Steal My Sunshine Part 20

*Watch the road. Just calm down.'

He let out a big puff of air. *I thought you'd lose it with me if I told you.'

I stared out the car window and then at him. *You can trust me, you know.'

He said nothing but that was okay.

*Has she been ha.s.sling you?' I said.

*We were idiots and she ended up having to take the morning-after pill. I felt bad, obviously, so I called her a few times. But then she expected more. She's so intense, Hannah. She keeps calling and asking all these questions about me, you, Mum, Dad, even Essie. I don't get her. She's like a virus, trying to get into everything.

*That's why I didn't want you to go out with Evan. I was sure she'd put him up to it. She's a manipulator, I don't know why you can't see it.'

I felt sick. None of it made sense, except this little echo of hers inside my head saying *you don't know how lucky you are, Hannah'. What could she possibly want from us? I remembered the note on her desk: MAP a" DO NOT FORGET. It wasn't a map, it was morning-after pill.

*Did she tell you what she was going to do?' I said.

*Something to do with Essie. She was rambling on about babies. What the h.e.l.l have you two been up to, going there all the time?'

I didn't need him to start lecturing me again. *Just drive, Sam.'

When we turned into Essie's street, I took a deep breath and told Sam to wait in the car. The chairs from the house across the road were in their usual position, but the fluorescent vests were gone. A couple of rough-looking skinny guys were arguing outside the house where the baby lived.

I crossed the road to Essie's side and tried to spy on them without drawing attention to myself. I caught snippets of what they were arguing about: numbers and *the stuff'. It wasn't rocket science.

I fished out the key from the Essie's mailbox and let myself in. *Essie? Chloe?' There was a faint rasping sound, and I panicked. Essie was still in her chair but there was no sign of anyone else. Her eyes were full of fear and her breathing was shallow. I knew she hadn't called out because she couldn't. She wasn't tricking me now.

*Essie, I'll get an ambulance.'

She closed her eyes briefly, and whispered, *Please. No.'

*But, Essie . . .'

*It pa.s.ses,' she said. *Trust me.'

She was ill and desperate. Maybe she could be cunning, but I truly believed she loved me a" us. Her story had made a complex web around our lives and, in some ways, we'd always be trapped by it a" but I couldn't help but love her, too. She was unique and fascinating; a force.

I got an ashtray and gently took the cigarette from her fingers. It had burned right down, untouched, a leaning tower of ash. Essie seemed to breathe more easily now; she smoothed her hair and tried to sit up. Her eyes were no longer full of fear a" she was so amazing that she could just blink death away for a while. She was still a fighter. She was still my grandmother.

*Essie, let me help you.'

*I'm sorry about what I asked you.' She squeezed my hand so tight; it was hard to believe she still had that much strength in her. *I didn't mean it.'

*It's okay.'

*Would you have done it?'

*Essie . . .'

*Chloe was here not long ago. I thought it was you at the door. She said you two had a fight. I shouldn't have told her everything, should I?'

*Why did you, Essie?'

*She reminded me of myself. It was stupid. She won't do it, will she? I don't want to get her into trouble. I'm really not evil, Hannah.' For the first time ever I saw a look of shame on Essie's face.

*I know. It'll be fine.'

*I'm just so tired, Hannah. Of all of it.'

*We're going to look after you, Essie.' I didn't tell her any more about my idea a" that was still in Mum's hands.

I left Essie's door on the latch. The two skinny guys were walking away with a woman. There was an empty pram out the front. I went down the path and pretended to look busy emptying out the menus and leaflets from Essie's mailbox. The sky was a nothing sort of grey and the heat a heavy blanket. I watched the woman look back at her house and wipe her forehead with the back of her hand, anxiously.

They turned the corner, and the door of her house opened. There was Chloe, holding a baby on her hip. I ran over and Sam got out of the car.

*What's all this?' he said. *Chloe? What are you doing?' He looked at her as if she was holding a ticking bomb.

The baby, in a pink t-s.h.i.+rt and a nappy, sucked her dummy. She sniffed, rubbed her eyes and put her head on Chloe's shoulder.

*She likes me.' Chloe smiled.

*What are you doing in that woman's house?' I said.

*She asked me in. Chill out. I'm doing everyone a favour.' She glanced at Sam and he shrugged dramatically. I still couldn't imagine the two of them.

*Essie doesn't want this,' I said. *It's all finished now, Chlo. You need to stop getting involved.'

*You're the one who asked me here in the first place. It's all the same with your family. One minute you need me, the next I'm getting in the way.' She looked so angry and hurt; I'd never seen her like that.

*Why didn't you tell me about Sam?'

*Don't get on your high horse about that, Miss Perfect. What about you and Evan?'

*He told you?'

*No, I found your stupid ring in his bedroom.'

She held up her hand, flas.h.i.+ng the black teardrop ring Essie had given me. Sam was sitting on the wall looking at us as if we were both insane.

*Chloe,' he said. *I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea. It was just one night. I was an a.r.s.e. Really, I'm sorry.'

She looked soft and vulnerable for a minute. Then she pushed the baby into me. *Fine, I'm done with your family.'

*I'm not taking the baby!'

*Yeah? What are you going to do about it?'

She stormed off in the direction of the beach, knocking down a couple of bins on her way. I wanted to shout after her about my ring but the baby was looking at me, so scared, her big blue eyes on the verge of tears.

*Sshh, it's okay,' I whispered, but she started to arch her back. *Oh G.o.d, she hates me. Help, Sam.'

*What can I do?' He came over and stroked her cheek. *Um, it's okay, baby.'

*That's not working.'

*This is not our problem, Hannah.'

*What do you want me to do, just leave it here?'

*For G.o.d's sake.' He took the baby out of my arms. *If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you.' The baby fit snugly in the crook of his arm and looked up at him, more curious than scared.

*What are you going to do?'

*Sing to it. But the only thing I can think of is that stupid jelly song Dad likes.'

*The Aeroplane Jelly Song?' I laughed. *You can't sing that. Do the one Mum always used to sing. "You Are My Suns.h.i.+ne".'

His face flickered as if he were trying to remember the words. Then he started to sing, glancing over at me once to roll his eyes, but mostly looking into hers.

I lost count of how many times he sang the same four lines, softening his voice every time. At last the baby closed her eyes. I looked around us and wondered how on earth my brother and I had come to be standing here.

The woman came back round the corner, breaking into a run when she saw us.

*It's okay, she's fine,' I said. The woman s.n.a.t.c.hed the baby from Sam, her dummy falling to the pavement. I picked it up and the woman stuffed it in the pocket of her shorts, looking suspiciously at us.

The baby took one look at her mum and went back to sleep on her shoulder.

*Where's the girl I left her with?' She was furious and I wondered what promises Chloe had made.

*She had to go,' I said, wondering why I still felt guilty.

*I wasn't gone long, was I?'

*No, she's been fine,' said Sam. *She's lovely.'

*Thanks, I appreciate it.'

The woman was still looking us up and down, rubbing her baby's back. A single drop of rain caught my arm. The baby didn't stir; she was in a beautiful, faraway place. Without another word the woman went up her garden path, looked back at us once more and then went inside.

*You're a dark horse,' I said to Sam. *First Chloe, now you're the baby whisperer too.'

*I'm an idiot.' He peered through his fringe at me, looking unsure. My opinion mattered for once.

*True. It's over now though.'

*Are we really going through with this crazy plan of yours?'

*That depends on you, I guess. Would it be so bad?'

Sam shrugged. *It might even make sense, for a while.'

*Wow, we agree on something. Anything's possible.'

He nudged me. *Don't be a dork. Am I dropping you at school or what?'

*Not today. Let's go back in and see Essie.'

He wrinkled his nose.

*Come on, do something nice. For me?'

*Whatever,' he smiled, and we walked to her front door.

Our house was like a shrine when we got back. Every surface gleamed. Dad's maps had gone from the hallway and were covered in bubble wrap, stacked neatly against the wall. In the lounge room, the furniture had s.h.i.+fted slightly, and there were fresh flowers in a vase on the counter.

The old Mum had been busy. The new Mum had left a note under a red-spotted teapot I hadn't seen in years on the kitchen table.

Dear Hannah and Sam, Gone to a potter's convention. Ha-ha, not really! Having a coffee with Ange. Come on over if you fancy it.

Lots of love, Mum x My eyes filled with tears, and Sam nudged me. *Sook.'

I laughed at myself and realised I hadn't done enough of that lately. But I couldn't help feeling this way about a note to us, from our mum. I folded it up and put it in my back pocket. Then I took the painting I'd been carrying, held it up in front of one of the clean squares on the wall in the hallway where one of Dad's maps used to hang. A girl and a baby, a famous bridge. It still had a layer of grey dust. It would be another tiny step to get rid of the dust, and one more step to hang it. Things might unravel, but you could put them back together again, even if the picture didn't look the same.

*Are you still angry with Dad?' I said.

*Yep.'

*So you're not so keen on the plan?'

*Let's go to Angie's. If anyone can sort us out, she can.'

Angie gave us bear hugs when we went in. Mum was sitting at a round kitchen table with Margot and a plate piled high with m.u.f.fins.

*Kids! Have a m.u.f.fin,' said Margot, pus.h.i.+ng the plate towards us.

*They're completely inedible,' said Mum, and the three women burst out laughing.

*It's true,' said Margot, wiping tears from her eyes, *I tried to make them too healthy and they're like b.l.o.o.d.y bullets.'

*There you go.' Angie threw a packet of Tim Tams on the table and we all went for them like a flock of seagulls. *So, Hannah, your mum was about to tell us about this plan of yours.'

*You tell them, Hannah,' said Mum, gently.

So I did. I explained about Essie being sick; how I thought being lonely had to be worse than any pain. I said we couldn't change the past, but we could decide the shape of our future now that we all knew the truth. We needed to make Essie part of our lives and our home. Essie, Mum and me a" no one could tell us we didn't belong together. It might not be easy, but it felt right.

I said that Dad was lonely, too. That was why I thought he and Sam could get a place together.

*I'm not trying to push you out,' I said to Sam. He took another Tim Tam and shoved the whole thing in his mouth.