The Battle of the Bays Part 2

Immortal prigs took heaven by storm, Prigs scattered largesses of praise; The work of both was rather warm; "This is," she said, "the thing that pays!"

Sharp envy turned her wine to blood-- I mean it turned her blood to wine; And this resolve came like a flood-- "The cake of knowledge must be mine!

"I am in Eve's predicament-- I sha'n't be happy till I've sinned; Away!" She lightly rose, and sent Her scruples sailing down the wind.

She did not tear her open breast, Nor leave behind a track of gore, But carried flannel next her chest, And wore the boots she always wore.

Across the sounding City's din She wandered, looking indiscreet, And ultimately landed in The neighbourhood of Regent Street.

She ran against a resolute Policeman standing like a wall; She kissed his feet and asked the route To where they held the Carnival.

Her strange behaviour caused remark; They said, "Her reason has been lost;"

Beside her eyes the gas was dark, But that was owing to the frost.

A Decadent was dribbling by; "Lady," he said, "you seem undone; You need a panacea; try This sample of the Bodley bun.

"It is fulfilled of precious spice, Whereof I give the recipe;-- Take common dripping, stew in vice, And serve with vertu; taste and see!

"And lo! I brand you on the brow As kin to Nature's lowest germ; You are sister to the microbe now, And second-cousin to the worm."

He gave her of his golden store, Such hunger hovered in her look; She took the bun, and asked for more, And went away and wrote a book.

To put the matter shortly, she Became the topic of the town; In all the lists of Bellettrie Her name was regularly down.

"We recognise," the critics wrote, "Maupa.s.sant's verve and Heine's wit;"

Some even made a verbal note Of Shakespeare being out of it.

The seasons went and came again; At length the languid Public cried: "It is a sorry sort of Lane That hardly ever turns aside.

"We want a little change of air; On that," they said, "we must insist; We cannot any longer bear The seedy s.e.x-impressionist."

Across the sounding City's din This rumour smote her on the ear: "The publishers are going in For songs and tales of pleasant cheer!"

"Alack!" she said, "I lost the art, And left my womanhood foredone, When first I trafficked in the mart All for a mess of Bodley bun.

"I cannot cut my kin at will, Or jilt the protoplastic germ; I am sister to the microbe still, And second-cousin to the worm!"

6.

A VIGO-STREET ECLOGUE.

(AFTER THE SAME)

Maecenas. John. George. Arthur. Grant. Richard.

MaeCENAS.

What ho! a merry Christmas! Pff!

Sharp blows the frosty blizzard's whff!

Pile on more logs and let them roll, And pa.s.s the humming wa.s.sail-bowl!

JOHN.

The wa.s.sail-bowl! the wind is snell!

Drinc hael! and warm the poet's pell!

MaeCENAS.

Richard! say something rustic.

RICHARD.

Lo!

The customary mistletoe, Prehensile on the apple-bough, Invites the usual kiss.

GEORGE.

And now Cathartic h.e.l.lebore should be A cure for imbecility.

GRANT.

Now holly-berries have begun To blush for Women That Have Done.

ARTHUR.

The farmer sticks his stuffy goose!

MaeCENAS.

Come, come, you grow a little loose; That's Michaelmas; you must remember That Michaelmas is in September!

ARTHUR.

Northward the swallow sweeps his wing.

MaeCENAS.

No, no! the bird arrives in spring!

ARTHUR.

Such knowledge fits the country clown; We've better things to note in town.

What's Nature's lore compared with women's?

JOHN.

For this enigma go to S-m-ns; He is the----