would think that I would have."

"I had thought you were glad to leave London, you certainly gave the impression you wanted to leave, but it was something that Lawson said that made me wonder." Michael persisted.

Elizabeth stood, "Shall we go to the drawing room? There is no reason why you could not have some brandy or port in my company. It seems pointless to have you remaining here alone."

Michael nodded his agreement and followed Elizabeth through. They did not speak while Smithson distributed the drinks, but once he had left them alone, Michael raised his question again. "I may not like the answer, but I need to know why Lawson said that you had told him your time in London was the happiest of your life."

Elizabeth sighed and put her cup down. "I don't think you will like the answer. It would be best if it remained unsaid."

Michael gritted his teeth. "Come Elizabeth, we have always been honest with each other, tell me. Why you are still so attached to London when you had us all believing that you disliked it?"

Elizabeth started pacing the room. "I did not like it, there was so much to dislike, the falseness, the shallowness of society, but through it all there was one constant, one thing that made it all worthwhile. I didn't realise how much I would miss that until I had left, so in a way, yes, it was the happiest time of my life."

"What was it, or should I say who was it?" Michael asked, the feeling in his stomach as if a lead block had been left there.

"Who was it? Do you really have to ask? Can you not guess? Please don't make me say it, leave me with some dignity intact," Elizabeth pleaded. She had turned away slightly in an effort to hide her burning cheeks. She could not be honest with him. He had made his feelings clear on more than one occasion. It was cruel that she was being asked to declare hers.

Michael sighed, "You want to marry Lord Halkyn after all."

"Lord Halkyn? Why on earth would you think I want to marry him?" Elizabeth spun round to face Michael, his words finally bringing a halt to her pacing.

"I know he proposed." Michael said quietly.

"I refused him!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"You have had time to regret that decision though."

"Why would I regret refusing Lord Halkyn? I never wanted to marry him! I love you!" Elizabeth said, tears rolling down her face at the frustration of the situation.

"You love me?" Michael asked in disbelief.

"Yes, it's you that I have missed, you that I looked for every day, you that made every event special, you that made it the happiest time of my life, but it's you that I needed to get away from." Elizabeth said, ignoring the tears.

"Why would you need to get away from me?" Michael had stood and held Elizabeth at arm's length, studying her face, trying to comprehend what she was saying to him.

"It was clear that you don't feel the same towards me, and you told me that as your ward you felt responsible for me. Although you've mentioned there are other reasons, those were not the words of a man in love. If you truly wanted me, there would be no obstacles that we could not overcome." Elizabeth sighed. "I had to escape, but you have been haunting my every moment. I do not wish to distress you, but I need you to leave. I have to learn to live without you."

"Elizabeth, oh Elizabeth, my foolish girl," Michael said gently. "I did feel responsible for you, I wanted to give you the opportunity to make the decision which was best for you, while I stood by and watched you being courted by men that I wanted to kill. I had considered Halkyn a friend until he started to dance attendance on you."

"But you did not say anything!" Elizabeth said, wiping the tears away. Her mind was racing; Michael had not run from the room when she had declared her feelings. Perhaps he felt something. She dared not hope, but no matter how she tried to suppress it, there was a little flutter of hope in her chest.

"I could not influence you, it was not fair, but when I saw you in Hyde Park with Halkyn I thought you had accepted him. He seemed too friendly to have just received a refusal from you."

"I had refused him, he wished me well."

"My foolish mistake then," Michael said, "perhaps I was imagining how I would react if I had asked you to marry me and you had refused."